


Hear My Voice (When I Cry Out Loud)

by QuackTracks



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Captain Ava Sharpe, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Hate to Love, Like, Not My Fault, Panic Attacks, SLOW SLOW SLOW SLOW BURN, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Soccer AU, blame sara and ava, have fun waiting for a super long time, sorry - Freeform, sorry for not adding these tags sooner :/
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-03-31 04:56:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 155,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13967757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuackTracks/pseuds/QuackTracks
Summary: “Welcome to the University of Central Florida Knights. I’m Ava Sharpe, your captain and, lucky for us both, your RA. You seem like the kind of person to need to be kept in line.”Or, “Sara grudgingly accepts her scholarship to play soccer at UCF, and Captain Ava Sharpe is a massive pain in her ass.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Some of you read my other Avalance fic (“Let Me Show You”) and seemed to enjoy the angst, so here’s angst and then some. Honestly, Sara is going to be on a sad train for a while. But it will get better!
> 
> This is unedited.

_Four Months Prior_

Sara kicked her Converse-clad feet onto the dash of her sister’s old, black Camry, easily ignoring the glare she received for it. Laurel liked to pretend she was a goody-goody; that she’d moved on from her rebel phase. Sara snorted. Just as well for her, then. 

“Are you going to keep doing this?”

Sara’s arms were crossed defensively and she continued to stare out the window. She wasn’t seeing anything. Laurel sighed at her lack of response. 

“Sara… I know it’s been hard since mom died…”

Sara’s throat tightened and she took a shallow breath. 

“Shut the fuck up, Laurel. It’s not about that.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

Sara glowered. It was about their mom. Everything was about that. Everything was about the way Sara had laid upside down- paralyzed and barely conscious, fragments of glass in her flesh- in her own mother’s blood as she’d slowly died. She’d watched and screamed and nobody had shown up until the car was on fire and her mom was gone. Apparently, Sara died twice on the way to the hospital. She never told anyone that she wished she had sometimes. Maybe if she’d died, her mom would still be alive. 

Her dad seemed to think it was her fault. The accident happened on the way home from her soccer tournament a state away. She’d woken up in the hospital a week after the wreck with her sister holding her hand her her father nowhere to be found. 

A month later, they’d moved across the country to Starling City; a new home, a new school, a new beginning. For Laurel at least. Her older sister seemed to take their mother’s death as a wake-up call of some sort and had begun to doggedly pursues her degree at Starling University. Sara had just dug herself deeper into her ‘undesirable qualities’- as the school counselor called them- and tried to finish her senior year at a new school.

Sara ground her teeth together and tightened her grip on her arms. She wanted to lash out, to say something deeply wounding and utterly devastating to shut her sister up. But Laurel would just take it and forgive her like she had every time before. It was infuriating. So instead, Sara waited for her sister to pull to a stop at a red light, and she quickly jammed the door open and stumbled from the car. 

“Sara, what- get in the car! Sara!”

Sara didn’t run away. She just walked very quickly from her sister’s car and didn’t stop moving until she’d reached a park she’d only seen in passing. It wasn’t huge, consisting of a basketball court and a patchy field with a sidewalk around it. There was a group of kids playing on the the court, intensely focused and failing to notice her approach. 

The field held something that made the agonizing ache in her chest deepen. Soccer had been something she did with her mother; it had created a bond between them that her and and Laurel had never quite understood. They’d spent countless hours in their backyard practicing drills to the point of collapse. Her mother had made Sara one of the best. 

Up until a month ago, Sara was set to go to the University of Central Florida on a full-ride scholarship. Now, Sara never wanted to look at another soccer field again. It was a punishment to herself and a way to protect herself.

She flinched at the careening image of her white ball settled next to her head, drops and streaks of red covering its surface. She took a steadying breath and turned away from the group of girls playing a pick-up game. 

She walked for over an hour, legs numb and shoulders slumped uncharacteristically for her. It wasn’t until it began raining that she started to regret her choice to storm away from her sister so far from home. The sun was beginning to set, the rain was bound to pick up, and Sara had definitely broken her phone earlier that day when she smacked it against the face of some beefy slab for trying to grab her ass. 

She was in the middle of debating what to do- hair already on the way to soaked- and headlights appeared behind her. Instead of passing by, the car came to a slow roll, keeping pace with her. Sara took in her surroundings, realizing that she was in some neighborhood she didn’t recognize. Still, it wasn’t the best place for somebody to try to mess with her, and she let that knowledge bolster her into confronting the driver of the vehicle. 

She drew to a stop and turned, finding a sleek black BMW idling beside her. She clenched her jaw and fists, ready to get into it with whoever decided to creep on her, but she was left speechless as soon as the window rolled down. 

Rip Hunter. Coach of the Knights for the past three years. He’d taken over from the previous coach, and despite some small setbacks, had continued to keep the University of Central Florida as a top competitor in Division One women’s soccer. 

“Miss Lance.” She was still in shock and she hid it by remaining silent. Rip pursed his lips. “Can we talk? I have something to discuss with you.”

Sara’s jaw locked and she breathed harshly through her nose before turning on her heel and stalking down the street. She heard a frustrated groan and the sound of an engine shutting off. Footsteps followed behind her and soccer’s best-dressed coach rounded in front of her. She wasn’t about to continue to ignore Rip. Despite her decision, he was one of her heroes and a friend of her mother’s, and being a total jackass to him felt wrong. 

“Sara…” he glanced around and grimaced. “This isn’t exactly where I’d like to have this conversation, but if that’s what this requires, I’ll do it.”

Sara bit back a smirk as he tried to flatten down his lapels. 

“I’m not going to play for you. You wasted the trip out here. I’ll reimburse you.”

Pity pooled in Rip’s eyes and Sara bit back a snarl as he proceeded. 

“So you’re just going to what? Fuck up enough to get kicked out in your last weeks of high school? Stay home and wallow in self-pity and anger?”

Sara’s throat felt tight and she tried to shake it away. 

“So what if I am?”

Rip shook his head.

“Sara, I knew your mother very well…”

Sara bared her teeth. 

“Don’t you dare use her as a bargaining chip!”

Rip held out his hands.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. I’m not here to get you to play for me. I’m here to get you to play for you. Dinah told me a lot about you, Sara. I know you love soccer more than anything. She wouldn’t want you to give it up.”

Sara was glad for the rain. 

“I don’t deserve it.”

Rip rested a hand on her shoulder.

“Your mom told me once that you used to practice every single day; that you never came inside without grass stains on your clothes and skin. She said that you once asked her to kick soccer balls directly at you so that you could overcome your fear of getting hit in the face, and that when you wouldn’t, you made Laurel do it. She said that on your first five birthdays after you started playing, you invited all your friends over and set up a three versus three tournament. She told me that you would spend days practicing a single move until you could do it with your eyes closed. Do you want me to continue? Because your mother was so proud of you and who soccer helped you to become. She wouldn’t want you to lose it.”

Sara closed her eyes against her tears and shook her head.

“She’s not here to want anything!”

Rip squeezed her shoulder.

“If you think that, you didn’t know her well enough. Dinah Lance would never let anything stop her from watching over her family. Not even death.”

It was a nice sentiment. Almost convincing. Sara shook her head. 

“Every time I look at a soccer ball, I think of her. It hurts too much.”

Rip removed his hand from her shoulder and tilted his head.

“How about when you aren’t looking? Does it hurt any less?”

Sara didn’t have a response that wasn’t some form of the word ‘no.’ Of course it didn’t. The pain was always resting just under her chest and ribs, splintering and consuming her. At her lack of response, Rip pulled out a folder and handed it to her. 

“The offer stands until the first week of training passes.”

Sara stared down at the red, plastic folder in her hands, studying the logo of the University of Central Florida. She remembered the day she received a phone call from Rip Hunter personally, how her mother had leapt up from the kitchen table with food in her mouth and her suit partially untucked when she heard the news that Sara had received a full-ride. The letter had come a few days later. 

Her mother had been so happy for her, so proud of her. Sara had been happy too. 

With a sigh, Sara closed her eyes. If she couldn’t do this for herself, she could do it for her mom.

 

_Present Day: First Week Of Classes_

 

Laurel looked around the dorm, her eyes calculating. 

“It’s better than the dorms at Sterling University.”

Sara rolled her eyes and dumped her three bags on the bed. 

“Hardly. Thanks for trying though.”

Laurel gave her a small smile. 

“I’m glad you decided to come here, Sara.”

Sara didn’t want a heart to heart. She’d told Laurel that on several different occasions. Being in the same house with her and her dad had been suffocating, and even though Sara questioned the sanity of her choice to be here now, she knew it was better than dealing with her father’s silence or Laurel’s worried looks. 

“I think that’s everything.”

Laurel disapproved of how Sara was handling things, shown in her frown and the frustration in her eyes. Sara didn’t let it get to her, and when Laurel went in for a quick hug, she returned it. 

“Alright, I’ve got to get going. I hope your roommate is great. Let me know if you need me to send anything from home.”

Sara nodded once, playing with the zipper on her soccer bag. Laurel hesitated and then cleared her throat.

“Dad is proud of you too.”

Sara scoffed derisively. 

“I’m sure.”

“He is, Sara.”

Sara unzipped the bag with her clothes in it and fiddled around, hoping her sister would get the hint. It took longer than she liked, but Laurel finally sighed and nodded. 

“Alright. Have a good day, Sara.”

“Bye, Laurel.”

Sara waited for the door to shut before letting her shoulders fall. It was difficult to pretend to be okay around people who knew her, who knew what she was like when she was happy. She hoped beginning again would allow her the freedom to be as miserable as possible without anyone batting an eye. 

Sara got to work unpacking her clothing into the small closet provided. Laurel had suggested sticking to just clothing as traveling across the country with furniture or various large items would have been difficult. Sara could always just buy anything as needed. She already had plans to raid the nearest Target for student-life. 

A part of her despised herself for making this choice. She wasn’t a fan of school, preferring to learn by experience. And her stomach hadn’t settled in the past week as she thought about returning to the sport she’d left months before. Despite everything that Laurel promised, time had done absolutely nothing to soften the blows to her heart anytime she thought of her mom. Sometimes it became so painful that her self-loathing pushed her too far. 

The sound of her door opening brought her out of a dangerous spiral, and she turned to find a shorter girl with caramel skin and lips that quirked in a smirk. She looked like trouble in all its forms, and Sara was unsure in that moment how exactly the rest of her semester would go. The girl held out her hand. 

“Zari.”

Sara forced her hand out and she gave Zari a firm shake. 

“Sara.”

Zari glanced around the room once and made her way over to her bed. She had even less than Sara, just a backpack on her back and a duffle tucked into her elbow. 

“This place is a shithole.”

Sara found herself smirking for the first time in weeks. Something about the way the girl said it, not disappointed or surprised, was amusing to Sara. 

“It’s not the worst. There’s at least ten feet between our beds.”

Zari scoffed and motioned at the desks. 

“And that ten feet has two tiny desks smushed into it.” Zari chucked her stuff on the bed and shoved her hands into her slightly-baggy black jeans. “I’m going to figure out the campus.” 

She didn’t offer Sara an invite or wait for a response before she was sauntering out of the room. Deciding that she preferred a distant roommate to one who would actually want to spend time with her, Sara finished unpacking her two bags of clothes. She stared at the soccer bag for a few seconds before shoving it, unopened, into the closet. She could deal with that when the time came. 

For now, she just had to stay in shape and attend the tri-weekly training sessions Coach Hunter required. Of course, daily training was required, but Rip had set aside three days a week in which he would be in charge of their efforts. 

Over the summer, Sara had stayed in shape by working out with arguably the only acquaintance she’d made in Starling City: Oliver Queen. He was involved in too many forms of martial arts for Sara to name, and he didn’t like talking. It had suited her well. 

They’d met at the gym Sara had found, and while neither of them made plans to workout together, they somehow ended up at the gym at the same time most days. Oliver had even taken to sparring with her as she’d grown up with her Detective dad sticking her in Karate and Krav Maga. 

She still hadn’t touched a soccer ball. She knew that the moment she stepped foot on a field for the first time would be the moment she figured out if she could actually do this. It would make or break her decision to come to this school, and it would possibly be the second worst day of her life. She also knew that if it didn’t destroy her, she would be behind, a little rusty. She could deal with that when it happened. If. If it happened. 

With one last glance around the room, Sara slung her drawstring over her shoulders and moved toward the door. She had a couple hours until the mandatory freshman meeting, and she’d promised Laurel she would at least make an effort to prepare herself for school. Despite their differences and Sara’s general lack of giving a fuck, she always hated disappointing Laurel. 

She swung her door open, grimacing when she came face to face with a tall, uptight looking girl, her dirty-blonde hair pulled back in a messy ponytail. Sara tried to slide past but the girl frowned and moved into her path. 

“Excuse me, are you Sara Lance?”

“Wrong room.”

Sara moved on and stalked down the hallway, intent on getting to the stairs before the girl could question if she might just know where Sara Lance’s room was. Instead, she felt a light tap on her arm. 

“I know you’re Sara.”

Sara sighed and rolled her eyes as she turned around. 

“Then why did you ask?”

The blonde narrowed her eyes.

“Why did you lie?”

Sara huffed out an annoyed breath. 

“What do you want?”

The girl watched her for a few moments, her jaw clenched tightly. Then she held out an black and gold binder toward Sara. 

“Welcome to the University of Central Florida Knights. I’m Ava Sharpe, your captain and, lucky for us both, your RA. You seem like the kind of person to need to be kept in line.”

Sara was slightly taken aback at the ruthless way in which the girl, her apparent captain, spoke. She wasn’t joking, she wasn’t just trying to get a rise out of Sara. She spoke as if every word was one she believed. 

It would do Sara no good to show her confusion at the instant hostility- not that Sara didn’t deserve it necessarily, just that most people didn’t respond to Sara’s general asshole-ness with their own. Sara rolled her eyes. 

“Aren’t you charming.” She took the binder and turned away as she waved it in the air. “Thanks for this.”

She heard Ava scoff derisively as she pushed into the stairwell and took them down two at a time. Sara slid into her white Jeep Wrangler and used her phone to guide her to the nearest Walmart. Instead of going in when she arrived, she picked up the binder Ava gave her and flipped the cover open. 

There was a table of contents resting on top, detailing every aspect of the binder. Sara winced at the A-type brain that had put this together. It gave her a headache thinking about how much time was spent to make this look so ridiculously professional. 

The second page was a welcome letter from Ava that somehow seemed more stern than Sara had given her credit for on first meeting. 

_Sara,_  
Welcome to the University of Central Florida and the Knights. You are now a part of a team and a family that represents the University in their actions on and off the field. You should feel proud to have made it here, and I hope you carry the Knights name on your shoulders with boldness.  
Ava 

It seemed to serve more as a warning than a welcome, severe in tone and word choice. Sara rolled her eyes and flipped to the next page to find a schedule for the off-season. Sara closed her eyes and groaned dramatically. Training with Rip was scheduled at _6am_ every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and Sara wanted to die just a little bit. On the schedule was also times in which it said _members of the team_ would be lifting or running or practicing. Sara figured that was code for _captain_ Ava Sharpe strong-arming people into training together. 

Sara returned the the table of contents and skimmed it, seeing suggested off-season dietary plans, running routes around campus, phone numbers for important people and offices on campus, and intramural sports the team was most likely going to involve themselves in. 

Sara admitted that some of the information was useful, but the fact that it was given to her, and most likely put together by Ava, had her tossing it aside and heading for the Walmart entrance. 

She may have promised Laurel she would attempt to get things in order, but after browsing through the supplies isle for two minutes, she gave up and threw random notebooks, pens, pencils, and folders into her basket. 

As she headed toward the check-out, she passed through the black, gold, and white section filled with UFC gear. She skimmed the section casually, but her heart stuttered to a stop when she saw the baseball hats, a memory from months before slamming into her. 

The day after she’d received her call from Rip, her mom had blown through the door with groceries on her arms and a bright smile taking over her face. Sara had been cooking dinner with her dad and had left him to it to help her mom unload the groceries. She’d been surprised by a pressure on her head, and she’d turned to find her mother in a Knights baseball hat, two more held in her hand. Sara had taken the one off of her head and studied it, her chest bursting with the kind of excitement that only her mother seemed to bring out in her. 

She’d gotten them all matching hats, saying that on the day of Sara’s first game, the whole family would be wearing them and cheering for her. 

Sara swallowed and took a sharp breath, trying to ignore the press of tears at her eyes as she stared at the distressed, light-blue cap in front of her. She felt the pain just as strongly as the day she woke up and was told that her mom was gone. It pressed up her spine and along her shoulders to weigh her down. The cracking sensation in her chest and the lack of breath reaching her lugs was enough to have her dropping her basket and bolting for the exit. 

Sara barely made it to her car before she fell into a full-scale panic attack. Her breath strained to climb out of her lungs and her hand went under her shirt to find the long scar there. Her nails dug in and scraped violently, over and over and over as she rocked against her seat. She scratched until the pain of it overwhelmed her and dragged her mind back from oblivion, and she scratched until her tears stopped and her breathing calmed. 

She slowly stilled, her eyes closing against the sun and the stinging burn on her stomach capturing all of her attention. She let her hand drop from her stomach and saw the skin under her nails and the first traces of blood staining her fingers. With a frustrated snarl, Sara jammed her keys into the ignition and twisted, bringing her Jeep to life. 

She could get her stupid supplies another time. Or she could just not get them at all. She could just fucking leave this school and go home and be a disappointment to Laurel as well as her father. 

Sara sped back to the dorms, parked, and stormed through the building until she reached her room. Luckily, Zari was nowhere to be found, and Sara threw a blanket on her mattress before collapsing on it. She tucked her earphones into her ears and blasted music until she passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the awesome feedback last chapter! 
> 
> I’d like to thank SapphicQueen for helping me out with the characters I didn’t know anything about! 
> 
> This is unedited.

A sharp knocking on her door had Sara jerking awake. Her head hurt from crying and the ache on her stomach was fully realized when she tried to stand. Her headphones were tangled in her hair and around her right arm. 

Sara wiped under her eyes roughly in an effort to make herself look more presentable. She jerked it open. And really, if she had been thinking clearly she would’ve put two and two together, because there was a meeting she was supposed to go to and it was now dark outside and Ava “uptight” Sharpe was her RA. 

“You missed the meeting.”

Sara didn’t know somebody could _look_ annoying, but Ava standing in front of her and somehow looking business casual in skinny jeans was more aggravating than anything Sara could remember in her recent past. She shrugged her shoulders.

“My bad. I’ll hit up the next one.”

Sara got a sick sort of pleasure out of the way Ava’s jaw rolled in anger. 

“This meeting was mandatory, Lance.”

Sara sighed, bringing her hand up to rub her forehead. The flash of red on her fingers had her heart in her throat, and she retracted it as casually as she could and placed it in her pocket. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say, _Sharpe_. I was asleep.”

Ava’s eyes rove over her appearance and the headphones hanging off her shoulder still. She nodded once and pressed a binder into Sara’s space. 

“These are the topics that we covered. It’s mostly the goal for our floor for the semester. What we want from each and every person and the best ways that can be applied.”

Sara stared down at the binder with distaste. She didn’t take it. 

“Are you going to present me with a binder every time I see you? Because I’ve got to tell you, these dorms aren’t big enough for them _and_ my textbooks.”

Ava seemed a bit uncomfortable at the statement, her cheeks flushing a soft pink. Sara might have found it cute if she hadn’t already decided to despise this girl. 

“Information printed out and organized helps people stay informed. The fact that I choose to put information in binders is just a step I take to insure it all stays together.”

Sara detected a hint of defensiveness in her speech and she couldn’t help but prod a little more.

“How am I going to know which binder is which? They’re the same color.”

Ava shifted the binder in her hands to face Sara.

“They have different titles on the front and the sides.”

Sara gave her an indecisive shrug, wanting to draw out this ridiculous discussion on binders for as long as possible before Ava realized she was making fun of her.

“Wouldn’t it have helped if they were different colors?”

Ava looked like that was the most offensive suggestion Sara could have made, and her voice was passionate (about binders) when she answered. 

“Colors are unreliable. It makes one lazy when they rely on color-coordinated organization instead of their own memory. Besides, not everyone is getting more than one binder. Most of the people on this floor aren’t on the soccer team. What would the explanation be for me giving them all red binders when this school’s colors-“

Sara had grown increasingly amused throughout the entire rant, up until the point where a slip of a snort escaped. She honestly felt a little bad for how red Ava’s cheeks got in that moment. Her captain clenched her jaw and cleared her throat. 

“Well, I can see that your intent here is to antagonize me.” Ava pushed the binder into Sara’s hands. “Read it thoroughly, Lance.”

Sara didn’t have much option but to take it, so she let the black and gold folder fall into her hands. It was blessedly lighter than the first. As Ava stalked away, Sara called after her. 

“See you Monday, Sharpie.”

Sara smirked a little at her own, slightly-far reaching, pun. She moved to close the door when a hand caught it. Zari slipped past her. 

“What did you do to piss off our Captain on the first day? Besides miss the first meeting of course.”

Sara frowned.

“Our captain?”

The girl turned and raised her eyebrow. 

“Yeah. Soccer team. So what did you do?”

Sara closed the door, finally removed the tangled cord from her body, and tossed the headphones on the bed. 

“I didn’t do anything. She just doesn’t like me.”

Zari pulled out a wickedly fancy-looking computer and slung a pair of headphones around her neck. 

“I highly doubt that. Ava’s been pretty chill with helping me figure out all my documents and information so I could get here. She doesn’t seem like the type to hate somebody without getting to know them first.”

Sara bit back her curiosity at Zari’s situation. She wasn’t looking to become besties with her roommate. Instead, she shrugged. 

“Maybe your judgment is off.”

Zari gave Sara a look.

“It’s usually not.”

The headphones were covering the other girl’s ears before Sara could say anything else. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The next two days went by quickly. Sara went to Walmart and got her supplies, absolutely avoiding the spirit wear section at all costs. She was taking general education classes that she mostly cared nothing about, so she planned to wait to buy her textbooks until she knew she’d actually be using them. All of Sara’s classes were after ten, because she had hoped that she could sleep in. Her life-ruining 6am training had killed that dream. 

Sara settled against her headboard with her computer in her lap. Zari had disappeared around seven without a word, and Sara was starting to hope it would be a common occurrence. Having their dorm room mostly to herself was something she could get used to. 

A quick look on the designated Learning Management System revealed no announcement or message from any professor, so she assumed the first week would entail syllabi and getting to know her classmates. 

A quick check of the dorky binder around nine let Sara know exactly where the training session was, and she let it drop to the ground as she laid down. She quickly set alarms for 5:30, 5:40, and 5:50 just because waking up easily was not a quality she possessed. It was even more difficult when sleep came slowly and never remained. 

Sara generally woke up at least once a night in cold sweats. Sometimes she never even made it to sleep. Nightmares weren’t necessarily her issue, although they were steadfast in their appearances. Her real issue came with waking up. Sometimes it reminded her too much of coming out of her coma for the first time since her accident. She’d known then that her mom was gone before she even said anything. The ache in her chest had been too prevalent for hope to reside. 

Other times, she would wake up and think, just for a moment, that her mom would be making breakfast with her dad when she eventually walked down the steps. She hated those times the most, the devastation of remembering her mom was dead so traumatic in its own, unique way. Those were her worst days, the ones where her panic attacks waited on the sidelines for a memory to crush her. 

Sara closed her eyes every night hoping that it would simply be nightmares. She could deal with those. 

It was midnight by the time she finally fell asleep and Zari was still out. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The shrill alarm she’d set for herself, the most likely sound to wake her up, went off at its designated time. Sara groaned and tried to find the snooze button before it sounded again, but a heavy pillow smacked her directly in the face and shocked her into full consciousness. 

“Turn that god-awful noise off.” 

Sara glared at Zari in the dark of their room, her heart racing so hard that she knew she was far too awake to get the precious extra minutes she craved. With a frustrated sigh, Sara threw off her covers and sat up, rubbing her hands over her eyes. 

Sara grabbed the pillow Zari threw and walked toward the other girl. If she didn’t get to sleep, neither did her roommate. She slammed the pillow on Zari’s face and left it, walking toward her closet as Zari cursed her out. 

“Get up. We have training.”

A muffled, “on the first day?!” Sounded from Zari’s side of the room as Sara pulled on a stretched tank top over her sports bra. 

“It’s in the binder.”

“I didn’t read that!”

Sara tugged on a pair of shorts and found her socks and tennis shoes. 

“I thought you and Ava-cado were besties.”

Sara heard Zari start moving as she sat down to pull on her shoes.

“Just because I said she seemed alright doesn’t mean she’s my ‘bestie.’ I didn’t think training would start so fucking soon.”

Sara tied her shoes tightly and glanced at her soccer bag. She hadn’t opened it in months, and she wasn’t about to start now just to get a water bottle. That’s what water fountains were for. 

“Do you know what we’re doing? Do I need my cleats?”

Sara slid on a windbreaker and crossed her arms as Zari sat on her bed half-naked and trying to put her shirt on. 

“Just gym-work. We’re meeting in the athlete’s room for a meeting before.”

Zari tugged her tied shoes on aggressively and jumped to her feet. 

“This is fucking dumb. How often are these off-season sessions?”

Sara pushed out the door with Zari on her heels.

“Monday, Wednesday, Friday.”

“All at six?”

Sara blew out a breath. 

“All at six.”

“Fuck.”

A small grin flickered on Sara’s face. The horror stories of the dorms always involved terrible roommates, but hers seemed alright. 

They made their way outside, the sun still hidden beyond the horizon, and Zari immediately crossed her arms. 

“Jesus, it’s cold.”

Sara scoffed.

“That’s what jackets are for.”

Zari rolled her eyes.

“You think your so funny.”

Sara shrugged, and the rest of the wall towards the athletic complex was walked in silence. They saw pairs and trios of other girls pushing through the doors ahead of them or filing behind them on the path. It was about a seven minute walk from their dorm to the front doors of the complex, so they arrived ten minutes before six. 

Not knowing exactly where to go, Zari and Sara wordlessly agreed to follow the three girls in front of them, assuming they were going to the same place. They were also close enough to pick up on the conversation happening between the three. A blonde on the far left had her arm slung around a girl in the middle with light-brown skin, and she leaned around her toward the brunette on the right. 

“What do you think Coach has planned?”

The brunette was spinning a water bottle in her hands as she walked. 

“I’d be more worried about was Ava has planned.”

The one in the middle laughed, dancing out of the blonde’s arm and turning to walk backwards. She grinned at Sara and Zari. 

“Careful, you’ll scare the froshies.”

Zari smirked.

“I don’t have to worry about Captain Sharpe.” She bumped Sara’s shoulder. “This one will have all her attention.”

Sara found everyone’s attention immediately on her. The middle girl spoke.

“Woah, what kind of attention is that?”

Zari chuckled.

“Not the good kind.”

The girl on the left laughed.

“No shit? What did you do?”

Sara shrugged her shoulders and stuck her hands in her windbreaker. 

“Not sure. She just doesn’t like me.”

Zari scoffed.

“I’m sure it doesn’t have anything to do with you missing the mandatory floor meeting or making fun of her binders…”

The girl in the middle whistled. 

“Yeaaah, you’re going to have fun this week. But don’t worry, Ava usually prolongs punishment if the punishee isn’t learning their lesson.”

Sara had a feeling she wouldn’t. Something about Ava made Sara want to get on her nerves in every way possible. The girl in the middle seemed to figure out where her head was, because she gave Sara a pointed smirk and then held out her hand.

“I’m Amaya.” She motioned toward the blonde. “This is Helen.” To the brunette. “This is Gwen.” 

Zari nodded.

“Zari. Sara.”

Amaya smiled.

“Glad to have you on the team. Get ready to have your asses kicked by a grumpy Captain.”

Helen leaned in and stage-whispered.

“Grumpy because she’s not a morning person. If it were up to her, practices would be at night.”

Sara rolled her eyes.

“Seems like such a stick in the mud would enjoy waking up at the asscrack of dawn.”

“You seem to have a lot of opinions, Lance.”

It took everything in Sara not to freeze at the raspy voice that sounded behind her. She saw the looks of sympathy on the faces of the girls she’d just met. She heard Zari trying to hide a laugh. Sara turned and faced Ava.

“I can offer some more if you’d like?”

Ava was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, her hair already up in a tight ponytail. She had flip flops on her feet and tennis shoes in her hand. 

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

She slipped around the group with a sharp ‘get moving’ and Zari let out her amusement as soon as Ava disappeared. Amaya raised her eyebrows at Sara.

“You are cruising for a bruising, Sara.”

That didn’t honestly sound so bad. 

“Bring it on.”

~~~~~~

They filtered into a large room with tables to work at, a couple desktops, and a section for recreation that held couches and a television. There were already a few girls seated around two rectangle tables pushed together, and Sara got her first glimpse of Coach Rip since he talked her into giving this a shot. 

He stood talking to Ava away from the others, a serious look on his face. Ava was nodding sporadically though she didn’t look pleased. 

Sara avoided looking at them pair again as she didn’t want to awkwardly make eye contact until absolutely necessary. Zari sat beside Amaya, and Sara took a seat by Zari. They waited for the other girls to filter into the room until all but four of the seventeen chairs were filled. 

The time was 6:05 before Ava and Rip joined them. Rip smiled.

“Welcome new players, and welcome back returners. I hope you all have kept up with your fitness over the holiday or the next few weeks will be absolute hell for you.”

A collective groan was issued from the returning members, and Sara started to wonder exactly what kind of training she would be doing today. Rip continued.

“This training program was created by me, and then Ava proceeded to make it more challenging.”

A playful groan from somewhere and a flying sock had Ava’s hand reaching out to snatch it. Smiling. She was smiling. Sara hadn’t seen the woman smile yet, and she didn’t know what to do with the sight. She decided not to think about it. The girl who threw the sock spoke up.

“Why you gotta be like that, Ava? You could’ve made it easier.”

Ava threw the sock back.

“Because I want to win in the Fall. Not get caught off-guard when we’re unfit to keep up with our competition.”

Rip cleared his throat.

“Anyway. The focus of this program is strength, metabolic conditioning, speed, agility, and plyometrics. Today, we’re going to be working on strength.” 

A triumphant ‘yessss’ sounded, but Rip smirked and shook his head.

“Strength training doesn’t mean a lack of sprints anymore. You’ll have both.”

Another sock flew at Ava and honestly, if the captain could just stop smiling, Sara would greatly appreciate it. Rip gave a pointed glare at the girl continuously aussaulting Ava.

“Lily, are there anymore socks you’d like to throw at your captain or can I continue?”

Lily threw up her hands and grinned.

“I’m all out of socks, Coach.”

Rip rolled his eyes.

“Thank God. Alright, let’s do a quick introduction for the newbies, shall we? I’m Rip Hunter, your Coach, and sometimes referred to as ‘Nicer than Ava.’ This season, I will expect a lot from you, but you can do the same for me in return. Ava.”

He motioned for the Captain to speak. Sara tried not to roll her eyes as Ava somehow straightened up even more.

“I’m Ava Sharpe, your captain. Because of Lily, I’m also known as Rip’s evil stepdaughter, Satan-adjacent, and Scava.” 

Lily held up a hand proudly.

“It’s a mix of scary and Ava. Get it?”

The room snickered. Ava forged on.

“Despite that, you should know that if you ever need anything, you can come to me. I’ll do my best to aid you. This team is going to be your family, and I hope you know that. I’m a junior this year, and I’m double-majoring in Kinesiology and Business Administration and Management.”

The next girl, long, blonde hair pulled into a sloppy bun, spoke next. 

“I’m Courtney Merlynn. Sophomore and majoring in Astronomy.”

They went around the room like that, Sara only listening at intervals. She’d learn their names at a later time. She zoned back in when they reached Helen. 

“Helen Troy. Senior psychology major. Moving onto a masters in marriage counseling next semester.”

A few snickers came from Amaya and Gwen, and Helen smacked them. 

“It’s not funny, assholes.”

Rip cleared his throat.

“Moving on.”

Gwen smiled.

“I’m Gwen Coulby. I am a junior Poli Sci student.”

Amaya sat up in her seat.

“I’m Amaya Jiwe. Sophomore in Cultural Anthropology.”

Zari blew out a breath. 

“I’m Zari Tomaz. I’m a freshman. I plan on majoring in computer engineering.”

Sara raised a brow but spoke up.

“Sara Lance. Freshman. Undecided.”

A quiet, sarcastic ‘how surprising’ sounded from Ava and several eyes shot toward the Captain in surprise. Rip’s gaze flickered between Ava and Sara in confusion, and Sara smirked at the Captain. Luckily, Lily took her turn.

“Lily Stein. Junior Biochemistry major.”

And on it went until it got back around to Rip. He clapped his hands decisively. 

“Alright. Now that that’s settled, let’s hit the gym. You will be able to bond later.”

The group stood together and started filing out of the large room and into the hall. The trip to the gym was short, and Sara’s eyes widened at the size of the room. Machines and free weights covered most of the surface. There was a section of open floor for workouts, and doors at the far end that seemed to lead to a basketball court. 

Rip bypassed everything until he reached the open space. 

“Give yourselves some room and stretch out. Do it well. I don’t need injuries in the first session, thank you.”

Everyone but Rip spread out around the open space, sixteen of them in all going through their own routines. Sara didn’t trust the laid back atmosphere: one, because she knew how hard Rip worked his teams. Second, because Ava Sharpe, stretching her stupidly long legs in the corner, looked much too intense for Sara’s liking.

After a five-minute period of stretching, the hammer dropped. Ava stood up and pulled out- Sara groaned- a binder. 

“Alright, we’ll be splitting up. First group,” Ava read out of the binder. “Amaya, Chloe, Sammy, Zari, Betts, Kim, and Sara, you’ll begin with me. The rest of you are with Rip in here. Let’s go!”

Sara pushed herself to her feet and followed the retreating form of her group, leaving her windbreaker where a few girls had stuck their water bottles. 

And, because she couldn’t help herself, because she was a glutton for punishment, Sara chose to piss Ava off more.

When she passed by the Captain, she slowed and caught her eyes. With a serious expression, Sara tapped the binder in her hands.

“It would look better in blue.”

She could almost feel the tension between them ratchet up to new heights as she moved on, and she almost expected the girl to fling the binder at her head. Sara breathed out a relieved sigh as she entered the court area without a head injury to add to her numerous scars. 

The girls stood on the sideline facing the three courts laid out side by side. Four pairs of cones were set at intervals. Sara already felt sick. 

“Alright, ladies. As you can see, we’re doing sprints.” Ava stalked into the room with her cheeks redder than they should be, and she sent a dark look toward Sara. “First will be five sets of twenty yards. You’ll get twenty seconds of rest in between. Let’s jog to the end and back to loosen up.”

She didn’t wait for confirmation of understanding before heading off, her long legs launching her gracefully across the court. It seemed the returning players knew the way the captain worked well. Zari, Sara, and another girl were a few steps behind. 

They hit the sideline of the third court and returned, all in a tight group. Ava gave them ten seconds before she called their attention again. 

“Go in 3, 2, 1.”

Sara was fast. It had always been a massive advantage for her. In general, she was faster than most, if not all, girls on her previous teams. 

But this was a Division One University, and Sara found herself half a second ahead of the rest at most. Her touch and turn was lightening quick, but she still found herself hitting the finish right alongside her teammates. 

She sucked in a few breaths and rolled her shoulders. If they were all as fast as her, she would just have to last longer. Endurance was key. 

“Alright. Twenty seconds. Then we are ago for the second set of cones at 40 yards. We’re going five. Thirty seconds of rest in between.”

Sara heard a couple people already having trouble catching their breath. She grew more and more grateful that she’d gone so hard with Oliver over the summer and kept in shape like she had. 

Ava counted it out and they ran, the extra twenty yards just enough to have her breathing heavily during the breaks. By the end of the fifth set, Sara was making it back in line with Ava and Amaya. Zari was close behind, though breathing harder. And the other girls were just a couple steps after. 

The true difference would begin showing with the next set that Ava called out. Four sets of sixty yards. Forty-five second rest. Sara held her hands over her head as she breathed, trying to open up her lungs as much as possible. 

Sara blasted off the line to the third set of cones. The burn in her muscles heightened, and the mental strength required to be a high-level athlete kicked in around the third sprint. The gaps were widening, Ava and Sara leading the group as the others filtered behind. 

Sara grudgingly admitted that Ava was impressively quick, but she put that down to her tree branch legs. 

The last sprint of the sixty had Sara’s chest pounding painfully in her chest. Her lungs felt sapped of air, but she didn’t focus on it. Something that always helped her focus in and keep going was competition. She wasn’t going to let Ava beat her to the line in the last set. 

“One hundred yards, four sets, sixty-seconds of rest.” Ava’s voice was strained as she laid out their last set. “This is the last group. Give everything right now. There are no excuses.”

Sara sucked in air, her hands resting on her head and her lungs contracting and expanding sharply. She heard a few desperate groans when Ava began counting down.

The jump from sixty to one hundred yards was brutal, fucking with their heads like it was intended to. The first rest had a few girls curling over themselves. Ava was quick to snap them to their feet. 

When Ava got their attention at the fourth and final to tell them that she wanted a team finish… Sara almost screamed. Instead, she spoke calmly. Well, as calmly as her labored breathing would allow.

“How do you expect us all to finish together?”

Ava shot her a glare.

“This is a team. We begin and end everything as a team.”

Zari waved a hand as she held her side and grimaced. 

“Sure, sure. But like, you and Sara are the only ones still able to function anywhere near capacity. We can’t keep up.”

Amaya shook her head, face serious. 

“We can do this. It’s all in our heads.”

Sara shook her head, but she hunkered down when Ava counted down from five. They’d barely made it off the line before Ava’s annoyed shout brought them all to a halt. 

“Reset!”

The group groaned and Ava stared directly at Sara.

“Don’t slow down, Lance. Trust your team to keep up with you.”

Sara threw up her hands.

“That’s not how it works!”

Ava’s eyes were piercing.

“Line up again. Let’s see if Sara can be a team player.”

Sara glared at Ava, her nostrils flaring as she breathed angrily. Ava counted down and Sara fucking bolted, outpacing even the captain as she hit the line and flew back. She reached the line three seconds before the group. Ava glared at her.

“Again.”

The girls groaned and Sara snarled. 

“They’re fucking tired. You didn’t even match me.”

The growl from the Captain was unexpected and slightly terrifying. Not that Sara would admit it.

“I said _again._ ”

The girls were sucking oxygen like they’d never experienced it before, and Sara knew they couldn’t keep going forever. She grabbed Zari’s arm.

“You can fucking do this. Keep up!”

Zari nodded even as she panted. Sara looked at the other girls save Ava. 

“You can all fucking do this. One more time. One fucking sprint. I don’t care if you pass out when you hit the finish line, but I’m not running this again.”

A few nods followed and Sara didn’t look at Ava when she spoke.

“Call it out.”

Sara knew before they moved that they’d make it. She could feel the determination rippling off the girls in waves. She tore away from the line with her teammates next to her, and as hard as she pushed herself, she never got more than a step beyond them. The turn was tricky, but the group stayed together and sprinted to the finish.

Several of them collapsed at the finish line, heaving. One girl stumbled toward a trashcan and vomited. Sara stood wheezing beside Zari’s prone form. Ava looked pained, but she held her strictly straight posture. 

A loud clapping sounded toward the gym, and Sara glanced to the left to see Rip and the rest of the team watching with impressed looks. Rip met Sara’s eyes and nodded while the impressed looks on the other group slowly drifted toward fear as they realized they’d soon be in the same position. 

Sara was drenched in sweat, and she felt like she might overheat if she didn’t get something cold soon. Once Ava caught her breath, she spoke.

“Ten minutes to rest. Get hydrated but don’t drink too much.”

Their group trudged toward the doors and bypassed the other one, Amaya hissing a tired ‘good luck.’ 

Sara slipped into the hallway to the water fountain, probably drinking too much but not giving a shit. She collapsed against the wall and closed her eyes. 

One thing was certain, Ava Sharpe was going to kill her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys thought!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things to note:
> 
> 1\. I went back and changed the University from Virginia to Central Florida because I liked the setting better and I’d gotten UVA mixed up with WVU. 
> 
> 2\. Some aspects of the story aren’t accurate. Example: there’s generally 20-25 members on a college team. I didn’t want to make up that many characters. If it bothers people I can change it. Also, I have no idea what UCF’s internal system is, nor do I know anything about it in general lol. I’m making it up. 
> 
> 3\. This is unedited lol.

Sara pushed herself off the wall and returned to the weight room just a few seconds after she should have. Sara didn’t know why she was so willing to antagonize her Captain. Still, she found it completely worth it when Ava glared at her from her position in front of the white board on the wall. 

“You’re late, Lance.”

Sara lifted her shoulders in a ‘what can you do kind of way.’ 

“I got held up.”

“You went to the water fountain.”

Sara came to a stop beside Zari.

“Sorry, Sharpie.”

The lines of Ava’s muscles tightened in her face and neck. 

“You’re taking time from your teammates’ workouts just to make a point.”

Sara glanced around her at the slightly uncomfortable faces of her teammates.

“I mean, secretly that’s a good thing, right? Less work?”

Ava’s eyes flashed and she looked like she was about to tackle Sara to the ground. Instead, she turned to the board.

“Let’s begin. The sets are up here. Most of you probably know the weight you like to work with, so stick with that. If you’re unsure what you should start with, test it out. You have to find the sweet spot between too easy and too difficult.”

Sara studied the workouts. 

_Back Squats: 3x12-20_  
Romanian Deadlifts: 3x12-20  
Dumbbell Bench Press: 3x12-20  
Pull-Ups: 3xMax  
Standing Military Press: 3x12-20 

She sighed. She wasn’t going to be able to move without pain for the next week. Ava pointed at the Romanian Deadlifts and the Standing Military Press.

“If you’ve never done these before, have the person before or after you show you the ropes. I don’t want any shoulder her back injuries coming from ignorance. Go ahead and get started. Correct each other if you see bad form.”

Ava stalked away as soon as she finished, and Sara felt like she was victorious. That feeling quickly faded when she looked over and Amaya was standing a little too close.

“There’s a difference between toeing the line and blatant disrespect.”

Sara’s hackles rose immediately.

“Respect is earned.”

Amaya frowned.

“Why do you think she’s captain of this team? She has earned it.”

“Not from me.”

Sara slipped past her new teammate and went directly to the pull-up bar. She’d just jumped up when she felt somebody behind her. 

“Amaya is right, in a way.”

Sara pulled herself up with perfect form.

“I don’t agree.”

….two….three….four

“Dude, I don’t have a hard-on for authority either, but a certain amount of respect is due to the captain of this team. You’re new. If you want to question the calls, try them out first.”

….five….six….seven….eight…. Sara got to ten before she let go and gave her arms a rest. Zari was still there.

“Jesus, don’t you have your own workout to do?”

Her roommate rolled her eyes.

“I just don’t want you getting kicked off the team. How the hell am I supposed to wake up for this training without your stupid alarm going off?”

Sara swung her arms to loosen them out. 

“I’m not going to get kicked off. Chill.”

A sharp command from across the floor got their attention. 

“Lance, get back to work.”

Sara scoffed.

“I love how you’re the one interrupting me, and somehow Ava still calls me out.”

Zari grinned.

“I don’t constantly test her.”

Sara rolled her eyes and turned around. She jumped back up and breathed out a breath when she heard Zari walk away. 

Instead of thinking about why she felt slightly regretful, Sara threw herself into her workout. The regret quickly dissipated as soon as Ava snapped at her to tighten up her form when she was deadlifting. Sara knew how to deadlift. She might be disrespecting the captain, but the Ava had had a problem with her from the start. She wasn’t about to roll over just to fit in or please anyone. Besides, being angry was better than the despair that twisted her guts and wreaked havoc on the soft parts of her. Hopefully soon, there wouldn’t be any left.

~~~~

By the time everyone moved through each exercise it was around seven-thirty. Sara felt the movement of each muscle like it was weighted with lead. Her group sat stretching on the open floor, joined a minute later by Rip’s. The coach and captain conversed quietly to the side for a minute before Ava joined the team in stretching out. Rip stood with his hands in his jacket pockets.

“Great job today, ladies. We’ll be meeting in here Wednesday instead of the athletic room. Can I hand any new players stick around for a few moments? If you have an eight a.m. class, we can schedule a time outside of this. Just let Ava know on your way out.”

The returners began filtering out, along with a girl Sara identified as a freshman. Ava spoke to the girl for a few moments, wrote something in her binder, and smiled at the girl. It was strange to see the captain interact so cordially with other people. Rip called their attention.

“If you ladies can follow me back to the athletic room, we will get your uniforms and gear to you.”

Sara hadn’t expected to receive their stuff until Spring, and something cold sealed around her heart and throat. She lagged behind as the four freshmen and Ava trailed Rip. Zari nudged her as they entered the room.

“Yo, Sara, you okay? You look a little sick.”

Sara didn’t respond beyond a jerky nod. She didn’t process the fact that they were in the athletic room until a loud ripping sound stole her attention. Rip had opened one of five boxes besides the large television. 

“These boxes contain your uniforms, daily workout gear, and some miscellaneous pieces that you might appreciate. I retrieved these items from the department, but any replacements should be done by you in the future. You can take them to the locker room and store them in the lockers Ava will show you.” Rip smiled. “I look forward to working with you all this semester.”

He stepped out of the way and Ava moved into place, picking out a black uniform top with gold numbering and lettering. Sara couldn’t breath. Never in her life had she received a new uniform in which her mother hadn’t immediately had her put on for pictures. Sara wouldn’t have anyone to ask her if she liked the colors or if she was disappointed in her number. Her mom wouldn’t be there to put on the alternate and joke around like she was the new member. 

Without a word, Sara bolted. She heard Rip call after her, but she couldn’t take in oxygen and her eyes hurt and why did she think she could do this? She passed by other athletes that had started to fill the halls of the complex. She didn’t stop running until she was outside behind the building, alone. She dropped to the grass.

The tears came after that. They didn’t stop even when she heard the door open beside her. Because her mom wasn’t the one coming to make sure she was okay. Her mom wouldn’t be there to annoyingly poke her wet cheeks until she laughed. Her mom was fucking dead. 

“Sara.”

She turned her face away even as her fingers continued to scrape along the scar, reopening the scabs from days prior. She hated crying. It was a visual sign of one's inability to cope internally. A cold fabric fell in her lap and startled her just enough to stop her self-inflicted abuse. She froze when she opened her eyes and saw the gold four under the school’s name. 

“That was your mom’s number.”

Sara’s mind didn’t know whether to spiral again or cling to the jersey. She knew it was her mom’s number. Sara let her fingers trail over the fabric. There were pictures of her mother from her soccer days at Duke, her number worn proudly whether blue or white. 

“I know. She said it was lucky. I didn’t ask for this number.”

Sara knew her voice was shaky at best. Rip slowly lowered himself to the ground next to her.

“You didn’t. You didn’t specify a number.”

Her fist tightened around the jersey, irrationally afraid that he might ask for it back.

“Why then?”

Rip kicked his legs out.

“Because you will carry on her legacy.”

Sara scowled.

“Her legacy isn’t in a number.”

“No, but every time you put on that jersey, you are going to mirror her. The colors may be different, but it’s the same sport and the same heart. And your mother had the best heart.”

Sara slowly smoothed the uniform out over her thighs, studying it.

“I don’t think I can do this.”

Rip carefully reached over and flipped the jersey. All Sara saw was the number at first, but there was something thin and blue at the stitching of the collar that caught her attention. Rip pointed to it.

“Your sister sent me a package a month ago. Inside was a scrap of fabric and a note.”

Sara knew exactly what if was the moment he said it. New tears filled her eyes. 

“My mom’s jersey.”

Rip chuckled softly. 

“When your mom and I were at Duke, it was a secret tradition to carve a small piece of fabric from your jersey the day of your last game. Once it was found out it was stopped, but that was years after us.” He pulled a piece of paper from his jacket. “Your mom was one of my best friends, Sara. It’s not the reason you received a scholarship here. Your hard-earned talent did that. But…I know she wouldn’t want you giving up something that has been your dream for eighteen years. At least put it on once. If you can’t do it, I understand.”

Sara slowly nodded her head, staring at the folded paper in her hands and the blue strip on her jersey. Rip slapped his thighs decidedly and stood up.

“Zari took your box to the locker room. Your locker number is your jersey number.”

He left Sara to herself then, and she took several deep breaths before opening the note.

_Mr. Hunter,_

_My name is Laurel, I’m Dinah’s daughter. Encased is the piece of jersey my mother took and kept all these years. I know that altering school property is frowned upon, but I’m willing to pay for ownership of the jersey if you can have one thing done for me….._

Sara closed her eyes after finishing the letter, her heart warming and escaping from the iron that held it moments before. Steeling herself, Sara stood and purposefully made her way to the locker room. Luckily, all of the other girls were either showering or gone, and Sara quickly removed her stretched tank. 

With a forced breath, she slid her arms into the jersey and pulled it over her head. 

She faced one of the several mirrors in the room. Instead of feeling the weight of her loss, she felt protected; like she’d just put on the only armor that could possibly keep her safe and sane. It took everything in her to remove it again and place it carefully in her locker. A part of her couldn’t wait to have it on again the moment she closed it away. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara had unpacked her box of gear, finding the alternate jersey, her uniform shorts, four different t-shirts for practice-black, gold, white, and oddly, bright pink, two pairs of uniform socks, and a package of shin guards. There were also the warm up jacket and sweats, and two black under armor shirts. The last layer of items were the miscellaneous ones Rip had mentioned: UCF lanyard, Knight’s calf-high socks, a UCF tie, a pair of actual sweatpants, and a notecard. 

_Ladies, all this extra stuff was your Captain’s idea. Don’t thank her because she would be mean about it, but silently appreciate it and don’t cause her problems. Rip._

Sara folded the note up and set in back in the box. She took the non-soccer-related stuff back to her dorm with her. 

A shower had her feeling better, and she cleaned off the raw section of her stomach. The sting was a good reminder of where she’d been, and where she was going. A part of her hated herself every time she hurt herself. Another part craved it so fully. 

Sara didn’t look into the mirror until she had all her clothes on. 

By the time she was dressed, she had an hour and a half before she needed to be at her eleven o’clock: Composition I. Zari hadn’t been in their room when she got back, so Sara assumed she’d had a nine o’clock. 

With slow movement, Sara packed her backpack with folders and spiral notebooks. She stuck the pencils and pens that she would undoubtedly lose in the front pocket. That killed maybe four minutes of time. 

Knowing that silent time to think was a dangerous path to panic attacks, Sara shouldered her backpack and decided to check out the campus. It was sleek, beautifully designed and flawlessly executed. People were all over the place, rushing or walking or lounging on the large blocks of grass interspaced throughout the buildings. 

It was going to take a long time to figure everything out wholly, but she’d visited three times with her sister when trying to make her decisions about colleges, so she knew where the dorms, the union, and the athletic complex was. 

Now, she used the map on her phone to find the building her Comp class was in. She ended up walking for thirty minutes before she figured it out, and she was glad she’d left early. It also left her slightly worried for her U.S. History from 1877 Present class that was ten minutes after this one. From the map though, it looked as if she was only a few buildings away. 

To kill the rest of the hour she had before class, Sara found her classroom and sat outside. She tugged out her worn copy of The Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes and flipped it open. It was one of the things she didn’t feel pain doing, as her mother had never understood the pleasure of reading comics. Opening the pages didn’t rip her chest cavity open like many of her hobbies did now, and she clung to it desperately. Even if she had read this series over fifteen times. 

There was just something about the personification of Death that had her enraptured before. Now… it felt different. She looked at Her differently. She looked differently at the man who lost his son, turning him to do bad in the hope for good. 

Sara engrossed her herself fully, studying the dark pages and relearning the faces of beloved and despised characters. She didn’t stop flipping pages until the space around her crowded, signaling the arriving class time. 

Sara didn’t look around to her fellow classmates, and as soon as the door opened to release the prior class, she slipped inside to take a seat at the back. She set her backpack on the ground and pulled out a notebook to disguise her comic. Syllabus day was bound to be boring anyway.

~~~~

How right she was. Sara slipped the syllabus into her folder- she’s decided green for English- and packed up. In between feigning focus and introducing herself, she’d only been able to make it halfway through the book. Luckily, she still had three more classes she needed distraction from. 

What she didn’t need was the time it took her to get to her next class. She also didn’t need the only open chairs to be in the very front of her class, leaving her no way to read her comic. And what she seriously, really didn’t need, was one Ava Sharpe walking into her class with some slip she handed to their professor.

Their eyes met as Ava turned to face the room, her cheeks looking flushed and her hair windswept. There were literally only two open spots, and both of them were on Sara’s sides. With a frustrated glare, Ava took the seat to her left. Their professor continued where Ava had interrupted. 

“As I was saying, we are going to deal with the mandatory syllabus bullshit today.” The class chuckled. “I would also appreciate if you’d all remain in your seats you’ve chosen today for the next two weeks. It takes my brain about that long to lock things into place.”

Sara definitely hadn’t needed _that._

Beside her, Ava growled under her breath. Sara rolled her eyes and tried not to think of A a or look at Ava as the professor continued. And then…

“If all of you could turn to the person beside you and get to know them for a few minutes, that would be great. These questions on the board are guiding and not meant to be taken directly, though you may if you lack creative ability.”

Sara snorted. At least the professor was funny. She turned away from Ava to see if the man on her right would partner with her, but he looked like he was in the class with a buddy. Ava had no luck avoiding Sara either, and both women turned grudgingly to each other. Sara started it off as kindly as possible.

“Why are you in this class as a junior?”

Ava crossed her arms defensively. 

“Why are you in this class as a freshman? There’s a 1492-1877 class.”

“Why are you literally the worst at answering questions? And I will take that one eventually.”

Her statement seemed to trouble Ava.

“You’re taking them out of order? Doesn’t that bother you?”

Sara smirked.

“It obviously bothers you.” Ava shook her head in frustration, and Sara relented. “This is the one that fits with my schedule. Your turn.”

Ava pulled out a black notebook and a pen, popping the cap off.

“Let’s just get these questions done. One, Name, grade, and major?”

Sara rolled her eyes.

“You already know all three. Besides, he said the questions are for boring people.”

“That isn’t what he said.”

Sara waved lazily.

“Same thing.”

Ava shook her head and started writing. 

“I’m following the board.”

Sara pulled out her own notebook, blue for history. 

“Fine. How old were you when you lost your first tooth?”

Ava looked shocked.

“What? That’s not a question.”

“It’s my question. Just because you’re following the lame ones doesn’t mean I have to. Answer the question or I’ll tell the prof you’re being difficult.”

With gritted teeth, Ava bit out, 

“Five.”

“Isn’t that a bit early?”

Ava sighed.

“I got hit in the face by a football.”

Sara hummed, but didn’t write it down. 

Ava looked at her paper.

“You’re not even going to take this seriously?”

Sara huffed. 

“Don’t worry, Sharpie. I’ll remember that. Go ahead and ask your boring questions now.”

To Sara’s surprise, Ava switched gears.

“Have you ever been fired?”

“Yes. My manager was a freak. I punched him in the throat.”

Ava looked taken aback, but she wrote down the answer anyway. Sara went.

“How many people do you think want to slap you in a given day?”

Instead of rising to the bait, Ava shrugged.

“Including you? One.”

Sara shook her head. 

“I don’t want to slap you.”

Ava didn’t further the topic.

“What’s your favorite food?”

“Easy. Hamburger.”

Ava made a ‘why would I think anything else’ face and wrote it down. 

“What’s the most difficult part of being captain?”

Ava seemed stumped by the serious question, then she huffed.

“Dealing with you, I think.”

“Why is that?”

Ava shook her head.

“My question. Have you always been a dick? Or is it a recent development?”

Sara whistled.

“Ouch. Sharpie got claws.” Sara pretended to think about it. “I’ve always been pretty… abrasive, let’s say. How many binders do you make yourself? Are they all black and gold?”

Ava’s face colored and she glared at Sara.

“What is your problem with the way I choose to organize my life, Lance?”

Sara bit back a sarcastic retort as their professor approached, hands on his hips.

“Is everything alright, here?”

Ava gave the man a sweet smile, one that had Sara grimacing. 

“We’re fine.”

Their professor didn’t seem to believe it, but he nodded. He called for the class’s attention. 

“We’ll go around the room and introduce our partners. Just name two or three things you learned about them. Anyone want to begin?”

Sara raised her hand despite Ava’s whispered ‘no.’ The professor pointed at her.

“Yes, go ahead.”

Sara looked at Ava.

“This is Ava Sharpe, Captain of the Knights’ soccer team and double major in kinesiology and something to do with business.” Sara remembered what type, but she wasn’t about to let Ava know. And Ava’s surprised look at her serious replies were exactly what Sara wanted. She winked at the captain and, “and, according to her, nobody wants to slap her in the face. Generally. Though I find it hard to believe.”

Some snickers sounded and Ava closed her eyes like she really didn’t understand Sara at all. When they opened, there was fire. 

“This is Sara Lance, freshman and resident pain in the ass. She claims to have always been like that, even pointing out a time she was fired for punching her manager in the throat.”

The laughter sounded again and their professor seemed torn between amusement and concern. Sara narrowed her eyes at Ava and she received a look in return that would melt a lesser being. Sara thrived on it. 

The professor finally calmed the chuckles around the room.

“Maybe you two should be the exception to the same-seats policy, hmm?”

Both Sara and Ava spoke at one. 

“Yes, please.” “Thank God.”

~~~~

After the professor moved them to different seats, forcing other students to switch as well, the class went by quickly. Sara read her comic and Ava, on the other side, somehow found a way to take notes over the syllabus. When the class ended, Sara was out the door as quickly as possible. 

Sara’s next two classes, Intro to Philosophy and College Algebra, both went quickly. She received a practice test to take home and finish before Wednesday. Overall, this semester was not shaping up to be super awesome. She hoped her one online class: Intro to Communication (which she found ironic), and her one Tuesday/Thursday class- General Chemistry- turned out better. She doubted they would. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The rest of her first week somehow went by quickly and slowly all at once. Her online class looked like it might be the easiest thing she’d ever do, but her General Chemistry class was set on kicking her ass. 

Wednesday and Fridays’ training sessions were killer to Sara’s already sore muscles, and her verbal spats with Ava just seemed to increase in frequency and intensity whenever they saw each other, but the girls on the team were quick learners and had decided keeping both of their attentions off of one another was a good idea. 

Any free time Sara had she spent reading the Sandman series. When that was finished, she worked out more. She searched the area for a boxing gym and signed up for classes. Every day at six at night, she showed up and outworked everyone in the room. 

Zari was out of the room most days, sometimes joining the soccer players in unregulated training. She invited Sara, but the least amount of time she had to spend around Ava, the better. Even if it distanced her from the rest of the team. Distance was something Sara wanted. 

It was going well, sort of. She even made it through Friday without another panic attack. It didn’t soothe the way she ached for her mom, and it definitely didn’t take away her nightmares and awful moments of bliss when she woke up, but she managed. 

The weekend was a new beast to slaughter. It was unending free time with no homework to do or of-age friends to buy her alcohol. She found herself sitting on her bed Saturday morning with her laptop open. She needed to find something to do to kill time before her boxing session. 

A few local searches had her choosing the beach. She thought it was about time she saw what Florida had to offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed :) It’s awesome to get comments from you guys, so if you have some time, let me know what you thought!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate the kudos and comments you guys leave! Thank you so much. 
> 
> I saw clips from the most recent episode of LoT and I hope that everything is fixed in the next episode. Though, knowing the CW....
> 
> That being said, if you guys have any prompts or suggestions for short, or even long, stories, let me know.
> 
> This is unedited.

Ava pushed into her apartment with a frustrated heave only to wince when the door cracked into the wall. 

“Jesus, Aves. Where’s the fire?”

Ava rolled her eyes at Amaya and set her book bag gently on the recliner. 

“Sorry.”

Amaya was sitting on their couch with a documentary playing, a textbook open, and a large binder of notes before her. She paused the video when she noted Ava’s tired eyes.

“I was just teasing, yeah? You okay?”

Ava entered their kitchen and tugged open the fridge door, yanking it hard when it stuck at first. 

“Just a long day.”

Amaya followed her into the kitchen.

“You sure that’s it?”

That wasn’t it. At all. Ava was a lot of things at the moment, and they were more from the week than the day. She was an organized person. She liked being an organized person. She was also somebody who thrived on planning out her days and following said plans. It wasn’t that she was averse to change or surprises. She could roll with the punches if need be. But she found that a steady schedule created and followed eased her mind and allowed her to focus on what mattered. 

But this week had been one offbeat moment after the other, and it all had to do with Sara Lance. The girl was a menace to the general population, to the team, and to Ava in particular. She had no manners, no respect, and somehow she had Rip wrapped around her finger. It didn’t make any sense, and Ava had sworn to put Sara in her place once and for all.

Yet somehow, every step she took to do so had Sara stepping up to the plate with a bat in hand, begging Ava to throw her a curveball. So no, today wasn’t the problem. The problem was Sara Lance and her fucking attitude. 

Just today, Sara had walked past her on the way out of their shared class, and she’d had the _nerve_ to drop a blue binder on Ava’s desk with a shiteating grin over her shoulder as she walked away. 

She’d brought up Sara’s disrespect and failure to appear at unregulated training sessions, and Rip had suggested she continue to challenge Sara. That was it. There was no ‘I’ll talk to her,’ or even a ‘she shouldn’t be doing that.’ 

Amaya slugged her shoulder, jerking her from her thoughts.

“Maybe stop freezing up our kitchen and pick something?”

Ava glanced at their assortment of food and settled on an orange before closing the fridge again. Amaya leaned against the counter and tilted her head.

“Lily will be home soon. Do you want to have a movie night? We could invite some of the girls?”

Ava bit back the instinctual reaction to exclaim ‘not Sara.’ She was a the captain for a reason. She didn’t need to harbor ill will or exclude any new members. If most of her hoped that Sara wouldn’t show like she failed to show for other team activities, she thought that was acceptable. 

Amaya fist-pumped at Ava’s head nod and quickly moved from the kitchen. Seconds later, Ava heard her talking to somebody on the phone. Trying to focus on peeling her orange, she only heard bits and pieces, but there was something weird about her friend’s voice that had her moving closer.

“...be fun. Please come?” Generally, the team was close, so offers to spend time together were quickly accepted. “I promise, you won’t be intruding. Come on. You have fun on the hike on Thursday.” Ava tried to think back to Amaya on the hike. She had noticed that her roommate had been distracted, but Ava thought it was just because she was getting to know Zari…. Ava grinned and moved into the living room, noting the smile on Amaya’s face. “So you’ll come? We’ll pig out on junk food and watch something stupid.”

Ava cleared her throat and Amaya flinched.

“I mean, we’ll have fruits and watch the US women’s soccer team highlight reels.”

Ava chuckled and rolled her eyes, popping a piece of orange in her mouth. 

“Yeah, invite Sara.”

Ava choked on the orange and spent the next three minutes coughing and drinking water from the faucet, thereby missing the rest of the conversation.

Amaya entered the kitchen with an amused, slightly confused look.

“You good?”

Ava cleared her throat several times, nodding.

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure inhaling fruits into your lungs is a healthy way to stay fit.”

Amaya laughed and typed out a message on her phone.

“Alright. Everyone is invited.”

Ava gave her a look.

“But Zari deserved a direct call?”

Amaya’s cheeks flushed a distinctly telling shade.

“I wanted her to know she was welcome.”

Ava ate the last piece of her orange, nodding along.

“You’re right. Texting is just not enough when you have the hots for somebody.”

Amaya’s jaw dropped and she sputtered out a protest.

“That’s— I don’t— don’t be ridiculous, Ava.”

Ava washed her hands off and dried them on a towel. 

“Yes, of course. You know me. Completely illogical.”

Amaya smacked her ass.

“Go play with your cats, jerk. They’ve been sleeping all day like the lazy assholes they are.”

Ava feigned offense.

“Rude. See if I talk you up to Zari now.”

Amaya flung their hand towel at her.

“Bitch.” Ava made to leave, but Amaya cleared her throat. “Aves, you sure you’re good? You’ve seemed a bit tense this week.”

Ava debated whether to talk to Amaya about Sara. The past two years living with her had taught her that Amaya generally dragged the truth out eventually. She’d also grown to trust her teammate like the family she proclaimed them to be.

Amaya gently kicked out with her toe and nudged Ava’s thigh. 

“Come on, Capi-tahn.”

Ava relented.

“It’s Lance.”

Amaya’s brows rose in surprise, then quickly morphed to understanding.

“You two get on...rather poorly.”

Ava leaned against the counter by the stove, her hand pushing back through her hair.

”We do.”

“Why does it bug you so much?”

Ava groaned.

“Because I’m supposed to be unbiased and supportive in my role as Captain. But she’s a jerk. And she doesn’t seem to give a shit about the team. She goes hard in training, but it looks like she’s trying to work herself into the ground. It’s not to make herself better. I’ve brought it up to Rip twice this week, and he’s adamant that I continue exactly as I am. But it’s my duty to protect the team and to make us the best. What if I fail to do that because I listen to Rip instead of doing what I know I’m supposed to do?”

Amaya positioned herself against the island counter, opposite Ava.

“Maybe there’s something we’re not seeing?”

Ava shrugged. 

“Maybe. But he’s been making exceptions for her since before she even showed up. Is one girl really worth putting the whole squad in jeopardy?”

Amaya looked thoughtful.

“What if she’s just scared? Maybe she’s had bad experiences with past teams? I know that’s how Helen was when she first joined.”

Ava shook her head. 

“She didn’t know who I was when I knocked on her door. She just lied to my face and walked past. Then she made fun of my binder.”

Amaya smirked.

“You are pretty hardcore about them. Maybe she thought you were a solicitor?”

Ava glared Amaya down and frowned.

“Why are you so set on defending her, exactly? It doesn’t seem like her and Zari are close. You don’t have to like Sara to get Zari.”

Amaya rolled her eyes, holding up a finger.

“First of all, I am not trying to get Zari. Second, there’s just something about Sara that makes me think she’s not who she shows people. She just… Aves, she seems sad.”

Ava frowned. Sara had never seemed sad when she talked to Ava. Obviously she was a smug asshole for most of it, but Sara seemed to enjoy constantly pissing her off. There was that thing Monday…

“When we were giving the new girls their gear, she straight-up bolted from the room. Rip went after her.”

Amaya pushed off the counter at the sound of the front door opening. 

“So maybe you should figure out what her deal is before you try and get her off the team?”

Lily appeared in the kitchen before Ava could answer, and the short brunette threw herself into them, expecting to be caught. She was.

“I think I might actually kill my Fundamentals of Genetics professor.”

Amaya laughed and rubbed Lily’s back soothingly. 

“I don’t know why you didn’t just take it with your dad.”

Lily pulled away, much to Ava’s relief. She didn’t mind hugs, but prolonged physical contact had a way of making her uncomfortable.

“My dad is so embarrassing when I’m in his classes.”

Ava smiled. She’d met Dr. Stein several times since living with Lily. He always seemed like a great father, if a bit quirky. She glanced at her phone and grimaced.

“If we’re having the girls come over tonight, I need to get some work done.”

Twin boos sounded from her roommates as she exited the kitchen, picked up her bookbag, and turned down the hall toward her room. Her door was ajar so her cats could wander freely, but as Amaya had said, she found them both curled up on top of the cat tower, their heads tucked together. 

She’d gotten Solo, her Russian Blue, when she was still in high school. Her dad had seen the light-gray kitten with turquoise eyes and had bought her on the spot. Their family cat had just died, and Ava had been very attached as a teenager. Solo had been with her since.

She’d only gotten Gigi recently. A shelter in town had brought a bunch of cats to campus and the fluffy Maine Coon hadn’t let a single person get close without trying to claw their skin off. Ava had loved him instantly, and she’d adopted the brown, white, and orange beast of a cat on the spot. 

Despite his size, Solo had put him in his place within seconds of his arrival in the apartment, and the two had become inseparable. It had taken Ava weeks- and several deep scratches- before she gained Gigi’s trust enough to pet him. They were still working on his behavior with guests. 

Ava smiled and walked to the tall tower, sliding her fingers through Solo’s fur. 

“How’s my good girl?”

Solo stretched and rolled onto her side, head rubbing the soft material under her. Gigi hissed at Ava and jumped off of the tower with attitude. She rolled her eyes and scratched up by Solo’s ears a few moments longer. 

Ava then lugged her backpack to her bed and unzipped it, pulling out her accordion binder for her business classes. The most pressing homework was for her Microeconomic Analysis for Business Decisions class. But that didn’t mean that she could slack on her other five courses 

People asked her a lot whether she regretted attempting two majors. She didn’t. She knew that acquiring both would allow for job stability. It wasn’t that hard, not when things went to plan. She buckled down for the next two hours and got through three classes worth of homework before she heard voices in the living room. It wasn’t long before her name was shouted by Amaya. 

When she tried to ignore it, Amaya appeared at her door.

“Aves, get out here and join us on the tour.”

Ava knew that Amaya wouldn’t leave until she got her way, so she closed up her Psychology of Sports notes and grudgingly tailed Amaya to the living room. Zari was the only one there, her hands tucked into sweats. She had on a black t-shirt with lettering in a different language on it. She also looked slightly uncomfortable. 

“Sorry for getting here too early.”

Amaya shook her head a little aggressively and Ava tried to stifle a laugh. 

“No, you’re right on time. I told you to come around five! The team will be here soon. Is Sara coming?”

Ava tensed in wait of the answer. Zari shrugged. 

“I left her a note with my number on it. She wasn’t in the room all day today.”

Amaya glanced at Ava and then pressed a bit.

“I’m surprised you guys waited so long to exchange numbers. I was locked out of my dorm room twice in the first week.”

Zari’s shoulders seemed to relax the more Amaya spoke to her, and she answered easily.

“Sara is a difficult person.”

Ava huffed.

“Understatement is the century.”

Zari gave her a knowing chuckle. 

“Yeah, she doesn’t like you either.”

Ava tried not to frown. It was not like she hadn’t known Sara didn’t like her. But having somebody’s confirmed dislike of you never felt awesome. Zari seemed to catch enough of her reaction to try and lessen the blow.

“Honestly, I don’t even think she likes me. Tolerates me, maybe. But Sara lives in her own world with her own demons.”

Amaya frowned.

“What do you mean?”

Zari held out her hands in a gesture that meant she wasn’t planning on delving into her own comment, but she covered it briefly.

“I don’t want to reveal people’s personal business, but I honestly don’t think Sara gets more than a few hours of sleep a night. That, or it’s very unsteady. She’s probably just cranky all the time because she’s tired.”

Ava shook her head. 

“That won’t fly during the Fall.”

Zari seemed like she wasn’t about to continue discussing Sara’s wellbeing, so Amaya cut the conversation off, not-so-subtlety grabbing Zari’s arm and pulling her toward the hallway.

“Come on. Let’s go wake up Lily and plan the night out.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The rest of the team arrived an hour later, all bearing various forms of ‘healthy’ snacks. A few of the girls couldn’t make it because of prior commitments, but they had a strong group of ten filling up their medium-sized living room. 

Ava was sitting in her designated recliner, her lap covered by a blanket. Helen sat with her back to Ava’s legs, and Gwen sat beside her. The couch somehow had five girls on it, something Ava was sure Amaya did on purpose so that Zari basically sat in her lap with how close everyone was. The freshman didn’t seem to mind that at all if the way her eyes kept flicking to Amaya’s meant anything. The other girls had her backs to the sofa as they sat on the ground.

They’d decided on a comedy, and Amaya had gladly pulled out her stash from her bedroom. The argument happening now was whether to watch Love, Simon or She’s the Man. Ava sat back and watched as Zari, Amaya, and Courtney spearheaded the argument for Love, Simon. It was more an argument for fun than anything, and Gwen, Lily, and Helen jokingly laid out the benefits of watching She’s the Man with feigned intensity. 

The rest of the girls were giggling hysterically. Ava smiled. The freshmen that had shown seemed nervous at first, unsure if they should really be there. Ava had made sure to memorize their names before ever meeting them. 

Chloe was the most shy of the five new freshman. She was a center-back, almost as tall as Ava with dark skin and warm eyes. She was quick to smile, but she didn’t say much unless prompted. 

Remi was outspoken, even jumping in with Zari and Amaya to fight for Love, Simon. She was their central midfielder, short and fast as hell. 

Ava looked at the girl at the far right of the couch. She didn’t know how to feel about Brynn. The girl seemed to have a superiority complex and, so far, she did nothing to warrant thinking she was so good. Ava was confident she’d be eating humble pie before the end of the training session. 

The other six girls were MIA for the night. Including the ever-elusive and frustrating Sara Lance: their center striker. Ava fiddled with the plate in her hands. Rip had sat her down before the school year even started and had her watch videos of the freshman. He’d pointed out their strengths and weaknesses, and he’d asked her what she saw that he may have missed. 

Sara had impressed her, of course. She was phenomenally fast, skilled in agility and finesse, and she never backed down. Rip had said that Sara’s only weakness lies in her tendency to not trust her teammates. Ava had pointed out that that was the root of other weaknesses that could make the team fail. 

So it was strange now that he wasn’t attempting to rectify her behavior. He was giving that job to Ava, and even then he was imposing limits. It led her to believe that something had happened between when she was accepted into UCF and now. 

“AVA!”

Ava startled out of her thoughts to find the team looking at her. She wondered how long they’d been calling her. 

“Yeah?”

Amaya scoffed.

“Stop dreaming about doing your homework and help us pick.”

Ava shook her head.

“I’m impartial.”

Helen booed.

“You can’t be impartial. You’re meant to guide the team.”

Ava chuckled. 

“Not on forms of harmless entertainment.” 

Lily held up a hand. 

“Froshies, notice the use of the word ‘harmless.’ That means Ava will _not_ be impartial if she deems your entertainment harmful.”

Ava rolled her eyes and stuffed a carrot in her mouth as the discussion heated up once more. It was finally settles minutes later when Kim decided to show up stating that her plans had fallen through. She promptly dropped next to Courtney and stole her food, proclaiming Love, Simon as the movie for the night. 

Ava settled back to watch. In truth, while she liked both movies, Love, Simon would win out every time. This watch through, Ava spent half her time watching the way Amaya acted around Zari. It was cute really, though Zari seemed wholly unsure how to react to anything Amaya did or said. 

Ava liked Zari. She was straightforward, her dry sense of humor serving her well. She seemed slow to open up, but Ava had watched her videos as well. She thought Zari would be the perfect second striker for Sara if the stubborn blonde learned how to play well with others. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The rest of the weekend moved quickly, Ava spending a large amount of time working on homework at home, or, when that got a little distracting, at the library. 

Sunday morning, everyone from the team besides Sara- Zari said Sara had refused her invitation- found themselves on the trail by Lake Claire, circling through the forest for a five-mile run 

Sunday night saw just Zari back at their apartment under Amaya’s suggestion that they work on their homework together. Ava didn’t feel cruel enough to point out that not only were the two in completely unrelated fields, they actually spent the entire night discussion political and societal structures in different areas of the world. Somehow Zari had kept up with Amaya’s passionate monologues. Ava had left around minute ten. 

Now she was trying act like she was focusing on the professor while subtly judging Sara as the girl was flipping through what looked to be a comic book. How fitting. Honestly, Lance was childish. That morning at training she’d walked by Ava while she was squatting and told her to ‘tighten up those glutes.’ Ava knew she had a nice butt. Goalies squatted more than anyone on the field.

“Do you know the answer, Ava?”

Ava’s head jerked to the front and she found her professor and half the class looking at her. Fuuuuck.

“Can you repeat the question?”

Their professor smirked like she responded exactly how he’d wanted her to.

“I didn’t ask one. But I’m glad to know you’re listening. Honestly, for disliking her so much, you sure do spend a lot of time focused on Miss Lance.”

Ava blanched. This felt like a nightmare, a terrible, horrendous nightmare in which Sara received something to hold over Ava forever. She tried to debunk it before it set in as fact.

“Sir, I was just trying to get her to put away the comic book and focus. I can’t have my teammates slacking off on their grades if they want any playing time.”

It was a convincing lie if she did say so herself, and her professor latched onto it. He looked at Sara.

“Please put the optional reading material away until after my class.”

Only then did Ava finally look at the girl, but instead of finding a pissed off blonde, Ava found Sara looking entirely too smug as she tucked her comic book into her bag. The hairs on the back of Ava’s neck rose. 

Feeling the impending insults, Ava tried to bolt before Sara could get a word in about her apparent ‘staring.’ She made it to the building’s exit, freedom in sight, when she felt somebody fall in line.

“You know, if you thought I was hot, you could’ve just said something.”

Sara’s tone was sugar-sweet and Ava bristled. She refused to look at Sara as she responded.

“You’re not my type, Lance.”

“Ohhh, you into the big, burly men with chest hair and beards?”

Ava cringed despite herself.

“When I say you’re not my type, I don’t mean women aren’t my type. I just mean you.”

Sara got in front of her and started walking backwards, her smile- probably charming to most people- had Ava frowning harder. Sara motioned to herself.

“What’s not to like?”

Ava met Sara’s eyes.

“I think you can figure that out, Lance.”

Sara’s eyes narrowed and Ava let herself smirk as she sped up and went around her teammate. Let her stew on that for a few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I promise the angst won’t continue forever! Lol. I know Sara deserves a break. I’ll also settle down with the timeline for the most part now. I won’t need as many time jumps.
> 
> This is unedited.

Everything was….fine. Sara was making it through each day with a determination not to think or feel anything, and generally she succeeded by working herself into delirium and making fun of Ava. As long as her body was screaming its protest and her mind was busy coming up with insults, her mom was blocked away in the back of her head. 

There were still days in which she failed to push away the pain, usually the days she didn’t have training or class with Ava. She tried not to connect the dots between feeling better and being around her captain, but they continued to connect themselves 

Weekends were the hardest. All she had was herself and boxing, and a one-hour session wasn’t enough to kill away her impulse to collapse. Sometimes she stayed for two sessions. Or three. The instructor had started asking for her help with the newbies as well, so Sara had even more reason to stick around. 

She’d been existing in such a way for an entire month, numbing herself with exhaustion and physical pain. Zari had continued to invite her to group hangouts, and Sara had continued to decline. She had wondered how long it would take before her roommate gave up.

Ava seemed to dislike her more and more after every given interaction. It made the next ones so much better for Sara. Seeing Ava Sharpe’s jaw roll and her stormy eyes flash and her stupidly long fingers curl into fists single handedly made Sara’s day. So she breathed and moved and tried not to think. It worked. 

Tomorrow though, tomorrow was a new beast, one Sara didn’t know if she would survive facing. She sat with her back to the wall and her feet hanging off her bed. The soccer binder was in her lap, and she was staring at the words on the schedule for February. 

_February 25th, 2019: Monday  
-Meet on the Practice fields. Scrimmage. Bring black warm-up and pink warm-up shirts._

Zari was off doing something with the team, and Sara was infinitely glad because her chest her and her lungs weren’t working properly. It was predictable how her panic attacks came out now. Usually it was too much thinking or a memory of her mother she couldn’t ignore. But this… what was happening now was different. The warmth was pulled from her muscles and veins as her breathing began to shallow. 

The longer she sat, unmoving and alone, the colder she became, and the harder it was to think of anything besides hitting the pitch for the first time in almost six months. Laurel had convinced her to try. Rip had convinced her to try. Sara had convinced herself to try. But now she was here, now she had to slot her shin guards in her socks and tie her cleats tightly. Now she had to put a soccer ball at her feet and move around a field like her mother had taught her. 

Sara felt the cold hit her bones and she jerked to her feet, binder flying across the room and slamming into Zari’s bed. She wouldn’t survive it. She would drop on the green the moment her cleats dug in. 

This panic attack was different. Obsessive understanding flooded her, and she knew that if she wasn’t here tomorrow, she would never have to face what she’d lost. Soccer was in her soul, but her mom had been the one to introduce the two. In every memory of soccer, her mother was stitched. The way her body moved, the way she maneuvered the ball, the intelligence she had on the field… it was her mother’s tutelage.

Sara was pulling her bags out of the closet before she registered it. But it seemed like the correct action. She unzipped all of them and started pulling her clothes down and jamming them inside. The longer she packed, the harder it was to move her hands and limbs properly. She was so fucking cold and she couldn’t see properly. 

She frantically dragged the sheets on her bed, the awkward corners getting caught and sending bursts of strange terror through her. She pulled so hard she ended up ripping part of the sewing, but it came together in her hands and she jammed it into a bag. She went to the closet to get the rest of her shoes. Her incapable limbs were shaking hard enough that she dropped several on the way, and she had to continuously bend down and try to grab them.

Somewhere in her head she heard the door open, but she was too focused, too cold, and too scared to look anywhere but the uncooperative shoes. 

“Woah, Sara. What are you doing?”

Sara shoved aggressively when her tennis shoe failed to fit at first attempt.

“Sara. Dude, hey.”

She felt and hand on her shoulder and she jerked away, slamming her hip into the desk. Pain lanced through her and she gasped, but she didn’t receive any oxygen. 

“Okay, I’m sorry. I promise I won’t touch you again. What’s going on, Sara?”

Sara kept herself pressed against the desk, her eyes not properly taking in Zari as she stood in front of her. She saw another figure that hadn’t entered the room, but her eyes wouldn’t focus enough to see who. 

“I’m leaving.”

Despite her panted statement, Sara couldn’t pull away from the desk. Her limbs weren’t listening to her. 

Zara put her hands behind her back and took a small step closer.

“Okay. Why?”

Sara shook her head, not sure how to answer and only able to focus on one thing. 

“It’s so cold.”

Zari seemed uncertain, her normally concealed emotions laid bare as she tried to figure out what the hell Sara was talking about. 

“You’re cold? You’re sweating.”

Sara shook her head again, breathing harder.

“I’m cold. I’m leaving.”

The figure at the door finally entered the room, and Sara faintly registered that it was Amaya. She looked concerned, and she leaned close to Zari and spoke quietly. Zari nodded once and took a step back as Amaya got closer.

“Sara, can you look at me?”

Sara tried. She did. But her eyes weren’t working the way she wanted them to. She let out a pathetic whimper. Amaya smiled at her softly.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. Let’s try something else. I’m going to count. I want you to repeat the number twice after I say it. Okay?”

Sara tried to nod. She just wanted to be warm. She couldn’t stop shaking. 

“One.”

Sara tried to repeat the number after Amaya, but it got caught in her throat. She tried again and shook harder when she failed. 

“Shhh, it’s okay. Just try again. One.”

“O-o..one. One.”

“Good job. Two.”

“Tw-o. T-two.”

Amaya continued to count, and Sara repeated each number twice. Her teammate was patient through every failure, even when it took Sara minutes to say one word. 

Slowly, so slowly, the amount of focus it took to follow Amaya and repeat the numbers not just once, but twice, began to release Sara from the panic attack. The cold remained even as she was finally able to focus. 

Amaya looked relieved, Zari looked worried, and Sara was beyond embarrassed. She shook her head to push back the stinging in her eyes and nose. 

“Sorry.”

Amaya frowned.

“Why are you apologizing?”

Sara turned toward her bags and picked up the disobedient shoe, but Amaya gently grabbed her wrist. Sara froze. 

“Hey, just hold on a second, okay? Let yourself calm down and warm up before you work yourself up again.”

Sara was going to cry, and she despised crying in front of people.

“I’m fine.”

Zari snorted.

“Okay, Miss panic attack.”

Amaya scolded the girl instantly, but it was such a Zari thing to say, and Sara was so tired. She started laughing. Laughing until she cried. And then all she did was cry and try and remain standing. Zari looked terrified and Amaya slowly reached out a hand to Sara’s arm. When Sara didn’t flinch away, she pulled her into a hug. 

Sara clung on with everything she had for as long as she could, because she hadn’t hugged anyone in a long time, and Amaya was so warm and she just wanted that warmth for herself. 

At some point, Amaya maneuvered them so they were sitting on Sara’s bed. She rubbed gently along Sara’s back until there were just quiet sniffles. 

Zari had left at some point only to return with ramen noodles. She’d awkwardly shoved them into Sara’s hands, and Sara had laughed for another several minutes as she tried to eat it, Zari grumbling about never doing nice things for her again. 

By the time she finished, Amaya was sitting next to her, Zari across from them, and Sara was finally beginning to warm up. She was also beginning to realize what kind of position she was in. She either left like she had been trying to, which, now that she had calmed down, seemed like a cop out. Her mother always hated excuses. 

Or she stayed. In which case, Amaya and Zari would want to know what had happened. Sara didn’t know if she could talk about it. She’d never had to tell anyone what had happened before. They either knew or they didn’t. Rip had been the only one here with the knowledge. 

Zari cleared her throat.

“So, I stalked you online.”

Sara’s eyes widened even though it made sense. Zari seemed like the type that would rather figure something out without having to deal with the interpersonal part of it. Zari shrugged guiltily.

“Sorry.”

Sara let out a breath.

“Did you find everything?”

Zari crossed her ankles and kicked her feet.

“I saw enough. But I felt bad invading your privacy. I didn’t tell anyone else.”

Sara found that she wasn’t on the verge of another attack like she thought she would be. It was actually relieving to have somebody else know. She wondered if that relief would increase if she told Amaya. If she said the words out loud without shouting them. It was worth a shot. 

“My mom died in a car accident six months ago.”

Amaya was silent a few moments, moments in which Sara felt her heart shatter and begin to slowly piece together again. Soon, she felt a hand slip into hers.

“Anything you need, Zari and I are here for you. If you want to go home, we’ll help you pack and drive with you. The whole way if necessary.”

Zari balked and Sara smiled. Amaya continued.

“If you choose to stay, we will have your back. Okay?”

Sara huffed.

“Even if I’m a dick to Captain Sharpie?”

Amaya chuckled.

“Ava is my best friend. I seriously have no idea how or why you two hate each other so much. I will continue to not get involved in that area unless either of you step out of line.”

Sara leaned back on her hands and frowned.

“That’s probably my fault. Sort of. But I honestly enjoy the verbal sparring, so I’m not going to apologize.”

Zari rolled her eyes.

“Of course not. You’re a difficult person.”

Sara couldn’t deny that she kind of loved Zari’s form of comfort. Mostly involving insults and a lack of pity. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Zari glared.

“In no way could I have possibly meant that as a good thing.”

Sara shrugged and Amaya cleared her throat.

“You’re both very difficult. Let’s maybe get back to the matter at hand, yeah?”

Sara deflated a bit, but she knew it was probably necessary that she make her choice. Still, the more she thought about it, the worse the idea of leaving seemed. 

“I… I haven’t touched a soccer ball or been on a field since she died… I don’t know if I can do it.”

Zari was the first to respond.

“Is that why you left when we got our jerseys?” Sara nodded. “So why didn’t that send you packing? Why was it different?”

Amaya seemed inclined to reprimand Zari for the blunt way she was speaking, but Sara appreciated it. It wasn’t patronizing or manipulative. She asked straightforward questions and expected a straightforward answer. 

“I felt stronger when I put the jersey on in the end. I felt like my mom was there.”

Zari hummed.

“So why wouldn’t this be the same?”

Sara pursed her lips and studied the carpet.

“It might be. But it might also ruin me.”

Amaya cut in then.

“It seems like soccer builds you up. I don’t think it could ever destroy you.”

She was right, in a way. Soccer was everything to her because she loved it with everything in her. But also because it was what brought her mother and her together. Amaya saw her struggle and made a decision. 

“How about this. I’ll stay here tonight. All three of us will walk to the fields tomorrow. We can go before everyone else shows up so you can take your time without people watching you.”

Zari held up a hand.

“Woah, okay don’t involve me in anymore of your crazy plans.”

Amaya ignored her and continued. 

“Zari and I will also skip training if you decide you can’t do it. And we’ll come back here and help you pack.”

Zari nodded at that.

“Okay, I could do with skipping training.”

The idea wasn’t half-bad, but Sara didn’t know how to accept something so generous from people she’d basically ignored for a month.

“You guys don’t have to do that.”

Amaya shook her head firmly.

“It’s settled.”

Zari frowned at Amaya thoughtfully.

“Wait, you don’t have your stuff.”

Amaya stood.

“I can go get it and be back in twenty.”

Zari looked at Amaya’s feet for a moment.

“What size are you?”

“Seven and a half.”

Zari’s face lit up and she opened her arms.

“I have two pairs of cleats. You can borrow mine.”

Sara tried not to notice the way Amaya smiled so softly at Zari, or how Zari’s cheeks reddened when she noticed it too. It was kind of cute in a gag-worthy way. Sara decided to help them both out, and she gently pushed Amaya toward her roommates bed. 

“You can sleep with Zari. I kick.”

Zari looked like Sara had punched her in the stomach, but Amaya easily stood and launched herself across the room to slip behind Zari and take up the entire bed.

“If you have a problem, Zar, you can sleep on the floor.”

That seemed to get Zari back into fight mode.

“Excuse me, how does that work? It’s my bed.”

Amaya reached out and took Zari’s hand with her lips forming into a pout.

“Please?”

Sara laughed quietly when she saw Zari’s eyes flicker from indignant to melty. She had a feeling she was going to come back to the room to find a sock on the door one of these days. 

Sara stood and made her way to the bathroom, intent on giving them space and trying to give herself a moment as well. She stared at herself in the mirror and grimaced. Her hair looked windswept and her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. 

With an accepting sigh, Sara washed her face, brushed her teeth, and returned to the room. Amaya was wearing just a sweatshirt, and Zari looked like she might pass out, her gaze focused anywhere but the girl beside her. Sara snickered and turned to her bed, only to find that the sheets had been replaced and her bags were sat on the floor. 

Amaya pointed at Zari, but the girl was still too distracted by Amaya’s legs to hear Sara’s quiet thank you. 

She climbed under the covers and curled into her pillow. She wasn’t sure what the morning would bring, but her heart didn’t feel as heavy as it had been feeling for months. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Her heartbeat rapidly increased as her, Amaya, and Zari approached the practice field. They’d woken up at five- well, Sara had woken up at four-thirty and sat on her phone until five. She hadn’t wanted to interrupt the blatant cuddling happening from her teammates. 

Opening her soccer bag had been difficult, but it hadn’t thrown her into a panic like she’d expected. The only reason she even still had and could use all her gear was because she’d left it in Iowa during the tournament, and her teammate at the time had been bringing it back for her. She would never have been able to touch any of it had it been in the car when they’d crashed. 

Still, she had her cleats and shin guards in a drawstring with her pink jersey. It was wishful thinking that she wouldn’t have to put it on. Instead, she had on her practice shorts and black warm-up, her socked feet tucked into slides. 

Amaya touched her arm softly as they approached the fenced-in area, her eyes questing. 

“How do you feel?”

Sara puffed out her cheeks and tried not to drag her feet across the sidewalk. 

“Like I’m going to barf.”

Zari, being as helpful as possible, nodded.

“Same.”

Sara rolled her eyes and grinned, not knowing exactly how she was going to say thank you to these two people who didn’t owe her anything, yet were, for some reason, stepping up to bat for her. 

Reaching the gate, Zari took charge and smacked it open, striding right through and not looking back. Sara followed her, much slower, and Amaya stuck to her side. 

They crossed the red track, and Sara came to a stop on the edge of it, trying to assess how she felt. Zari collapsed on the grass, only to yelp and jump up, wiping a sheen of dew off her ass. Sara very much appreciated her roommate. 

Amaya bumped her arm. 

“So far, so good?”

Sara nodded her head once, waiting for the hammer to drop. She felt… free. She felt like if she stepped onto the field, she might never be able to leave. Amaya smiled and moved to the bench Zari was now sitting on. The two began gearing up, shooting glances at Sara every few moments. 

With a sharp inhale, Sara moved forward, her right foot hitting the grass and her left following. She sank into it, the well-groomed pitch feeling like heaven under her feet; feeling like home. Her shoulders, coiled tight in fear, slowly relaxed. She smiled a small smile; just a little lift to her lips. A part of her was still afraid, still so sure that this peace wouldn’t last. 

But as she sat beside Zari and Amaya, going through the familiar routine of putting on her cleats, she felt warm and alive in a way she hadn’t in so long. 

Zari slugged her shoulder and jumped to her feet, turning to her.

“So you did it. Now I don’t have to drive to California or wherever the hell you’re from.” She waved at somebody behind them. “Now you just have to worry about not having touched a soccer ball in half a year, because I doubt that will help you in practice.”

Sara’s blood ran a little cold at the thought, realizing she still had another hurdle to leap before the morning was over. Still… six months could never write out almost sixteen years of conditioning.

“Good to see you guys here so early.”

Sara grimaced at her captain’s voice and didn’t turn to greet her. She pulled her hair into a tight ponytail and stared forward across the field, her mind already beginning its own particular warm-up. She pictured the ball at her feet and faceless opponents in front of her. One by one she overcame them. She was faster, she was more skilled, she was more determined. 

A ball bouncing against her head jerked her out of her visualization, and Sara glared at Zari as the girl smirked and picked up the ball.

“Let’s go, Lancelot.”

Amaya pointed excitedly at Zari.

“Yesss! That is your new nickname.”

Sara shook her head emphatically.

“No fucking way.”

Ava walked onto the field, her back straight like a block of wood. She glanced at Sara.

“I think it’s fitting. You seem the untrustworthy type.”

Sara rolled her eyes and stood from the bench.

“Okay, Ava-cado. You can be Arthur. Then I will have the pleasure of sleeping with your wife.”

Seeing the impending argument, Zari chuckled awkwardly.

“Actually, you know what, the nicknames can’t work because Arthur and Lancelot were best friends first. Obviously you despise each other so… so yeah?”

Amaya snickered at Zari’s blatant attempt to stem the debate. But it worked, and Sara ignored Ava’s glare and settled with a wince in the wet grass to begin stretching out. 

The rest of the girls arrived before six, and Rip came jogging out a few minutes late with a bag of soccer balls and a bag of cones. 

Ava walked over to him and they both grabbed eight cones, walking toward the center and outlining a medium-sized square. 

Several other cones were placed in various positions and locations around the field, and Sara was beginning to think that _scrimmage_ might have been a typo. Considering Ava’s incessant perfectionism, it didn’t seem likely. 

The girls finished stretching by the time Ava and Rip arrived back, and Rip gave them a small smirk.

“I bet you hoped we’d skip performance drills and move right into the scrimmage.”

Lily answered despite it being a rhetorical question.

“Don’t worry coach, we know Ava made you do it.”

Ava shot the girl a look.

“I’m offended that you always assume I’m the reason you suffer.”

Lily cocked her head, her hands on her hips.

“Aren’t you?”

A slow smile spread on Ava’s lips, and Sara really didn’t like it when her captain smiled. 

“Of course. First off, we’re going to run.” A chorus of expected groans followed her statement and Ava rolled her eyes. “Just a few warm up laps around the field. Come along.”

A few warm up laps apparently meant ten, and Sara was feeling the delicious burn as it came alive in her calves and thighs. Ava got their attention when they came to a stop.

“I’m going to go ahead and split you into two teams. Pink and Black shirts separate.”

Sara glanced around and found a surprisingly even number of both colors. Of course, Ava had to go and be a bitch, and the captain’s eyes flickered with malintent as she zeroed I’m on Sara. 

“Go to pink.”

Sara groaned.

“Seriously?”

Ava hardened.

“Did I stutter, Lance?”

Sara huffed as she turned away.

“Probably not. I’ve never known robots to have trouble with their vocal programming.”

“What was that?”

Sara turned around and flipped Ava off with both hands, receiving a disapproving glare from Amaya and Rip, and an amused smirk from Zari. Ava just rolled her eyes and returned her attention to the group. 

“Alright, black-shirts, we’re going to work on possession. Pinks, go with Rip to the dribbling drills. We’ll swap in twenty, and after, we’ll move onto shooting. The scrimmage will happen after that.”

Rip drilled Sara’s group through a series of obstacles, some with a ball and others without. Nerves wound their way through her as she waited for her turn. Her body hummed with anticipation and dread the closer she got. She wanted the ball at her feet. She was just worried what might happen after that. 

Two players before her. One… Rip pointed at Sara and she sprinted to the left, touching the line and then flying to the next cone to her right a couple feet up. She was a bullet, hitting all six quickly and advancing to the next obstacle. A ladder she danced through with ease. 

The ball was at her feet faster than anticipated, and she hesitated for a moment- just a moment. Because the second her shoe pressed into the ball, she fell into the person she’d left behind months ago. She dribbled through the lines of cones with accuracy and speed to be envied. 

The rest of the course was easy, her motor memory triggering and sending her forward. By the time she she finished, her breathing was coming in quick breaths, but she felt better than she had in months. This was where she belonged.

The swap happened several minutes later, and Sara found herself in the middle with Amaya as six of her teammates stood on the outside of the medium-sized square. It was basically a very intense version of monkey in the middle, and Amaya and her escaped quickly enough to replace two teammates on the outside. 

It was a rush, almost overwhelming for her, but falling back on learned skill and mental fortitude was easy with a ball at her feet and cleats locking into dirt.

Rip called them to a halt after the allotted time, and Sara’s eyes travelled over the other group. It wasn’t that she was looking, really, but Ava’s giantess-like structure was always noticeable when it wasn’t present. Sara glanced around the field, only to find a sight that made so much sense and still somehow surprised her in equal measure.

Ava Sharpe, captain of the Knights and long-armed RA, was their fucking goalie. It made sense, ultimately, but Sara wasn’t sure how to process it. She’d assumed that Ava was a defender, her size coupled with her speed would make her impassable, but this? Sara would never admit to being impressed if asked, but she’d always admired goalies.

Gianluigi Buffon has said it better than anyone: in the end, you need to be a little masochistic to be a goalkeeper. A masochist and egocentric as well.

Despite despising the girl, Sara could see it. She could easily see Ava taking up the mantle and carrying the game on her shoulders. Taking responsibility for a loss and praising her teammates for a win. The role of somebody who knows without a doubt that they will sometimes fail. 

Sara could also see it because of course Ava would choose a role that requires the ability to manage the field in a way no other position can. To control. Of course Ava would trust the burden of defeat to be on her own shoulders rather than another’s. Sara chuckled and shook her head as Ava tugged on her gloves, strapping them over the sleeves of a royal-blue goalie jersey.

It fit her: the padded elbows and the white gloves that had some kind of detailing Sara couldn’t quite make out. Ava looked like she belonged in front of the goal, ruining people’s days. Sara tugged her eyes off of the Captain when she started toward the goal box. Sara smirked. She’d just have to try and ruin Ava’s day instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed. I’m reaching that point in the story where I’m beginning to despise everything I’ve written, so sorry if updates begin taking longer. Hopefully it passes before too long.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who commented last chapter and said such supportive things. You guys are the only reason I got this chapter written. I seriously appreciated it. 
> 
> Note: I know that intramural sports have seasons just like collegiate sports. I don’t care. Like everything in this story, I’m adjusting things to make it work haha.
> 
> This is unedited.

Ava never felt more in control than when she strapped on her gloves. Rip had made her captain because of her influence on her teammates and her ability to keep herself in check at all times. In her three years with the Knights, she’d never been carded, she’d stopped her teammates from getting carded, she even stopped Rip from being carded once when they had the referee from hell. 

Ava didn’t lose her temper and she always had a clear head. But Sara fucking Lance was a new breed of arrogant, of aggravating. Ava found herself being petty when it came to her new teammate, and _somehow_ Sara always seemed to come out the victor. 

Ava swung her arms in a circular motion; forward then backward, loosening up muscles that were sore from her one-on-one practice with Lily the day before. 

She waved her roommate over as she hit the penalty box, and Lily launched a ball her direction from forty yards out. It flew up and curved down, right into Ava’s waiting hands. 

Lily jogged over as Ava flung the ball back to her, and the two fell into an easy drill meant to kick Ava’s mind into goalie-mode. 

It wasn’t long before Rip had the team thirty yards out, explaining the drill with Lily and Amaya as examples. It was a simple drill, shooter (Amaya) passes it to a teammate (Lily), and the teammate would pass it back out in whichever direction they saw fit. Ava had made it clear in the past that this was meant to be simple yet challenging, so lazy bumps were unacceptable and would result in laps.

There were also three cones spaced randomly in front of the players, right at the edge of the eighteen yard line. If the shooter hit any cone, it would result in laps. After the play-through, the shooter would become the passer, and the passer would find the end of the line. 

Ava bounced on her toes. There was just something about being the last line of defense. It brought something to life in her chest that only ever happened on the field. 

Lily groaned loudly. 

“Looks like Scava is coming out to play today, ladies. Maybe let us get a few in?”

Ava rolled her eyes even as Amaya took the passer post, but apparently Lily wasn’t done. 

“Scava, do you find it weird that you’re really great will balls? Or maybe just ironic?”

Rip sighed.

“Lily, must you always interrupt important matters to taunt your captain?”

Lily snickered and offered an apology that was somehow still more of a taunt than a sorry. Rip focused on Ava.

“Despite your roommates immaturity, do try and keep it light today. You can demoralize your teammates when we get a little closer to the Fall.”

Ava nodded, but everyone, including Rip, knew that wasn’t how she played the game. She’d keep herself from any injury-causing saves, but she wouldn’t hold back otherwise.

Rip signalled the start, and Lily sprung forward after Amaya’s pass-off. 

Ava was adjusting herself with every step Lily took, reading her movements in the seconds they happened. A touch to the inside, a flashed glance at the goal, eyes ticking to the...left. Gotcha. 

The ball rocketed toward Ava’s left corner, and she was there to to knock it out. Adrenaline surged high and heavy, and Ava rolled to her feet. 

“Nice save, Aves.”

The drill continued at speed, her teammates’ shots mostly on target. The first couple run throughs were always easiest for Ava, her team still warming up their shots and several missing the mark entirely. Only two went in, and those were shots where attempted saving would open her up for injury. 

Of course, Sara Lance never seemed to fit the mold. She didn’t telegraph. Her first shot drove high and hard into the upper left corner, and Ava got the tips of her fingers on it, but it didn’t divert the ball enough to keep it from the net. From anyone else it would be fine. Really going for it would’ve had Ava high in the air, the possibility of landing wrong too strong. 

But this was Sara Lance, pain in the ass and looking too fucking smug as she gave Ava a wink and jogged back. Ava growled to herself. She would get the next one. 

Except, as it turned out, Sara was a striker in every sense, and her shot-positioning was dangerous, always slamming into the back of the net either too far or too high for Ava to make a safe save. 

It didn’t take Ava long to realize Sara was doing it on purpose. Of course, the goal of the drill was to improve shooting, so Sara was actually just doing it correctly, but the satisfied and degrading smirk she sent Ava’s way each time was pissing her off. Ava found her body burning with something akin to fury.

The most recent one was the worst, as Sara had fucking curled the ball across the net, calling for a balls to the wall save that Rip would chew her out for attempting in a drill meant for the shooters. But Sara pouted at her mockingly as it crashed into the net, and Ava was fucking done. 

She went harder, pushed herself a little more on every players’ shot, dropped and jumped more than she needed to. Rip gave her a warning look, but Sara was up again, and Ava was going to annihilate her. 

Like the others, this shot was low, fast, and came across her like a bullet. Ava dove hard and slapped it away from her goal, landing heavy and sending that thrill through her that she got for making a fantastic save. And it was. Especially if the way Sara was staring at her in surprise said anything. 

Sara’s surprise quickly fell into a smirk, like Ava had just challenged her to some kind of competition. Maybe she had. As Sara jogged to the passer’s post, Rip cleared his throat. 

“Don’t push it, Ava.” He looked to the team. “Alright, we’re switching it up and adding a defender. It’ll just add one position to the rotation. Shooter, passer, defender, back of the line.”

Getting a moment to breathe, Ava internally grimaced. She felt properly chastised. She shouldn’t let anyone, especially her own teammate, rile her up. She was the leader of this team, it wouldn’t do anyone good for her to lose her cool because of a freshman brat. 

The addition of the defender was good and bad, as it gave Ava less goal to cover because the shooter’s angles were trickier. It wasn’t as good when the shooter got around the defender, leaving Ava to deal with one vs. one situations. Rip was most particular about these, as they could lead to injuries for both the goalie and the other players. Ava wasn’t about to piss him off. She wasn’t. Sara Lance was not getting in her head.

That determination quickly went out the window the moment Sara touched the ball. She grinned at Ava before passing it forward, and Ava ground her teeth at the girl’s stupid face. The ball was not going in the goal. 

Sara made quick work of Brynn, performing a scissors that almost had the other freshman on her ass. Ava was moving as soon as Sara cut around, knowing that it would be when Sara was furthest and Ava had a direct line. She didn’t hesitate, nor did she back down when Sara tried to pull away. 

She collided with the ball and Sara’s foot, the impact a bit jarring but otherwise harmless. Sara stumbled over her and Ava jumped up a moment after. She didn’t look at anyone after, especially not Rip. She felt like she’d made her point. She would back off now, keep her face away from her players’ feet. 

She stuck to her guns even when Sara was up again. As much as it pained her to hold back, she was better than what her instincts were telling her to be. Ava came out, Sara saw her holding back, and she actually had the audacity to roll her eyes lob the ball over Ava’s head into the goal. 

“Didn’t think you’d be that easy to please, Sharpie. One decent save and you’re done? I’d expect a collegiate athlete to have more stamina.” 

Ava bit back every insult that tried to pour out of her mouth and she stormed back to her goal. She picked up the ball, and a fast throw had it clipping Sara’s heels. The striker turned around with narrowed eyes. 

“Watch your net, Captain. I’m coming for it.”

Ava was tired and sweaty and furious and so fucking done with Sara’s bullshit. She held herself back as the line went through again, made sure to play like Rip expected, because in the end, he was going to be very happy with her. 

When Sara’s turn came back around, Ava locked in. She waited for Sara to inevitably go around the defender and blast toward the goal. Ava didn’t wait for a mistake that wouldn’t come. She just went. Sara seemed to gauge the lethality of the coming tackle, and she maneuvered the ball to the left, but Ava was an exceptional goalie for two specific reasons: she was long, her arms reaching beyond what most goalies had. And two, that extra reach in no way slowed her down. 

Without much effort, she pivoted and threw herself over the ball, her back colliding with force against Sara’s thigh and sending the striker to the ground. Everything blew up the moment Ava was on her feet. Rip was yelling and Sara was storming toward her and Ava wasn’t about to back down. Especially not when Sara’s hands collided with her shoulders. 

“You trying to end my career, Sharpe?”

Ava moved into Sara’s space.

“It was your thigh, Lance. You’re fucking fine.”

Sara snarled.

“It could’ve been my knee!”

Ava’s eyes darkened.

“It’s too bad it wasn’t.”

She didn’t mean it. Being the killer for somebody’s career would be devastating. Ava hated when her actions, fair or not, hurt another player. But Sara messed with her head and she was such a fucking _cunt._

She saw the tackle coming, but Sara was faster and apparently skilled, because she knocked the wind out of Ava and had her on her back in seconds. Ava vaguely heard Rip shouting and cleats pounding on the grass, and Sara was yanked off of her before any damage could be done. 

Ava wasn’t finished with her though. Rip would probably write this off because he had such a soft spot for the freshman. Ava would teach the lesson. 

But when she moved to go after Sara, Amaya got in front of her and blocked her path. 

“Woah there, Aves.”

Ava hissed and forced her feet to stay grounded instead of skipping around her friend. Zari and Rip had taken Sara a good distance away, stopping when Sara finally quit fighting against them. 

Ava shook her head, rationality replacing her anger and filling her with shame when she noted the looks of surprise and shock on her fellow teammates. She dropped her shoulders and cleared her throat, addressing the other players.

“I’m sorry. I behaved in a way unfitting for a teammate, and especially a captain today. Don’t take my example as one to follow.”

Sara scoffed and jerked her arms from Rip and Zaris’ grasp. She stormed off the field without looking back. Rip rubbed his hand through his hair and shook his head. 

“Let’s just finish up early for the day. If a few of you could pick up the cones, that would be great. Think about the pointers I gave you and work on them. Ava, a word?”

Ava closed her eyes and breathed slowly in and out. Amaya tapped her hip.

“You’re good, Aves. You were out of line, but she was worse.”

Ava shook her head. 

“No. I’m the captain and I’m supposed to be better than this. I’ve never- she just…”

Ava shook her head and walked around Amaya toward where Rip had gone: toward the far goal and away from the other players. He didn’t look as furious as she expected, but he was definitely frustrated.

“That’s not who you are, Ava.”

She dropped her head. 

“I know, Coach. I’m sorry.”

He blew out a breath, a hint of amusement to his tone when he spoke.

“It’s less satisfying to scold somebody when they agree with you.”

Ava shrugged.

“I messed up. I’m not going to argue with you.”

“You did, but Sara’s response was unacceptable.” Ava studied Rip’s face, the way he seemed so distraught over the situation. He stuck his hands in his jacket pockets. “I know I’ve been too lenient toward Sara. I know you want to know why, and I’m sorry that it’s not my story to tell. I was hoping a looser approach to discipline would help her, but I don’t think it’s working. I will do better. But I need you to be this team’s captain. Don’t let her get under your skin anymore. I know how hard she tries to.”

Ava wanted more, she wanted Rip to suspend Sara from the team, to at least put her on probation. Yeah, Ava had fucked up in terms of being a captain, but Sara was a fucking chaos-bringer. It was bad for the team. Rip motioned toward the other girls. 

“It’s good you apologized so readily to the them. Thank you.” Ava nodded, and Rip let out a tired sigh. “Go ahead and head out. Cool down. Be ready for Wednesday morning.” 

Ava walked away without another word, her cleats pressing into the grass heavier than usual. She felt like an idiot. And she hated Sara Lance.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara was laying in her bed, arm thrown over her eyes and body thrumming with a mixture of anger and guilt. She wasn’t sure what had happened, really. Something about Ava drew out the competitor in her, the challenger.

Maybe it was the way the captain always liked to be in control. Sure, Sara has pissed her off and gotten her to react, but it had never gone beyond Ava letting out a few sharp words. The girl always reigned herself in. 

Maybe it was the way Ava had stood a few yards out from her line looking for all the world like she belonged in front of a goal. Sara had felt the stirrings of something strange in her chest as she had watched Ava do her thing. 

Either way, she’d wanted nothing more than to draw her out of herself, to push her beyond her limits. And she had. She’d successfully angered Ava Sharpe to the point that she fucking laid Sara out just to prove a point. 

It had been what she wanted. But when she’d seen Ava hurtling toward her and felt her connect, instant terror had flooded her. Ava had been so close to her knee, so close possibly ending her career. Possibly ending the only thing, she found, that brought her mother close without being painful. 

With the ball at her feet, she felt that nothing was insurmountable. Ava’s entire weight slamming into her body could’ve been the end of that, and she’d overreacted. Big time. 

She’d been in fights before. It wasn’t unheard of for her to be the one that initiated them. But she knew the moment she tackled Ava to the ground that she’d seriously fucked up. And of course, Ava had fucking apologized for her behavior instantly, making Sara feel worse.

Sara groaned loudly just as the door opened, and she lifted her arm slightly to reveal Zari with her drawstring. Sara had committed the taboo of walking on concrete with her cleats in lou of grabbing it before she left. 

Sara wouldn’t admit it, but she felt real relief when Zari chuckled and shook her head at her. Sara wasn’t always great at making friends. She was opinionated, stubborn, and she didn’t like most people. She’d obviously had friends growing up, it they were replaced every few years when she would switch teams or get sick of her old ones. 

Zari was different than most people though, just like Sara. And the idea that she’d pushed her roommate away, even though said roommate probably didn’t even think Sara liked her, had been a depressing thought.

“You’re kind of an idiot.”

Sara dropped her forearm back down and sighed. 

“I am aware.”

Zari must’ve tossed her drawstring onto her bed, because Sara heard and felt a soft thud. 

“No, really, you are dumb.”

Sara rolled over and pressed her face into her pillow. 

“Fuck off.”

She felt another dip and pulled her arm away to find Zari sitting on her bed, giving Sara a look.

“You’re coming to the next team outing. And you’re going to apologize.”

Sara knew that it wasn’t an unreasonable request, but her first instinct was always to disagree.

“How about I don’t do those things?”

Zari raised her eyebrows like Sara was stupid. Sara wondered how many ways Zari could get that message across in at ten-minute period. Three so far. Sara grimaced and slumped further into her bed.

“Fine.”

Zari’s insulting look morphed into a pleased grin and she slapped Sara’s leg.

“Great. Now, come on. No time to mope around. We’re going to grab a coffee before class.”

Sara shook her head vehemently.

“I still have two and a half hours before I even have to think about class.”

Zari shook her head, and Sara was beginning to think becoming friends with somebody as stubborn as her was a bad idea.

“I am getting coffee, and I can’t have you packing up and leaving while I’m gone. Get your butt up and shower. You smell.” She stood, then added, “Dummy.”

And there was number four. Sara rolled herself lazily to her feet and headed for the shower. 

~~~~~~~~

They walked in companionable silence through campus, both carrying their backpacks. Sara had her hands closed around the straps, and she’d opted for a casual look; athletic shorts and an old warm-up. She had on long socks and slides that had seen better days. 

Zari lead the way to the library and into one of the two coffee shops on campus. As they waited in line, Zari finally spoke. 

“So the team is doing intramurals; softball and volleyball. You’re joining.”

Sara grimaced.

“I thought it was the next team outing? Not an extended commitment.”

Zari moved forward with the line and shot Sara a look over her shoulder.

“I think it’d be good to see how you work in a team setting.” Sara grumbled ‘not well’ under her breath and crossed her arms. Zari grinned. “Don’t worry, Lancelot. We’ll get you in tip-top shape in the, ‘communicating with others’ skill.”

Zari ordered first, then motioned for Sara to say what she wanted, ignoring Sara’s protests that she could buy her own. While they waited, Zari continued the intramural thread.

“So can you play any other sport besides soccer? Or are you going to be a disappointment?”

Sara shot her roommate an exasperated glare.

“Why did I think it was a good idea to befriend you?”

“I mean, you kind of cried yourself into it, so…”

Sara could appreciate a sick burn at any point, even at her expense. It was doubly amusing because Zari didn’t coddle her or apologize for being insensitive. 

Their drinks were set on the counter in front of them, and Sara tapped hers against Zari’s. 

“Touché.”

Zari slapped Sara’s shoulder and tilted her head toward the couches.

“Come on. You can tell me how you plan on apologizing to the entire team _and_ Ava.”

Sara dropped onto the semi-comfortable cushion and groaned.

“You should be asking how I plan not to tackle her again when I see her in class in a couple hours.”

Zari chuckled and kicked her feet up on the table in front of them. 

“Yes, it would be good to keep your hands to yourself. At least with negative intentions.”

“What other intentions would I have?”

Zari raised a brow.

“I mean, Ava is hot as fuck. Not exactly my type, but I’m sure a lot of people wish they could put their hands on her in a positive way.”

“I think we all know your type. Perfect skin, curly, dark hair, slept in your bed last night.” Zari blushed, and Sara didn’t push it, instead focusing on the other part of Zari’s statement. “Anyway, Ava isn’t my type either.”

Zari frowned.

“You’re not a little gay? I got such a vibe from you.”

Sara pointed at her accusingly.

“Hey, I’m definitely sixty percent gay. Blanket term: bisexual.”

“So you’re saying that your bi, but you don’t think Ava is hot?”

Sara hadn’t really thought about her captain and attraction in the same pool. Ava brought out more negative emotions: anger, annoyance, frustration. Basically anything related to having one’s nerves gotten on. But objectively… Ava was, well, she was stunning. Sara frowned, displeased that she’d attached that word to her captain. 

Ava was type-A, unreasonable, and so meticulous that Sara wanted to rip out her hair. 

“She’s so annoying.”

Zari held up a finger.

“That doesn’t mean she isn’t hot. Come on, Sara.”

Sara fiddled with the lid of her coffee cup and settled back into the cushions. Ava was hot. Sara knew that. It was a fact that had secured a spot for itself in the back of Sara’s head from the moment she met her. Ava was tall and strong and her cheekbones stood proudly on her face. Her eyes… Sara had only ever seen them angry when they were aimed at her, but their blue was still captivating. Sara cleared her throat.

“She’s alright.”

Zari gave her a disbelieving look, but she let the subject go in favor of drinking her coffee. Sara spent the rest of their time before class trying to push the thoughts she’d just allowed to surface about Ava back into the pit they came from. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara hadn’t known what to expect when she saw Ava in their history course, and she wasn’t all that surprised that Ava had gone with the silent treatment. Really, it was the ‘you don’t exist’ treatment, because Sara could somehow feel how hard Ava was trying to not think about her. 

The idea of her captain not speaking to her left her wanting for something she couldn’t name. Despite how heated they got in their arguments, Sara had secretly enjoyed her verbal spats with Ava. She liked watching Ava’s jaw muscles contract in anger, and she thought it was hilarious the way her nostrils would flare even as she tried to remain calm. Ava was distracting, and arguing with her kept Sara from thinking. Anything that kept Sara from thinking was a good thing.

Because of that, when class ended, and Ava beelined for the exit, Sara jammed her notebook back into her backpack and took off after her. Ava was already turning down the hall toward the doors when Sara caught up. 

“Sharpe, hold up.” Ava didn’t look in her direction. Sara huffed. “Look, can you just stop for a second? I want to apologize.”

“There’s no need.”

Sara smiled at Ava’s acknowledgment of her presence even as the captain seemed to internally scold herself. Sara hopped in her path and brought Ava to a halt. When she tried to move around, Sara moved with her. 

“I want to. Please.”

Ava wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“Apology accepted. Move.”

Sara frowned.

“Doesn’t seem very Captain-like for you to write off a bad player exhibiting good behavior.”

Ava’s jaw ticked, and the familiar rush of a challenge filled Sara. Her captain’s voice was even when she responded.

“You should let other people tell you what’s good. Labeling your own actions is arrogant.”

Sara grinned.

“Look at that. Come on, Ava. I know you want to glare at me and tell me everything I’ve done wrong in the past six hours.”

Aaaand the nostril flare. Sara felt accomplished. Ava stepped to the side in an attempt to bypass Sara again, but Sara just moved with her. 

“Come on, Sharpie. I am sorry I tackled you to the ground. I promise I wouldn’t have punched you.”

Ava shook her head in frustration, her cheeks coloring to show it.

“You just don’t get it! It’s not just you that fucked up. I fucked up. But I _never_ fuck up. You’re like a fucking bloodhound, sniffing out every single way to piss me off until I snap. So I’m just going to ignore you. Got it?”

Sara’s eyes widened and she crossed her arms.

“First of all, you piss me off too. Secondly, it’s more fun to fight than whatever you’re suggesting.”

Ava rolled her eyes. Eyes that still hadn’t focused on Sara’s.

“You would say that.”

Sara shrugged.

“I’m just being honest. I tend to do that.”

“No, you’re just an asshole.”

Sara grinned. 

“Also true. Come on, Ava-cado. There’s no way you can just ignore me on the field. Your actual job is to stop me from being a dick to everyone.”

Finally, Ava’s eyes snapped to hers. 

“You’re so fucking annoying. Jesus Christ. You expect that everything revolves around you, and when it doesn’t, you get all butthurt. Well tough shit, Lance. I’m sure you’ll find that you’re not on people’s minds as much as you think.”

Ava’s chest was rising a bit faster and her eyes were boring into Sara’s with that same intensity they always had. Sara grinned smugly and patted Ava’s arm. 

“There she is. Have a good day, Sharpie.”

Sara walked away with a strangled snarl from her captain in her wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos/comments are always awesome. Also, any constructive criticism you might have.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for all the continued support on this fic and my other ones :) You guys are amazing. 
> 
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> 
> **Comment with your tumblr username below if you want a new friend lol (it’s me. I’m the new friend).**
> 
>  
> 
> This is unedited.

Things mostly returned to normal after Sara’s “apology,” as Zari called it while gesturing quotation marks with her fingers. According to her, Sara saying sorry to Ava and then immediately antagonizing her cancelled it out. 

Sara had joined the team on a run Tuesday afternoon, giving the them a casual “sorry about yesterday” that had Ava rolling her eyes and starting the run early. 

Sara had even behaved her best during Wednesday’s training scrimmage, though it had been easier not to be a bitch when Ava was on her team, therefore, on the opposite side of the pitch. 

Sara had felt her lack of practice sorely, her feet a millisecond slower and her eye for the field out of use. But she’d done well, scoring two times in a forty-minute game. 

It had also given her a chance to check out the skill of her teammates. And, despite knowing how good the Knights were, seeing them in action was a whole new thing. Even with five new players to grease into the already efficient team, they worked well together. 

Sara would never admit it to anyone, but listening to and watching Ava command the field the way she did from her goal was captivating. She was encouraging and patient, but that was easily shifted to severe when needed. 

The respect Ava seemed to command from her teammates was rare, and Sara knew, despite her dislike, that she was a special player. 

Off the field, Sara spent more time with Zari that week than she had the first month of school. It was easy for some reason, the two just sliding into each other’s schedules. Zari wasn’t ever a touchy-feely kind of girl, and she had a similar emotional intolerance as Sara’s. They didn’t talk about their feelings at all, in fact, but Zari seemed to understand that being alone led Sara to bad places. Logically, that meant that Zari didn’t let her stay to herself. 

Sara put up a fight whenever her roommate dragged her to team events, but she never hated them like she pretended to. Amaya was always the perfect equalizer in the group, and she kept Ava from biting Sara’s head off, just as Zari would smack Sara for being a dick. 

Most said ‘team events’ were just ways for Ava to make them suffer; usually consisting of long runs and sprints. There hadn’t yet been a group gathering in which Sara would be required to sit and talk to people without something like not being able to breath or just being faster to give her an excuse not to socialize. 

Today, that would change. Amaya had sent out a group text to everyone on Thursday telling them not to make plans Saturday. Apparently, they were having a potluck. They were all told to invite whoever they wanted, and Sara had groaned loudly at the idea of having to meet new people in addition to speaking to her teammates. 

She was sitting in the backseat of Amaya’s car, the radio blasting some alternative station that Sara didn’t exactly hate. She listened to rock as a rule, but at least this didn’t make her want to jam screwdrivers into her ears. 

She had six shopping bags on the seat beside her, their contribution to the potluck that they had to make at Amaya’s apartment. Sara wouldn’t have minded really, but Amaya’s apartment just also happened to be Ava’s apartment, and fuck if she wanted to spend extra time with the captain. 

She’d attempted to argue her way out of going early, but she was ultimately defeated by Amaya begging her and Zari’s bullying. They’d gone to the store, loaded up a cart of items that Amaya claimed Ava would throw a fit over, and loaded back into the car to head to the apartment. Sara assuaged her annoyance with the pleasant fact that Ava would hate her choice in appetizer. 

In the passenger seat, Zari was trying and failing not to stare at Amaya, and Sara kept smirking at her any time she looked back. That would, in turn, prompt her roommate to flip her off. It was a good distraction from the impending doom the next two hours would be. 

Soon enough, they were pulling up outside of quaint-looking apartment building wit shrubbery and flowers decorating the walking paths and entrances. Amaya led the way as they carried the sacks up two flights of stairs to a 27E. Amaya kicked the door several times instead of knocking, and it opened a few seconds later to Ava’s annoyed glare.

“You have a key.”

Amaya grinned and hip-checked Ava as she walked past. Zari mumbled a hello and slipped inside, leaving Sara to face off with Ava. She found her eyes drawn to fitted soccer warm-ups that somehow made Ava’s legs look longer. It was obvious that Ava was dressed down, but Sara found it a little unfair that she looked so carelessly good. 

“Sharpie.”

Ava rolled her eyes, stepping further back and motioning after Zari. 

“Just go inside before I lock you out, Lance.”

Sara scoffed.

“Please, by all means, lock me out. Then I could go home.”

Amaya’s head popped around the corner.

“I drove for this very reason. Ava, don’t encourage Sara’s anti-social tendencies.”

Sara stepped into the apartment as Ava closed the door. 

“Why? They’re so good for the rest of us.”

Sara kicked her shoes off, giving the open living room a once-over. 

“You sure know how to make a girl feel welcome, Cappie-tan.”

The warm colors that filled the apartment weren’t necessarily surprising to Sara. The walls err the basic cream that all apartment walls seemed to be, but the chair and sofa were light-brown leather and there were Christmas lights strung along the ceiling in a way that allowed them to swoop down. There was music playing, some kind of indie-alternative beats Sara didn’t recognize. 

The kitchen was just off the living room, a little window between them with a counter and bar stools on the living-room side. The kitchen itself was narrow and long, allowing for all the appliances while also not taking up much room. 

Sara set her bags on the counter and dumped them out. 

“What do you plan to make with,” Ava moved closer, “cream cheese, bacon, and jalapeños.”

Sara glanced around the kitchen, looking for a knife. 

“Jalapeño poppers.” Sara could almost feel Ava’s grimace, and she turned around to match it with a smirk. “Don’t worry, I know some people can’t handle the heat. I won’t be offended if you don’t try them. Got a knife?”

Ava’s eyes narrowed at her. 

“One, I love spicy food. Two, I’m not giving you a knife. Who knows how long it’ll be until you stab me with it.”

Amaya groaned and slid a knife towards Sara. 

“Are you guys going to do this the whole time?”

Sara picked up the knife and proceeded to spin it in her hand, gleefully grinning at Ava’s surprise and wariness. 

“I would never, Sharpie.” Sara looked at Amaya innocently. “She started it.”

Ava huffed, her nostrils doing their flare.

“Are you a child?”

Amaya threw up her hands. 

“Oh my God.” She pointed out of the kitchen. “Ava, show Sara around the apartment before I kill you both. Get all your bickering out of the way before you come back.”

Sara thought she actually saw the start of a pout on Ava’s face before it vanished.

“Why does she need to see the apartment. Hopefully she won’t be here often enough to require knowledge of its layout.”

Sara nodded despite disliking agreeing with Ava. 

“Yep. What she said. No tour needed.”

Amaya just raised an eyebrow and nodded forward, her hand still gesturing for them to get out. Ava’s jaw clenched and she- Sara would call it petulantly- stormed out of the kitchen. When Sara didn’t follow right away, Amaya flicked at towel at her. 

“Go.”

Sara groaned and huffed after Ava, throwing a glare over her shoulder when Zari started laughing. Ava had already disappeared from the living room, and Sara looked down the right hallway that branched off to find her standing with her arms crossed in front of a closed door. 

“This is the bathroom.”

Sara didn’t approach, but slowly nodded.

“Riveting presentation. Continue.”

Ava didn’t seem amused. 

“I’m surprised you know that word.”

Before Sara could respond, somebody smacked her arm. She turned to find Amaya standing there. 

“Wait to bicker until we can’t hear you. Ava, show her your cats.”

Sara grinned, shooting Ava a look.

“God, you’re such a lesbian.”

Amaya smacked Sara’s arm again, and Ava huffed her way down the opposite hall, hissing “I hope they scratch you” as she passed. 

Sara followed Ava curiously. She would definitely consider herself a dog person, but she wanted to see Ava’s room. She wondered if it was stark white and black. Maybe she stuck with her binder theme and added some gold. 

When Sara reached Ava’s door, she came to a stop. Ava’s room was a mix of grays and navy and splashes of color that brought a life to the space that Sara hadn’t expected. A large, queen bed rested against the wall, a soft-looking gray comforter tightly tucked and folded. But on top of that, a navy and peach blanket with black patterns zigzagging across it rested. The pillows were the same navy color. 

There were two large bookshelves taking up most of one wall, and Sara wasn’t surprised that every single shelf was full. She was surprised that only half of the items on said bookshelves were books. Taking up the top shelves on both were what looked like board games, trophies, and movies. 

The shelves themselves were a bold grey, and the edges were trimmed in peach. Sara didn’t plan on telling Ava, but she liked the room. 

“For somewhere with such a distaste for color, you sure have a lot of it.”

Ava glanced around her own room, her cheeks looking slightly pink. 

“I don’t— I like colors.”

Sara’s eyes fell to the cat tower and she moved toward it, mumbling.

“Just not on your binders, then?”

She didn’t hear a response from Ava, but she was quite distracted by the two cats curled up next to each other. She made her way over and studied the gray, graceful cat and the fluffy giant. The gray one stretched and meowed, it’s head nudging up the moment she stuck her hand out, and Sara grinned and scratched behind its ears.

“Solo likes everyone.”

She had a feeling Ava was trying to tell her she wasn’t special, but she ignored her. She also kept her hand away from the grumbling growl that was continuously from Solo’s companion. The fluffy monster was glaring at her, it’s mouth open and ready to strike. Sara studied it, finding it beautiful despite the vicious teeth bared at her. 

Very slowly, so as not to startle it, she lifted her free hand into the cat’s view. Ava spoke behind her. 

“Gigi doesn’t like people.”

Sara’s brain connected the dots immediately at the name, and she paused momentarily in her attempt to get Gigi to like her in order to smirk back at Ava. 

“Solo and Gigi? Hope Solo and Gianluigi Buffon?”

Ava’s jaw clenched as if she expected Sara to make fun of her, but Sara was already turning back to Gigi. He was still growling at her, but she slowly lowered her hand until it was near his head. With lightning-quick reflexes, Gigi’s paws caught Sara’s hand and his claws latched on. She grimaced, but allowed him to aggressively sniff and bite at her hand. 

“I told you, Gigi doesn’t like…”

Ava trailed off as Gigi suddenly stopped biting Sara’s hand and rubbed his head against her palm. His claws hadn’t detracted yet, but a loud rumble unlike the growl sounded from the cat. He purred and continued to rub his whiskers on her. After a bit, he let go of her hand and rolled onto his back, meowing and showing his belly. 

Sara carefully reached over and ran her fingers through the softest fur she’d ever touched. Gigi’s eyes closed as she pet him. 

“How fitting that my demon-cat likes you.”

Sara was mesmerized enough by the cute wiggle of Gigi’s body that she didn’t feel the need to insult Ava back. Sara brought her other hand up and she scratched along his jaw and along his neck. His purring got louder, and Sara found herself smiling at the fluffy creature. She glanced back to find Ava glaring at Gigi like he was a traitor and she laughed. 

“Pissed that your cat loves me?”

Ava rolled her eyes. 

“It makes sense that one spawn of Satan would like another.”

Sara raised her brows and blew out a breath.

“Bringing out the big guns today, aren’t we, Sharpie? Why don’t you talk about ending my career some more.”

It was a joke, mostly. Sara knew that Ava hadn’t actually meant that. But her captain’s face twisted to encompass both annoyance and guilt. 

“You know I didn't mean— I’m sorry I said that.”

Sara shrugged, hiding her surprise at Ava’s apology. 

“I know. No worries.” Not liking the lack of animosity, she added, “besides, it’s not like anything you could do would ever stop me for good. I’d come back and kick your ass.”

Ava rolled her eyes and motioned out of her room. 

“Let’s finish this stupid tour so I can ignore you the rest of the night.”

Sara rubbed once more over Gigi’s belly before stepping away.

“Finally. I thought you’d keep me locked away for the duration of the party.”

She passed through the door into the hall and Ava scoffed.

“Like I’d knowingly leave you around my stuff.”

They walked down the hall still arguing, and Amaya shot them an annoyed glare as they reached the kitchen. 

“You guys could try not fighting for a couple minutes, you know? It’s not that hard.”

Sara held out her hands innocently. 

“I can’t help that your roommate is so combative.”

Ava scoffed.

“I could stand in a room and do and say nothing and you’d still find something to poke fun at.”

Sara leaned against the counter and grinned. 

“Have I hurt your feelings, Sharpie?”

The nostril flare and the jaw roll paired together nicely to make one furious Ava. She moved to get in Sara’s space, just enough that Sara would really notice their disproportionate heights. Amaya slipped between them and pushed at Ava. 

“You guys are the fucking worst. Ava, do your homework. Sara, make your poppers. Jesus Christ, I’m not supposed to be your babysitter.”

Ava stalked out of the kitchen and Sara gave her a little wave, her smirk turning to sheepish apology when she saw the glare being shot her direction. 

“What?! She was just mad that her cat liked me.”

Amaya pointed to Sara’s bleeding hand.

“It doesn’t look like he liked you.”

Sara grimaced and stuck her hand under the sink to clear off the punctures. 

“This was just a warning to pet nicely. He let me give him belly rubs.”

Amaya snorted and went back to chopping up bell peppers into thin slices.

“I’ll believe it when I see it. Get to scooping. You have a lot of jalapenos to clean and cut.”

Zari was standing with a bowl in her hands and a large rectangle of aluminum foil. 

“Well, while you guys took away, I’m going to watch your tv.”

Amaya’s glare at Sara instantly morphed into a pout at Zari. 

“Aw, you don’t want to help me build the vegetable platter?”

Zari hesitated, obviously torn. 

“I got something easy for the very reason of being done quickly. It’s not my fault you guys are so generous with your time.”

Amaya’s lips turned down further, and she set down her knife to grab at Zari’s shirt.

“Come on. You can help me with the carrots. Please?”

Zari barely put up a fight before she was slumping and picking up the back of carrots. Amaya grinned like the Cheshire Cat and went back to work cutting the peppers. Sara feigned shock. 

“Uh, I want my own, personal Zari to help with my jalapenos!”

Zari glowered at her.

“Fuck off, Lance.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

People began arriving an hour later, Helen and Lily walking in first with two guys. Lily threw several bags on the chair and collapsed onto Amaya and Zari on the couch. 

“I swear, if I have to hear these idiots argue about how the Philadelphia Hippos lost to the New England Parrots because of Ashton’s lack of grip strength, I’m going to have my ears removed.”

Sara glanced up to see the two guys with her looking tremendously offended. One spoke with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed. 

“You’re purposefully and cruelly getting it wrong. Don’t be rude.”

Helen picked up the dropped shopping bags and carried them to the kitchen while Amaya smiled at the guys and patted Lily’s butt. 

“You expect any less, Nate? She’s always had a mean streak.”

Nate rolled his eyes and started to follow Helen, but he backtracked and flashed a charming grin. 

“Hello, I’m Nate.”

He was talking directly to Sara, and she rolled her eyes. 

“I am aware.”

He wasn’t put off by her lack of response, instead slinging his arm around his friend. 

“This is my buddy, Jax.”

Jax shoved his friend off playfully and nodded at Sara. 

“Hey, sorry about this moron.”

Zari leaned forward and waved a hand. 

“Hello, another person here.”

Nate’s grin widened and he waved.

“Hey, yes, we know. But you’re strictly off-limits because Amay-“

Amaya practically threw Lily off of her lap and made a strangled noise. 

“Let’s get all your shit in the kitchen.” 

She grabbed Nate’s bicep and yanked him away, muttering what Sara assumed were insults in his ear. 

Lily lazily climbed back onto the couch and placed her hands behind her head. 

“Sooo, what are we watching?”

Zari motioned vaguely at the television. 

“Amaya chose. Some historical documentary.”

Lily made a gagging noise and grabbed the remove, swiftly backing out and clicking on recently watched. 

“We’ll go with a comedy so that everyone can enjoy. If you don’t like humor, you can fuck off anyway.”

Jax rolled his eyes and walked around the couch to sit in the recliner, which happened to be right beside Sara. 

“I promise my friend is harmless.”

Sara smiled, something about Jax comforting in a brotherly type of way. 

“I know, I figured the people my teammates hang out with can’t be that bad. I’m Sara.”

“Good to meet you. You’re a frosh this semester?”

Sara hated that term, and she rolled her eyes while settling back into the couch. 

“I am.”

Jax sat forward with his elbows on his knees, an amused smirk on his face.

“How goes playing under Sharpe? She scared the shit out of you, yet?”

Lily leaned forward and snorted unattractively. 

“Please, Lancelot gives our Scava a real run for her money. You should see these two go at it.”

“Spreading exaggerated gossip again, Lils?”

Sara tensed slightly at Ava’s voice approaching them, and she turned around to give the girl a once-over. Ava had changed into jeans and a light-blue t-shirt, her hair still pulled into the same sloppy bun. Sara grinned.

“I don’t know, Sharpie. I’d say her summary is pretty spot on.”

Ava’s brow slanted down, and Lily made a ‘see’ gesture. 

“Oh my god, get ready to witness the reason our team is going to fall apart this year.”

Ava shook her head. 

“Our team will be fine. I’m sure Lance will come around at some point and stop being such a Jackass.”

Sara bristled, not down with everything being blamed on her.

“I’m sure that-“

Amaya burst into the room and shouted.

“Oh my fucking God, Ava, Sara, can you not be in the same room together without arguing like a married couple? It would be great for everyone else.”

Both Ava and Sara responded immediately. 

“Like I’d marry her.” “Gross.”

Jax let out a slow whistle and nodded at Lily. 

“I see what you’re saying.” He made himself comfortable in his chair. “This should be a fun night.”

Ava left for the kitchen with one last glare at Sara, and Amaya pointed at Zari.

“Please, keep a muzzle on your roommate.”

Sara flashed a vicious smile.

“But I like to bite.”

Amaya huffed and followed Ava into the kitchen. Zari slugged Sara’s arm. Hard. Sara hissed and pulled away.

“What was that for?”

Zari snickered. 

“Because you’re a bitch. Now watch the show or I’ll find a gag.”

Sara huffed and shoved at Zari’s shoulder. 

“Like you could get a gag in my mouth.”

Lily swing a pillow that somehow hit both Sara and Zari in the face. 

“Shush, peasants. I’m trying I watch my spirit animal.”

Nate returned to the room and plopped down on Jax’s lap, holding on tightly when Jax tried to shove him off.

“If your spirit animal is Gina, mine is Jake.”

Jax gave up on trying to shove Nate off of him, instead standing and letting Nate fall slowly to the floor. 

“I’m going to help in the kitchen.”

Lily turned from the tv to give him a serious look.

“Make sure to take notes on all the angry things Ava says about Sara. Please and thank you.”

Sara held up a hand.

“I want a copy.”

Jax looked at them like they were both crazy. 

“Like I’d do something to piss off Vada Ava.”

Zari grimaced.

“Why do you guys have so many stupid nicknames that revolve around how scary Ava is?”

Nate plopped himself down in Jax’s vacated seat and steepled his fingers.

“Because Ava Sharpe is the nicest person in the world. Until she isn’t. You’ve never seen her on the field during a game. The transformation is unreal.”

Zari rolled her eyes.

“I’ve seen her get in a physical altercation with Sara here. I think I’ve seen Ava mad.”

Lily leaned forward, shaking her head. 

“That’s like, Ava personally mad. Nate is talking when Ava is in game-mode. It’s fucking terrifying.”

Sara pursed her lips, trying to imagine Ava’s face any meaner than when she’d tackled her to the ground. It was relatively difficult to imagine. Then again, she’d only known the girl for a month. 

Zari smirked at her.

“Looks like you have something to look forward to, Sara.”

Sara rolled her eyes and focused back on her own spirit animal: Rosa Diaz.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The apartment was full of food that smelled delicious and voices of teammates and friends. Some guy named Mick had carried in twelve chairs on his beefy arms, followed by several others with chairs and a couple tables that they set up behind the couch in the large living area. 

Sara had tried to stay out of the way as much as possible while everything was laid out on the counters and tables. There was a butt-load of food, and she spied a couple cases of beer being stuffed in the fridge. She had a feeling Ava would be a stickler about underage drinking though, so she avoided it. There were probably around thirty people in the apartment, enough to make it seem like a party, but not enough to be too crowded. Yet. 

Apparently, there were still people yet to arrive. Including Rip, who was apparently bringing his wife. Sara hadn’t even known the man was married. 

She’d made a bit of small-talk with Jax about her first weeks at UCF, but he’d been pulled away by an older gentleman in a lab coat that she learned was Lily’s dad. It was a weird mix of people, but the atmosphere was warm and she didn’t hate her entire existence because she was there. 

Rip still hadn’t shown up by the time that all the food was prepared, so Ava called the group to attention.

“Thanks for coming here tonight. It’s good to seem familiar faces, and it’s great to meet new ones. Rip texted me to say he’d be running late, so we’re going to go ahead and start without him. Two rules: spill on my couch and you buy it. And no underage drinking. I would also suggest that my team refrain, but I know you guys don’t like listening to me.”

A round of cheers from the team sounded, and Ava rolled her eyes. Amaya clapped her hands once and smiled.

“Dig in. And Mick, Jax, and Nate? Save some food for everyone else.”

Three deep-voiced protests sounded, and Sara found herself grinning. Zari sidled up to her.

“See, it’s not the worst thing in the entire world, is it?”

Sara shrugged, looking suspiciously at the two cups in her roommate’s hands.

“It’s alright. What do you have there?”

Zari grinned and passed a cup to Sara. 

“Amaya says the second rule is flexible. She’ll be sneaking us our drinks tonight.”

Sara took the cup and smirked, taking a long drink.

“Ava is going to flip shit if she sees I have this.”

Zari scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Why do I have the feeling you want her to see you have it?”

Sara shrugged and took another long pull. She made a pleased hum.

“Can you blame me? She’s so funny when she’s mad.”

Zari huffed, grabbing Sara’s arm.

“Come on, idiot. Let’s get food. Just tell me that you won’t tackle her to the ground in her own home?”

Sara held out her free hand.

“I mean, I can’t make any promises. Who knows what she might do to piss me off.”

Zari frowned, shaking her head.

“I swear to God, Sara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompts are welcome for Avalance. I love them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And awaaaaayyyy we go. Thank you to everyone who has been leaving Kudos and Comments for this story. 
> 
> This is unedited. Very unedited. Lol

Ava grinned when she saw her lab partner awkwardly walk through the door. She’d invited him on a whim during their shared class, and he’d agreed with some comment about pickling carrots he grew with his roommates. He was an oddball, but he seemed to have an endless amount of kindness and optimism, and Ava liked being around him. 

She made her way through the crowd of people and caught his eye. He brightened considerably and waved, then held out a jar of carrots in a greenish substance. She tried not to grimace as she took them and tilted her head toward the table. 

“You know Jax and Lily. The rest of these people are my teammates and their friends. Feel free to a beer from the fridge. There’s no soda, but we have other drinks.”

Gary smiled and nodded, looking beyond her and waving at Lily. 

“It feels weird to see Dr. Stein outside of class.”

Ava shrugged.

“You get used to it after a while.” Ava motioned for the kitchen. “I’m going to set these out. Make yourself comfortable.”

Gary started to nod, but his eyes widened gleefully and he dug in his pocket to retrieve another jar. 

“This goes with them. It’s a homemade dip.”

Ava swallowed back a gag at the putrid green color and smiled.

“Thank you, Gary.”

She booked it to the kitchen and set the jars down beside Sara’s stupid jalapeno poppers. She thought about “accidentally” spilling the pickled carrots on them, but the bacon-wrapped side seemed to be a hit. She didn’t want Sara to have anything to hold over her head. And, she wasn’t that petty. Usually. Sara brought out a side of her that she wasn’t a fan of.

Speak of the child of hell… Sara walked into the kitchen with a solo cup in her hand and a stupid smirk on her face.

“Aw, I was wondering what you were bringing to the table.” Sara’s face pinched at the jar Ava had just sat down. “I mean, I didn’t expect you to have good taste, but this is another level of gross. What is it?”

Ava felt the telltale sign of uninhibited annoyance flood her system. 

“I didn’t bring it. And don’t call it gross.”

Sara gave her a doubtful look.

“Whatever you say, farmer Sharpe. If they’re not gross, why don’t you try one?”

Ava glanced at the jar and then glared at Sara.

“I’m not playing this game with you.” Ava sniffed. “Are you drinking beer?”

Sara’s smirk deepened, her lips twisting in that severely maddening way. 

“Don’t change the subject. We’re discussing what looks like... pickled carrots.” Sara grimaced. “Strange choice, honestly.”

Ava growled.

“They’re not mine. And I think the fact that you’re drinking underage is a bigger deal than me not eating a jar of carrots. Who gave that to you?”

Amaya swooped into the kitchen and grabbed Ava’s arm.

“I did. Come mingle before we have a shouting match.”

Sara leaned against the counter, a playful pout on her lips.

“Aw, come one, Amaya. I was just talking to Ava about her carrots.”

Amaya grimaced and shook her head, still pushing Ava toward the exit. 

“I don’t want to know what that means.”

Ava motioned behind her angrily. 

“She’s talking about Gary’s pickled carrots.”

Amaya covered her ears dramatically.

“I said I don’t want to know. It’ll somehow just start a fight.”

Ava let herself be manhandled into the crowded living room, her shoulders tense. Amaya squeezed them.

“Just relax and enjoy the party. Don’t be alone with Sara ever. Jesus. You guys are the worst.”

“She’s the worst.”

Amaya pushed Ava toward Lily and Jax. 

“Keep her away from Sara.”

Lily snickered.

“Oooh, you got in trouble with Mama Maya.”

Ava sighed and leaned against the wall.

“Lance is drinking underage.”

Lily’s dad appeared at her side.

“I think the American legal age for alcohol consumption is the reason we have so many cases of alcohol poisoning on college campuses and in general. It encourages binge drinking rather than partaking of a bit of alcohol with friends.”

Jax immediately jumped in.

“I agree. My little bro got into a bad situation with the law the other day because he was having a beer with his buddies. He’s nineteen and more mature than Nate. How does it make sense…”

Ava zoned out as the conversation carried on. It wasn’t that she disagreed. But Sara gad just left the kitchen with a plate full of poppers and potato chips. The captain in Ava wanted to shove a bunch of vegetables on her plate. The petty side that only recently appeared had Ava wanting to knock it out of Sara’s hands. 

Lily snapped her fingers in front of Ava’s face.

“You got a hard on for Lance or something? Is that what’s happening? You guys want to bone and you’re both too stubborn to admit it?”

Several emotions made their way through her at once, and deciphering them was difficult. She went with her first instinct. 

“I’d rather have sex with a man than Lance.”

Lily snorted and held up her hands.

“Okay, fuck. My mistake, Scava.”

Ava rolled her eyes.

“I’m going to get food.”

Lily pointed at her aggressively.

“Don’t go near Sara!”

Ava ignored her and went to the table, smiling at her teammates when she passed through them and waving at a couple new faces. She picked up a plate from the end of the table and started spooning a helping of baked Mac and cheese on it. A handful of bell peppers and hummus were next. 

She carefully sectioned the different helpings in their own triangle and moved to the kitchen to grab a bit of the potato casserole Nate and Jax had made. She was going to have to run an extra mile or two to work all the food off. 

Once finished, Ava made to leave the kitchen, but the jalapeno poppers stood out on the counter with their bacon and their cream cheese. Honestly, such a combination was wholly unfair. She glanced toward the kitchen entrance to make sure nobody was watching, then quickly snatched a popper and put it in her mouth. 

“I’m back for round two, Sharpie.”

Ava choked and tried not to spit out the unchewed jalapeño popper. Sara came further into the kitchen. 

“What are you eating?”

Ava felt tears in her eyes as she coughed while still trying to chew. Sara narrowed her eyes and glanced around, noting Ava’s closeness to the poppers. 

“Soooo, either you really did try a pickled carrot, or you’re eating the side I made. Is it good? I thought I got the bacon a little too cooked.”

Ava had something scathing to respond with, but she was still chewing and attempting to breathe. While she did that, Sara took a closer look at Ava’s plate, obviously seeing her perfectly sectioned system. With the audacity that Sara had presented since day one, she picked up another popper and smooshed it in the middle of Ava’s plate, making all the other items touch. 

“One to wash it down?”

And then she sauntered out of the kitchen with her hips swinging. Ava was tempted to hit her with her plate.

Fucking bitch.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The party had continued until around eleven, Rip had arriving an hour before the end without his wife, stating some work emergency. Ava had successfully avoided Sara for the rest of the night, but she’d caught the girl’s eye enough to know that Sara thought she’d won some silent competition. It grated on Ava’s nerves until she turned in early, claiming a headache. 

She threw on sweats, brushed her teeth, and threw herself onto her bed with enough force to disrupt Gigi on the corner of it. He hissed and jumped away toward his tree.

Ava maneuvered herself under the covers and let herself unwind after such a stupidly frustrating night. Sara Lance was a rotten egg, and Ava’s tactic of being passive didn’t seem to phase the girl at all. Somehow, she just kept coming back stronger. Maybe Ava going on the offensive, rather than always reacting to Sara, would knock the other girl off-balance. 

She sighed to herself. Fat chance. She’d seen what happened when she challenged Sara directly, and she couldn’t afford a repeat of Monday’s practice. Ava had seen something wild flash in Sara’s eyes right before she’d been tackled by her. The hit had been precise and effective, yet unhinged to an extent. Trying to bring that out of Sara, whether on purpose or by default, was a terrible idea.

Ava covered her eyes and groaned in frustration, trying to clear her head of the stupid freshman who was seemingly hellbent on ruining her semester. Instead, Lily’s comment from earlier teased its way into her thoughts, and Ava instinctively grimaced. 

Sleeping with Sara was a horrific thought. She couldn’t even stand being in the same room with the girl, how would she even go about… Ava shook her head, content with the idea that she was disgusted by Lance. Even if disgust seemed to feel less repulsive and more like a gross curiosity. A sick part of her suggested that Ava could finally get the upper hand if she had Lance literally pinned beneath her, but a clearing of her throat and a shift of her position shook that away.

No. Ava would just continue to remain calm until Sara became bored with her incessant badgering and found a new target. 

Solo meowed and jumped onto the bed, immediately walking over Ava’s chest without regard for her boobs. Ava had learned long ago that it was better to just let it happen. One more pass and Solo sat beside her, her front paws beginning to knead into Ava’s ribs.

Following Solo’s lead, Gigi dropped his asshole act and walked until he was literally sitting on Ava’s chest, waiting for Solo to finish her little routine before they both curled up on her left. It was almost nightly, the way it happened, and Ava found as much comfort in it as her cats did. 

She tucked her arm around both of them and closed her eyes, intent on not thinking anymore about her pain-in-the-ass teammate. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava spent the entirety of Sunday night talking to her mother and insuring her that she was still getting her work done even with ‘all that soccer stuff.’ It was draining, as most of her conversations with her mom happened to be. She was only able to relax and stop pacing when her father finally took the phone and turned the conversation to things she actually enjoyed talking about. At least, things she used to enjoy.

“How are the new recruits?”

Ava bites back a groan and settles into their living room couch, a tucking a blanket under her legs and laying her head on the cushion behind her. 

“They’re good.”

Her dad made a tutting noise that carried with it all the disbelief one could muster over the phone.

“Good? That’s it? Last year you gave me a detailed assessment of every new player; even some of the returning ones.”

Ava started picking cat hair off the peach blanket, shooting a glance at Gigi and Solo as they traipsed around the apartment like they owned it.

“There hasn’t been a lot of on-field work to go off yet.”

Her father hummed.

“Speed and agility wise? Strength? Communication?” A pause. “Attitude?”

Ava rolled her eyes. Her dad knew her well enough that sliding things past him was on the impossible side of difficult. He also knew he could just press for information until Ava caved. Letting out a long, tedious sigh, Ava fell into the trap that would ultimately lead to her discussing Sara.

“We have five new players. All extraordinarily talented in their own right. A couple aren’t as good as they think, but they’ll get there. The two standouts are a girl named Zari who transferred from Indonesia. She’s highly intelligent, rational, and her her finesse with the ball is top-notch.”

Ava paused, not wanting to compliment Lance in any way, shape, or form. Her dad immediately picked up on her reluctance and targeted it.

“And the other one?”

Ava’s brow dropped in annoyance and she adjusted the phone at her ear. 

“Sara Lance. Fast, precise, creative.”

“But?”

Ava waved as Lily walked past her into the kitchen.

“But she’s a snake. She thinks she can do and say whatever she wants.”

“What does Rip think about that?”

Ava ran a tired hand through her hair. 

“Rip is absurdly lenient with her. She’s taken actions that could have other players suspended. She gets a sharp word and that’s that.”

Her father was quiet for a moment, and Ava stewed in the annoyance that always threatened to overwhelm her.

“Does Rip have a tendency to choose favorites? He never seemed like that kind of man.”

That was another reason Ava disliked Sara. The situation was throwing her respect and trust in her coach out the window and replacing it with suspicion and doubt.

“He’s not. I don’t understand what she has over him.”

Her dad chuckled, a sound reaching Ava’s ears like he might be sitting on the bench swing outside her family home. 

“You’re always so quick to find the harshest conclusions, Gaffie.”

Ava rolled her eyes at the old name and kicked her feet onto the table.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

“Hardly. Have you considered the possibility that he is lenient because he thinks she needs it?”

The thought had crossed her mind. It had crossed Amaya and Zaris’ minds too if the way they talked about Lance was anything to go by. But Ava never experienced any side of Sara that wasn’t entirely aggravating. Sara never seemed sad or broken when she was making digs at Ava’s organizational habits and lifestyle. It completely baffled her that anyone was capable of having a conversation with the girl that didn’t end poorly. 

It’s not like she thought about what that might be like. Even if she attempted to be nice, she knew Sara would just throw it back in her face with a handful of salt mixed in for fun. The girl hated her, and Ava accepted that.

“I just don’t think that’s it.”

Her dad did the thing he always did when he felt particularly thoughtful, and the sound of rough fingers on overgrown stubble sounded through the speaker.

“Have you asked?”

“Not exactly.”

“Have you done any digging to see if this Sara might have a reason to be this...lizard?”

Ava huffed, knowing her dad got it wrong on purpose. 

“Snake. Creepy, unsettling, and aggressive”

“You know, snakes aren’t actually-“

Ava knew a long winded rant when she heard one.

“Dad, I don’t need a two-hour rundown on snakes.”

Her father huffed in an affronted manner, but she could hear the smile in his voice.

“Fine. I’m just saying, do a little digging. Isn’t social media for stalking? Look at her Facebook or something.”

It was a strange day when her forty-five year old father was telling her to spend more time on the internet. Still, Ava wasn’t really a huge fan of using social media applications beyond keeping up with her team. Amaya and Lily usually handled the invites anyway. 

“I’m not going to stalk my teammate, dad. Besides, nothing gives allowance for being such a shitty person.”

Her father chuckled.

“If you say so. Anyway, your mom, Ali, and I are planning on visiting you in a couple weeks. The date isn’t set, but I thought I’d let you know so you could mentally and emotionally prepare.”

Ava grimaced at the idea and tried not to sound displeased.

“Thanks for the heads up.”

“Anytime, kid. Hey, your mother is calling me to help her with dinner. I’ll let you get back to your homework.”

“My homework is done. I’m just going to watch a movie and go to sleep.”

Her dad laughed.

“Of course it is. Well, watch something stupid for me. Nobody else will.”

Ava smiled, her love for her dad easing her frustration. It was true that her dad seemed to enjoy the most corny and ridiculous movies, and nobody else in the family besides was ever willing to partake in the experience. 

“We’ll see. I love you, dad.”

“Love you, Gaffie.”

Ava sighed as she hung up the phone, her dad’s suggestion still in her head. She paused her lips and stared at her black screen for a minute until finally giving in. 

Facebook. Login. Forgot password. Login. Sara Lance. Ava studied the brilliant, white smile that flashed at her from the picture on the screen. There were three women in the photo: Sara, her skin tanned her her hair untamed and sun-touched, was on the right side, her arms wrapped possessively around an older woman in the middle. She looked a lot like Sara, and her smile was just as genuine and excited as Sara’s. There was a girl with darker blonde hair and a more angled face. She was rolling her eyes deeply and her arms were crossed against her chest.

It was a candid moment, one that made Ava’s stomach twist with an old jealousy. Her mother and Ali were two peas in a pod, and Ava had never quite fit properly. She quickly clicked to the next photo, only to immediately shut off her phone and toss it away. Nobody alive should look like that in a black Bikini. It just wasn’t safe for the rest of the world, really. 

Logically, it made sense that Sara was fit. But that? Ava shook her head. She held the power button on her phone until it shut off completely, not trusting herself to open the picture and close it again. Because she might vehemently dislike Sara, but she was gay as a t-shirt with the sleeves folded twice, and there was only so much denial she could cling to before it became embarrassing. 

Stalking Sara was a bad idea anyway. Social media was just dumb and shallow, and she didn’t feel the need to give into the stereotype that millennials don’t know how to exist outside of their phones. 

Ava continued to make excuses for herself as she pulled up Netflix and found Dumb and Dumber to pass the rest of her night. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

“Ladies! Let’s pick up the pace! If I see one more of you giving me 90% when I ask for a sprint, you’ll do this the rest of the session with no scrimmage.”

Sara was ticked off and tired, her lungs protesting the strain she was placing on them as she made her tenth lap of the field. Practice had started off badly, with sloppy passes and a lack of effort that had both Rip and Ava barking corrections. It had only gotten worse from there, with a three versus three possession drill that the team had half-assed led them to the point they were at now. 

“Fast jog.”

Sara picked up her speed, her endurance and quickness placing her near the front, leading the pack. Ava was purposefully behind everyone so she could snap at people who slacked off. 

“Sprint.”

Sara gritted her teeth and dug into the grass, her arms pumping and her heart racing violently. Some days, people had shitty days and they just weren’t on the top of their game. It was understandable, expected even. But when everyone’s shitty day happened to fall on the same day? A Monday morning session for a collegiate sport? That didn’t fly. 

The sprint lasted longer this time, Rip pushing everyone to their limits while still expecting flawless effort. Sara felt her chest pressing against her lungs, her throat dry and thick and making breathing more difficult. She heard the jagged breaths of her teammates behind her, and she felt the frustrated tension like a weight on her shoulders. 

“Jog.”

Sara gratefully slowed her pace, letting her lungs expand and her mouth drop open to take in large breaths. Ava’s voice rang behind them.

“Brynn, step it up! Stop lagging. Chloe, proper running form!”

Sara glanced behind her to see that Remi was the closest player to her, her pace smooth for now, but signs of wear were showing on her shoulders and face. Behind her, her other teammates were pushing themselves, but they were struggling. Helen’s form slipped every few strides, and Gwen was slowly but surely falling back toward the end of the line. Zari was maintaining pace, but her face was coated in sweat and she was breathing heavily. 

Sara looked at Rip in the middle of the field, his face set and arms crossed looking like he had no plans of stopping them anytime soon. Sara bit back the desire to point out that Ava was getting it easy at the back, not having to put forth her full effort and decided a more productive approach was needed here. 

With obvious movements, Sara slowed her jog and fell back in line with Remi, glad when neither Ava nor Rip said anything; though Ava probably just hadn’t seen her move. Remi hissed in frustration.

“I’d like to see his stupid ass running laps like this.”

Sara smirked through the pain huffed out,

“Already hitting your wall, Remi? Fuck, I thought you had more in you than that.”

Remi’s eyes darted to her and she narrowed them, wheezing.

“What are you playing at, Lance?”

Sara attempted a shrug and tried for nonchalance as she panted. 

“Just figuring out my team, I guess. Looks like I was wrong about you. I didn’t think you’d be one to stop fighting.”

“That’s a lot of big words coming out of your mouth, Lance.”

Sara saw the gear shift, the change in Remi’s eyes as the drill became less about a punishment and more about proving Sara wrong. An extra boost of adrenaline fueled with anger. Remi’s shoulders straightened and her jaw rolled in determination. Time to move on.

Sara fell further back, letting herself slip between Gwen and Helen as Rip shouted Sprint across the field. Sara rolled her eyes and shot forward, knowing that she might be able to slack on the jog, but sprinting was another matter. This sprint was short, and Sara fell back into a slower jog, moving back to the pair once more as they tried to maintain their jog. Helen looked confused by Sara’s presence, and Sara just shrugged.

“I figured I’d try and motivate you to try harder so that we could stop fucking running.”

Gwen shot her a glare.

“We are trying our best, Lance. Fuck yourself.”

Sara pointed at Remi ahead of them.

“She’s kicking your asses. Look at her go. Come on, I’ve seen you both barrel headfirst into another player in an attempt to get to the ball, but your determination slacks out when things are on the line for the whole team like this?”

It was the same reaction she saw in Remi, the defiance rising in their shoulders like a physical thing. Their forms straightened and their kicks were stronger. Sara grinned and slapped their shoulders, dropping to Zari.

“Step it up, bitch. You’re holding us back.”

It was always best to be agressive my forward with her roommate. Sara made a note to tell Amaya that. 

Zari slugged her arm, hard.

“You’re the bitch, bitch. Fuck you.”

Sara made a show of speeding up and slowing down just to show Zari that she was doing better, and Zari snarled and powered forward. 

That was that. The three ahead of them now were in the best shape along with Ava and Sara. They knew they were. And getting them to step up was a matter of goading and their competitive and less exhausted spirits would fight immediately to prove her wrong. 

The rest of the girls were another matter. 

“Sprint!”

Sara shot forward, quickly catching up to the four that had banded together. She spoke once Rip yelled ‘jog’ out once more. 

“What do you guys say us five get the rest of their asses on the move so we can end this stupid drill drill?”

Realization came it threes it seemed, and Zari slugged her again, hard.

“You’re a manipulative ass.”

Sara huffed. 

“It worked, didn’t it? Look, Rip will call this shit once everyone kicks into gear. They make a big deal out of working as a team, right? So let’s work as a team. I’d like my lungs in tact when this practice ends.”

Remi glanced behind them. 

“What do you suggest?”

Sara was able to lay out the simple plan after another sprint, and the girls quickly began falling back and surrounding the two furthest back that weren’t Ava. Helen smacked Chloe’s ass.

“Get a move on, ladies. Up to the team. Let’s go. You got this.”

The two girls let out noises of protest, but they dug deep and moved quicker, the six of them now encompassing the next group of four. Gwen moved into their group and Sara and Remi picked a side. Remi gripped the sleeves of the two closest girls.

“Time to find that last dredge of energy, babes. Come on.”

The girls didn’t have much of a choice as they were basically herded forward at a quicker pace. They caught the last five, and Sara sped up to get in front, wasting precious energy to half-turn and focus on her weary teammates.

“Let’s go, ladies. This is it.”

As if on cue, Rip tells them to sprint, and Sara’s lips curl up at the edges when she feels the force of her team at her back. She felt like a warrior, like they were all warriors, and she swore to everything that she’d punch Rip if he pushed them further than they were feasibly able to go. 

It came close. The sprint lasted longer than any of the others, dragging sharply against Sara’s chest and lungs. The girls were all breathing fast and hard, but Sara was proud to see on a flicker of a look that nobody was falling behind yet. 

She felt the reserves of her energy pound through her veins, and she looked over and made eye contact with Rip. He smiled.

“Jog one, walk it out half. Get water.”

The girls collectively heaved and stumbled out of their sprints, the high-pitched whine and hiss of several dying athletes sounding over the field. They lapped once at a jog, then finally brought it down to a walk and hit the halfway mark. Several of the girls collapsed onto the ground, and Sara found herself wanting to do the same. 

Instead, she breathed out several pants of relief, and started a solo walk toward the benches. The other girls would follow shortly. 

Rip met her at the bench, a look on his face she couldn’t decipher.

“What did you say to them?”

He seemed pleased, though she wasn’t sure if it was with her or the team as a whole. 

“I told them they sucked.”

Rip rolled his eyes and shook his head, an amused smirk appearing.

“Keep it up, Lance.”

She gave him a mocking salute and dropped onto the bench, ignoring how the hard metal dug into her thighs. She didn’t know why she felt so compelled to take a leadership role on this team. Generally, she found herself distancing herself from other players, focusing on herself. Here, she felt like she was expected to fail. 

She ignored the blatant image of Ava popping into her head. The captain so ready to assume she was a poor team player and a jackass. The girl that so readily assumed she’d require leadership to stay in line. 

In any other context, all those things were true. When other people expected said things, Sara embraced them and encouraged them. But Ava? She wanted to do everything in her power to prove her aggravating captain wrong. Even if it meant being a responsible team player. 

As it turned out, that desire to prove Ava wrong didn’t carry into any form of interaction between the two of them. Even after Sara was the motivator of the team, the one that got the running to stop, Ava was still a bitch. They’d been put on opposite teams for the scrimmage this time, and Ava had made sure Sara had to change into the pink shirt _again._ But, because Sara was an overall mess, she’d somehow forgotten to put the shirt into her bag. 

Ava had proceeded to use her as an example of what not to do by making her miss the first minutes of the scrimmage because she was doing a lap of the field. 

Sara was stewing by the time she filled out her team, her blood pounding heavily in her head and chest. She was brutally aggressive the moment her opportunity for revenge came. 

A mis-touch from a defender allowed her to get a foot in between the ball and the girl, and she use her body to knock the other play away. She made a beeline for the goal, her feet dancing around and wit the ball as she cut across another defender and used her speed to distance herself from her.

It left her with a wide open goal, and Sara moved in close, goading Ava from her box with a falsely long touch. She felt elation and smugness the moment Ava moved, and she headed straight for her. 

At the last second, Sara came to a complete stop, pulling the ball away from Ava’s sliding feet and knocking it behind her set leg. The ball just missed Ava’s fingers, and Sara followed it, a line drive hitting the back of the net seconds later. 

Sara sneered in Ava’s direction.

“Need to work on your coming out, Sharpe. That’s rather surprising considering....”

Ava’s brow formed low and angry, and Sara flipped her off before beginning her jog down the field. She only heard one shout of warning before a projectile knocked her in the back of her head and sent her stumbling several steps. 

Sara turned around angrily, adrenaline spiking and latching onto her muscles and spine. Ava had the audacity to pretend to be sorry.

“My bad, Lance. Your head is just so big.”

Sara saw the still bouncing ball as it headed slowly back toward Ava, and she sprinted at it, her laces connecting hard and flinging the ball fifteen feet right at Ava’s face. Her captain caught it right before it smashed into her face, and Ava shouted at her.

“What the hell is your problem, Lance?!”

Sara’s mouth dropped open.

“My problem?! You kicke-“

“LADIES!”

Sara’s mouth clamped shut as Rip appeared at their sides. Any progress Sara had made with him earlier seemed gone, and Sara ignored the pang of guilt in her chest. Ava didn’t seem to be calming down at all, her cheeks a bright red and her jaw muscles flexing. Rip snatched the ball from Ava’s hands and pointed to the sideline. 

“You’re both done. Laps the rest of practice. We’ll talk after.”

Ava tried to protest, but Rip just held up a hand.

“Not now, Ava. Start on opposite sides of the field so we don’t have anymore problems. Get going.”

Sara jerked away and moved in the opposite direction of her captain, her body still on high-alert. She heard Ava storm to the other side, and she hoped the other girl tripped on her own feet. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava was standing several feet from Sara, her arms crossed and her face as impassive as she could get it. She was mad at herself, mad at Sara, and she wanted to go home and shower.

Sara looked defiantly away from both Rip and her, her hands on her hips and her jaw set. 

Rip just looked between them with confusion and annoyance.

“This is ridiculous. Ava, you’re the fucking captain of this team. You can’t afford stupid mistakes like that.”

“It was an accident.”

Sara snarled.

“Bullshit!”

Rip pointed at Sara.

“And you. Can you just do what you’re supposed to for two goddamn seconds? Ever?”

Sara looked away angrily again, and Rip shook his head.

“I’ve had enough of your pointless bickering. It’s bad for the team and bad for you both. Ava, when you begin your goalie training Thursday, Sara will be replacing Lily as your partner.”

Ava’s mouth dropped open and she tried to go over the words Rip had just said. Sara looked startled.

“Seriously?!”

Ava shook her head.

“You’re tired of us fighting so you’re making us spend more time together? How does that make sense?”

Rip slung the bag of soccer balls over his shoulder.

“The team won’t be there to witness two players making idiots of themselves. Hopefully you’ll learn more about each other. Maybe then you’ll stop fighting and work as a team like you’re supposed to.”

Ava felt desperation creep into her voice.

“Rip-“

He shook his head.

“Don’t want to hear it. Tuesday and Thursday from now on. Figure out a time. Good luck.”

Both girls watched as Rip walked away, wholly sealing their fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought! Find me on tumblr under the same name!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a couple people aren’t a fan of how Sara and Ava treat each other, and it definitely had me thinking about whether I was doing the characters justice and working in the realm of reality.
> 
> I ultimately came to a conclusion (with the help of talking to some other readers), that I am doing them justice. I think Lexa-Lives-in-Us said it best: “Sara and Ava are being idiots and disrespectful towards each other? Yes. Are they right? no. Are they wrong? Not even. Ava reacts to someone who is CONSTANTLY trying to get a rise out of her and Sara finds comfort in doing so because it keeps her from thinking about her mom. It's a coping mechanism. Is it healthy? no, but Sara is the queen of unhealthy and wrong coping mechanism. And I mean, we all do that: we all find ways to survive, and that's hers. This is the way I see it. But I've also gone through traumas and unhealhty coping mechanisms myself. Some people have the luxury of living easy lives. Ergo, they don't understand.” 
> 
> And maybe it’s that you have been through stuff, and you just want to read things that are happy. Idk. But if you want soft Avalance and you enjoy my writing, I do have three fics in which there isn’t any of the animosity you see in this fic.
> 
> This is super-duper unedited.

_Unknown: When are you free Tuesdays and Thursdays?_

Sara stared at the message longer than she should have. It was a simple answer, really. Her afternoons were clear from three to six on both days. But being difficult had become her standard when dealing with Ava, and she wasn’t sure it was time to change that.

_New phone. Who dis’._

She didn’t have to wait long before she received a response, and her teeth bit down on her bottom lip as she tried not to smile at what Ava said.

_Unknown: I loathe you._

Sara spent a moment adding Ava’s contact information in her phone. She took great pleasure in naming her “Farmer Sharpie.”

_That’s rude. What did I ever do to you?_

Sara grinned as she sent it, knowing exactly the face Ava would make when she read it. A large part of her was disappointed she wouldn’t get to see it. 

_Farmer Sharpie: Just tell me when you’re free._

The lack of a comeback was rather disappointing as well, and Sara pursed her lips. She set her phone down rather than respond. 

She and Zari were supposed to leave for their routinely morning coffee session over twenty minutes ago, but her roommate was nowhere to be found. Sara thought about texting her, but something dark that had manifested after her mom’s death was a sense of insecurity she’d never really experienced before. 

It had really only come to fruition after she began hanging out with Zari and Amaya, and it made her feel weak to even think she cared what they thought of her. It made her wish she had never allowed herself to get close to them. On the flip side, having time in her day take up has helped keep her mind off of her mom. It hadn’t stopped the panic attacks completely. 

Sometimes Sara would see something that had her curled in her sheets and scratching her stomach. Sometimes it was a smell that went her off. Other times, it was nothing at all; just a deep, horrific pang of despair that her mom wasn’t there anymore. But the occurrences had changed from nearly every day to a couple times a week. 

She tried to convince herself that that was the only reason she cared whether Zari and Amaya remained her friend. The more she thought it, the less she believed it. 

Sara waited for five more minutes before she huffed and grabbed her bag off the ground. Zari didn’t have to always get coffee with her. It wasn’t like they’d specifically said that’s what they would do. She didn’t need anyone to coddle her. 

Just as she reached the door, hushed voices outside of it brought her to a stop.

“...to goooo. I was supposed to leave with Sara almost thirty minutes ago.”

“So go.”

There was a playful lilt to Amaya’s tone. Zari huffed dramatically.

“You have to let me go first.”

Sara’s eyes widened, her compilation of negative reasons Zari was taking so long completely thrown out the window. Maybe she wouldn’t need to tell Amaya to be straightforward after all. 

“Answer my question, Tomaz.”

“First you say go, then you won’t let me. I’m getting some mixed signals here, Maya.”

Zari was teasing, but Sara heard an element of nervousness to it that she thought was adorable. Not that she’d ever tell Zari that. She could most likely take Zari in a fistfight, but that wouldn’t stop her roommate from enacting revenge some other way; including, but not limited to, altering her grades. 

“Zari, will you go on a date with me? Tonight preferably.”

Sara backed away then, not wanting intrude on their moment whether they would know or not. She sat on her bed, pretending to be busy on her phone for when the door opened. It was another two minutes until it did. 

Zari came in looking completely out of sorts: her cheeks stained a deep red and her eyes looking anywhere but at Sara. 

“Hey, sorry I’m late. I was… sorry.”

Sara bit back a grin and shrugged.

“You’re good. Anything important happen?”

Zari’s eyes shot up at that, and she narrowed them in Sara’s direction.

“What do you mean?”

Sara held out her hands and stood, picking up her backpack for the second time.

“Nothing at all, Topaz.”

Sara did not call her that, and it didn’t take Zari long to figure out exactly what Sara was hinting at. Somehow, her roommate’s cheeks flushed harder.

“It’s rude to listen to people’s conversations, Lancelot.”

Sara chuckled and shrugged.

“I didn’t really mean to. You were standing outside the room I was trying to leave. Not my fault you decided to have a heart to heart where I would hear.”

Zari moved to her side and packed up her laptop and two textbooks she’d need for the day. She started walking for the door. 

“Let’s go, then.”

Sara smirked and trailed after her, letting Zari think she was safe for a few minutes before striking.

“Soooo, what happened at that party?”

Zari hunched her shoulders and glared at Sara in annoyance.

“You’re stupid.”

Sara laughed.

“So you said. Come on, Z. Spill.”

Zari stubbornly remained silent for most of the walk, elbowing Sara in the side every time she snickered at her. It wasn’t until they reached the Union, Zari’s head turning slightly to thank the girl who held the door for them, that Sara saw it. It was low on Zari’s neck, purplish and red.

“Looks like somebody went down a slip n’ slide on their neck.”

Zari froze at the insinuation, then her face twisted in confusion. 

“Wait, what? What the hell does that even mean?”

They got into the long line leading up to the counter, and Sara gave Zari a look.

“You never told your parents that the hickey on your neck was in fact not a hickey? That it was really where you got scraped by a peg on a slip n’ slide that stuck out of the ground?”

Zari seemed baffled.

“That’s literally the worst excuse in the entire world. Did you actually use that?”

Sara laughed.

“No. My sister did. When my mom asked what the bruises on my neck were from, I told her that Sophie Braxton liked to use her teeth.”

Both of them seemed to register what Sara had brought up at the same time. A hard spear of pin shot through Sara’s chest, and Zari gave her a worried look. 

“Lance…”

Sara shook her head, trying desperately to force thoughts of her mom out of her head.

“Just… you know, tell me about the party?”

Zari nodded, picking up on the fact that Sara wanted to ignore it. 

“It was after the party, actually. She asked if I wanted to watch a movie Sunday.”

Sara shoved away the creeping despair that had found its way to the surface, smiling forcefully. 

“Did you make out in the back row of the theater?”

Zari blushed.

“It wasn’t a theater.”

“The couch, then?” Zari fidgeted awkwardly, and Sara’s eyes widened. “Ohh, the bedroom. Damn, Amaya ain’t’ playing.”

Zari crossed her arms. 

“Look, it was just that Ava was using the tv outside and watching a dumb movie-“

“Figures that she has bad taste.”

Zari gave her a look and Sara motioned for her to continue.

“Anyway, we watched a movie. And we kissed. That’s it.”

Sara narrowed her eyes. 

“Weak storytelling. Five out of ten. How did she do it? Did you blush as hard as you are now?”

“Shut up, Lance.”

They reached the counter, and both of them ordered their coffees before moving to the side.

“So?”

Zari gave Sara an exasperated look. 

“Why do you need details, pervert?” Sara just raised her brows and waited. Zari shook her head. “No. Ask Amaya. This is weird.”

Sara snickered but let it go, grabbing her coffee when it was called out and going to their usual couch. Zari followed shortly after, tossing her bags down by the end. 

“Now it’s your turn to spill.” 

Sara’s heart stopped, part of her thinking Zari expected her to talk about her mom. Seeing her shock, Zari clarified.

“What happened earlier with Ava?”

Sara blew out a breath and shrugged.

“She just gets on my nerves.”

Zari scoffed.

“Correct me if I’m mistaken, but what has she ever done to you that you haven’t started?”

Sara didn’t really have an answer, and she didn’t feel like explaining that arguing with Ava made her feel better. There was also an element to it that she didn’t quite understand herself.

“Probably nothing.”

Zari frowned.

“Why are you such a dick to her specifically?”

Sara felt the beginning edges of uncertainty and fear flicker in her chest. 

“I’m a dick to everyone.”

“Hardly. I mean, yeah, you’re a jackass, but Ava seems to get a whole other level of your dickish behavior.”

Sara bent over to start yanking her books out of her bag, intent on ending this conversation. 

“I have homework to finish before class.”

Zari reached her foot out and knocked the spiral notebook out of Sara’s hands with a nudge. 

“Too bad. Homework is supposed to be finished at home. What’s your deal with Ava?”

Sara grumpily picked up her notebook. 

“We just don’t get along. We’re complete opposite people.”

Zari picked up on Sara’s reluctance to talk about Ava, but she didn’t let it go.

“I’m just saying. She’s a part of our team, you know? She’s the captain of it. You could stand to be less of a bitch.”

Sara sighed.

“If I say I’ll try, will you let me do my homework?”

Zari chuckled and shooed at her.

“I don’t believe you, but whatever.”

Sara flipped her history book open and finished the assignment while Zari tried to sneakily text Amaya and smiled like a moron.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara was successful in holding her memories at bay up until ten minutes before her class began. It was her fault for choosing to think about Zari and Amaya’s budding relationship as a distraction, because ultimately it led to one thought: her mom wouldn’t ever see the person she ended up with.

Sara was sprinting down the hall, out of her building, and toward the residence halls before she could break down in the middle of the hall for all to see. Her chest hurt and her eyes simmered with hot tears that she tried to hold at bay. 

She didn’t let up until she was at her room, chest heaving and sobs forcing their way out of her throat. It took her four tries to get the door open, enough time for a couple people in the hallway to look at her with worry. 

When she finally jammed the door open, she fell inside and dropped against the wall, her body giving out and her backpack tumbling a few inches to her right.

She wouldn’t be able to call her mom for advice when she was confused or angry or sad. Her mom wouldn’t be there to tell her Frat Boy C wasn’t good enough for her. She wouldn’t get to introduce somebody she really liked to the woman who had made her the person she was now. 

Sara choked when she tried to breathe, her lungs squeezed of oxygen and her nose stuffed with how hard she was crying. 

Her mother had always found so much amusement in Sara’s spree of short relationships. All which ended because Sara really wasn’t about people wanting to spend excessive amounts of time with her or expecting her to remember monthly anniversaries or being mad about how much time she spent with a soccer ball at her feet. 

She’d told Sara on numerous occasions that someday she’d meet somebody who she’d want to spend time with; somebody she’d willingly buy flowers and presents for on silly anniversaries; somebody who understood her love for soccer; somebody that she’d choose over soccer (but somebody who wouldn’t ever ask for that). She’d told Sara that she looked forward to the day that she called her up and told her she’d found that person. 

Sara had laughed and corrected her, telling her mother that she’d just show up at the house with a perfect human. 

Sara’s nails dug into the almost-healed scabs on her stomach, making them worse and adding more as she tried to bring herself under control. 

She felt too hot, too claustrophobic, too light-headed. With pained movements, she crawled into the bathroom and turned on the shower, letting it shock her system and overwhelm her until she was able to finally breathe properly. 

Her teeth chattered under the cold spray, but she didn’t get out. She remained until a knock at her door startled her into full awareness.

“Sara?”

She recognized Amaya’s worried voice and rubbed at her eyes, slowly returning to reality. She was soaking wet and she was sure her face was red and smudged with makeup. She thought about ignoring Amaya, but something told her that her teammate knew she was in there. 

Sara slowly stood and leaned against the wall a moment, sniffling. She was freezing cold and numb all at once, and she didn’t know how Amaya would react to how she looked. Still, Amaya had seen her in the midst of a panic attack, and she had handled it well enough. 

Sara wrapped a towel around her shoulders, though it didn’t stop water from pooling off of her shorts to make puddles on the floor. Sara reached the door and slowly pulled it open. To her credit, Amaya’s eyes only widened slightly before they were back to normal. Sara shrugged.

“I’m fine now.”

Amaya smiled and pulled her right hand from behind her back, revealing a bag of Swedish fish. 

“Zari said that this is what you consume on a daily basis.” 

Sara huffed out a wet chuckle. 

“She’s not supposed to know about that.”

Amaya carefully moved into the room, letting the door close behind her. 

“She said you hide the bag well, but the constant crinkling when you think her headphones mean music is on gives you away.”

Sara gave a weak smile, then stood rather helplessly in place. Amaya took it in stride, and she bypassed Sara and tossed the bag on her bed. Sara watched as Amaya tugged her closet open and found her clothes. She seemed to have no qualms searching through her crap and piling up a new outfit for Sara in her arms. 

She brought the clothing to Sara and held them out. 

“Come on. We’re going to the field.”

Sara frowned, glancing rather distastefully at her backpack in the corner.

“I have classes…”

Amaya held her clothes out again. 

“You’ve missed two of them.”

Sara’s eyes widened and she scrambled for her phone in her backpack pocket.

“Fuck.” She groaned at the confirmation, also noting a text from Farmer Sharpie. Instead of opening it, Sara stood and moved to take the offered outfit. “Why does that mean I should miss my other two? Also, how did you even know I would be here?”

Amaya’s eyes flitted down as Sara approached, and she pulled the offering back and narrowed her eyes.

“What’s on your shirt?”

Sara’s throat constricted, and she yanked the clothing from Amaya’s hands. 

“It’s a stain. Old shirt.”

Amaya didn’t looked at all convinced.

“You wore a stained shirt on purpose? To class?”

Sara gritted her teeth and moved to the bathroom, snapping at the worried look on Amaya’s face.

“Leave it alone, Amaya.”

She closed the bathroom door behind her and closed her eyes. She’d done a good job of preventing anyone from seeing her scar. Ava made practice fucking difficult with all the shirt-changing, but she’d done it. She didn’t need anyone to know that she was perpetually digging into a wound creating by the most traumatic experience in her life. 

Sara quickly stripped herself bare, keeping herself faced away from the mirror. She grimaced as her soggy shirt brushed along her abdomen. She looked down at the angry, puffy mark across her stomach. It looked crappy, the almost-healed scabs that had been there before were gone. 

She found the rubbing alcohol and poured some on a wad a toilet paper before pressing it against her stomach. She grimaced as it stung the raw skin, then tugged on the sports bra and t-shirt Amaya had chosen for her. 

When she returned to the room, any worry or suspicion had been cleared from Amaya’s face and she was holding Sara’s cleats.. 

“Ready to go?”

Sara put on her socks, slides, grabbed her soccer ball, and took the cleats from Amaya’s extended hand. Before leaving, she ripped open the package of Swedish Fish and grabbed a handful, stuffing too many in her mouth at once. Amaya grimaced in disgust.

“Don’t ever let Ava catch you eating straight sugar in the form of an aquatic creature.”

Sara picked up her phone and glanced at the text as they exited the room. 

_Farmer Sharpie: You’re really immature enough to skip class just to piss me off? You aren’t getting out of training with me. I already asked Rip. Give me a time and we never have to text again._

Sara smiled at the text, her brain switching gears to think of something witty to send back to Ava. Amaya bumped her arm.

“You should probably respond to her.”

Sara rolled her eyes and turned off her screen.

“But it’s so funny when she’s mad. Also, you never answered my questions. Why did you expect me to be here?”

“Zari. She was worried about you after this morning. She wanted to help in her own, distant way.”

Sara chuckled.

“By telling you to get me candy?”

Amaya rolled her eyes and pushed open the door to the stairwell. 

“Her text said ‘I think Sara is sad. She likes Swedish Fish.’ But I actually came to your room because Ava said you weren’t in class.”

Sara was surprised by that and something strange stirring in her chest. 

“She talks about me?”

Amaya gave her a questioning look. 

“In the same way you talk about her. She was complaining about you ignoring her. She thinks you skipped class just to be stubborn.”

Sara took a deep breath of the cool air when they walked outside. She ignored the ache of her abdomen.

“Good. I’ll let her believe that.”

Amaya sighed. 

“Why do you not like her exactly? You’ve never given a straight answer.”

Sara rolled her eyes and dropped the ball at her feet to dribble as they walked.

“You and Zari plan a little tag-team thing?” At Amaya’s confused look, Sara shrugged. “She asked me about it earlier. I just don’t like her. I don’t get why that’s so hard to grasp.”

Amaya let it go with a shrug, then bumped Sara away from the ball and wound the ball through her legs. 

“Whatever I guess. Come on, Lance. It’s time to get your ass kicked in a little one versus one action.”

Sara smirked.

“I don’t know… how would Zari feel about that?”

To Amaya’s credit, she didn’t blush nearly as hard as Zari had.

“Zari told you?”

Sara scoffed.

“Fat chance. You guys were making out in my hallway. I asked for details but Zari got all flustered and told me to shut up.”

Amaya’s eyes went disgustingly soft.

“She did?”

Sara stole the ball from Amaya’s feet and gave a false gag. 

“You guys are disgusting. Keep the lovey stuff to yourself. If you want to give details on the good stuff though… I won’t stop you.”

Amaya shook her head and moved several feet away, motioning for Sara to pass her the ball. Sara decided to pry when the whole thing was a little less fresh. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Later that night, after helping a panicking Zari prepare for her date with an excess of teasing and doing everything she could to make her blush, Sara settled into her desk chair. She had several email to send in order to get the notes for all four classes she’d missed. She promised herself she’d never tell Laurel. Her sister would kill her.

Ultimately, it had been a needed day off. She was sore from the extra practice with Amaya, but she’d needed to let sweat seep from her skin and aches settle on her bones in order to shake the turmoil of the day. She’d decided to skip out on boxing, though she’d be back the next day. 

Sara opened her laptop and wrote out four short emails to her professors with apologies for missing class and an appeal for the notes gone over in class. She’d just sent the last one when there was a relatively aggressive knock on her door. 

She walked to it, tugged it open, and found herself staring at a familiar expression on a familiar face. She then found her eyes slipping down without prompting, because way too much of Ava’s thighs were on display in the tight spandex she was wearing. Sara blinked rapidly and cleared her oddly dry throat. 

“Ava, hey.”

Ava’s expression was thunderous.

“Don’t ‘hey, Ava’ me. Give me a time for our practice so I don’t somehow take the fall because you’re a dick.”

Sara had to focus in on Ava’s eyes to keep her own from slipping low to her captain’s hips. Honestly, she blamed Amaya and Zari. They kept bringing up Ava all the time. It was giving Sara a reason to think about her. That was the only explanation for why she couldn’t stop glancing down. 

In truth, she’d also completely forgotten to respond to Ava. Her phone had died while she was practicing, and she didn’t have any reason to rush it to a charging port. But why let Ava know it was an accident? 

“My bad, Sharpie. I’m free from three to six.”

Ava seemed unsure of how to react to Sara’s easy answer, but the indecision was quickly replaced with deeper frustration.

“And you couldn’t have just texted it? Saved me the trouble of having to see your face?”

Sara feigned offense. 

“How cruel of you. Maybe I’ll find something to fill up the slot on Tuesdays and Thursdays so you have to get up early then too?”

Ava’s jaw rolled.

“Grow up, Lance.”

Sara motioned toward Ava’s spandex, wanting to give an alternate explanation for her reflexive staring than the fact that she couldn’t deny Ava’s stupidly muscular thighs. 

“Why are you dressed up like you’re about to spike a ball in my face?”

Ava tugged at the short hem of her spandex, trying to make them cover more of her thighs. 

“I’m in a volleyball class.”

Sara’s brows shot up.

“Practicing for our future intramurals? Or staking out the hot ladies?”

Ava’s shoulders squared and somehow she appeared even taller. She looked truly offended.

“If you’re implying that I would take a course in order to creep on women-“

Sara held out a hand.

“Excuse me, don’t say it like that. It makes me look bad for training with the women’s field hockey team in high school.”

Ava’s lips parted in surprise, then closed again. She frowned.

“You— you’re…”

She seemed unsure how to continue, and Sara thrived on maintaining the upper hand. 

“I’m into ladies just as much as you are, Ava-cado.” Sara tilted her head, smirked, and wiggles her brows. “You rethinking whether I’m your type or not?”

Ava’s cheeks flushed and she looked appalled that Sara would even suggest such a thing. 

“Hardly. You’re still not my type.”

Sara leaned against her door frame and crossed her ankles. 

“And I’m still of the opinion that I’m everyone’s type. I think you’re blinded by your hatred.” Sara tilted her head, internally weighing her choices as to how she wanted to play this. She took a risk. “I mean, as much as I don’t like you, I have to admit…” Sara made a show of giving Ava a once-over. “Your legs wear spandex well.”

Ava seemed wholly uncertain of how she should respond, her lips pursing in frustration and her eyes searching Sara’s for some explanation to her comment. She found nothing but the smug smirk Sara was wearing. Ava finally rolled her eyes.

“I’m a soccer player. It would be rather disappointing if my thighs weren’t in shape. I’m free at four for training. See you then.”

With that, Ava awkwardly stalked away, and Sara let herself enjoy the view before closing herself in her room. So now she had a new avenue of messing with Ava. How delightful. Maybe one on one sessions wouldn’t be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM AN IDIOT. I MADE AVA HER RA AT THE BEGINNING AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT IT. THEN I SAID AVA LIVED OFF-CAMPUS. IGNORE THIS MASSIVE FAUX PAS UNTIL I FIX IT. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. Let me know what you thought.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry this is a day late. Life has been busier than planned the past couple weeks and it slowed down my writing. 
> 
> This is unedited. It’s also kind of filler, so sorry. But this kind of stuff is necessary for the buildup and culmination in the next few chapters.
> 
> OH, also: I know somebody made a joke about Zari and Amaya watching Ava and Sara to make sure they didn’t kill each other. I can’t rememebr who it was, but the ending scene is for you lol.

Ava tugged at the hem of her spandex shorts Amaya insisted they wear for their volleyball class that her roommate hadn’t even shown up for that day. Ava could admit that they helped with range of motion, but she ultimately felt like she was wearing her underwear for all to see. She’d already sent Amaya a scathing review, ending with the stern statement that she wouldn’t be donning them again. 

Ava pushed out of the door to Sara’s dorm, eyes flicking around to make sure nothing with a dick was ogling her. She made her way swiftly to her car, but didn’t immediately start it after closing herself in. 

Sara had complimented her. Honest-to-god, complimented her. Just because it had been to get some kind of reaction out of her didn’t change the fact that Sara had one, basically come out to her, and two, said she had nice thighs. Of course, she’d done it in the douchiest way possible, most likely as an attempt to throw her off. 

Ava was furious to say that it had worked. Constant insults flipping to an offhand compliment was enough to jar her, enough to have the conflicting emotions she had toward Sara rear their heads and demand confrontation. 

But Ava was nothing if not stubborn, and she quickly yanked her seatbelt over her shoulders and clicked it into the buckle. Sara was a pest. A pest that was good at soccer and had a decent physique. That’s it. If she happened to drag more than just Ava’s annoyance and loathing to the forefront, that was to be ignored 

Ava backed out of her parking space and sped out of the parking lot, hoping that distance from Sara would defy her brain’s decision to think about her. It worked to a lesser degree than she’d hoped, and soon she found herself pulling out her phone and calling Lily to meet at the fields. She may be practicing with Sara from now on, but Ava had a feeling those Tuesday and Thursday sessions were going to be less than productive for her.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The shootout session with Lily had properly wiped her mind of Lance and all there was to do with her. Ava’s muscles protested every movement, but the ache was welcome. The rest of her day had been spent completing her homework and getting ahead of the curve in her lab. 

She’d then grudgingly joined Gary and his friends that for their bi-monthly Dungeons and Dragons night. She’d been roped into it in a desperate fashion after Gary had begged her for her assistance. Apparently, the club had needed a single new member to receive money, and Gary had chosen Ava as the person to flash his stupid puppy dog eyes at.

But just because she showed up didn’t mean she had to participate beyond lending aid in the battles. Gary, as Dungeon Master, had tried on many occasions to get her to involve herself more, but she’d responded to his attempts with a look that had him quieting down. 

The other players were alright; everyone besides Constantine that was. He had stupid hair and a butt-chin and he annoyed her immensely. Truly, sitting through each game with him was torture in itself. 

But Gary made sure the sessions never lasted over two hours, and Ava made sure to keep her numerous complaints to a minimum. It wasn’t that she thought the game was dumb; really, it took a creative and adventurous mind to excel in such an open game. She would just rather be doing anything else. Each gathering felt like a cavernous gap in her productively. 

And that lead her to Wednesday. A day she would now hold a grudge against for the entirety of her life. Training was tense, Rip taking more control of the team and decisions as a light punishment to Ava. She knew he’d let it go soon, but it had still stung. She’d made sure to keep her mouth shut anytime Sara was involved, and the blonde seemed to have, luckily, decided to do the same. 

Wednesday also brought with it an entirely new and horrific way to torture Ava. Really, she didn’t understand what she’d done to deserve such treatment from Wednesday, but it must have been bad. 

Why else would their history professor pair them together for a project due a mid-semester? Obviously it was some cosmic realignment taking place because Ava had truly messed up. 

She didn’t know what to say beyond a startled and frustrated huff. Ava wasn’t one to make a scene. Sara, unsurprisingly, had no qualms. 

“What could have possibly prompted you to decide partnering us was a good idea?”

Their professor rolled his bespectacled eyes and continued writing on the board as if the entire class wasn’t tuned in to enjoy this drama. As soon as he finished, he turned his attention to a frustrated-looking Sara.

Ava had assumed Sara might take pleasure in being able to have set sessions outside of soccer to insult and needle her. She, apparently, was mistaken. Their professor pulled his phone from his pocket and cleared his throat dramatically.

“Received from Ripley Hunter at four o’clock post meridiem, Monday. ‘Dr. Colts, I’ll make this brief. Two students in your class, Sara Lance and Ava Sharpe, are particularly hostile toward one another. It is my belief that forced cooperation is key to their overcoming said hostility. Because of this, I would appreciate your aide. Anything you can do would beneficial’.” Dr. Colts gave Sara look over the rims of his glasses. “He adds at the end, ‘Miss Lance will be your biggest issue. Feel free to read this to the class.’”

Ava shrunk down in her seat and pressed her face into her hands. Truly, Sara was the bane of her existence; the wrench in the gears of her life. 

“Miss Sharpe?”

Ava straightened up and cleared her distress from her expression. Her professor seemed rather sympathetic to her horror. 

“Just checking to make sure you hadn’t died from despair. I’m sure Miss Lance is a burden at the best of times.”

The class laughed and Sara let out an indignant huff.

“Rude. And untrue. I am a delight.”

Ava scoffed.

“To Satan, I’m sure.”

Dr. Colts waved at them dismissively. 

“Enough, enough. This class truly doesn’t revolve around our sports team or their dramas. I’ve done as asked. Let’s get back to Industrialization.”

Ava let out a slow stream of air in an attempt to relieve her building tension and anger. The faculty and staff of UCF were now her enemies. Also, fuck Rip. 

Ava spent the rest of the class attempting to take notes, but the details were lacking and her penmanship was subpar. She successfully avoided having to speak to Sara because Sara had to stay after and collect the in-class assignment she’d missed. That didn’t stop Sara from giving her a shifty little smirk that their professor sighed tiredly at. 

One might expect such a shitty day to get better. Really, how much could Wednesday really hate her? The answer was a lot. 

Not only had she somehow grabbed the wrong textbook for her Psychology of Sports class, she’d also left her homework in said textbook. Her professor knew her well, liked her even, so she hadn’t gotten more than a kind “bring it in on Friday” from her. But that wasn’t the point. 

The point was that Sara was throwing her off her game enough that she was making actual mistakes; mistakes that could cost her. Maybe it wasn’t fair to blame all of it on Sara, but none of this happened to her when the bratty freshman hadn’t been at their school. 

By the time Ava was able to collapse on her bed, she was so wound up, so tense, that sleep flitted out of her grasp for hours, leaving her with a meager four hours of restless sleep and a pounding headache the next morning. 

She spent the entirety of the day dreading four o’clock, wishing the hours would somehow slow down so she didn’t have to spend an entire hour listening to Sara’s barbs and watch her smirk and somehow look effortlessly bea...stupid. That’s what she looked like. Stupid and annoying. 

Ava was still dreading it up until the moment she arrived in the locker room and changed, her goalie jersey settling against her comfortably. 

Ava used the key Rip had given her to retrieve a bag of soccer balls- and a few cones should they be needed- and returned to the locker room to undoubtedly wait for Sara’s late arrival. 

To her surprise and annoyance, Sara was sitting on a bench in the locker room pulling a sock up her right calf. Ava’s teeth clicked together at the sight of her, her stomach twisting and her chest tightening. She told herself it was purely her intense dislike manifesting itself in her body. 

Sara’s blue eyes looked up from under her lashes and Ava’s jaw clenched tighter.

“I’m amazed that you arrived on time.”

Sara’s lips ticked up at the corners.

“Aw, don’t be like that, Sharpie.”

Ava rolled her eyes and picked up bee gloves and cleats, intent on leaving Sara to finish by herself. She’d only made it a little ways down the hall before Sara was catching up with her. 

“I’m pretty sure Rip has us doing this to make nice. Not perpetrate the fighting.”

Ava scoffed, changing her grip on the bag as it began to slide off her shoulder.

“I’m pretty sure we’re doing this because you’re a menace to society.” 

Sara gave her a look, her fingers wrapped around the strings of her bag. 

“That’s bullshit. You nailed me in the head with the ball.”

They exited the athletic building, Sara walking out first and letting the door close. Ava swallowed back a frustrated curse and maneuvered the door open without any free hands. Sara stood on the other side and watched her with her head tilted and her lips twitching in amusement. Ava glared at her.

“You’re an asshole, Lance. Hitting you was an accident. You literally fired it back at me in the middle of a scrimmage.”

Sara rolled her eyes.

“You expect me to believe that? I’ve seen you line-drive a ball to midfield. Even your punts are on target. There’s no way you fucking “accidentally” pegged a ball into my head from fifteen yards out.”

Ava gave her a frustrated grimace.

“This is the worst idea Rip has ever had. When I told him to discipline you, I didn’t mean it to double as a punishment for me.”

“Couldn’t discipline me yourself? I gotta say, I’m definitely more interested in you bossing me around.”

Ava sped up her pace, hoping her longer strides would put distance between them to the point that Sara couldn’t speak anymore. She wasn’t about to give Sara ammo by way of the blush taking over her cheeks.

They rounded the corner of the athletic building and the field came into sight. Sara jogged to catch up as they reached the gate.

“I feel like you should be happy I’m the one practicing with you. Don’t they say to become the best, you have to challenge the best?”

Ava dropped the soccer balls next to the bench on the edge of the field.

“Your ego is impressively bigger than your talent.”

 

Sara dropped to the track and tugged her cleats onto her feet, lacing them tightly and giving Ava a smug grin. 

“I think you know that’s not true.”

Ava finished with her gloves with an aggressive tug and and picked up the bag again, beginning her march toward the goal.

“Let’s just get this over with. You better do the drills right.”

Ava dropped the bag at the top of the penalty box and walked to her line. She turned and found Sara at the bag, opening it and letting the balls spill. Without warning, she lobbed a ball Ava’s direction. It was hard enough to hurt, and Ava caught it without much effort, but she flung it back at Sara.

“A little warning, Lance.”

Another ball fired at her and Ava punched it back toward Sara. Sara smirked. 

“Reflexes, Sharpie. I’m helping.”

Ava tried to loosen up, rolling her shoulders and stretching out her back. She tried to force back the built up anger from the moment Rip told them their punishment to now. Sara launched another ball at her, this time harder, and Ava let it crack against her palms and bounce away. She gritted her teeth. 

“Let me stretch.”

Sara sighed and rolled the tip of her toes into the ground, limbering up.

Ava had just gotten through working on her arms when a ball whipped by her into the goal. Ava’s head jerked up and she found Sara preparing to shoot again. 

“Lance!”

Sara fired the ball into the back of the net, hitting high, right corner. 

“I’m just waiting for you to finish your stretching. I did mine in the locker room.”

Another ball sailed into the back of the net. Ava sucked in a furious breath and dragged her heel into the dirt to stretch her calf. Shots continued to slam into pockets around her. Once she felt she was ready, she punched her hand out to knock the approaching ball to the side and off the field. 

“My practice, my rules. Spiral your shots beginning at my chest. I don’t need a line-drive.”

Sara popped a ball onto the laces and balanced it there. 

“Don’t like it rough, then?”

The first ball floated through the air and landed in Ava’s hands. She chucked it back. 

“Don’t be a moron, Lance. Give me a solid shot.”

Sara let the ball settle at her feet. 

“Not too hard, not too soft? Any more directions I should know about?”

The ball came perfectly then, landing right in Ava’s hands with the right amount of force. Ava’s chest burned with frustration. Sara had to have trained a goalie before. Her feigned ignorance was simply to get a rise out of Ava. It was working.

“Yeah, keep your mouth shut.”

Sara knocked a ball towards Ava’s face to begin the spiral. 

“How will I help you if I can’t speak?”

Ava chucked the ball back harder than strictly necessary. 

“You won’t. I’ll fulfill this ridiculous obligation for Rip, and I’ll practice with Lily to actually get anything out of it.”

Ava saw the hit to Sara’s pride in the furrow of her brows and the downturn of her lips. It was a victory she would hold onto. Sara hit another ball toward her. 

“You don’t think I have valuable input for you?”

“No. I think you’re a dick. I think think that you’re going to turn something that’s important to me into a chance for you to make digs at me when I can’t walk away. You’ve got me right where you want me, right? So go ahead and be a bitch.”

Sara stopped shooting soccer balls at her and huffed. 

“I’m not going to waste an hour every Tuesday and Thursday without somebody getting something out of it.”

Ava stood from her ready position and rested her hands on her hips.

“You don’t have a choice, Lance.”

Sara seemed to be considering what Ava said, disagreement clear on her face. She passed the ball between her feet thoughtfully and Ava waited with impatience. Finally, Sara shook her head, actually looking serious for once in her life.

“I think I can benefit your playing.”

Ava shrugged.

“I don’t care. I’m not willing to suffer through the insults that will outweigh any insight you might have.”

Sara seemed torn between letting it go and continuing to argue. Instead, she offered a deal.

“What if I only talked about soccer?”

Ava dropped her hands down and her head back. 

“I don’t think you’re capable of that.”

Sara squared her shoulders and pointed toward Ava’s right shoulder.

“I’m there. Let’s continue.”

Ava was slow to action, distrusting, but she finally got back into position. Shockingly, they got through the entire warm-up without Sara saying another word. Even more shocking, when they finished, Sara looked to her to continue. 

Ava was torn between giving in and questioning Sara’s motives further, but she could read determination easily. Ava internally scoffed. No doubt Sara was seeing this as some sort of competition she could win. Whatever. As long as Ava guided the sessions she didn’t give a shit what kind of motives Sara had. 

“I want to work on my corners. Take the ball back a couple yards and don’t tell me where you’re shooting.”

Sara smirked, opened her mouth as if to say something, but quickly slammed it shut with an annoyed look on her face. 

Ava bit back a laugh and kicked any ball out of the net and toward Sara. She would enjoy watching Sara learn to bite her tongue. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Amaya stepped quietly behind the figure on the outside of the fence surrounding the soccer field. 

“Kind of creepy, isn’t it?”

Zari jerked in fright and then turned around to glare at her without any heat. 

“You’re the one who told me to meet you here.”

Amaya smiled and slowly invaded Zari’s space, watching every minute shift in Zari’s features. Her body tensing then relaxing, the hitch in her throat, the way her eyes flickered down and back up it rapid succession. 

“That’s true.” Amaya kissed Zari’s cheek and patted her face playfully. “We have to make sure they both come out relatively unscathed. Also, it’ll be hilarious.”

Zari blushed quickly pulled off her backpack, unzipping to reveal a bag of popcorn. 

“I brought snacks.”

Amaya grinned and leaned in again, kissing her properly and chuckling at Zara’s surprised hmph. When she pulled back, Zari cleared her throat and held out the bag in offering. 

Amaya took it and tilted her head toward the bleachers. As they walked, Zari’s left hand twitched and reached out several times before returning to her side. It was adorable, really. Zari was a tough nut to crack, but Amaya started to realize that anything important Zari wanted her to know she wouldn’t share through words. 

Finally, as they slipped into the gate and toward the bleachers, Zari’s hand slipped into her own. She gave it a reassuring squeeze and tugged her to the top of the bleachers, somewhat out of sight of the two on the field. 

Once seated, Amaya pulled Zari down directly at her side, their legs pressed together and their hands still interlocked. The popcorn was placed between them and Amaya popped a piece in her mouth. 

“Anything interesting happen yet?”

Zari has just stuffed an entire handful in her mouth and she looked sheepish as she tried to swallow and answer. Amaya’s heart swooped in her chest.

Zari finished chewing and nodded. 

“Yeah. They aren’t fighting.”

Amaya finally focused on the pair on the field even if she wanted to continue watching and experiencing Zari. Ava and Sara were both sweating lightly, but there seemed to be no discussion happening at all. Ava was in her zone, her face hard like it always was when she was concentrating. Amaya couldn’t see Sara’s, but it didn’t seem like she was doing anything outside of driving soccer balls into corner pockets.

“This is a surprising turn of events.”

Zari reached into her backpack and pulled out a vitamin water in exactly the flavor Amaya liked. She also had an granola bar with dark chocolate that she gave over without looking. 

Amaya felt warmth from her ears to her stomach, truly in awe of how Zari gave so much in the smallest moments and it was so very beautiful . Amaya has thought it was lucky at first, or friendly. But over time she noticed that Zari didn’t offer to refill anyone else’s water bottle during or after training. Nor did Zari take her headphones fully off her head for anyone but Amaya; like she wanted to give her her full attention. 

Zari spoke through actions more than anything else, and though they weren’t even dating yet, Amaya adored her. 

“Thank you, Zari.”

Zari shrugged and rolled her eyes.

“It’s no big deal. I know you didn’t get lunch today because of your lab. I would’ve brought real food but I thought—“ she stopped and fiddled with Amaya’s fingers. “Well, maybe we could get an early dinner? On me? If you want.”

Amaya couldn’t stop a smile from overtaking every part of her expression, and it seemed to pull a similar one out of Zari. 

“Of course I want to.” 

Amaya peeled back a part of the wrapper and took a bite before returning her attention to Ava and Sara. She knew whenever Zari was uncomfortable, even if it was just an influx of emotions, and she always wanted to give Zari space to deal with it how she saw fit. 

She motioned toward the field. 

“It’s boring if they just practice.”

Zari cleared her throat and stood, then turned and gave Amaya a small smile. 

“Agreed. You want to grab dinner now?”

Amaya handed Zari the popcorn and stood, stuffing the wrapper from her bar into her own backpack.

“Definitely. Lead the way, Zar.”

Zari blushed and picked her way down the bleachers instead of the steps, helping Amaya down each one. 

They’d just made it to the gate when Ava’s voice called out over the field.

“Amaya? What the hell?”

Amaya spun around and grinned, waving her vitamin water.

“Heyyy, girl. Funny seeing you here, really. But we have to run.”

Sara pointed at the bag Zari was holding, eyes squinted.

“Is that popcorn?”

Zari shook the bag.

“We expected more drama. We didn’t come here to watch you guys just practice.”

Ava shot Amaya an annoyed glare while Sara flipped them both off. Amaya shrugged and gave the pair an amused grin.

“I’m going on a date! Have fun hating each other.”

Sara drew back and booted a ball their direction. Zari chuckled next to her and they started to run out of the gate just before the ball slammed into it and rattled around them. 

“Sara!”

“What, I wasn’t being mean to you!”

“That’s still—“

Ava and Sara’s conversation faded away and Amaya laughed and pulled Zari into her side, slowing down once they got far enough away. 

“Come on, Zar. Feed me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment talking about your favorite things from any Avalance stuff. This chapter was difficult to write because I lost a little inspiration, but people talking about the couple and the show would probably help.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I figured out why I was losing the thread of the story. I had a loose plan that I gave people, and upon writing, I realized I couldn’t follow that plan without it limiting me and the story. It’s going to take longer than expected to get to the good stuff. Ultimately, it’s just how the story is working out. So I’m sorry if I told you all four chapters or five chapters. I really have no idea how long it’ll be until they finally get together (hopefully not that long), but I’m letting the characters take me there.
> 
> This is hella unedited. I finished it two seconds ago and I am now posting. 
> 
> I will finish responding to comments from chapter 9 when I get a hot minute.

The deal, as it turned out, didn’t apply to normal training sessions. The first time Sara torpedoed one past Ava into the net, the taunts returned in the form of a stupid smirk and a quiet “I guess we’ll have to practice more” that had Ava bristling the rest of training.

Any reprieve Ava might have found on Thursday from her shitty week was further demolished in the form of the first project workshop in class. They had thirty minutes to decide on the subject matter of their presentation. 

“What about looking at the labor conflicts near the end of the 1800s?”

Sara shrugged and doodled something in her notebook, her eyes flicking across the page. 

“Kinda boring, don’t you think?”

Ava crossed out the first topic on her list she may or may not have created the night before. 

“What about immigration? We could explore past and present together?”

Sara didn’t even look up. 

“Too political. I’d rather just coast through this class without starting heated debates.”

Not only did Ava disagree with her mindset, she also didn’t believe it. Sara loved fighting. She crossed the option off anyway. 

“Yellow Journalism and the Spanish-American War?”

Sara didn’t even give her the decency of speaking, instead shaking her head and letting out a sigh as if Ava was trying _her_ patience. 

“Women’s suffrage movement?”

Sara grimaced. 

“Too expected.”

Ava brought her fingers to the bridge of her nose and squeezed. She knew these were good topics. She did. This was an incredibly simple assignment in which they just had to do basic research into an event or ideology during the timeline of 1877-present. Ava could do a project like this in three hours and call it a day. 

She shook her head and slowly crossed our number four. 

“The political cartoons of Thomas Nast?”

Head shake.

“The stock market crash? The red scare? Propaganda in World War II? Amelia Earhart?”

Sara didn’t react positively to any suggestion, and Ava stopped halfway down her list and rose to her feet. She was going to lose her cool and she just needed a small breather. Her professor glanced questioningly at her as she exited the room and headed for the bathroom.

It wasn’t like she’d expected anything different from Sara. In fact, it would have been worrying if she’d relented without any kind of argument. But Sara wasn’t even paying attention, she wasn’t even attempting to participate with her own ideas. 

Ava took a few moments to breathe and try and plot out the project in her head. She could easily do it by herself. It wouldn’t even be a problem. Depending on her topic, she might even have most of the semester to do it. 

Steeling herself, Ava walked calmly back to her classroom and pushed open the door. She saw her professor heading toward Sara and moved to intercept, but he arrived before her. 

“Have you two decided on a topic?”

Ava opened her mouth to try and save them, but  
Sara flipped her notebook around and pointed out blocked out lines of text with headings and various notes and additional points. 

“Ava’s has some great ideas. These four are what we’ve narrowed it down to.”

Dr. Colts had seemed surprised and impressed. He read through Sara’s notes and further narrowed down the four topics to two. 

Ava sat in stunned silence until he walked away. Sara pretended like she hadn’t just spent fifteen minutes pissing her off and turned her notebook toward Ava. 

“Which one do you want to choose?”

Ava ground her teeth down and snarled.

“I despise you.”

Sara’s face slipped from impassive to downright shit-eating.

“That’s not one of the options, actually.”

Ava did something she hadn’t done since she was ten and trying to get back at her dad. She gave Sara the silent treatment. The real deal, no acknowledgement, silent treatment. Sara snickered after Ava’s failure to respond and she ripped out her sheet and handed it to Ava. 

“I circled the one I think we should do.”

Ava took the piece of paper, folded it, and stuck it into her backpack. She’d insert it into her binder when Sara wasn’t there to smile her smug little smile.

“Oh, come on, Sharpie.”

Ava glanced up at the front, and Dr. Colts must have telepathically understood her struggle because he called the classroom’s attention. 

“Alright, if you’ve chosen your project topic, you may leave.”

Ava was out of her seat right after he finished speaking. Sara seemed to find new levels of frustration within Ava. 

Ava pulled out her phone and texted Amaya. 

_Waverider at nine?_

She didn’t have to wait long for a response.

_Best Roommate Ever (Lily, touch this again and you die): Yesss, Aves. I’m in. So is Lily. Team outing or roommate bonding?_

Ava felt like she was dragging a cloud of frustration in her wake. She needed to let loose a bit. 

_Definitely roommate bonding._

_Best Roommate Ever (Lily, touch this again and you die): Am I to assume that this is Sara’s doing? Considering the time and the resentment I can somehow feel through text?_

Ava didn’t have it in her to deny it.

_You assume correctly._

~<€~<€~<€~<€

“Avessss! We’re home!”

Ava groaned into her mattress and burrowed further into her sheets. She’d immediately passed out upon her arrival home, and waking up felt like being thrown into the desert blindfolded and needing to pee. 

Her door burst open, and a body thumped down on either side of her, scaring both of her cats off the bed and to their tower. A startled yelp signaled that Gigi got a claw in before evacuating. 

Lily collapsed on top of Ava and blew in her face.

“Come onnn, it’s time to get ready.”

Ava grimaced and swatted at her.

“It can’t even be seven yet. Get out.”

Lily huffed and tugged at her covers. 

“It’s actually eight-thirty.”

Ava jerked to her feet in an instant, knocking Lily half onto the ground and looking wildly around for her phone. 

“There’s no fucking way. I went to sleep at….” Ava picked up her phone and slowly relaxed, her eyes closing in fond annoyance. “It’s six-thirty, asshole.”

Lily grinned and pushed herself to her feet. She patted Ava’s shoulder.

“I’m glad you can read. Amaya wants to get dinner before we drink ourselves stupid, so get ready.” Lily headed for the door, only to turn around with a finger up. “Actually, I’m picking your outfit.”

Ava opened her mouth to protest, but Amaya’s head popped into the room.

“Let her. You need to wind down, Aves. Lily is going to get you laid.”

Ava crossed her arms and grumbled.

“I can get myself laid, thanks.”

Lily reached over and patted her face patronizingly. 

“Of course you can, little bean. But we don’t have two weeks for you to woo them into your bed with flannel and generosity.”

Ava sighed and let Lily drag her by the hand to her closet. 

“I’m going to regret this.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava could really only be glad that Lily allowed her to wear her Chucks. It was the only part of her ensemble she was remotely comfortable in. The rest of her was stuck in jean shorts that sucked to her body and went to just above her mid-thigh. The white t-shirt wouldn’t be out of the ordinary if the neckline wasn’t plunging to reveal a peak of what Lily called a “fuck-me” bra. Or if the shirt wasn’t partially see-through. 

She was sitting on a bar stool with Lily on one side and Amaya on the other, part of her wanting to give in and play their game, and the other wanting to resist out of spite. She wasn’t against one-night-stands per say, but she appreciated having a connection with somebody before sleeping with them. 

The bartender, a man with hulking arms and an undercut slid them six tequila shots with a wink, and both Amaya and Ava grimaced. Lily, on the other hand, winked and blew him a kiss. When he pretended to catch it, Ava gagged. 

Lily smacked her arm. 

“Leave Thomas alone.”

Ava watched him walk away and rolled her eyes.

“Just because you fuck him sometimes does not mean I have to enjoy his presence.”

Lily slid the salt over and smirked. 

“He May be pretty dumb, but he has a huge—“

“NO.” “I’ll kill you.”

Amaya and Ava spoke at once and Lily snickered and licked the back of her hand. She poured salt on it and passed it to Ava who followed suit. Once Amaya matched them, Lily lifted her shot with her left hand. 

“To big dicks!”

Ava held up her own.

“To literally anything but that.”

Amaya brought hers in and all three clinked.

“To getting Ava laid.”

Ava rolled her eyes, licked the salt off her hand, then threw back the shot. God, she hated tequila. 

Lily smacked the bar next to her.

“Double or nothing, bitches.”

Ava almost didn’t do it, but she knew she’d get so much shit if she re-licked, re-salted, and then took the shot. She grabbed it from the table and threw it back. The burn was worse this time, and she couldn’t help the mock-gag she released upon finishing. Amaya’s only reaction was a little wince. Lily groaned exaggeratedly and slammed the glass down then threw up her hands.

“Operation: Find Ava a lover!”

The guy next to her leaned over, an amused and slightly hopeful look on his face. 

“Maybe I—“

Ava pointed at herself.

“Lesbian.”

He took it well, an understanding nod following her exclamation before he looked away. 

A girl to Amaya’s right leaned forward and grinned.

“In that case…” she held out her hand. “I’m Asha.”

Ava felt her cheeks go red in an instant as Amaya’s eyes- turned so Asha couldn’t see- went wide. She made a couple obvious gestures and suddenly Ava was alone with the beautiful stranger named Asha. She had never hated her roommates more. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava wasn’t about to complain about team bonding. Really, she encouraged and enjoyed any activity that brought stronger relationship between her teammates. Amaya had come to the bar where Ava was sitting and enjoying a surprisingly pleasant conversation with Asha to tell her that Lily wanted a surprise team-bonding activity the next day. Apparently the softball intramural was beginning on Thursday, and she wanted to gauge everyone’s skill-level. 

She’d then given her an arm squeeze and a sly smirk before she ducked away. 

And honestly, Ava thought it was a great idea. Softball was her second-best sport-goalie reflexes and all- and she wanted to know if they needed to go into the league with a competitive or lax attitude. It would be a good way to further bond and practice working together as a team in a group-setting. She was the one who always said bonding was important. 

The fact that said bonding experiences always seemed to happen at her place of residence… that was a slight hitch in her plans. 

It wasn’t because she didn’t want people encroaching on her private space. That was a small factor, but no. The reason she was adverse to them at this very moment was because Amaya always picked Zari up early so they could spend time together; that meant picking up Lance. 

That meant, when Ava stumbled into her living room at noon on Saturday in her clothes from the night before, Sara Lance was sitting on her coach. With her cat. Eating her pecans. 

Sara’s blue eyes rose from Gigi in her lap to take in Ava, and her lips slowly curled into a smug smile. 

“Sharpie, look who came to see me?”

Ava took two slow, filling breaths as she kicked her converse off. It was stupid to feel betrayed by a cat. Idiotic, really. But it festered annoyingly in her belly and many thoughts of ways to get Gigi from Sara passed through her mind. 

Said thoughts were interrupted by Amaya clearing her throat from the couch. Then she whistled. 

“Daayum, Ava. I figured you’d get Asha’s number, but you got her address instead.”

Ava felt heat rise I her cheeks, and she ignored Zari’s impressed look when she registered what Amaya was implying. Instead, she let her eyes flicker to Sara, something stirring in her chest at the confused frown on Sara’s face. 

Instead of reading into it like a part of her wanted to- because why the hell would Sara give a fuck if she hooked up with somebody- Ava just shrugged her shoulders and focused on Amaya.

“She wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship, but she said there was nothing wrong with having a little fun.”

Amaya snickered and turned to face Ava more fully. 

“No relationship? Is that why you’re only getting home at..” Amaya tilted Zari’s phone toward her and grinned. “Noon?”

Ava ran her hand self-consciously through her somewhat messy hair. 

“We were up late… I only woke up an hour ago. There was coffee and waffles.”

Amaya looked positively delighted while Zari’s impressed look only increased. Ava found it too difficult to look at Sara, though she couldn’t figure out why for her life. 

Amaya rested her chin on her hand and smirked. 

“So, she made you breakfast but she’s not interested in anything but sex?”

The word rang starkly in the room, Ava’s somewhat crippling embarrassment increasing at the blatant use of the word. 

“Um.. yeah? She said it was to thank me? I don’t know what for, but—“

Ava cut off as it finally clicked. She’d been so exhausted after waking that coherent thoughts weren’t stringing together properly. Amaya’s jaw dropped and her eyes went wide. Zari snorted and buried her face in Amaya’s shoulder. Ava refused to turn her eyes in Sara’s direction. 

“Ava Eloise Sharpe. Are you trying to tell me that Asha felt so grateful after a single night with you that she made you breakfast and let you shower at her place?”

If literal fire could flare up from flesh, Ava would be a torch. She had nothing to distract her or divert attention from herself. 

“I didn’t say anything about a shower…”

Zari was shaking with laughter and Ava was sure the grin on Amaya’s face was incapable of getting wider. 

“You don’t have to say anything. Your hair is still damp. You don’t have any makeup on. You look fresh, though that could just be from the good sex.”

Ava covered her eyes with her hand and used the other to wave at Amaya. 

“Enough, Jesus.”

Zari shook her head with a little smirk.

“Invite me next time. I have got to see Ava trying to flirt with the ladies.”

Ava shot Zari a glare. 

Sara had remained absolutely silent through the whole thing, but she spoke now. 

“I’d like to see that too.”

Ava dropped her hand and let her gaze settle on Sara. Any trace of the frown was gone now, replaced with amusement and a devious little flash in her eyes. 

Ava rolled her eyes.

“Luckily you’re both too young to get into the bars.”

Amaya waggled a ginger at her. 

“Untrue. Some of the bars we go to harbor all ages. Like the one last night.”

Zari shot Ava a raised brow and looked at Amaya.

“Please, tell us about this Asha and exactly how Ava wooed her.”

Amaya snorted and Ava’s eyes widened because she knew exactly what her asshole roommate was about to say. 

“Mind your damn business, Zari.”

Zari didn’t look quelled at all. She definitely looked more interested. Amaya didn’t disappoint.

“Oh, Ava does not woo. Ava walks into a bar and drinks whiskey and the ladies flock to her like she’s a two-for-one sale on tickets to see Lesbian Jesus.”

Ava rolled her eyes harder this time because Amaya knew Ava was no ladies’ lady. 

“They don’t flock to me.”

Zari frowned.

“Lesbian Jesus?”

Amaya waved at her dismissively.

“I’ll explain later. Right now, I’m going to tell you about Asha.”

Ava decided that was her cue to leave and she booked it out of the living room with a glare at them all, one reserved especially for Gigi as he rubbed his fluffy head against Sara’s hand. The last words she heard were “beautiful, dark skin and legs that you’d die to have wrapped around you” quickly followed by “of course I wouldn’t, Zar. I only want your legs.” 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara received the text the night before that there was an emergency meeting at Amaya, Lily, and Ava’s apartment at one the next day. Because Amaya was a disgusting romantic, she always asked Zari to come over earlier. Zari, being the idiot that she was, always brought Sara along like she wasn’t aware of a reason Amaya might want her alone. 

Sara had driven them both over, and she found herself staring at two sets of feline eyes as she walked into the apartment and way from the inevitable grettint between Amaya and Zari. Amaya motioned toward Gigi.

“Watch the beast.”

Sara walked directly toward him and slowly raised her hand up to Gigi’s nose. The moment her hand was close enough, he latched onto her with his claws and hissed. 

Amaya huffed. 

“I literally warmed you.”

A fraction at a time, Gigi retracted his claws and began rubbing his head and whiskers against Sara’s palm. 

“That’s a good boy, Gian.”

Sara ignored Amaya’s shock in order to snatch the recliner. Amaya tugged Zari down next to her on the couch. Hope hopped onto the cushion beside Zari and curled up. 

Zari glanced around. 

“What is the plan for the next hour?”

Amaya shrugged and smiled as Zari made herself comfortable on the couch. Sara wanted to barf at their awkward adorable-ness. Well, Zari was awkward. Amaya always seemed to have everything under control. Sara could best describe it as zen. 

Amaya picked up a PlayStation controller that looked rarely used. In fact, Sara didn’t remember seeing it out last time she’d been there. Seeing and opportunity to rattle Amaya, she nodded toward the console. 

“Do you play often?”

Amaya caught her tone immediately, but instead of blushing or getting all awkward, she shook her head.

“Nah. This is my brother’s. Zari told me she liked to play games to relax, and I’ve always wanted to learn.”

Sara almost sighed at how an attempt to fluster Amaya had led to Zari looking embarrassed and pleased at once. She took the controller from Amaya’s and and turned it on. 

“I can show you?”

And really, if Gigi hadn’t chosen that moment to leap from the back of the couch directly onto Sara’s lap, she probably would’ve made herself scarce to hide from the flirting. Instead, she bit back a yelp and tried to jerk too much as Gigi’s claws released her again. He purred aggressively and then dropped like a sack of shit into her lap. 

Amaya snickered.

“You know, I don’t know if you can really say it’s all that great that you’re the only one he likes. It seems like a rather abusive relationship.”

Sara ignored her and started scratching Gigi’s ears and forehead. A rumble of a purr started low in his belly and vibrated out. Sara grinned and shut out the coupley shit happening in front of her in favor of cuddling the fluffy monster in her lap. 

A key in the door fifteen minutes later had all their attention on it. Sara’s chest did a strange jump when she took Ava in, her hair slightly damp and her face scrubbed clean. She had expected her to show up about two minutes before everyone else got there. What she hadn’t seen coming was the exchange that happened so quickly after Sara had rubbed Gigi’s affection in Ava’s face. 

“Daayum, Ava. I figured you’d get Asha’s number, but you got her address instead.”

The words clicked like a simple puzzle in Sara’s head, and she felt a stirring of something in her that she didn’t understand. It was heavy and sharp, but she shoved it away before she could fully process it. Luckily, Ava only looked her way once before getting through her conversation with Amaya and escaping to her room. 

Sara didn’t realize she was close to glaring at Gigi until Zari interrupted.

“Yo, Sara, you good?”

Sara’s eyes shot up and she cleared her face, letting out a rueful smile.

“Yeah, Gigi just bit my hand a little harder than I’d of liked.”

It was a sad lie considering Gigi was practically unconscious on her lap, but neither Zari or Amaya pushed beyond annoying looks Sara couldn’t decipher. 

True to her expectations from before, Ava didn’t return until after the first few team members arrived. Sara spent the time in between decidedly not thinking at all. If her brain sometimes went down paths she didn’t mean them to… that wasn’t on her. Like, who made thank you pancakes for a one night stand? How was anybody that good? 

Ava had long fing— that train of thought had been crushed to pieces by Sara clearing her throat and asking some question about the stupid game Amaya and Zari had been playing for too long. 

Sara was more than happy when the available members arrived. Lily was the last there, three athletic bags hanging off her shoulders. 

She tossed them to the ground and bent over, huffing dramatically. 

“Get a glove, any glove. But you break it, you buy it. I borrowed these from the athletic department.”

Ava crossed her arms and frowned. 

“Borrowed as in asked? Or as in you took them without asking?”

Lily pursed her lips and tried to look innocent. 

“I left a note?”

Ava’s shoulders slumped tiredly and she pulled out her phone.,

“I’ll give them a call. Everyone else, go ahead and start heading to the park we’ve had our barbecues at. Amaya will lead the way.”

Sara joined the girls crowding around the bags and grabbed a black glove that seemed like it would fit her hand. She glanced behind her at Ava as she spoke to somebody on the other line. She found herself hoping the call went well and almost shoved her hand in Gigi’s face so he’d claw her as punishment. 

She moved out of the way to give others space and picked up the end of the conversation. 

“....sorry, Ray. I promise nothing will happen to them. I don’t even know how she got into the storeroom….no, just gloves, balls, and bats….okay, thank you. They’ll be back in your hands by four….bye.”

Ava hung up and pointed her phone at Lily. 

“You’re fucking lucky it was Ray and not his scary girlfriend that answered. Got it? Never again.”

Lily looked properly chastised, though Sara doubted that would last long. Amaya pulled Zari from the apartment with a call back for everyone to follow, and Sara brought up the end of the line. 

Of course, nobody grabbed the ball bag or the bat bag, and Ava leaned down to shoulder both. Before she could convince herself it was a bad idea, Sara took one from Ava’s shoulder put it on her own. At Ava’s shocked look, Sara rolled her eyes.

“Can’t have you hurting your arms before training tomorrow. I’m sure coach will blame it on me somehow.”

With that, Sara stalked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment if you feel so inclined haha


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s a little late, but in my defense, I fell asleep finishing it last night at 9:30 somehow. I was pretending to be asleep so I wouldn’t have to go do “family prayer” and I actually did pass out. What can you do. 
> 
> This is unedited.

Sara walked ahead quickly, attempting to put distance between her and Ava as Ava locked the apartment door. 

For the first time since meeting Ava, Sara felt wholly unbalanced. Her instinct was to lash out, but words seemed to jumble and stick in her throat. 

She readjusted the strap on her shoulder and glared at the sidewalk under her feet. She could hear her team ahead of her, and much quieter, footsteps behind her. She experienced a kick in her heart beat she recognized immediately and instantly ignored. Or attempted to. She felt the sickening realization crawl up her spine and begin burrowing itself in her skull. With no other options, she diverted her own understanding. 

Ava Sharpe was attractive. That’s it. Obviously. It was an objective fact that nobody could blame Sara for recognizing. She was an intelligent person, after all. But physical attractiveness wasn’t all that important when the person having it was also a smug, know-it-all bitch with a superiority complex. 

It didn’t matter if Ava was a fantastic goalie if she couldn’t pull the stick out of her ass off the field. Life required flexibility. Who gave a shit if Ava had really long, dexterous fingers when her mouth spouted off bullshit. 

And now Sara was thinking about Ava’s mouth. 

She felt a hand latch onto her shoulder and yank her to a stop. Sara looked up just as a cyclist blasted in front of her, a carried rush of air pushing at the wisps of hair loose from her messy bun. 

“Look where you’re going, Lance. Jesus Christ.”

Sara glanced to the fingers on her shoulder; long, strong— she jerked out of Ava’s grasp and cleared her throat. 

“Whatever. Thanks.”

The second word slipped out and Sara thought about whether she might have enough in her bank account I get her mouth sewn shut. Ava gave her a strange look and started walking. Sara reluctantly trailed behind. 

She debated feigning illness and making a beeline back to the apartment to leave, only to realize that her keys were inside and the door was locked. 

She clenched her jaw and tried to shake herself out of the stupid funk she’d found herself in, but she got distracted almost immediately from the task when Ava shifted the bag of bats from one arm to the other. 

Sara had to look away before she let her brain betray her any more than it already had. Maybe she could hire somebody to punch her in the face whenever she signaled it. That might bring too much attention. She could have a zapper implanted in her flesh that she controlled. Any time Ava did anything beyond pissing Sara off, Sara would inflict strenuous torture on herself. 

The sound of a fence clanging and the chatter of their teammates getting louder finally ripped her from her headspace and into the present. Ava reached the group several seconds before Sara, and Sara moved to the back of the team to stay out of sight. 

She took in the park around them, noting large sections of forest and parking lots and open space. It looked much bigger than the average neighborhood park. There was a large shelter settled on a slab of cement that had the number seven boldly carved into it. 

Ava spoke up and brought her attention to her again; much to Sara’s frustration. 

“Alright. We can pair off and throw the ball around to warm up. We just need to gauge our overall grasp of the sport in order to figure out a strategy.”

Sara felt a pang of irrational terror in her chest at the improbable possibility that she’d get paired up with Ava. Without much thought, she reached out and yanked Zari back by her shirt. 

Zari stumbled away from Amaya and turned to Sara in annoyance. 

“Dude, why?”

“You can eye-fuck your girlfriend later. I need a partner.”

Zari made a show of gesturing to the several other members of their team she could choose from. 

Swallowing her pride, Sara gave Zari a pleading look until the other girl gave in. 

Zari rolled her eyes.

“Fine.”

Zari shrugged at Amaya then nodded her head at Sara. 

Sara winked at Amaya’s playfully annoyed huff and gave her a wag of her fingers. She might feel like a collision from a bat to her skull would be a nice way to reset, but that didn’t mean she was going to slack off when it came to snarking her friends. 

Ava dropped the bag of bats by the fence and motioned with her hand.

“Grab a partner. Lance has the ball bag. Spread out and get started.”

Sara dropped her bag down and unzipped it, grabbing a softball before moving out of the way. She tilted her head to the side and motioned for Zari to follow her. 

Zari jogged a few feet and nudged her.

“You good? You look weirder than normal.”

Sara rolled her eyes.

“I’m fine.”

“Does it have anything to do with Ava hav—“

Sara about but her tongue off and she interrupted before Zari could finish.

“Why would it have to do with Ava? Who cares about Ava?”

Zari narrowed her eyes and came to a stop.

“What is your deal, Lance?”

Sara didn’t have a response that wasn’t over-defensive or painfully obvious, so she just sighed and put distance between them. She just had to get through this practice and she’d be able to go box herself into a coma.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Her plan was immediately foiled on the return trip by Amaya, who looked at Sara right before she ruined her life. 

“You guys want to go grab ice cream?”

Most of the girls were gone now. They’d trickled out after an hour and a half with various reasons and quick goodbyes. Lily had grabbed two girls to help her bring the bags back to the athletic department.

Of course Zari and Sara were so of the last to leave, and while Sara really was happy Amaya and Zari were dating, it was really cutting into her plans to distance herself from Ava. 

But apparently that wasn’t enough of a setback to Sara’s plans, because Amaya was obviously still bitter about Sara taking Zari as her partner. She tried to turn down the ice cream before any plans could be made.

“I can’t. I have to work on an assignment.”

Zari frowned and glanced at her.

“You said you finished all your homework yesterday? You literally bragged about it for thirty minutes.”

Sara felt the deep betrayal for what it was.

“I forgot something.”

Ava, most likely just as adverse to spending time with Sara, saw Sara floundering and tried to step in.

“I can’t. I—“

Amaya shook her head. 

“You said you were down for ice cream after softball.”

Ava looked caught out and panicked.

“That, yes. That was before…I should really attempt to be productive today.”

She trailed off, but Sara would bet her left eye it would’ve ended something like, ‘that was before I knew Lance was coming.’

Zari focused suspiciously on Sara.

“What assignment did you forget?”

Sara was grasping for the ledge, trying to yank herself out of the hole she’d made. 

“History. I have that history project.”

Amaya’s eyes lit up in a way that had Sara wanting to sprint away. Ava tensed up next to her. Amaya spoke in a tone that suggested what she was about to say really made too much sense to ignore.

“The one you and Ava are partnered for? That’s perfect! Why don’t you guys work on that, and Zari and I will bring you back ice cream.”

Sara felt the walls closing in around her.

“I don’t have my stuff….”

Zari chuckled.

“Yeah, you do. You left it in your car after classes yesterday because you went straight from the library to the gym.”

Sara growled out a snarled ‘choke on a dick’ as her giving up. Ava seemed utterly devastated and utterly helpless. 

Amaya and Zari looked fucking smug and Sara now classified them as her mortal enemies. Fucking assholes. 

Ava and Sara walked the rest of the way back to the apartment in silence while Amaya and Zari had the nerves to talk like they weren’t the worst humans to ever live. 

They reached the parking lot of the complex and Amaya stopped at her car with Zari. She waved her phone at them. 

“Text me what you guys want. We’ll be back in a bit.”

Neither waited for a response before the were closing themselves in the car. Sara trailed grumpily after an equally grumpy Ava. They didn’t speak until they were both inside. Sara reached for her keys.

“I’ll get my shit.”

Ava turned a surprised expression on her.

“You actually plan to work?”

Sara opened her mouth to respond, then quickly closed it. Normal her would have bailed immediately. Normal her wasn’t such a pushover. And apparently Ava knew normal her too well. Sara wasn’t about to be predictable. 

“Duh.”

Sara retrieved her backpack from her car. Upon her arrival back to Ava’s living room, she found the girl sitting cross legged on the floor with a binder and an unfolded piece of notebook paper Sara recognized as the one she’d given her in class. 

Ava pulled out three pieces of loose-leaf from her binder and set them to her right for Sara to take a look.

“I wrote up the history of Thomas Nast as a person and his timeline compared to big events in American history.”

Sara dropped onto the couch and pulled the perfectly organized sheets into her hand. The script on the page was inhuman in its perfection, and, to Sara’s utter surprise, there were colors. 

Sara pulled out her History notebook and searched for almost two minutes before she found the pages she was looking for. Her handwriting was nowhere near Ava’s militant one. It was swoopy and slightly too big. Her notes weren’t written line after line, instead they took up sections and were separated by doodles lines and quick sketches. She handed it over.

She hoped Ava said something snarky about it so they could get back on more comfortable footing before Sara accidentally said ‘thank you’ again.

Instead, Ava pointed at one of the images.

“Is that a drawing of “The Dwarf and the Giant Thief?”

Sara glanced at what Ava was referring to and shrugged.

“I thought it was funny. Nast had a way of being fucking savage in his art.”

Ava huffed.

“We should put that in our slideshow. Thomas Nast: German-born, the father of the American cartoon, fucking savage.”

Sara felt her lips quirk up into a smirk and she almost crumpled Ava’s perfect papers when she realized that she almost felt amusement at Ava’s joke. She pointed at the notes in her lap to try and reign everything back in.

“So, colors huh? Seems a bit ill-fitted to your binder shades doesn’t it?”

She could have said it as a joke; a playful or teasing lilt to soften the jab. But Sara needed her edge back; she needed the upper hand. Her voice was a little too mocking for it to be taken as a joke, and she thought she imagined the quiet sigh and slight slump from Ava. 

“I’d prefer if we worked in silence unless absolutely necessary. Your voice is grating.”

Sara scoffed and flipped to Ava’s next page of notes.

“Agreed.”

She tried not to think too much about why her stomach twisted or her lungs hurt at the acerbic tone of Ava’s voice.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

They’d gotten through about twenty minutes before Ava’s phone rang loudly through the room. Sara instinctively looked up as Ava picked it up. There was a picture of an older man with graying hair and a huge smile on the screen. He had UCF painted down his cheeks in gold and black. _Dad_ appeared on the screen. 

Sara snuck a glance at the soft smile that overtook Ava’s face and very forcefully returned to the notes she was adding (on her own piece of paper) to Ava’s notes. If she didn’t get ahold of herself she was going to need a lobotomy.

“Hey, dad.”

Sara’s chest twinged with a different kind of pain, one that came from missing her father. Sometimes when Laurel called her for their biweekly talk, she would try to convince Sara that their father missed her. They both knew the words were empty. 

Sara shook herself out of it and refocused on the conversation happening beside her. Ava chuckled.

“I don’t think you need to bring all of them. You guys are only staying for a few days.”

Sara couldn’t hear what Ava’s dad said, but it made Ava laugh. 

“Dad, seriously. If you try to bring the entire Austin Powers collection I’m going to tell Ali. She’ll make sure they stay home.”

A beat of a response and Ava smirked into the phone.

“If we really somehow find the time, we can always rent the movies. Now can you please tell me why you were told to call? I know it was with the itinerary they’re trying to get you to memorize.”

Ava was quiet for some time as her dad laid out the plan for whatever they were talking about. 

Sara gave up on trying to work while Ava was on the phone. Finally, Ava spoke again.

“So you’ll be here two Wednesday’s from now and stay until that Saturday? Sunday if Ali doesn’t have to be back for a study group?”

Sara’s brows rose at the information. Ava’s dad, possibly the rest of her family, was coming to visit. An interesting turn of events. 

“Dad, I have to go. I’m working on a project with a partner.”

Sara watched Ava’s back muscles tense and her head turn slightly toward Sara.

“I’m not putting you on the phone. Why would my project partner want to talk to you?”

Sara’s eyes widened and she held out her hand.

“Gimme’”

Ava shot her a dark glare and leaned away.

“No. She doesn’t want to talk. Love you. Bye dad.”

Ava hung up the phone before anyone could protest and shot Sara frustrated look. 

Sara smirked.

“Family visit? I look forward to meeting the people that made you. I can apologize that you are what they ended up with.”

Ava just rolled her eyes.

“Like I’ll let you anywhere near my family.”

Sara settled back into the couch cushion and grinned.

“I’m sure I’ll find a way.”

The door opening behind them cut off Ava’s reply. Amaya and Zari walked through the door with two drink holders holding six cups. Amaya held one up.

“You guys didn’t answer. So we bought a few different flavors.”

Zari dipped her spoon in one of them and stuffed a bite in her mouth. She hummed and nodded, taking another spoon and getting Amaya a bite. Sara watched with amusement as Amaya tried it and nodded enthusiastically. Then she refocused in the pair on the couch.

“We wanted to try all of them. So we have. Everything is so good.”

Zari shook her head.

“Wrong. The jolly rancher one is filth.”

Amaya set the half-eaten cups of ice cream on the coffee table, making sure to avoid covering any of Ava’s papers. 

Ava looked at the ice cream in distaste. 

“You’re saying you tried all of these?”

Amaya smirked and lifted one cup from the tray that looked fuller than the others.

“No. I got your favorite and nobody touched it. I know how weird you get.”

Ava took the ice cream held out toward her and frowned.

“It’s not weird to have an issue with people touching your food.”

Sara looked at the remaining ones and grinned, taking two for herself.

“Afraid of Zari and Amaya’s cooties?”

Ava pinned her with a look.

“You don’t know where their mouths have been. They’re dating now.”

A pang of disgust rolled through Sara, but she wasn’t about to let Ava win anything. She raised a brow and dipped the spoon. It tasted fine. Better than fine. But every bite was plagued with the idea that Ava had put in her skull. 

Amaya fell into the recliner and glanced around as Zari sat beside her. 

“I’m surprised Gigi and Hope are walking all over your legs right now. Usually you let them out once most of the girls are gone.”

Sara’s eyes shot to Ava and she felt the return of some of her balance. It was so much easier to breathe when she was driving Ava crazy. 

“You kept your furry children locked away just so Gigi wouldn’t get to see his favorite human?”

Ava glared. 

“You’re not his favorite human. I don’t think it’s possible for you to be anyone or anythings’ favorite human.”

Sara stuffed a huge spoonful in her mouth and hummed. She made sure Ava was looking when she spoke with it full.

“Your cat likes me more than you. How does it feel?”

Ava purses her lips and began putting away her notes. She slid several from Sara’s lap and put them in order. Then she stuck them all in her binder and pushed herself to her feet.

“As fun as this was, as hanging out with Lance always is, I’m going to take a nap.”

Amaya whistled.

“Is it because you were up all night giving pancake sex?”

Ava growled in frustration and stormed away, calling behind her.

“It was WAFFLES!”

Sara would’ve laughed if she hadn’t suddenly been thrown right back into her deep introspection and annoyance. She really needed to hit something. 

She threw her things in her bag and stood. 

“I’m leaving. You want a ride back or will you be getting waffles in the morning?”

Zari’s face blushed a bright red and she glared viciously at Sara.

“I can come no—“

Amaya cleared her throat.

“If you want to stay, you can.” At Zari’s expression of surprise, Amaya, for the first time since Sara had met her, flushed. “I mean for a bit. I can take you home before too late. If you want. No waffles. I mean, not never waffles. But—“

Sara groaned.

“You guys disgust me. I’m leaving.” She stood and sling her backpack over her shoulder. “Jiwe, have her home by midnight or I’m calling the police.”

Zari snarled an annoyed ‘fuck off, Sara’ as Sara headed for the door. 

Sara’s only response was a bird she waved by her shoulder. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The week was dragging along at glacial speed. Sara had woken up on Monday with tears already in her eyes, and she’d skipped morning training for the first time since it began. Zari hadn’t pushed, though she gave Sara’s shoulder a squeeze and told her to call if she needed anything. 

Sara had spent the entirety of the day on the verge of a panic attack. It had made her agitated and on edge, and she’d been happy to take it out on Ava in their shared class. But that was only an hour out of the day, and once her metaphorical punching bag was gone, she had nothing to distract her from the oppressive thoughts that plagued her.

She’d dreamed of the accident the night before. But unlike other times, she’d been strong enough to save her mom with minor injuries. Waking up from a world in which her mother still existed to one that she didn’t had left her devastated and empty. 

That night she hadn’t slept until almost four in the morning. She had no dreams, but waking up was still a hammer to her chest. It set her up to be dreary the entire day, and when her goalie training with Ava came around, she was close to cancelling. 

She chose not to for the single reason that Ava might question why, and she didn’t need her pain in the ass Captain snooping in her life. 

It was not going well.

Ava launched the ball to Sara, a frustrated bite to her tone when she spoke. 

“Focus, Sara!”

Sara caught the ball against her chest and let it drop. She wanted to say she was trying, but that would sound weak. Instead, she lined up a shot and sent it toward Ava. They were just trying to get through the spiral to warm up, and Sara’s shots weren’t hitting their targets. This one was no different; aimed for the shoulder but landing near Ava’s legs. 

Sara bit back a curse and she dropped her head slightly under the guise of getting another ball. Her limbs were heavy and her arms were stupidly sore from the softball practice. Her head was foggy from lack of sleep and her chest had a steady ache that reminded her every second of her loss. 

She didn’t realize that she’d zoned out until she heard the scrape of Velcro. She looked up to find Ava stripping off her gloves, her face pensive. Sara frowned.

“What are you doing?”

Ava tucked her gloves and motioned at Sara.

“Your head isn’t here. I’m not going to sit here for another forty-five minutes while you try and remember the basics of soccer. Let’s just reconvene Thursday.”

Sara saw the out, and despite her inclination to fight it on principle, she wanted to take it desperately. 

“Rip—“

Ava huffed. 

“He trusts me to make the right calls. Trying to train right now would just be a waste of time. I have things I can do alone while you try and sort out whatever is happening with you.”

Sara didn’t hear any bite now. Ava sounded stern, the get-your-shit-together kind of stern. But she wasn’t cruel. Sara had a flash of guilt for the hell she put Ava through, but she shoved it down. She had enough emotional turmoil to sift through. 

Without her patent snark, Sara nodded and began putting the soccer balls back in the bag. Ava waved her off.

“I’ve got it. Besides, your phone is ringing.”

Sara listened and heard the telltale ringtone her sister had put in her phone a year before. Some song by Demi Lovato that Sara barely managed not to hate. 

Sara nodded and started walking away. She stopped and cleared her throat. 

“Thanks.”

Ava face was just beginning to look startled when Sara turned away. She made it to the bleachers and picked up her bag. Laurel had called twice, and would most likely be ringing again within a minute. 

It had been happening like this since school began. Laurel calling and Sara ignoring her until she got tired of hearing Demi screech “sorry, not sorry.” They would talk, Laurel would ask how she was, and Sara would blatantly lie. 

_”Baby, I’m sorry, I’m not sorry. Baby, I’m—“_

Sara picked it up before it could continue. 

“Yeah?”

Her sister sounded relieved.

“Hey, Sara. I’m glad you picked up.”

Sara kicked off her cleats and stuck her socked feet into her slides.

“You usually call later. Everything okay?”

“I have a study session later with some classmates. How are you?”

Sara tried not to sigh. Laurel always turned the conversation back around on Sara. 

Sara had been walking, but now she paused by the back of the athletic building. She almost gave in. She almost broke down and told Laurel that she had a shitty two days and that she dreamed that their mom was still alive. She almost sat against the brick and let the tears threatening to well in her eyes fall. She knew Laurel would be the big sister and talk her through it. She was so close. 

But the same reason that stopped her all the times before stopped her then; she didn’t see how Laurel didn’t blame her just like their dad. And she didn’t want to find out because she happened to cry too much or put too much on Laurel until Laurel snapped. 

So she told her she was fine, said she’d talk to her Friday, and hung up the phone. 

The second she hung up, the ache in her chest grew painful and sharp, and Sara sucked in a deep breath. She pulled out her phone and was calling before she could think better of it. Zari picked up the phone on the first ring. 

“Yo, what’s up?”

Sara opened her mouth and nothing came out. Zari sounded worried when she spoke next. 

“Where are you?”

Sara closed her eyes and leaned against the building. 

“Athletic complex.”

Her voice broke near the end and she hoped Zari didn’t ask anymore questions. 

“Be there in five. Do you want to stay on the line?”

Sara breathed in slowly, calmed by the fact that she had somebody.

“I’m good. We don’t need that kind of awkward.”

Zari chuckled.

“Alright. Just call me if you need to. See you soon.”

Sara dropped the phone to her side and closed her eyes to wait. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Amaya’s car pulled up four minutes later and Zari climbed out of the passenger seat. She approached slowly.

“Hey, I didn’t know if you wanted Amaya to come or not, but she offered to drive. We can just walk somewhere if you want.”

Sara felt like crap.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your date. If you can take me to the dorm you guys can go back to—“

Zari interrupted.

“Dude, we were just hanging out. I promise. You didn’t interrupt anything.” She nudged Sara playfully. “You think I would’ve answered so quickly if I’d been on a date?”

Sara smiled and started walking to the car, making the decision to stick with both of them. 

“No. But Amaya would have made you.”

Zari smiled deploringly. 

“True.”

They reached the car and Sara climbed into the back seat. Amaya turned around and smiled softly.

“Hey.”

It was so soft and so comforting and Sara almost cried right there. Zari got in and, to Sara’s immense appreciation, ruined it. She chucked a yellow bag into Sara’s lap and pointed at it.

“Consume the sugar, Lance.”

Sara laughed and let herself relax. Amaya and Zari were allowed off of her mortal enemy list. 

Amaya rolled her eyes at Zari and refocused on Sara. 

“Anything in particular you want to do?”

Sara thought for a moment, then slowly smiled.

“Have you guys ever been to K.O.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at Sara making progress and being less of a bitch. A little bit...


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! Okay, so I have a real reason this is late and a little short: I was bitten on my thumb by a dog. I write on my phone because my computer is trash and doesn’t work, so I’m sure you can imagine how slow-going writing is when you can only type with one hand. 
> 
> Ultimately, I dusted off my shitty laptop and busted out the rest of this chapter. 
> 
> Anyway, my thumb is broken and my nail might fall off, WOOOT.
> 
> Also, if you want updates on when the chapter is going up instead of having to check all the time, you can find me on Tumblr with the same name. I’m going to start posting when the update is going to be late.
> 
> This is unedited.

Ava had dreaded Monday training from the moment Sara left her apartment until the moment she realized that Sara wasn’t going to show up. She was stretching with Amaya as Zari walked up; alone for the first time since training began. Ava’s questions as to why Sara wasn’t there were met with a quick “she doesn’t feel good.” 

That didn’t mean Ava hadn’t caught the worried look from Amaya or the head shake from Zari that occurred just after.

Ava’s training session was the smoothest and least complicated one she’d had yet. But it felt strange and ill-fitting to make it through an entire practice without wanting to chuck soccer balls at somebody. The feeling had left her frustrated and confused enough that, upon seeing Sara in class, she’d pressed for information despite the instinct that told her it was a bad idea.

Sara had predictably been defensive and snappy, but the comments thrown her way during their project session had been harsher than normal. To Ava’s surprise, she found herself less annoyed and more curious as to the change. 

That curiosity increased and mingled with worry as Sara walked up to the fields for goalie training. The skin around her eyes was bruised by a lack of sleep, her generally confident holding of herself had slipped into a tired slump, and her movements slow. . 

Sara kept pressing her hand to her stomach in a way Ava thought was odd; like she was protecting something. Sara’s eyes were the worst of it, the most troublesome. Fire usually roared there, fierce and aggressive and annoying. Now they were dark. It felt like looking into an empty room. 

That was the first time Ava saw it; the thing that everyone else had apparently caught glimpses of so much earlier: the sadness. Sara didn’t meet her eyes as they warmed up, she didn’t have any comment to make about Ava’s pace or the unmatched socks Ava had accidentally packed that morning that she had been sure Sara would mock her for.

It was unnerving. 

She called the practice before it had really begun, and to make matters worse, Sara seemed so relieved and actually grateful; grateful enough to verbally express it. 

That was the only reason Ava took the long way into the athletic building instead of the back entrance. She just wanted to satiate her concern and her curiosity. Not that she cared about Sara, but as Captain, it was her job to look after her teammates’ well-being. 

What she didn’t expect as she rounded the building was Sara slumped against the wall a ways in front of her. She saw Zari walking toward Sara with poorly concealed worry; behind her, Amaya was waiting in the car. 

Ava quickly pushed through the doors at her left in order to remain unseen, but something far too much like worry lodged itself quietly into the space between her ribs. Removing it seemed futile, so Ava tried to forget it was there entirely. 

She dropped the ball bag off in the storage room and collected her things from the locker room. Sitting down to slide her shoes on, she pulled out her phone. A part of her wanted to text Amaya and ask what was wrong, but she knew Amaya well enough to also know the outcome of that query. Amaya was always going to look out for the privacy and autonomy of others, and if whatever was going on was personal or more than trivial, Amaya wouldn’t say anything at all. 

Even more, she’d probably suggest talking to Sara, and that was never going to happen. Sara would laugh in her face. 

Ava opened up her Facebook account and searched Sara’s name again, but she closed it before the page fully loaded and shook her head. She was already having strange feelings about Sara, she wasn’t about to bring the physical attraction to the surface just to maybe figure out why Sara was such a bitch. 

Ava slipped her shoes onto her feet and stood. 

She didn’t care about Sara Lance. She despised her. 

Ava continued to repeat that in her head until she exited the building and reached her car. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

After that day, Sara seemed to go back to the pesky, aggravating jackass she’d always been. She kept her snark on maximum power throughout all of warm-up and training, sending little jabs Ava’s way. Ava, with her new knowledge of Sara Lance, looked for something new. She noticed the way Sara seemed to study her with an edge of challenge and what looked like fear in her eyes; like she was afraid that Ava knew something she shouldn’t. Which, Ava conceded, she might just.

The ending scrimmage that day had Sara posted up against Ava in the box while Helen took a corner kick. Sara pressed her back against Ava to attempt to break her concentration with little bumps and well-placed shoves. It was a common technique for anyone guarding a goalie; a technique that hardly worked on Ava. She had a talent in remaining focused and solid even with opponents slamming their elbows into her sides. A part of that had to do with her height, and a part had to do with her confidence that she could be where she needed to be when the time came. 

She was used to it, ready for it, even. Sara’s attempt shouldn’t have been any different to her, but as with everything involving Lance, it was.

Sara was covered in sweat and her loose hairs were plastered against the skin of her neck and cheeks. She’d walked right in front of Ava and given her a condescending turn of her lips before facing Helen and _pressing_ back into Ava’s right arm and side. 

Now, Helen was backing up to strike, and all Ava could fucking think about was why she was as close to literally-on-fire as she could be without smoke flickering off her skin. Sara was overheating her arm from their combined body heat, but that didn’t explain why Ava’s cheeks were flaring in what must’ve been a spectacular blush. 

She swallowed painfully and blinked to focus, giving Sara a sharp shove off of her to try and breathe. But Sara moved like a goddamn yoyo, and she was back against Ava within seconds, her own shoulder knocking back and sending Ava off-balance. 

Helen struck a perfect cross and Ava’s teeth slammed together as she forced herself to pay the fuck attention. The ball curled high and right into the cluster of players in front of Ava. She felt Sara shift against her and jump up as Zari headed the ball toward them. It wasn’t safe, really, she should have been in front of Sara at this point, but she had no choice but to strike forward with her left fist and punch the ball back out. 

Sara jumped up, her shoulder catching Ava’s wrist just as it reached the ball, and the ball glanced pathetically off of her glove before hitting Sara’s chest. With expected grace and skill, Sara cut the ball between her legs in an attempt to get a shot. Ava’s leg shot out, catching it and popping it up and out of her space; only for it to be rocketing back in toward her from Helen on the edge of the penalty box. 

Ava dove sideways and did the only thing she could; she knocked the ball out for another corner. 

Rip caught her attention, pausing the practice. 

“Ava, you know you can’t let the opposing player keep positioning like that when the ball in in your box.”

Ava ground her jaw and purposefully avoided looking at Sara. 

“I know, coach.”

It was a normal thing to have Rip consistently offering advice or corrections to the team, but Ava heard them rarely. To hear a correction on something she normally excelled at, something she _knew_ how to do… It was embarrassing and it pissed her off. 

She sucked in a breath and held steady as Sara found position in front of her once more, Helen moving to the corner. 

Sara glanced over her shoulder and smirked.

“Your face is a little red, Sharpie. You alright?”

Ava huffed and shoved a little roughly at Sara’s shoulder. 

“You’re making me hot.”

Ava almost melted of embarrassment in that moment as she realized what she’d said. Sara, for her part, actually seemed shocked. Ava rolled her eyes to play it off.

“ _Temperature_ -hot. Idiot.”

Sara’s lips turned up in a sly grin and she chuckled. 

“If you think about it. . . that’s not much better.”

Ava ground her teeth. 

“Just. . . shut up.”

Sara pressed more into Ava’s body, her back against Ava’s arm. Sara twisted slightly, and Ava desperately tried not to feel how the muscles shifted against her skin. 

Helen wound back and sprung forward, her placement slightly off, sending the ball curling right toward Ava. 

Not willing to let Sara make a fool of herself twice for the same damn thing, Ava stepped back, let Sara fall off balance, and cut in front of her to make the easy save. The ball landed into raised hands and she brought it to her chest. 

The team began to adjust, moving toward the other side, but Sara took her time. She shuffled backward as Ava moved further into the box, a grin on her face that really had no business looking that sinfully smug. 

“Going to try and crash the ball into the back of my head again?”

Ava shifted it in her hands, tempted, but not dumb enough to do it again; or admit to it.

“I told you that was an accident.”

Sara continued back away even as Ava punted the ball far into the field, perfectly on target. Sara glanced back just in time to see it caught by Lily’s feet. She gave Ava a disbelieving look. 

“Riiight.”

Rip’s voice sounded from the other side of the field. 

“Sara, get into position and stop trying to piss off your captain, please.”

Ava felt a delightful bit of satisfaction at the annoyance that passed very quickly over Sara’s expression. It was blasted away by the eye-roll she received. 

“Don’t look so pleased, Sharpe. You’re still a firetruck.”

And Ava’s brilliant response of ‘not all firetrucks are red’ pretty much inflicted twice the damage Sara’s stupid comment did. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Their first intramural softball game was happening twenty minutes after their one-on-one training session thursday. A session, an hour, in which Ava was relieved of any kind of sarcasm or bitching on Sara’s end. It was masterful, really, almost impossible, that Sara was capable of silence; much less actual critical analysis and useful advice. Not that Ava would ever tell her that she had anything viable to add. 

Every time Sara caught herself from breaking their deal, her face twisted in frustration and she kicked the next ball a little harder than normal. It anything Ava could have asked for, and laughing at it was entirely worth the _next_ rocketed ball at her. 

Zari, Lily, and Amaya sauntered up to the fields fifteen minutes before they completed their session with a large bag of which the contents were unknown. Ava was more than frightened. She immediately began the mental preparation it would require for her to call Ray for the second time in five days and apologize for Lily breaking in again. 

Instead, her roommate excitedly whipped open the bag and tugged out a baseball tee with royal blue half-sleeves and and a white torso. Ava felt like she’d had ice-water poured down the center of her back as a memory from the night out- now dubbed ‘Waffle Night” by Lily- came back to her. 

She had already been tipsy Lily came to say goodbye, which explained why it slipped her mind, but now it was there in terrifying clarity. 

_”Aaaaves!”_

_Ava caught a sloppy Lily in her arms as she tried to go in for a hug._

_“Jesus, Lil. How much have you had to drink?”_

_Lily blew out, basically spitting in Ava’s face, and held up her middle and forefinger._

_“Pico de gallo.”_

_Asha snickered beside her, her hand resting on Ava’s hip._

_“Does your roommate want salsa or is she trying to say un poco?”_

_Ava sighed and pushed Lily to a proper standing position._

_“It’s better to avoid guessing with her. You’ll probably be wrong.”_

_Asha grinned and squeezed Ava’s hip gently before letting go._

_“I’ll grab us another round while you handle that.”_

_Ava waited for her to go and refocused on her very drunk roommate._

_“Is Amaya taking you home?”_

_Lily waggled her finger._

_“YES. But did she tell you about the meeting? For the soft balls?”_

_Ava rolled her eyes._

_“I’m assuming that inflection was on purpose.”_

_Lily’s eyes went cloudy and she snickered._

_“Balls. Baaaaalls. Ballsaac-”_

_“Okay! Jesus.”_

_Lily wiggled a little and placed her hands on Ava’s shoulders. She met her eyes with attempted seriousness._

_“Ava.”_

_“Yes?”_

_“I have a question for you.”  
Ava chuckled._

_“Go for it.”_

_Lily’s eyes widened and she squealed._

_“Thanks!”_

_She took off without another word, ignoring Ava calling after her in fear._

_“But you didn’t ask anything! Lily! Lily, get back here. What did I not just agree to?”_

It had been too late, and Asha had returned with their drinks and her hands, and Ava had decided Lily was too drunk to remember anyway.

She had been wrong. Ava was sure, without a doubt, that Lily had orchestrated everything for this very moment. The name “Farmer Sharpe’s Ava-cados” was sprawled across the white in blue, and Ava wanted to die a little bit. Several yards away, Sara practically fell to the ground howling, her entire body involving itself in her amusement. 

Apparently Zari and Amaya were seeing the uniforms for the first time as well, and their reactions did nothing to help Ava’s quickly depleting mood. Zari snorted and decided matching Sara in her amusement was a good idea. 

Amaya attempted to hide her own amusement even as Ava glared, but soon that amusement turned to shock when she saw something Ava still couldn’t see. Amaya pointed at the back of the shirt. 

“Lily…. what does that say?”

Lily proudly whipped the shirt around to reveal more words. “I bet you wish you could hit this” took up the entirety of the backside of the shirt, and Ava thought about dropping out of UCF and transferring to the community college by her house. 

“Lily….”

The laughter surrounding her hit ultimate levels upon the reveal, and Lily stood proudly with her creation. 

“You said I could.”

Ava didn’t know how to speak beyond pleas for Lily to burn the bag, but Lily responded like she understood what Ava’s silence meant. 

“Semantics.”

Ava’s mouth dropped open.

“It was _not_ semantics! Semantics involve a misunderstanding of words! It was a lack of words that got us to this point!”

Lily shrugged, then smirked. 

“Tomato, Tahmato.”

Ava was unsure what Rip would say if she hung Lily upside-down from a goal post using the t-shirts, but Amaya stopped her from having to find out. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara found herself actually giggling every few moments when she thought about the uniforms Lily had made for the entire team. She was appropriately proud that it all stemmed from her, and Lily had given her her uniform top first. Apparently the backs were all customized, because Sara’s said “I’ll leave you in stitches.” 

She wondered for a moment where Lily got the money or the access to do this, but quickly decided it was better not to ask. She also gave Ava space as the five of them walked toward the practice fields that the intramural games were played at. There was ragging on a generally rational captain, and then there was poking an annoyed bear. Besides, the entire rest of the intramural softball season would have Sara’s snark being thrown in Ava’s face. 

Her amusement went from one hundred to zero very quickly when they arrived at the diamond. Lily grabbed Ava’s arm excitedly and pointed toward a team in red t-shirts. 

“Is that Asha?”

The name rang immediate bells in Sara’s head, and her mood soured before she could even figure out why. She saw Ava freeze, her cheeks turning a splotchy red, and she felt the urge to make some kind of vicious comment to stop whatever thoughts Ava was having. Instead, she followed Lily’s gesture to a cluster of three girls; all uncomfortably beautiful. One of them seemed to notice their attention before Ava could yank Lily’s arm from it’s position. 

Sara did like her. Especially not when who she assumed to be Asha began sauntering toward them with her lips pulling into a pleased smirk. Ava seemed to become more flustered as the other woman approached. It wasn’t long before she was standing in front of them. 

“Amaya, Lily… Ava.”

Amaya smiled warmly, Lily gave a shit-eating smirk, and Ava made a squeaky hello that had Sara scoffing internally. Asha smiled at her and tilted her head.

“I don’t know how I missed the fact that I’d be playing you.”

Amaya interceded while Ava found words.

“When I was telling Ava about our practice, you were otherwise occupied.”

Sara thought all the blood in Ava’s body must be going to her head with the way it was so red. Lily made it worse. 

“I’m sure you guys didn’t have much time for talking. Unless, you know, it was over the waffl-”

Ava blurted over Lily in an attempt to curtail the conversation. 

“This is Sara Lance!”

Asha looked much too pleased as she allowed the subject change and focused on Sara. She raised a brow. 

“Hello. I’m Asha.”

Sara spoke before her brain registered.

“I got that.”

It didn’t quite sound bitter, but Asha’s brows dipped in confused amusement for a moment and returned to Ava.

“I’ll let you guys warm up.” She glanced at the uniform Lily had forced Ava into. “Interesting name.”

Lily, being a worse shit than Sara at times like this, jerked Ava around to show Asha the back. 

“I designed them. They all have a quote. Like Ava’s?”

Asha saw the inscription and her expression went inappropriately lascivious- in Sara’s opinion- as she read it out loud. 

“You wish you could hit this?” She smirked and gave Ava a wink before starting to walk away. “I guess my wish came true?”

Sara huffed at her back.

“It’s a pun because she’s the pitcher, idiot.”

At Zari’s wide and amused eyes, Sara stomped away to warm up with Helen and Gwen as they approached.

Sara hoped Asha was pitcher so she could maybe, accidentally, possibly on purpose hit Asha with the softball. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

They lost the game by three, though Sara blamed it on the fact that the “Hot Tamales”- a stupid name- were stacked with players from UCF’s team. And by stacked, she meant that they had three players. But Asha being one of them really didn’t make the loss any easier to accept. 

Asha had, in fact, been the pitcher, but Sara had failed to hit her with any softballs. She’d barely even gotten the bat on the ball with the speed they crossed the plate. But she took pride in the fact that she hadn’t been struck out. 

The team as a whole was decent considering they all had above-average reflexes and coordination, but there was an awkwardness that always came with new things. Those mistakes were really what cost the game, but Sara was very content to blame Asha instead. 

She wasn’t content with _why_ she was in such a state, but avoidance was a simple and easy task for somebody who’d been jamming down their emotions for almost an entire year. 

When they lined up to slap hands like adolescents, Sara made sure to put a little extra oomf into Asha’s. 

Ava called them all into a huddle as soon as they finished clearing out the dugout for the next team. She smiled at them. 

“We did really well against what are expected to be the league winners this year.” 

Sara saw Ava’s eyes light up in a way that showed she meant it, that she wasn’t just talking them up. She looked more like a friend and less like a captain here. Ava continued.

“Would you guys be down for a couple practices to work on some basics? It isn’t required, I know we’re all busy balancing soccer and school, possibly jobs, but if you’re all interested in competing seriously, it might be good.”

There was a smattering of responses with various answers, most positive, and it was decided that they would practice twice a month on days everyone could meet on. Lily slapped Ava’s back and grinned.

“Alright, now that the boring stuff is over, let’s go get pizza.” 

A round of cheers sounded from the team, and Sara assumed it was some sort of tradition that she was about to be forced into. They all began walking toward the lot as a group, and to Sara’s chagrin, Asha and her two softball minions- they were probably nice people- approached. Asha smiled.

“Not to invite ourselves, but….”

She left it hanging for somebody else to pick up. Sara tried to hide a smug grin, because no way in hell would Ava be inviting another team that they _lost_ to to their team bonding shindig. Apparently Ava was stupid though, because she gave a calm smile.

“The more, the merrier. Right?”

Sara grabbed Zari.

“You good to ride with Amaya?”

Zari frowned and nodded.

“Yeah, but why?

Sara shrugged.

“I have things to punch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried something a little new with this chapter. I needed to pass time, but I didn’t just want to skip it, so I did little bursts. Did it work? What did you think. 
> 
> Anyway, any comments are welcome. I enjoy hearing what you guys have to say.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I didn’t lose my nail. 
> 
> Also, I want you to know that I used me updating this chapter as a bargaining chip for information, and I am sorry I was about to withhold it another day. I am too stubborn... but I got the information (Thanks Kiwi). 
> 
> This is unedited.

Ava noticed Sara’s absence too quickly to admit upon arrival at their favorite, locally-owned pizza shop. She waited until after Ruby-the shop’s namesake- came out to personally greet them before she even brought it up. 

Amaya sat a her left and Lily at her right. Asha was in front of her easily making friends with Helen and Gwen. Ava could see her interest in Gwen almost immediately, and she figured she’d let nature take its course with that one. 

Instead, she leaned forward so she could see Zari past Amaya.

“Lance isn’t with you?”

Zari’s eyes flickered mischievously, and Ava really should’ve taken that as a warning to back down.

“She’s headed to K.O.”

That caught Asha’s attention. 

“The boxing gym?”

Ava frowned and focused on Zari. 

“Sara boxes?”

Amaya snickered. 

“I’m confused as to why that surprises you considering everything.”

Ava went on the defensive.

“She never mentioned it.”

Zari laughed and shook her head.

“What a shocker. I forgot you guys were pals.”

Lily invaded Ava’s space and interjected.

“Just gals being pals.”

Ava crossed her arms and bumped Lily off her shoulder. She tried not to notice the very amused look she was receiving from her previous one night stand. 

Deciding to cut the conversation off before any more absurd insinuations could be made, Ava stood from the table.

“I’m calling her. She can’t bail on team bonding.”

Lily “awed” and Ava smacked her shoulder in annoyance before making her way to the hallway by the bathrooms. She didn’t think of a single plan of action before placing the call. 

Sara answered on the fourth ring with a sickly-sweet voice.

“Sharpie, a call? To what do I owe such a delight?”

“Where are you?”

The sound of a door closing and people talking broke into the background. 

“Busy.”

Ava clenched her jaw and faced away from the entrance to the hall. 

“This is a teamc activity, Lance.”

Sara scoffed.

“Is that why you invited waffles, butter, and syrup?”

Ava made a face of bewilderment before it hit her.

“Asha? She’s not a part of an opposing school’s team. She’s a student of UCF.”

The sound of Velcro un-strapping and strapping sounded close to the phone. 

“Remind me how that includes her in our _team_ bonding exercises?”

Ava figured that she had a point, but it wasn’t like she would give that to Sara. Her mindset hadn’t been out of game-mode, and she’d seen an opportunity to get information from somebody who played the sport. It seemed slightly misguided now, but only because it gave Sara any kind of one-up on her. 

“You need to be here by the time the pizza arrives. Ruby’s Pizza.”

Sara laughed. 

“Fat chance, Sharpie.”

Ava knew somewhere in her mind that she was becoming somewhat irrationally frustrated. 

“Rip-“

“Rip will totally understand my confusion upon realizing it was a team activity once I tell him other people were invited. An honest mistake.”

Ava’s jaw ached with how tightly it was clenched. She didn’t have a response that would get Sara to come to the pizza place, so instead she hung up; with force. 

Ava attempted to conceal her anger as she returned to the table, but she doubted her rigid posture was a help. 

Amaya gave her a sideways look but said nothing as Ava sat. 

Asha had no such common sense. She studied Ava curiously.

“Is this Sara your girl?”

There was a double spit-take from Zari and Lily, although Ava would bet her cats that Lily did it on purpose for dramatic effect. 

Ava didn’t know how to respond without breaking something, but Asha took her silence as an answer and she grimaced.

“I’m not wanting to be in the middle of your Ross and Rachel situation. Sorry if my pres-“

Ava stood back up abruptly and cleared her throat. 

“I’m not-“ she stopped and lowered her voice because her entire team was listening avidly enough already. “I’m not, nor would I ever, date Sara Lance.”

Every millisecond that passed had Ava regretting her invitation to Asha and her friends. 

Asha smirked.

“You know what they say about being overly defensive….”

Ava refrained from doing something rash in order to not dig a bigger hole for herself. She slowly sat in her seat and took a drink of her water. 

“I can assure you, I’m not interested.”

Asha chuckled.

“Doesn’t mean she isn’t.”

Ava went from aggressively uncomfortable and trapped to intrigued, but she rolled her eyes.

“Hilarious.”

Asha shrugged. Lily held up a finger.

“What an interesting observation that nobody else ever noticed or thought about.”

Ava questioned often whether she should actually remain Lily The Backstabber’s friend. 

Introspective nods from her teammates around the large table made her grimace. 

Amaya came to her rescue. 

“Hey, look, pizza.”

Three waiters set five different pizzas on the table and most of the team dove in, losing the thread of the conversation. 

Asha grinned at her knowingly, and Ava excused herself to the bathroom.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava hadn’t let anything go by the time they left the restaurant. She stewed in it the entire way home, remaining silent while Lily chatted her ear off about some hulking man on the football team that she wanted to bang. 

She felt sick to her stomach and irritable, her mind unceasing in its processing and incapability to comprehend anything that had happened at the pizza place. 

She had conflicting feelings about the entire matter. On one hand, she knew she didn’t like Sara. She knew. You can be physically attracted to somebody and never in a million years want to date them. 

Ava bypassed the fact that she admitted so easily that she found Sara attractive.

So no, there was no way she liked Sara. But she didn’t know what the insinuation had bothered her so much; why it continued to bother her. 

She looked at the other proffered suggestion that she vehemently denied: Sara was in any way interested in her beyond having a punching bag for all her unspent bitchiness. 

Lily smacked the dash hard enough that Ava almost yelped in shock. 

“Jesus Christ, Lily. What the hell?”

Lily raised her brow.

“I’ve literally been talking to you for fifteen minutes. I told you I was going to wear a sexy duck costume to practice tomorrow and you sound that ‘sounded nice.’”

Ava huffed.

“Can you believe they thought Lance and I were a thing?” Ava held up a hand. “Never mind, you were part of the ambush.”

Lily’s sigh ended in a chuckle. 

“Can you blame us? You guys are magnets that constantly shift poles. You always end up next to each other just to get flung apart. You have to admit that there’s some kind of attraction there.”

Ava tightened her grip on the wheel.

“She seeks me out just to be rude. She finds fault in everything I do. Even if she was interested, why the fuck would I be?”

Lily kicked her feet up. It said something about Ava’s state that she didn’t knock them down immediately. 

“It wouldn’t make logical sense, obviously. But attraction isn’t necessarily logical. That being said, you deserve a million times more than somebody who treats you like shit. So like, don’t go there.”

Ava threw up a hand.

“I’m literally not! I’m not that stupid. And as much as I think Sara is a little shit, she’s not immature enough to act like a boy who was never taught how to treat people.”

Lily purses her lips. 

“Who knows. You guys could always fuck it out and see if that’s what the tension is?”

A hot flush wavered through her and she gritted her teeth. 

“Never in a million years.”

Lily waggled her eyebrows playfully, but she let the conversation end.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Despite her adamance that Sara wasn’t interested in her, the thought remained in her head. When she saw Sara the next morning, she couldn’t stop glancing at her, trying to see something she missed before. 

Of course, this prompted Sara to become more annoying.

“Damn, Sharpie. Can’t look away from limitless talent, can you?”

Ava rolled her eyes and watched the ball cross the field on the opposite half. 

“You’re out of position, Lance.”

Sara was, in fact, out of position. Sara was out of position a lot just to be a bitch. Sara smirked at her. 

“I’m pretty good at adapting to new positions.”

Ava willed her cheeks not to flush. 

“Gross. Go away.”

Sara motioned toward Ava’s cheeks. 

“But your cheeks get so red.”

Rip shouted, the exasperation obvious in his voice.

“Miss Lance, I’m sure I don’t know why you’re not in position.”

Sara winked at Ava and started jogging away. Sara’s hand came down to her right side, and she flipped Ava off with a quick gesture that Rip couldn’t see. 

Ava rubbed her forehead. Fucking jackass.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Of course Sara ended up at their apartment later that night as well. Not that anyone told Ava. 

Ava had never been a prude, nor was she self-conscious about her body. She was also comfortable with her roommates. This led to her sometimes strolling through their apartment in a sports bra and athletic shorts after coming back from a run or just because she wanted to. It was normal. Amaya did it too. Lily went the full nine yards and forewent clothing altogether. 

So Ava, having not been warned in any way whatsoever that two people would be joining them at their apartment, strolled into the hallway in a rainbow bra Lily had given her. She pulled her headphones out as she neared the living room. She was holding a book in one hand, a water bottle in the other, and she didn’t look up until somebody whistled. It was Lily, of course.

“Damn, Aves. Look at those abs. That V. Those arms. I didn’t know you were an exhibitionist but I appreciate the show.”

Ava rolled her eyes, still not looking up.

“Says the girl who saunters around in the nude on a weekly basis.”

Lily chuckled. 

“Duh, but not in front of other people.”

That had Ava almost dropping her book as she attempted to look up and cover herself at the same time. She met Sara’s eyes first, and even though she was uncomfortable and shocked, she registered Sara’s jaw slung a little low and her eyes flickering up, down, and away repetitively. 

Ava growled at Amaya, who had Zari at her side and an amused tilt to her lips. 

“A little fucking warning, Amaya.”

Amaya held out her hands.

“Hey, I figured you’d heard us come in.”

Ava dramatically lifted the headphones where they hung off her shoulders. 

“I did not.” Ava looked back at Sara and found the girl’s eyes firmly glued to her stomach. She pointed at her. “Also, explain why you guys can’t go on a date without a tag-along?”

Sara jerked her eyes up and she put an awkward attempt at snarky in her voice. 

“Hey, don’t blame me.”

Amaya grinned.

“Yeah, Sara is our friend too. This wasn’t a date night.”

Ava rolled her eyes and turned to storm back down the hallway. 

“I don’t fucking get why. She’s a menace to humanity.”

Sara shouted at her back,

“Just to you, Farmer Sharpe.”

“Fuck you, Lance.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava couldn’t stop noticing things after that. And her unbreakable faith that there was nothing there started to chip away as she caught Sara watching her and started listening to her insults and jokes to what they were based off of. The more she heard, the angrier she got. 

Because it didn’t make sense that Sara was interested in her as anything at all; even if she just wanted to fuck. People who wanted to fuck other people acted like Asha. Or Constantine. Or even Lily. Why treat somebody like shit constantly? It didn’t add up.

It was infuriating that she couldn’t just ignore Sara like she’d been doing for months now. Now, there was a question to be answered, and Ava really wasn’t good with unanswered questions. 

It didn’t help that she was already beginning to stress about her family arriving the next week. She loved them, really. But her mother and sister added a level of complication to her day-to-day that she had a hard time accommodating. 

It was overwhelming to the point that she actually spent her weekend holed up in her room with her cats getting ahead on her homework assignments and pretending the outside world didn’t exist. 

She made it to Saturday night, having skipped roommate dinner, when Amaya and Lily decided to end her hermacy. 

She was sitting on her bed with her notebook, searching her notes for answers to the textbook questions, when she heard whispering outside her door (she’d decided to give up headphones entirely for the time being). 

After moment, there was a knock.

“Aves, we have something for you.”

Ava sighed and flipped to the next page of notes.

“I’m busy, can it wait?”

Lily huffed.

“Alright, Maya, we tried it your way. My turn.”

Ava had just enough time to fear for her life before the door was flung open lines of silly string arced across the room. Ava tried to cover her schoolwork while also hiding her face. 

“Oh my god, Lily, you didn’t share this element of your plan. Where did you even get silly string?”

There was a struggle, and Ava looked up to find her two roommates practically wrestling over the silly string. Amaya impressively twister Lily over her shoulder and dislodged the can from her hand. She pointed at her. 

“Stay.” Amaya’s attention refocused on Ava. “Alright, put the books away, stooge. We need girl talk.”

Ava motioned her her work.

“I have so much left to do.”

Amaya narrowed her eyes, only distracted for a moment when Lily tried to move from the floor. A quick glare kept her in place, and Amaya turned back. 

“Since you lose your moral high ground when frustrated, I’m going to assume that you are lying without lying as you tend to do. That either means that you have homework on your left side that you want to finish, or, you have a lot left in the semester that you have left.”

From upside down on the ground, Lily “ooohed” and did finger guns at Ava. 

Ava glared at them both.

“You’re both the worst roommates I could have asked for.”

Lily rolled onto her stomach. 

“Buuuut, you still asked for us. Can’t make that our fault.”

Amaya leaned over the bed and started collecting her assignments, setting them in piles like Ava always did. 

“Look, Aves. We know you have a lot on your mind. We just want to help.”

Ava leaned against her headboard and sighed.

“I don’t want to go drink or get laid. I’m not in the mood.”

Lily started to contrast the statement with what Ava assumed was “who wouldn’t want to get laid,” but Amaya cut her off. 

“That isn’t what we’re offering. Come on. It’s Tiki’s and beach time.”

Ava tried to act like she wasn’t interested, but they hadn’t had a road trip and beach day in a while. 

Amaya, expectedly, saw right through it. She smiled at Ava and tilted her head.

“Get your stuff ready. We’ll leave around four.”

Lily dropped her face into the carpet. Her words were muffled when she spoke.

“In the morning?”

Ava slowly stood and let out her first smile in over forty hours.

“Of course. Beach days are nothing without hearing you complain about how tired you are for two hours.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

They’d set out any gear they would need the night before and strapped their surfboards onto a rack on Ava’s car. All that was left to do in the morning was grab their food that they’d prepped and load it in a cooler. 

Ava had on soft jean shorts and a t-shirt on, and she had a pair of flip flops on her feet. She carried the cooler to the car while Amaya held their miscellaneous bag and Lily complained about absolutely everything.

“Somehow the absence of sun is worse than its presence. How is that possible?”

Amaya, clearly the most awake, was the designated driver for these excursions. Ava took her own passenger seat while Lily collapsed in the back and promptly fell unconscious. Unluckily for everyone, she was notoriously bad at sleeping in a car, and she woke within minutes of them driving. 

Amaya, always prepared, shoved a pear into her hands. It gave them a few more blessed moments of silence. 

About fifteen minutes in, Amaya turned on the radio to a country station and all the windows rolled down. It was one of Ava’s favorite things in the world: riding in a car with the wind racing across her skin and country music playing in the background. 

They didn’t speak beyond the sparse requests for a song change or for a snack ask from Lily, and within an hour and a half they were pulling up into the lot by their favorite beach. 

The day always went according to a loose plan: surf, eat and talk, swim and talk, sunbathe and talk. The three of them had some of their most beautiful breakthroughs and discoveries from these trips, and they tried to aim for these trips at least twice a semester. 

Ava breathed in the smell of the ocean and closed her eyes to let it settle in her chest. 

They unloaded the their gear and made their way to the on-site bathrooms to put on their rash guards. Ava was the first out, and she waited somewhat impatiently for the other two. 

It was interesting, the way she got almost giddy at prospect of being in the water. She wasn’t anywhere near the best surfer, even Amaya, who’d only began a year before, had surpassed her, but she loved it. 

Lily and Amaya exited quickly after, and they trudged along the beach to a spot far enough away from the lot that they’d have a long time to be relatively alone. 

Ava dropped the cooler into the sand and didn’t wait a moment longer before running for the ocean. 

She ignored the harsh bite of the cool water and jumped out, holding herself to her board with one hand while the rest of her body submerged until the spray. 

She heard the muffled splashes on either side of her, and she smiled to herself; feeling relaxed and calm and unworried about anything besides the salty water enveloping her. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Lily set down a massive plate of fries three waters. 

“Alright, time to eat and cry our hearts out.”

Ava picked a curly fry from the bag and bit a piece off. It burned, but she chewed it anyway. Tiki’s had the best fries. 

“Just overall stress I think.”

Amaya cracked open her water.

“Might I take a few guesses?”

Ava chuckled and finished the fry. 

“I don’t know if they’re guesses if you actually just know the answers.”

Amaya shrugged.

“I think it’s called omicience if it’s not guesses though.” 

Ava motioned begrudgingly and Amaya continued. 

“Sara, your mother, Ali, Sara?”

Ava rolled her eyes.

“Sara doesn’t deserve two appearances on the list.”

Amaya shook her head.

“I think it’s fitting. Sara, in general, is a pain in your ass; that’s one. Sara, two, is now on your mind for other reasons. The second one is most likely causing a lot of your stress. But I bet your family’s impending arrival is simply heightening the stress of Sara squared.”

Lily smacked the table.

“Hot damn, she’s good.”

Ava dropped her chin onto her hand and ate an entire fry. 

“Whatever, it’s not that hard. I’m sure Amaya will want to talk about Zari. And Zari. And Zari.”

Amaya smirked and shrugged.

“You’re not wrong. But it’s rude to assume that’s all I have to say.”

Lily held up a hand.

“Hey, I have things too.”

Ava flicked a fry at her.

“How surprising considering how much you share about the negative highlights of your life on the daily.”

Lily flicked a fry back.

“Rude. Your Squara problem is really making you mean.”

Amaya laughed.

“Squara. I like that.” She ate her own fry. “Who wants to go first?”

Ava pointed at Amaya. 

“You. I always have to start it.”

Amaya nodded.

“Fine. I haven’t had sex with Zari.”

Ava almost spit out the fry she’d just attempted to inhale. 

“What?”

Lily looked utterly delighted. 

Amaya carried normally as expected.

“Yeah, I haven’t had sex with her. And it’s so okay. I really don’t see the point of rushing, but she seems scared? And I don’t know if she feels pressured or if she’s never done it? I don’t want her to think she has to be with me. I know she came here for school and soccer, and maybe she thought she was obligated-“

Ava cut her friend off before she could get any further. Amaya didn’t ramble often; almost never. She also didn’t show much negative emotion, so her fear here was strong. 

“Maya, she isn’t with you out of obligation. I can guarantee that she enjoys being with you. And Zari doesn’t seem like the kind of person to ever let herself be forced into a situation. As for the sex..”

Lily took over, her normally goofy exterior gone to reveal a rare seriousness. 

“I’m going to be honest with you, Maya. You’re cool confidence is intimidating sometimes. The first time I saw you before a game, you didn’t even seem scared. You weren’t nervous and you weren’t acting any differently. It freaked me out. I may be wrong, but if you approach sex with the same calmness and lack of nerves, there’s a chance she might feel inadequate or inexperienced.”

Ava sometimes marveled at the things Lily picked up on but didn’t share. She nodded.

“She makes a good point. A very good point. Have you talked to her?”

Amaya grimaced.

“Sort of? She isn’t always comfortable with talking about emotions. And so I usually let it drop if it looks like she’s getting uncomfortable. I don’t want to push too hard.”

Ava shifted into a more comfortable position on her chair.

“That’s awesome, really, but some things need to be talked about anyway so that everyone is on the same page, you know?”

Amaya nodded slowly, then smiled.

“I’ll talk to her tonight, then.”

Ava gave a playful scoff.

“Jesus, I wish the solutions to my problems were that simple.”

Lily’s shit-eating grin returned.

“You could also talk to Sara about sex… or just do it.”

Ava chucked another fry at her.

“Be nice to me like you were to Amaya.”

Lily shook her head. 

“You don’t learn from softness. You’re too stubborn.”

Amaya nodded her agreement. 

“It’s true. You are bad at taking advice when it isn’t punched into your face.”

Ava sighed.

“I don’t want to be punched today, thanks though.”

Lily slapped her arm. 

“That’s too bad, Aves. Tell us what’s wrong. Spare no details.”

Amaya was less forceful.

“We can start with your familial visit?”

Ava nodded and rubbed her forehead tiredly.

“I know I talk about this a lot, so I’m sorry. My mom and sister are just kind of a sore point for me.”

Amaya nudged her foot. 

“Don’t apologize.”

Ava rested her fingers on the metal table.

“I just know that my mom will ask me at least forty times if soccer is _really_ something I want to waste my time on. My sister is on her way to as school, and that just makes so much sense to both of them that my choices always seem foolish. I don’t know if I can deal with that for almost a week.”

Amaya nodded thoughtfully.

“Your dad usually does a good job intervening, doesn’t he?”

Ava shrugged. 

“Yeah, but it doesn’t change the fact that they don’t approve.”

Lily chewed thoughtfully, then pointed a fry at Ava.

“We will intervene too. If your mom even mentions career paths, I’ll talk about all the sex I have.”

Ava scoffed and tried to hide her smile.

“I don’t think that will work.”

Lily sighed.

“Probably not, but look, dude: you are doing what you love, you know? You don’t _want_ to change anything. You don’t need to. You’re good at what you’ve pursued in your life, and you’ll be successful in that. Sometimes people just need time to see that.”

Amaya smiled.

“Besides, I’m pretty sure last time they were here, Lily bludgeoned her way through a conversation with your mom and Ali that was meant to be subtle; about supporting the people you love and all. Your dad was losing his shit in the kitchen and pretending it was due to how funny the movie was. I’m not sure if you noticed, but he was watching ‘No Country for Old Men.’ That movie isn’t funny. At all.”

Lily huffed. 

“I don’t understand your father’s taste in movies. They’re either cheesy or they’re the most depressing shit you’ve ever seen. But yeah, I can have another one of those conversations if you want.”

Ava sighed and chuckled. 

“My mom tried to apologize later that night if she ever seemed unsupportive of me. She kept looking toward Zari’s room in fear and confusion. But that only lasted a couple months before she was suggesting I look at internships that just happened to take place during soccer season.”

Amaya smiled sadly. 

“People need time to grow. It doesn’t make them right, but it makes them human.”

Ava blew out a breath and nodded, feeling a weight on her chest lessen.

“Thank you.”

There was silence for a moment, then Lily leaned forward.

“Sooo, this Squara situation....”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys thought. Things are getting interesting...


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is late, I’m aware. Let’s just say I’ll update every Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday lol. 
> 
> This week was a little packed and I didn’t get to write much. That means this chapter is short.
> 
> BUUUUT, guess what? Some good stuff is happening very soon. This is a filler, but next week’s won’t be. I hope you enjoy anyway. 
> 
> This is unedited

Lily pointed a fry at Ava sternly and expectantly. Ava rolled her eyes. 

“I can ignore her, usually. I know you guys are her friends, but sometimes having somebody attacking me whenever I’m in a room with them is draining. I know I’m not innocent. I’ve said shitty stuff to her. But I don’t seek her out like she does to me.”

Amaya immediately looked torn, her brow dipping into a furrow. 

“I want you to know that I’m on your side in this. I really don’t know why Sara chooses you to badger when she is perfectly capable of being, all things considered, not a total jackass. Normally….” Amaya sighed and looked away. “There are elements of this I’m not able to share. Sara has a lot going on. It’s not an excuse; I’m not excusing her behavior, understand. But I also cannot drop her as a friend when she needs them.”

Ava burned with curiosity and mild frustration. She wanted to know, but she also didn’t. She didn’t want to feel empathy for Sara; she didn’t want to care. 

She wasn’t upset with Amaya’s choice because she knew that her friend never acted without sound judgement and understanding. If Amaya said Sara needed her, Ava believed it. 

“I’m not upset with you for being friends with her. And honestly, I can deal with her being an idiot ninety-five percent of the time. But now..” Ava trailed off and tried really hard to look nonchalant. “I don’t like her. Like that, I mean.”

Lily nodded.

“As you’ve said. Though, you are attracted to her?”

Amaya’s eyes widened subtly at this, and Ava fought back a blush. She weakly waved a hand. 

“I mean… no? Yes. But not her, just…” Ava groaned. “She’s beautiful. I’d have to be blind not to see that.”

Lily grinned easily.

“Definitely. She’s a hottie.”

Ava shrugged. 

“But I’ve kind of noticed what everyone is saying now, and it’s so irritating. Even if it’s just attraction on her end like I expect, it still doesn’t explain why she acts the way she does.” Ava dropped her head back and let out a slow exhale. “I shouldn’t have to deal with this in _college._

Amaya have her an understanding, if amused, grin.

“I’ll talk to Sara and see if I can’t get to her back off. Especially this week.”

Lily leaned forward conspiratorially.

“Ooooor, you could bone; see if that fixes the problem?” Lily’s eyes lit up. “BOOOOONE!”

Ava grimaced and glanced around the restaurant at the few people sitting at their own tables. A couple gave their table dirty looks. 

Amaya sighed. 

“Do you have to do that every time you or somebody else says the word ‘bone?’l

“BOOOONE!”

Ava snorted out a laugh and shook her head at Amaya. 

“That was completely your fault. I don’t know how you could have expected anything else.”

Lily leaned back proudly and crossed her arms. 

“Captain Raymond Holt is a genius. And so is Rosa.” She shot straight up and slapped her hands on the table. “I’m both of your Rosa Diaz. You are each in a variation of Holt and Kevins’ situation. The advice is still valid.”

Ava tilted her head.

“That just means the advice is Rosa’s and not something you came up with.”

Lily frowned and sat back. After a few moments of silence, she nodded. 

“I can live with that. She is a god.”

Amaya rolled her eyes and laughed.

“Alright, lunatic. Tell us your struggles.”

Ava sat back and waited for the moment Lily became vulnerable. It was always an experience watching somebody who projected chaotic energy simmer down to a low burn. Lily smiled brightly, and that smile shifted down to a quieter one before disappearing. 

“My dad being here has been...mostly good. Really. I love him so much. But it’s like he’s still trying to make up for the years he missed? And sometimes I just want space, but I don’t want him to think I’m pushing him away. I see him every single day in our building, and he asks to have lunch all the time… I don’t know how to tell him that I am living my own life here; that I want him to be a part of it, but sometimes I just really want to go each lunch with my friends or even by myself.”

Ava had found out early in her friendship with Lily that the girl had only recently reconnected with her father. Just a year before she enrolled in UCF. It was an exciting, confusing, and raw topic for somebody who lived their life with all engines firing. 

Ava reached a foot out and knocked it into her leg.

“Your dad is a very smart guy. I think he would understand where you’re coming from if you just told him.”

Lily shrugged.

“Maybe. Or maybe he’d think I was getting tired of him. I just don’t want to hurt him.”

Amaya spoke.

“I get that, but weren’t we just talking about saying the hard things?”

Lily huffed. 

“That was for sex. Don’t compare that to my family issues.”

Ava grinned. 

“It is a blanket answer for all relationships.”

Lily smirked, but it quickly fell into a worried frown.

“But what if it ruins all our progress?”

Ava shook her head. 

“It won’t. There’s no way he’ll let you go again. Ask for space, make sure he knows you still want him around, and don’t let there be any misunderstandings at the end of the conversation.”

Lily bobbed her head slowly, thinking. She she hummed and have a firmer head nod.

“Great. Love it.” She clapped. “Sad stuff is over!! Let’s go attempt to avoid drowning!”

Ava laughed. 

“I don’t think that’s a synonym for swimming.”

Lily grabbed their fries and placed a ten on the table. They had a system: Ava’s car, Amaya paid for gas, and Lily paid for fries. 

“Maybe not for you.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara groaned as a the door to the dorm slammed shut with force, the crack waking her from sleep. 

“Fuck you, Zari.”

The sound of Zari rummaging around on Sara’s side of the room had Sara opening her eyes. 

“What are you doing?”

A pair of shorts hit her chest. 

“Come on, lazy. You have to come to this nerd fest with me.”

Sara’s eyes widened and she quickly shook her head.

“Hell no. Why should I have to suffer just because you’re smart?”

Zari flung a shirt at her.

“Because that’s what friends do.”

Sara, knowing the reaction it would bring, scoffed.

“I don’t make you suffer.”

Zari stilled in the process of trying to find her shoes and gave her an incredulous look. Noting Sara’s sly grin, she shook her head. 

“Just for that, I’m making sure I introduce you to the most annoying people available.”

Sara smacked the slides launched in her direction and sat up. She made her way to her closet and switched out the perfectly viable outfit out out of spite. 

She got dressed slowly, willing time to pass fast enough that the event was over before they arrived. Instead, as Sara trudged across their campus with Zari and arrived in the courtyard, she found the event in full swing. 

There were probably five hundred people milling about colorful booths set in a U shape around the courtyard. Different clubs were advertising their booths and giving out free trinkets. 

Sara slumped dramatically.

“Wasn’t this at the beginning of the semester?”

Zari walked with purpose, her shirt a dark green with an admittedly cool design. It looked like the inside of a computer wrapped around the entire shirt with black and silver detailing. 

“It was. That was mainly for freshman. UCF does a second one two months into the semester so that clubs can advertise however they want instead of following any rules. Well, some rules. No nudity.”

Sara pointed.

“Is that a mechanical bull?”

“That it is.”

Sara hummed appreciatively and kept up with Zari as she strode toward a booth that was basically a tent with sides. There was a small opening that they walked through into a space with two computers in the stages of being put together. A line waited on the outside. 

Several people in the same shirt as Zari stood around and talked to some of those waiting their hand at figuring out how to fix the computers and win the prize. 

Zari nodded at a kid Sara recognized. 

“Gary, I brought my friend to help.”

Sara shot a glare at Zari and then turned it on Gary. He took a step back, but then reached over and pulled at short from the table and held it out to her.

“Here, this should fit.”

Sara purses her lips, took the shirt, and promptly set it back on the table. 

There was a moment of silence while Gary tried to figure out what to do. Zari stepped in and patted his shoulder. She picked up the shirt.

“Don’t worry, Gare, she’ll wear it.”

Sara caught the shirt as it whipped her direction and rolled her eyes.

“What is with you throwing clothes at me all the time?”

Zari was already beginning to study one of the contestants progress, but she responded easily.

“I’m helping you improve your slow reflexes.”

Sara glumly pulled the shirt over her head.

“How do you figure that?”

Zari smirked and glanced over.

“Ava stops more of your shots than your supposed average.”

Sara narrowed her eyes.

“My average was from high school. College is an entirely different level. Also, Sharpie has it out for me and I’m pretty sure she made a deal with the devil so she could block more of my shots.”

Zari snickered.

“That would mean Ava wasted her soul on you? She must hate you a lot.”

Sara grumbled and looked to Gary who was watching them closely. 

“What do you need me to do?”

As she set to work handing out flyers to the people outside, she aggressively convinced herself that she wouldn’t care if Ava hated her enough to hypothetically sell her soul to the devil.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

They only had to work the booth for an hour before they were freed from their tasks. Gary tagged along, flyers in hand, as her and Zari started exploring the rest of the booths and eating as much free food as they could find.

Anytime Sara tried to make a beeline for the bull, Zari grabbed her arm and stopped her saying,

“You’re too stubborn, you’ll never fall off, and nobody will have any fun.” Or, “you’ll fall off a lot and get angry and keep getting back on and nobody will have any fun.” 

They all basically ended with other people not having fun, and Sara openly wondered why that mattered to her. 

They played yard games that were set up on the open grassy areas for a bit, collected as many free things as possible, and spent thirty minutes at a booth that had dogs for petting. Sara tried to look like her usual, badass self as she internally gushed over the old, happy golden retriever named Atticus that was hiding in the shade. If she almost melted when he laid his head on her lap, nobody would be the wiser. 

After, Gary asked if they’d come visit a friend’s tent with him. Sara said no, but Zari rather forcefully brought her to her feet, away from her new friend, and dragged her along. Sara blew out a breath and brought Zari to a halt when she saw the booth Gary was tugging them toward.

“Zari, this is too nerd for me.”

Zari rolled her eyes, but agreed a moment later when she noticed the sign above the tent. 

People in larping gear were milling about a surprisingly busy tent, and the sign above it said “Dungeons and Dragons.”

They began to back away, but Gary turned and caught sight of them. He waved them forward excitedly. 

Sara drug her feet the entire way to the booth.

Gary motioned excitedly to the tent.

“Either of you into D&D?”

Zari shook her head and Sara huffed. 

“Hard pass.”

Gary shrugged somewhat disappointedly, but he waved at somebody a few steps away. 

“Constantine, hey!”

Sara tilted her head in interest as a scruffy, but extremely attractive, guy started walking toward them in red, white, and tan robes. He looked like a dork, but a hot dork. 

“Gary, please introduce me.

His eyes remained on Sara and she smirked, holding out her hand.

“Sara Lance.”

He took hers in what he probably assumed was an impressively firm grip. 

“Lovely to meet you. I’m Constantine.”

He took his eyes off her a moment to reach out and shake Zari’s hand. 

“You’re Amaya’s girlfriend, yes?”

Zari gave him a confused look.

“How do you know that?”

Constantine smiled a sickeningly charming smile.

“Gary is friends with Ava who lives with Amaya. Gary is a relentless gossip.” He returned his attention to Sara. “Are you interested in playing sometime?”

Sara’s lips quirked up at the double entendre and followed in stride.

“It depends on what game.”

Constantine’s eyes flashed, but he held his hand toward the sign. 

“The game that has everything, of course.”

Sara grimaced.

“Except an end, I hear.”

Gary pointed.

“That’s monopoly.”

Zari interrupted.

“Tell me any monopoly game that can last months?”

Obviously stumping Gary, Constantine took over.

“Come on. Play one session. Gary will even make you a character.”

Gary nodded excitedly.

“That’s actually my favorite part.”

Sara shook her head and smirked.

“It’s really not my cup of tea.”

Not seeming to accept defeat, Constantine tried once more.

“They’re only two hour sessions. Even your uptight captain has her fun.”

Sara’s mind did a one-eighty, her focus switching from Constantine and his nice face to the look on Ava’s when she arrived to find Sara invading another part of her life. Nothing would give her more pleasure. 

Constantine has continued to ramble on about the pros of the game, but she interrupted.

“I’m in.”

Three pairs of eyes stared at her in surprise. Gary stepped forward into her space, his eyes blown wide. He looked like he might cry.

“Really?!”

Sara shrugged.

“Why not? I do have some qualifiers though.”

Constantine crossed his arms and smirked like she had just given into his wiles. 

“Oh yeah, what are those?”

Taking the upper hand, she held out her phone.

“Give me your number and you’ll find out.”

Constantine’s smile widened and he took it from her hands, inputting his number and handing it back.

“I look forward to hearing from you, Sara.”

With that, he sauntered away. Gary studied their interaction with a frown and then moved to follow Constantine. 

“I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

As he left them, Zari stepped in front of her with her arms crossed.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you use that dumbass to get closer to Ava.”

Sara pocketed her phone and smugly started out of the tent.

“I’m not trying to get closer in the way you’re implying. I just can’t wait to see her reaction.”

Zari rolled her eyes and scoffed.

“Whatever you say.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The week started with a bang, Sara and Zari arriving at the field to find a few older members of the team there with Ava. Rip was nowhere to be seen.

The field itself had eight of the blow-up ball suits Sara had seen on television a couple times and there were soccer balls lined on either side. 

Amaya ran up to Zari and pulled her into a hug, because apparently one day without seeing each other had been too painful. 

Zari huffed and rolled her eyes, but Sara could tell from the way she held on and tried to hide a smile that she wouldn’t have wanted anything different. 

When Amaya pulled back with a quick kiss on her cheek, Zari motioned toward the field.

“What uh, what’s going on here?”

Amaya grinned and wrapped an arm casually around both of their shoulders.

“This, young ones, is one of our few fun days we have each semester. Get ready to work even harder than you do at training.”

Sara and Zari waited on the side with the rest of the girls as Ava, Amaya, Lily, Helen, and Gwen finished setting up. 

Once finished, they made their way over to the group. Ava grinned at them, her eyes lighting up, and Sara choked down any kind of emotion that brought up. 

“Alright, ladies. We’re about to play capture the flag: dodgeball edition. We’ll be playing on teams of four, and the two teams not on the field will be attempting to knock the ball away from whoever has it.”

A wave of thrill circled up Sara’s spine and settled at her chest. Amaya took over, a bag of pennies in her hand.

“We sorter you into teams of four with random draws” She pulled out the green pennies. “First team…”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara ended up on the red team with Lily, Gwen, and Remi, and they were the first team on the field to play the green. 

The process of getting into the clear sphere and jamming her arms through was a challenge, but eventually all of them were situated. 

Ava, in her blue jersey called for their attention.

“The soccer balls on the top of the penalty boxes are your flags.” She motioned to the black ball and yellow ball. “The goal is to get the other team’s ball to your side. If you have the opponent’s ball and it gets knocked away from you by an opponent or a ball from the sideline, the ball goes back and you have to touchback to your side.”

Sara grinned across the field at Zari as she tried to accustom herself to the weight of the bubble around her. It was heavy and awkward and hot, but she already fucking loved it. 

Ava smiled.

“Everyone understand? Yes? Good! The first game begins in three, two... one!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION: should their D&D session be it’s own separate story? Because it could be ducking hilarious lmao. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end because, well.... ;)
> 
> This is unedited.

Ava had made a choice on the way home from the beach with Amaya and Lily. She noticed how much Sara pushed when Ava stopped responding how Sara expected. She decided that, if Sara was going to be a child, she was going to treat her like one. Commence: silent treatment; adult style.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara groaned dramatically as she tried to roll out of bed on Wednesday for training. Her body protested in the strangest places; courtesy of inflatable balls and Ava’s stupid aim. Because apparently, she was allowed to throw balls as a goalie during their capture the flag tournament. And, _apparently,_ she was only capable of aiming at Sara. 

That had led to viciously accurate attacks whenever Sara had the ball at her feet; and several more even when she didn’t because Ava was a bitch. She couldn’t count how many times she’d been pegged in her thighs and calves. She felt like she’d been in the air more time than she’d had her feet in the grass. 

To make it worse, Ava had seemed to love every minute of it. She hadn’t stopped smiling, and she spent a lot of her time on the side talking with her team members. 

Sara hadn’t been distracted per say, but she spent an unnecessary amount of time glancing to wherever Ava was on the field. In her defense, she was Ava’s single target, and keeping an eye on her attacker was a smart move. To her discredit, she wasn’t usually looking at her hands or the ball leaving them.

There were a few times she was able to knock the balls away or dodge. It wasn’t nearly enough to wipe the glee off Ava’s face. 

It didn’t help that Ava, for her time in the blow-up bubbles, was an immovable wrecking ball. Sara attributed it on the fact that Sharpie had the stature of a lumbering giant, but that didn’t soothe the sting when Ava’s team won out in the end. 

The sting turned into a festering wound in class when Ava refused to respond to any of her jabs. There was no blow up, there was no rolling of eyes or frustrated sighing; Ava didn’t hardly acknowledge her existence until they were forced to work with each other at the end. 

It was… enlightening and maddening at once. Sara felt a hollow open in her chest when there was nowhere for her anger to go. She tried harder, but her words didn’t even seem to register in Ava’s ears. 

Tuesday’s goalie training wasn’t better in any way. It was already a sectioned period of time in which she wasn’t able to do anything to provoke or annoy Ava. Today, Ava took it a step further, looking disinterested in anything Sara had to say regarding the training. 

Around the halfway point, Sara had stopped the ball at her feet and crossed her arms.

_“What is your problem?”_

_Ava hadn’t stood from her ready position._

_“Take the shot.”_

_Sara glared at her._

_“Not until you tell me what crawled up your ass.”_

_“You made a deal. Nothing unrelated to soccer.”_

_Sara threw up her hand._

_“You’re not even hearing what I say.”_

_Ava’s face didn’t shift still, her facial expression rigid._

_“My lack of response doesn’t suddenly mean I’ve lost my ability to hear.”_

_Sara felt her jaw snap shut involuntarily. Something twisted angrily in her chest and she took several deep breaths. She was confused and angry and there was something there that seemed a bit too much like hurt._

_She couldn’t shake it even as she tried to let her anger overwhelm it. She studied Ava as she attempted to calm down._

_Ava met her gaze directly, unapologetic and unmoved, and Sara couldn’t believe she was going to break before Ava for the first time since they’d met._

_Just as she began to back down, she saw something triumphant pass through Ava’s eyes; something too much like victory._

_Sara refocused and narrowed her eyes._

_No way was she ever letting Ava have one up on her. Knowing it was a game still, that Ava was choosing to play a part, snapped her back. She grinned._

_“If that’s how you want to do this.”_

Sara had finished the session in silence, her mind recalculating her strategy to counter Ava’s new tactic. 

That night, Sara had received the text from Constantine that she’d been eagerly waiting for: the text with the details of the game night. 

_Constantine: 4 tomorrow afternoon. I look forward to seeing you once more, Sara._

There was an address attached, followed by a winking emoji. 

And it wasn’t that Sara wasn’t interested. There would be no reason not to enjoy herself with an undoubtedly attractive, confident guy. She enjoyed confidence; even cockiness to an extent. She could respect somebody who believed in themselves to the point that it was annoying. 

She was definitely interested; later. Constantine- she questioned if that was his real name- would come into play after she broke down Ava’s newfound stoicness. She had her priorities after all. 

She ignored the part of her that screamed at her to find an outlet for her pain. Something she hadn’t named Ava as until it had been taken away. She was scared, and Sara afraid was never a safe thing for those around her. 

Now, Sara pulled on her cleats with a fully-formed plan for the day in her mind.

She was perfectly professional and focused throughout the training session. She noticed Ava’s exterior harden any time she got close, but Sara didn’t engage like she normally would, and by the end of practice she caught suspicious eyes glancing her direction from Zari, Rip, and subtly, Ava. 

As she and Zari were trudging back to their dorm, her roommate studied her quietly. She didn’t speak until they reached their door.

“What are you playing at, Sara?”

Sara unlocked the door and let them inside, a smug grin giving her away.

“I couldn’t possibly know what you mean.”

Zari chucked her bag onto the floor and Sara followed suit. 

“Lance, cut the shit.”

Sara laughed.

“I’ll tell you later.”

Zari feigned a shiver.

“Scarier words have never been spoken. Who knows what will happen by later.”

“Exactly.”

Zari rolled her eyes and pulled clean clothes from her closet.

“Whatever. Attempt to be at least ten percent less of a dick than you usually are.”

Sara dropped into her desk chair and waved coyly. 

“I don’t think that’s possible,”

Zari rolled her eyes and walked into their bathroom; the sound of the shower flicked on a few moments later. 

Sara leaned back in her chair as it squeaked, smiling. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara parked a few driveways aways from a crowded one around three-forty-five, nerves simmering low in her belly. She had no idea what she was walking into, but she’d asked Constantine what time Ava usually arrived, and he’d said five minutes before the start. 

She climbed out of her car and headed for the front door. It opened before she had a chance to knock, revealing Gary with a massive grin and dorky-looking robes-like the ones Constantine had been wearing- draped over his shoulders.

“Sara, hey!”

Sara let out a small grunt of greeting, unaccustomed to people being excited by her presence. 

Gary motioned her inside a small house. It smelled like a bunch of boys who attempted to keep things clean, but ultimately failed. Lysol or some type of generic cleaner was the undertone of the heavy presence of male hygiene products and dirty shoes. 

Still, it looked nice enough; the hallway cleaned of any miscellaneous junk and recently vacuumed. 

She followed Gary down the hall and into a decently-large living room. A large, faux-leather couch had been pushed against the wall, facing a sixty-inch television. 

It looked like two recliners had been jammed to the side to make room for a rectangular card table and chairs to be placed in the middle of the floor. 

It was already mostly full with three guys, including Constantine, and a girl sitting around it’s sides. 

One of the guys had short, brown hair and a black polo shirt on. He looked too nice to exist as he waved at her excitedly. 

The other one she hadn’t met was a hulking mass of human; his head shaved bald and his jaw covered in a five o’clock shadow. 

The girl was cute. She had long, blonde hair with the tips dyed pink and black-framed glasses. She had on ripped, blue jeans and a graphic tee. 

Constantine stood up and tilted his head with a charming little smirk. 

“Hello, Sara.”

The girl grimaced and rolled her eyes. 

“How about you attempt to sound like less of a serial killer, Jon.”

Constantine ignored her and slid out the empty chair beside him for her to sit in. She smirked and strutted over, but took the one beside the girl instead, just across from it. 

The girl snickered, but Constantine seemed to take it as Sara playing hard to get; which she was. 

Gary hustled into the room and sat at the head of the table behind a tri-folded, wooden board. He reached down into a bag by his chair and pulled out several things to hand to Sara. 

She took them curiously. 

Gary explained before she could ask.

“The box has the dice you’ll be needing for this round. The binder has your character information and explanations of all your spells.”

Sara looked at the black binder and grinned.

“I can see why you and Sharpie are friends.”

Gary seemed confused for a moment before realizing what she was referring to. He grinned.

“The binders were actually her idea. Aren’t they awesome?”

Sara squashed the hint of fondness that attempted to surface and nodded.

“Super awesome.”

The bald guy at the table snorted and Sara decided that she liked him immediately.

Gary snapped his fingers.

“Oh yeah, I should introduce you. Everyone, this is Sara; she’s on the soccer team with Ava. Sara, you know Jon-“

Jon, formerly known as Constantine, huffed.

“You know I like to go by-“

The girl sighed.

“Yes, yes. We know. But it’s stupid and we’re calling you Jon.”

Sara grinned and decided she liked her as well. 

Gary cleared his throat awkwardly and interrupted. 

“Anyway… that is Tiff. She lives here with Jo— Constantine and I.” He pointed to the big guy. “That’s Mick. He is on the football team with Nate and Jax.” Gary motioned to the last guy. “This is Ray. He works for the athletic department and he’s in several classes with Ava and I.”

Sara nodded at each of them and Gary continued. 

“You can look at your character and see if it met your expectations. I’m not sure why you chose chaotic evil from the options I gave you, but you’ll actually have to play that out in game.”

Sara couldn’t help the dark grin she let out.

“I’m aware, Gary. Thank you.”

She flipped open her binder and studied the finished product. 

_Name: Stor Brightmare_

_Race: Half-elf_

_Class/Level: Fighter, 17_

_Alignment: Chaotic Evil_

_AC: 17 HP: 137 S: 30ft. I: +6 CH:18-20 HD: 17d10 #A: 3_

It went on and on, more stats that Sara knew absolutely nothing about. She planned to mess with Ava throughout the session, but she was beginning to question if that would be possible if she didn’t know how anything worked. 

Ray stood up and came around the table, situating himself in the seat next to her. 

“Gary suggested I help you this time so that you’re not totally lost.”

Jon shot Gary a look.

“I could have helped her.”

Tiff snorted.

“You would’ve been too busy staring at her—“

The knock on the door cut her off, and Gary jumped up.

“That’ll be Ava.”

Sara’s breath caught and she tended in her seat. A sense of expectation filled her, and she listened closely as the door opened. 

“Hey, Gare. There’s been a little change of plans. My family is getting here around six, so I’m probably going to have to duck out early.”

“That’s alright. Today is a bit different anyway.”

Sara didn’t turn around yet, but her lips began to duel upward as Ava asked Gary what he meant.

“We have a new player!”

Sara bit the inside of her cheek.

“Who?”

At this point, Ava and Gary were entering the room. Sara slowly turned in her chair and met Ava’s eyes. 

Ava, for her part, froze in place, her entire body going taught in less than a second. 

Sara waved. 

“Hey, Sharpie.”

Several more moments of silence passed before Ava’s eyes narrowed to slits and her nostrils did their patent flare.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Lance?”

Gary, for his part, looked shocked, and he glanced between the two of them in confusion. 

Sara feigned an innocent expression.

“What? I can’t enjoy a game of my favorite pastime?”

Ava sneered.

“I can’t imagine you’re smart enough to have played this in the past. It requires basic math.”

Sara felt victory crawl up her spine. She’d startled Ava out of her short-lived time on the high ground.

“I think we both know I wasn’t referring to DnD.”

Ava’s has ticked, and Sara waited impatiently for the explosion. Instead, Ava suddenly mellowed. Her body relaxed and the muscles in her jaw loosened. The fury in her eyes slipped into a passive mask. She shrugged. 

“It’s always good to have another player.”

And then she walked around the table and took the seat that Ray had vacated moments before. 

It was Sara’s turn to be shocked, but she hid it well under a smirk. Ava wasn’t supposed to settle down and play on. Disappointment flared heavy in her stomach, but she shook it off. She still had two hours to rile Ava into snapping again. Two hours to push some of hell she felt off onto somebody who took it and was supposed to fire back. 

Ava didn’t look her direction as Gary took a seat behind the tri-folded board and smiled at them all. 

“Okay, we’re going to take a little break from our campaign to make sure nothing gets too altered by the addition of a new player so late in the game. We’ll return to Arvenwals next session. For now, I’m teleporting you all to a little town on the outskirts of Rend.”

Gary reached into his bag and pulled out a folded sheet. He straightened it and laid it on the table in front of them, then pulled out several miniature buildings that were in various states of being painted. 

Ray pointed at them as they were laid out on the table.

“You’re getting there!”

Gary smiled proudly. 

“I just have some of these and a few monster pieces to paint. It’ll be a while, but eventually we’ll have some colorful gameplay.” Gary finished laying out what looked like a town to Sara. “Alright. You guys came here to have some fun and take a break from your heavy adventuring.”

Ava leaned forward and looked the map over. 

“That doesn’t seem very fitting to our group’s alignment.”

Jon rolled his eyes.

“I think you mean you’re alignment. Nobody but you chose Lawful Good.”

Ava shot him a glare, and Sara took note of the tense interaction. If the two didn’t like each other, she had another avenue of attack. 

Gary caught their attention with a small clap.

“Okay. You five are staying in the Gouldmead Inn. I’m starting you at various points of the map, all doing different errands. Sara, you’re shacked up in a little cottage with some fisherlady whose husband is away.”

Sara snorted and grinned.

“Alright. I like how this is starting.”

Gary smiled. 

“From this point on, you’re Stor. Act within the alignment you’ve chosen. We’ll let you get used to how this works by focusing on you for a moment. Ready?”

Sara nodded, a burst of intrigue filling her despite her stubborn belief that she would hate this game. 

Gary nodded.

“Alright. You’ve just woken up. There’s a nude human beside you. What do you do?”

Sara raised her brow.

“I can do anything at all?” At Gary’s nod, she shrugged. “Can I smack her ass, say thanks, and leave?”

“The woman beside you gives a rude gesture and then glances over.” Gary, to Sara’s utter horror, begins to speak in a poorly-executed feminine voice. “Will I see you tonight?”  
Deciding to roll with the punches, Sara shrugs. 

“We’ll see.”

Gary pulls a small, unpainted figurine from his bag and places it on the map outside a small cottage by a bay. 

“You leave the cottage after putting on your leather armor and sheathing two daggers at your sides. One is a normal blade, it’s hilt sturdy and wrapped in leather. The other is a gray so dark it’s almost black; the pommel has a red, vaporous spiral symbol that takes up its surface. You make your way outside. What do you want to do?”

Sara looks at the layout of the town and see the word ‘town market square.’ She points. 

“I’ll go to the square. Are there a lot of people?”

“You make your way to the market square. There’s a decent amount of citizens mulling around. It’s still early in the morning, so only the keen are setting up their small shops.”

Sara frowned.

“Am I allowed to steal from people?”

Gary shrugged.

“You can attempt to do whatever you want.”

Sara smiled. 

“Are there any fancy-looking people?”

Gary motioned to Ray.

“Help her make a perception check.”

Ray spent the next two minutes explaining her stats and which dice to use. She ended up with a sixteen. 

Gary hummed. 

“You don’t see any highly visible signs of wealth, but there is a large Orc with a heavy-looking satchel strung on her waist. Her armor is nice enough. Beside her is a halfling with a large hammer on her back.”

“I’d like to pickpocket something.”

“You’ll have to get closer.”

Sara thought a moment.

“Can I stumble into them?”

“Check for deception and sleight of hand.”

Ray helped her, then let out a whistle after the roll.

“Deception 7, sleight of hand 24.”

Tiff laughed.

“Jesus Christ. What are your stats?”

Having absolutely no idea, Sara shrugged.

Gary revealed two already painted characters and set them on the map. 

“You stumble past the Orc, your fingers delving into the satchel as you do and grabbing the first thing you touch. You feel something solid and ornate in your grasp and you pull it as you run past.” Gary looked to Ava. “You don’t realize something has been taken, but you are jostled into your halfling companion from an impact at your right. What do you do?”

Sara suddenly grinned upon realization that she’d somehow stolen from Ava’s character. Ava, for her part, looked liked she was trying to avoid steaming. 

“I’m going to chase after her to try and tackle her to the ground.”

Gary frowned.

“That’s out of character for yours… are you sure?”

Sara chuckled. 

“Of course you’re an orc. That’s so fitting.” 

Jon looked between them both and smugly grinned at Ava. 

“Bet you regret choosing lawful good now.”

Tiff raised her hand. 

“I’ll chase after the person who hit my good-natured giant.”

“Athletics check.”

Tiff rolled her dice. 

“17.”

Ray looked through Sara’s stats and shook his head.

Gary nodded.

“You launch toward the half-elf that ran into Venry, successfully tackling her to the ground.”

Sara frowned.

“Can I get away?”

“Roll for Strength.”

“10.” 

Gary shook his head. 

“You swing you arm out, but the halfling catches it against her arm and shoves it down.”

Tiff cleared her throat. 

“Who are you?”

Gary motioned to Sara.

“I wrote you a backstory. You can choose to share however much or little that you’d like.”

Sara didn’t need to look at her backstory. 

“My name is Patricia. I am a fisher woman.”

Roll for deception.

Sara rolled.

“12.”

Gary shrugged.

“It’s not very believable, but it doesn’t raise any alerts.”

_DnD mode: script text_

_Tiff: I’ll get off of her._

_Sara: that’s upsetting. I’ll reach toward the lumbering orc woman. “Sorry about that.”_

_Ava: I’m not going to help her up._

_Gary: Ava…_

_Ava: Fine. I help up the stupid half-elf._

_Sara: “Thanks, big guy.”_

_Tiff: “Why’d you run into my friend?”_

_Ava: I check for anything missing?_

_Gary: you quickly notice that your gate key is gone._

_Ava: I search the half-elf._

_Sara: “You’re getting a little handsy there with those big meat slabs, Orc.”_

_Tiff: I send Banks to collect the rest of our group._

_Gary: Kinsmer, you find your gate key in Patricia’s left pocket. Isar, your squirrel beings the hunt to find the others. Make an investigation check._

_Tiff: 16._

_Gary: Banks locates Shenrick, they begin looking for Xenok. Ava, what do you do?_

_Ava: I’m taking my gate key back. I start to drag the half-elf toward a guard._

_Tiff: I grab you. “What are you doing?”_

_Ava: “Having this bitch arrested.”_

_Sara: “I like women with filthy mouths.”_

_Ava: I shake the half-elf really hard._

_Gary: Ava…._

_Ava: I gently take the filthy halfing and tell her to stop._

_Sara: “I like it rough.”_

_Gary, eyes wide: Okay. Tiff, Banks and Shen find Xenok and Balthy together. They head your direction._

_Tiff: I step in between Patricia and Kinsmer, making sure to have a hold on Stor. “Let’s wait for the others before we decide what to do.”_

_Ava: “Why?”_

_Tiff: “She could be of use.”_

_Ava: “She’s a thief. A bad one at that.”_

_Sara: “I just wanted to rub up against you. I didn’t really expect to get away with it.”_

_Gary, with a sigh: Roll for deception._

_Sara: 18._

_Jon, laughing: Jesus Christ._

_Gary, looking stressed: The rest of the group arrives. What do you do?_

_Ava: I point at…. Patricia. “She attempted to steal from me. We should have her arrested.”_

_Tiff, smiling slightly: “Technically, she said she just wanted to rub on you.”_

_Ava, glaring: “That is still assault.”_

_Ray: I hold up my hands. “Woah, alright. Let’s all calm down for a second._

_Gary: As you attempt to pacify them, a loud explosion sounds from the direction of the bay. There is screaming and cracking of wood. All six of you look toward the opposite end of the village and see what looks to be a moving form in the distance. A long, heavy tentacle-looking limb flings up in the air and slams down onto the roof of a building you cannot see. What do you do?_

_Ava: “We should still take her to prison.”_

_Jon: “Are you serious? There’s a monster attacking the town and you want to take somebody named Patricia to prison?”_

_Mick: I run toward the monster._

_Gary: Balthy suddenly sprints away from your group toward the large creature._

_Tiff: I let go of Patricia and follow after him._

_Sara: I follow._

_Ray: I grab Ava and we head in the direction of the monster._

_Gary: You all sprint past screaming citizens, some injured, others fine but terrified. You barely avoid running into people. There are guards running with you as you make your way to the docks; six to be exact. Upon arrival, you see several dead bodies amidst the wreckage of buildings. There are pools of deep red in the water. And, partially up on the land, you see a Kraken. Roll for initiative._

_Tiff: 14._

_Mick: 19._

_Ava: 10._

_Ray: 12._

_Sara: 18._

_Jon: 9._

_Gary replaced the map on the table with a new one. He set a block of wood half on the docks and placed out the rest of their character pieces_

_Gary: Mick, you’re up first._

_Mick: Can I reach within twenty feet of the Kraken?_

_Gary moved Mick’s piece forward to the beast._

What followed was a very confusing yet highly entertaining game of everyone fighting a monster while Sara spent each turn being as unhelpful to Ava as possible. She would use one of her three actions to attack the beast, then the other two she’d use to try and trip Ava up. Sometimes literally. 

“18 Damage. With my second action, I want to attempt to throw a brick in Kinsmer’s direction.”

Gary was looking extremely stressed at that point. Sara felt bad for him, honestly. He hadn’t known that Sara would spend her entire time tormenting Ava. 

Jon, on the other hand, looked delighted. He continuously snickered whenever her turn came about, and actively cheered her on. 

Mick, though he remained quiet outside of his turns, kept grunting in approval every time she succeeded. 

Tiff seemed indifferent, though she was studiously watching Ava and Sara in a way that put Sara.

Ray seemed to side with Gary in how uncomfortable he was with what was happening. He awkwardly helped Sara roll for attacks against Ava, all while sending the increasingly aggravated goalie apologetic looks. 

Gary grimaced. 

“You come down from your attack on the Kraken and roll to your feet, grabbing a piece of rubble as you stand. Roll for attack.”

“17.”

Ava, for her part, looked on the edge of furious and calm, balancing on the precipice and waiting for Sara to do something to really send her over the edge. 

“That hits.”

Sara smirked at her as she rolled for damage.

“I know. 5.”

Gary sighed.

“Like the other attacks, this one is more of a nuisance than a real strike. The chunk of rubble clips Kinsmer in her metal helm and sends it skittering off. It’s slightly disorienting, but you settle yourself before your next attack. Take off Five HP.”

Ava tapped her fingers restlessly against the table while marking off in her binder. 

Sara waited patiently while the next round of attacks went past, taking fifteen damage from the Kraken. By the time her turn came back around once more, the Kraken was just barely alive. It would easily be destroyed in the next attacks from anyone at the table according to Jon. 

Sara, knowing she was close to getting Ava to snap, went hard.

“I’d like to use my movement to get close enough to Kinsmer to attack. I want to use all three actions to strike at her with my daggers.”

Ava met her eyes sharply.

“Are you fucking serious? What is the point of attacking me when--”

Sara held up her hands.

“I’m chaotic evil, this is just my character.”

Ava leaned forward.

“But you’re only attacking me!”

Sara shrugged.

“After a quick google, I found that chaotic evil was based solely on desire. I don’t desire to attack anyone else.”

“But this is an RPG! It’s based off of your character’s desires, not your twisted, personal ones.”

Sara grinned, watching the lines of Ava’s muscles twitch and pull. 

“One, I have no desire toward you as me. Two, you tried to arrest me. I’m obviously annoyed at you specifically.”

“You stole from me!”

Gary threw up his hands.

“Okay! Alright, hey, sooo…. Well, are you sure you want to use your attacks on Ava?”

Sara leaned back in her chair.

“And my bonus action.”

Ava shook her head and opened her mouth, but a phone ringing interrupted whatever she was about to say. She sucked in a deep breath and yanked out her phone, and Sara felt dread fill her as relief covered Ava’s face. Ava answered.

“You guys almost here?. . . . Okay. I’ll head your direction. See you soon.”

Ava started gathering up her stuff and she stood from her seat. 

“My family is here.” She looked to Gary. “If Lance decides to return, I will not be.”

With that, she walked out of the living room and out the door. Sara felt the high energy she’d been feeling since Ava arrived suddenly flicker out, and she tried not to frown. She’d been so fucking close. 

There was an awkward silence that swallowed the room for many moments. Finally, Sara shrugged. 

“Well, I guess I’ll use my attacks against the Kraken.”

Gary nodded slowly.

“Um… Go ahead and roll for attack.”

Sara did so.

“15, 18, 24.”

“First one doesn’t hit. Second two do. Roll for damage.”

“16 and 26.”

Gary smiled then, giving Sara an excited look like she hadn’t been making his life hell for over an hour. 

“That does it. You take your first dagger and slice it into an already gaping wound in the Kraken’s side. A large splurge of blood glops out. As you move out of the way, you throw your second dagger toward its face. It embeds deep in the Kraken’s eye, and the monster lets out a horrific scream that echoes through the entire down as it collapses; dead.”

Jon grinned at her proudly and reached out a hand. 

“Nice job, Sara.”

Sara lazily slapped his hand. He’d been attempting to flirt with her in character for the entirety of their time playing, but Sara had been so focused on Ava that her responses were weak at best, nonexistent at worst. She would rectify it later. 

Glancing around the room at the various expressions on her companions faces, she made a decision. She stood.

“Well, this has been a fucking blast. Thank you so much for inviting me.” She tried to make up for Gary’s suffering by complimenting him. “Gary, you made a perfect character for me.”

Gary grinned broadly and thanked her.

Sara nodded at the rest of them.

“Nice to meet you all.” With an effort not to burn her excuse to spend so much time focused on Ava, she looked at Jon. “Text me.”

She waved lazily as she left. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Everyone waited until the door closed behind Sara to speak. Tiff was the first.

“So is it just me, or do those two need to fuck?”

Jon looked appalled. 

“Those two? Why? That’s just-- that--”

Tiff rolled her eyes.

“Give it up, Jon. She was phoning in any response to your flirting. Meanwhile, she spends the entire session attacking Ava unprovoked. She left as soon as Ava did. You never had a chance.”

Mick grunted his agreement. 

Ray hummed thoughtfully. 

“It did seem odd that she spent so much time focusing on Ava instead of the game. She kept staring at her too. I’d say your theory makes more sense than Jon’s theory for her showing up.”

Gary looked inquisitively at Jon.

“Oh, what was your theory?”

Constantine looked somewhat uncomfortable and he shook his head.

“It’s. . . . really not important.”

Tiff tapped the table, grinning.

“Oh, come on, Jon. Share with the group.”

Jon shook his head again.

“I really don’t think--”

Ray helpfully supplied an answer.

“He thought Sara was coming because, as he said, she wanted “some sweet, Constant lovin.’”

Tiff feigned a gag and laughed.

“Yeah…. I wouldn’t bank on that.”

Jon growled at her.

“Can it, Tiffany.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara was more determined than ever to bring her interactions with Ava back to where they had been before Ava got all in control of herself. 

She was so focused on it, on figuring out what she needed to do the next day, that she didn’t immediately notice Zari was tucked into her bed at only seven-thirty at night. 

It wasn’t until she saw the covers moving slightly that she registered it, and she felt her chest jolt at the shock. After settling down, she walked over and pushed at Zari’s shoulder.

“I thought you were spending the day with Amaya?”

Zari’s voice was gravelly when she responded. 

“Yeah, well, the plans changed.”

Sara frowned. She couldn’t get a good look at Zari because the girl’s back was to her, but she could tell something was wrong. 

“Zari?”

“I don’t want to talk, Sara.”

Sara debated what to do. She was out of her comfort zone; she wanted to accept Zari’s words at face value and walk away. But Zari always went out of her way, even if it wasn’t obvious, to make sure Sara felt better. Sara would be a shithole friend if she didn’t return the favor. 

Taking a deep breath, Sara stepped up onto Zari’s bed and moved to sit by the wall next to Zari’s knees. 

“What the hell are you doing?”

Sara pushed Zari’s legs away to give herself space and she settled in.

“I’m listening.”

Zari’s eyes, the only part of her face not hidden in her blanket, looked red and puffy. She closed them and sighed into her sheets.

“You don’t have to do this. I know you have a lot going on.”

Sara nudged her leg.

“Come on, Z. What’s up?”

Zari was quiet for a few moments before she sniffled and let out a held breath.

“It’s embarrassing.”

Sara leaned her head back and looked at the ceiling. 

“I once hit a girl in the face that I was trying to ask out on a date.”

Zari opened her eyes and pulled the covers down in confusion.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

Sara shrugged.

“I thought you’d be less embarrassed if I told you embarrassing things about myself. One time, I accidentally sent a sext to my dad instead of the guy I was dating.”

Zari held out a hand to stop her and laughed.

“Okay, I’m going to need both of those stories, but I feel enough second-hand embarrassment for you that mine doesn’t seem as bad….” There was a pause, then, “I’ve— I’ve never had sex.”

Sara hid her surprise and waited for Zari to continue. Her patience paid off.

“Amaya, she’s so calm and sure about things, and I just don’t want to be a disappointment. But I’m bad at talking to people about my feelings. Feelings are stupid.”

Sara huffed. 

“Agreed.”

Zari continued. 

“Anyway, Amaya asked me about it directly today, and I just…. I freaked out. I bolted from her apartment and walked halfway home before ubering. I don’t know what to do.”

Sara glanced down to meet Zari’s eyes.

“Why don’t you want to talk to her? You can obviously have this conversation if the way you’re talking to me is any proof. So what is it?”

Zari pulled the blanket up to cover her eyes.

“What if she doesn’t want to be—“

“I’m going to stop you right there, because that’s ridiculous.”

Zari yanked the blanket down and glared at her.

“Thanks. You’re so good at this.”

“Pshh, that’s rich coming from you. You told me I cried my way into friendship with you.”

“Because it was true.”

Sara nodded.

“And so is what I’m saying. The idea that Amaya would choose not to be with you because you’re inexperienced is, frankly, idiotic. Which, frankly, means you’re an idiot.”

“Fuck you, Lance.”

Sara shook her head.

“I think you’d prefer to fuck Amaya.”

Zari kneed Sara in the shin, and Sara pushed her off her bed and to the floor. Zari yelped and rolled to her feet looking like she was prepared to kill. 

A knock on the door interrupted the impending destruction of their dorm room. Zari pointed threateningly at Sara and moved to open the door. She froze when she saw who was on the other side. 

“Amaya…”

Sara quickly slipped her shoes onto her feet and grabbed her drawstring bag. She went to the door and pulled it open all the way to reveal a unusually somber Amaya on the other side. 

With a swat on both of their butts, Sara slipped out the door. 

“Have a good talk.”

Zari huffed.

“You’re a demon.”

Sara laughed as she put distance between them.

“I know.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara made her way across campus and into the town, choosing to walk instead of taking her car. It was a nice night, the air warm, but the breeze just enough I make it that perfect temperature. 

She walked along the side streets until she reached the main section of the downtown area that held most of their bars and several restaurants. She hadn’t tried any of the local ones, and she figured she’d walk along until she found one that looked appealing. 

She walked past a used furniture shop that she’d most likely be looking into as soon as she moved out of the dorms. She was banking on Zari wanting to stick with her for a year or so and remain her roommate, but she didn’t want to get her hopes too high. 

Next, she bypassed three bars in a row, each sporting the same look with a wooden bar and somewhat dingy tables filling one side. Beer signs lit up the walls inside, and pool tables took up large amounts of space in each. 

There were other students on the sidewalks along the strip, and she swerved around them as she walked. 

Across the street, she spotted a Mexican restaurant that she’d told Zari and Amaya she’d try with them. 

She ended up reaching the end of the strip without anything in particular catching her eye, and she turned down the next street to see if there was anything in that direction.

Just as she moved to pass the first restaurant, a little Italian place with red and white decor and quaint, metal furniture, a familiar face- or two- inside caught her attention. 

Sara’s eyes widened as she took in Ava Sharpe sitting at a table with an older man of tall stature and a kind face, an older woman, and a young woman identical to her. Sara couldn’t help the smile as she found herself staring at Ava and her _twin_ sister.

The twin had shorter hair that framed her face, and Sara couldn’t help but notice that she didn’t have the same presence as Ava did. 

Sara debated what to do, knowing that this might be pushing the envelope a bit too far, but she couldn’t bring herself to keep walking. 

So, being the utter jackass that she was, Sara Lance walked into the restaurant. 

She pulled out her phone to look distracted, her hair falling to hide her face. Still, there wasn’t a chance that she wasn’t visible, as the restaurant was well-lit and rather small. She smiled at the host as she was greeted. 

“Just me tonight.”

The woman smiled, her head tilting in a revealing way that Sara would have latched onto at any other time. 

“That’s a shame.”

Still, Sara wasn’t going to ignore the woman’s efforts. She smirked.

“Maybe next time I go out to dinner, I won’t be.”

It was a leading statement if she’d ever said one, and the host smirked right back. 

“This way to your table.”

She started following the host and didn’t let her gaze waver until she was just beside Ava’s table. With an internally gleeful feeling, Sara let her eyes wander; right to Ava’s. 

She feigned surprise.

“Ava, hey!”

She made sure to put as much saccharine lilt to her tone as she could, and she saw the way Ava’s eyes rapidly went through a string of emotions. Shock, horror, anger, annoyance. 

“Lance….”

It was a warning, Ava’s tone sharp and pleading at once. Sara, of course, didn’t heed it. 

“Is this your family? I didn’t realize they were visiting so soon.”

Sara reached out a hand to who appeared to be Ava’s mother, and she ignored the little twinge of pain at the recognition of that word in her head. 

“It’s wonderful to meet you all. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

While Ava looked like she might implode, her mother smiled brightly and took Sara’s hand. 

“Lovely to meet you as well. I’m Audrey. Are you a friend of Ava’s?”

Sara bit back a snort and nodded.

“I play soccer with her. My name is Sara.”

Ava’s dad coughed into his drink, half of it spewing back into his cup. Ava looked like she was about to crawl under the table while her sister and mother looked at her father, appalled. Audrey leaned forward to her husband. 

“Douglas, what on earth are you doing?”

Ava’s dad cleared his throat and shook his head.

“Sorry, wrong pipe.” He held out his hand to Sara. “Good to meet you, kid.”

Ava’s twin leaned forward and held out her hand. 

“I’m Ali.”

Sara shook her hand and smiled. 

“Wonderful to meet you, Ali. What a coincidence that I’m running into you guys. Did you just get in town?”

Ava’s mother smiled.

“We did. We flew in from Washington.”

Sara wasn’t pretending when her eyes went wide in surprise.

“Wow, that’s a jaunt. I’m sure Ava appreciates you all making the trip.”

Ava glared furiously at her, and Sara felt the edges of victory returning again.

Audrey smiled and patted Ava’s hand on the table. 

“She’s provided lovely accomodations for us at the hotel in town.”

That was the first time Sara heard it, the hint of disapproval that could really only come from a mother. Ava must have caught it as well.

“You know that it would have been too cramped. Our new apartment doesn’t have the spare bedroom.”

Audrey smiled and nodded.

“Of course dear.”

Douglas shifted his large frame in his seat and studied Sara.

“Would you like to join us?”

Ava’s face turned an ashy color and Sara, being the generous person that she was, acted grateful.

“Only if you’re sure? My date for the night forgot she had a test in the morning, but I was already out so I figured I’d grab a bite.”

Ava tried desperately to cut in. 

“I’d really rather spend the night with family--”

Audrey waved her off. 

“Ava, don’t be rude to your friend. We have the next four days to catch up. And I’m sure your friend Sara will share more with us than you will about certain things.”

Sara smiled gratefully.

“I’ll do my best.”

Douglas stood up and pulled up a chair between Ava and him that Sara took with a ‘thank you.’ 

The waiter came by a moment later and she asked for a water.

Audrey leaned across the table.

“So, Sara, what are you studying?”

Playing it safe, Sara smiled back.

“I’m in my first semester, but I’m thinking I’ll declare Business as my major at the beginning of next semester.”

Audrey looked delighted.

“That’s wonderful. A business degree is always a smart choice. That’s what Ali did. Now she’s headed for her law degree.”

There was something leading about the statement that Sara couldn’t place, but it seemed to piss Ava off quite a bit. 

Douglas interrupted what Sara assumed was going to be a very boring conversation about the perks of a business degree. 

“So, Sara, what position do you play?”

Sara smiled at him. She liked him already. He seemed attuned and invested in the conversation in a wholly separate way than Audrey. 

“I’m a striker.”

“That’s wonderful! Are you enjoying the team? Rip?”

Sara nodded. 

“It’s been amazing. UCF was always a dream of mine. My mom and I--” 

And that was it. Sara felt her chest squeeze until she could hardly breathe, and she forced a smile as she looked down at her blank phone.

“I’m so, so sorry, but my date is calling. Do you mind if I take this?”

Sara stood up shakily and made her way around tables and into the bathroom, her breath trying to fight its way out. She sucked air through her teeth and made herself calm down, studying herself in the mirror and refusing to let any tears fall while Ava might see her. She wasn’t sure why she felt so strongly about it, but it gave her strength enough to settle. 

After a few moments, she used every ounce of her strength to walk back into the restaurant. She gave her best apologetic smile to Ava’s family, avoiding Ava’s eyes completely. 

“I don’t mean to run off, but apparently my date just misunderstood an email. I’m going to meet her a little closer to campus. Hopefully I’ll get to get to know you guys better before you have to leave.”

Douglas smiled kindly at her. 

“Of course. Enjoy your date.”

Sara nodded tensely and waved once before before bolting from the restaurant. She started running, momentarily glad she hadn’t worn her slides. 

She made it out of the main downtown area and into a neighborhood before she couldn’t go any further. Tears presses at the backs of her eyes and her lungs aches in a way that spoke toward her emotional pain rather than her physical exertion. 

She tucked herself against a tree for a moment and bent over the hand that had immediately gone toward her stomach to scratch at her scar. 

She was glad it was past eight, the sun already gone and leaving the night around her dark enough to hide within. 

She cried for her mother like she had every other time, though she just barely quieted her sobs to avoid detection. 

She was there, leaning against the tree, for over twenty minutes before she was able to open her eyes again. The pain in her stomach made itself manifest as she stood, and she groaned in pain. 

That was not good. She slowly pulled her hand from her shirt and grimaced at the dark discoloration there. 

As she made her way back to campus, she desperately hoped Zari and Amaya hadn’t decided that tonight was the night to shack up. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara woke the next morning feeling somewhat sick. She’d made it back the night before and had almost cried in relief to find their room entirely empty. 

As quickly as she could, she’d cleaned off her stomach without looking and poured antiseptic over any newly opened skin. After, she’d placed a weak bandage over it to keep it from getting infected. 

She’d been asleep before Zari had returned, and surprisingly, her night had been dreamless. She felt the emptiness more apparently than she had even the past day when Ava had stopped reacting to her prods. The goal she’d been seeking crashes through her common sense to the point that all she could think about was finally getting Ava to break again, to snap at her, to yell at her and consume some of Sara’s emotions. 

She needed that distraction desperately, and she couldn’t wait until their training session. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

She came in swinging. Hard.

“Sharpie, it was good seeing you with your family last night. I take it your mother doesn’t approve of the degree you’ve chosen?”

Ava strapped her gloves onto her hands.

“Remember the deal, Lance.”

Sara finished tying her shoes and stood. 

“The deal had to do with me not wasting my time. If you’re not even going to listen to what I have to say, I don’t see a point in refraining from being my usual, witty self.”

Ava shrugged and headed for the goal without a word, and Sara’s stomach twisted in the familiar feeling of emptiness and too much pain once again.

She followed behind Ava and came to a stop at the penalty box. 

“You’re sister didn’t seem all too pleased to be here either. You guys not get along?”

Ava’s body tensed but she still said nothing as she turned around and faced Sara. Sara latched on. 

“Does your sister also not approve of your choices?”

“Just shoot the ball, Lance.”

Sara shot a perfectly aim ball into Ava’s hands. 

“Does it suck being second favorite?”

Ava visibly bristled, and her return of the ball to Sara was zipped toward Sara’s chest. She caught it and let it drop, elated. 

“I mean, I bet it sucks. You’re like a clone or something. Or like, the store brand of a product. Pretty good but just not exactly what you want?”

Sara watched as the blood in Ava’s face drained away in a different way than it had the night before. 

Ava met her eyes, and instead of looking engraved, she looked defeated; instead of feeling victorious, Sara felt like utter garbage. 

Ava shook her head and began stalking toward the athletic building before Sara could say anything else. 

Sara felt like the floor had dropped from under her and she remained frozen, watching after Ava as she but distance between them. She didn’t know what to do; she’d technically won in a way. But it wasn’t in the way she wanted. And it made her feel worse than anything had in a long time. 

Ava had just reached the doors when Sara sprinted after her. 

Ava had just busted into the locker room when Sara caught up to her. 

“Sharpe, wait!”

Ava yanked open her locker door. Sara stepped closer. 

“Look, I didn’t know it was a sore subject.”

Ava whirled on her, eyes blazing. 

“You didn’t? Really? Because you sure dug into it like you fucking knew.”

Sara opened and closed her mouth, unsure how to proceed. Ava was furious; but this fury was based on a prodded previous wound, not annoyance. 

“I don’t think you’re off-brand okay? Obviously you’re doing everything you’re supposed to be. You’re a double major and here on a full ride because you’re an insane goalie. You’re hotter than you’re sister and you’re probably funnier too.”

Ava looked baffled and frustrated.

“Then why would you say any of that shit? What’s the point of being such an asshole?”

Sara felt trapped and exposed. She didn’t know the answer, but she had a feeling Ava was on the verge of figuring it out. 

“Pissing you off is fun?”

Ava stepped closer, her voice pitched hard and low. 

“You’re a fucking nightmare. You’re relentless in your mission to what? Make me feel as shitty as possible? Make me look bad in front of Rip and the team? Find my weak points and stab them? What did I ever do to you?”

Shame licked through Sara’s veins like a flame and she searched for a different emotion to take its place. All she could find was anger. She stepped into Ava’s space.

“Don’t act like you’re fuckign innocent. The first thing you told me was that I would need guidance!”

Ava threw up her hands angrily.

“You fucking lied to my face and insulted my organizational method!”

Sara’s eyes narrowed.

“I didn’t make fun of your stupid binders until after you insulted me! What is your fucking kink with your binders, anyway? Afraid your perfect life will fall apart if you do anything spontaneous? I mean, I get that some people need routines but-“

Ava looked dumbfounded up until the moment she moved forward. Sara felt a hand on her sternum, a thumb grazing her neck as she was slammed into a locker. The wind left her lungs, and she remained incapable of breathing as lips slanted against hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I PROMISE they aren’t going to just fall into a relationship. There’s a bumpy, messy ass road ahead. Much healing needs to happen lol. 
> 
> 2\. The DnD session was difficult lol. But I’m thinking of maybe doing a separate DnD series with the Legends if people want it lol. 
> 
> 3\. There’s a chance I might not post next week, but at least you finally got the start of a kiss? Lol sorry. 
> 
> 4\. I stressed over this a lot and would like validation lmao.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst lol.
> 
> This is unedited.

Ava stormed into the locker room, her face hot and her teeth clenched tightly together in hopes of keeping in her frustration. Sara went too far. She went too fucking far and Ava was finished. She’d talk to Rip the next morning, make him understand that she couldn’t work with Sara like this. Hell, maybe she could drop her class with Sara too; take it in the summer instead. 

She heard the door open behind her and tensed in preparation for whatever Sara would throw at her next. 

“Sharpe, wait!”

Ava jerked open her locker to refrain from turning around and slapping Sara. She felt Sara moving closer.

“Look, I didn’t know it was a sore subject.”

Like fucking hell she didn’t. Ava whipped around and faced down an undoubtedly uncertain-looking Sara Lance. 

“You didn’t? Really? Because you sure dug into it like you fucking knew.”

Sara’s eyes flickered from defensive to guilty to angry to apologetic too quickly for Ava to be prepared for any kind of apology or admission of wrongdoing. 

“I don’t think you’re off-brand okay? Obviously you’re doing everything you’re supposed to be. You’re a double major and here on a full ride because you’re an insane goalie. You’re hotter than you’re sister and you’re probably funnier too.”

Ava wanted to rip her hair out. She couldn’t comprehend how Sara could treat her like she did if she actually thought those things. It made no sense, it didn’t fall into any pattern Ava could possibly unravel.

“Then why would you say any of that shit? What’s the point of being such an asshole?”

Ava watched Sara go from apologetic to terrified in the span of a sentence, and she became even more confused. These wouldn’t be the actions of somebody who hated her or somehow liked her and didn’t know how to express it. This was something else entirely, and Ava found herself just as confused and frustrated as before. 

But this Sara, apologetic Sara, she could talk to. She could figure it out. She could—

“Pissing you off is fun?”

Ava almost screamed. She choked back the desire to do so and stepped toward Sara angrily. 

“You’re a fucking nightmare. You’re relentless in your mission to what? Make me feel as shitty as possible? Make me look bad in front of Rip and the team? Find my weak points and stab them? What did I ever do to you?”

Guilt and pain crossed Sara’s face like a shroud before it was quickly covered up by anger. 

“Don’t act like you’re fucking innocent. The first thing you told me was that I would need guidance!”

Ava threw up her hands angrily. Somehow Sara thought bringing up their past would help her?

“You fucking lied to my face and insulted my organizational method!”

Sara’s eyes narrowed.

“I didn’t make fun of your stupid binders until after you insulted me! What is your fucking kink with your binders, anyway? Afraid your perfect life will fall apart if you do anything spontaneous? I mean, I get that some people need routines but-“

Ava was going to punch her in the head. She was. Every word Sara said sent her tumbling toward the edge of her patience. She wasn’t spontaneous? How about spontaneously kicking her ass? 

Ava shoved Sara into the lockers without any sense of delicacy, ready to finish it. Ready to tell her to fuck off. 

But there was something so human about the way Sara’s skin gave under her pressure. She looked at Sara’s eyes and found they were on her lips. 

Her finishing words became something entirely different. 

She was kissing Sara Lance and she really, really needed to stop. As she moved to pull back, Sara’s hands slid into her hair and held her tightly. 

As much as she hated it, a part of it felt good. Sara’s lips parted and drew her closer and Ava’s mind started screaming warnings.  
Because most of her, the not primal side, felt wrong. Sara felt desperate and afraid and uncertain, and Ava knew this wasn’t good or healthy for her. 

She searched for the strength to push herself away and finally slipped from Sara’s grasp and broke the kiss. 

Sara’s eyes slowly opened, their blue electrified and so confused that it hurt to look at. 

Instead of fury or smugness, Ava watched as Sara’s throat bobbed and her eyes watered and her chin trembled. The shame Ava had seen glimpses of before returned full force.

“Ava—“

Ava took a step backward when Sara’s voice broke. 

“Lance?”

Tears slipped quietly down Sara’s cheeks and she choked on a sob.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean— I didn’t know why I— fuck.”

Ava stood stock still as Sara shook her head and bolted out of the locker room. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara felt the press of Ava against her and lost the strength in her legs. She felt alive and secure for the first time in months. 

The feeling passed in a flash onto something much heavier and horrifically dark. Because everything that had been careening around her head, avoiding identification or focus, snapped into place with a painful click. 

She liked Ava. 

Sara was always attracted to people who could challenge her; people who didn’t bow to her bullshit and her stubborn disposition. They were the kind of people she searched out before her mom…

She was so fucked in the head that she’d been— Sara tried not to let her mind push deeper into the destruction that lay beyond, but her recently common ability to ignore the things that hurt had suddenly vanished.

She’d always been brash, somewhat antagonistic, and carefree, but she’d never been cruel. Her mother had made sure of that. 

But somehow, she’d spent an entire half semester slamming into Ava. She’d pushed at her and tugged her back, scared of her closeness, but terrified of her distance. 

When Ava jerked back from the kiss, regret coloring her features, Sara shattered. She attempted to explain, to make Ava understand, but her throat hurt and her voice came out hoarse and broken. 

Ava’s forthcoming worry didn’t help at all. Because of course; Ava was a good person. Ava, despite everything Sara had done, still cared enough to be worried when Sara started balling in front of her. 

Sara ran. She left Ava and her bag in the locker as she busted into the hallway and sprinted to the exit. Her throat was painfully tight, and she knew people saw the tears pouring down her cheeks. 

The warm air made her feel trapped, and she dropped against the wall and curled in on herself, gasping against the crashing in her skull and the squeezing in her chest. She shakily pulled her phone from her pocket and managed to make a call. There was a single ring before it was picked up. 

“Sara?”

Sara sobbed.

“I want to come home.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava stood stunned for several moments, unsure what had happened and feeling, stupidly, guilty. She questioned whether to follow, her position as captain suggested that she should; the rest of her wasn’t sure. 

She settled for slowly picking up Sara’s abandoned bag and leaving the locker room. People glanced over at her curiously, suggesting they saw Sara’s exit. Ava grimaced.

“Did you see…?”

She trailed off, not really wanting to clarify. Luckily, a girl sitting against the wall picked up on what she wasn’t saying. 

“She went that way.”

Ava looked toward the back exit and sighed. She walked toward it with dread freezing her chest. She didn’t know what to expect and she didn’t know what to do. She wanted to run herself; she’d just _kissed_ Sara Lance. 

Ava came to a stop at the door at the sound of Sara speaking to somebody. It was muffled by the seal of the door and Sara’s crying, but she could just make it out.

“.....too hard. I can’t do this.”

There was a long moment of silence, and Ava wasn’t sure if Sara was speaking on the phone or to herself until she continued.

“Laurel—“

Whoever it was must have interrupted because Sara fell quiet again for time; then,

“You don’t have to do that. I know you have work and classes…I just want to come home…..”

Ava felt bad listening in on such a personal conversation, and she hesitated a moment before backing away. She could give Sara her stuff back later. Besides, she was probably not the best person to talk to Sara right now. 

Ava pulled out her phone and sent a text to Amaya. _Reach out to Sara._

The response came quickly. 

_Amaya: What happened? Are you okay? Is she?_

Ava sighed and pocketed her phone. She needed to not be thinking. She made her way to the side doors and started at a jog back to the practice field and track. She could deal with it later. 

For now, she was going to run until she couldn’t breathe; until the roaring thoughts in her mind were drowned out; until the sickness roiling in her stomach had a reason to be there.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara finished her call with Laurel after promising she wouldn’t try to begin driving across the country to return home. Laurel had been adamant that she remain, firm in her belief that Sara needed to be at UCF. 

She also said she’d be on the first plane out and would be arriving around midnight. 

The crushing weight on Sara’s chest has lightened at that, and despite feeling guilty for making her sister come all the way out, she also felt more relieved than she could put words to. 

It was enough to slow the racing tears down her cheeks into lazy rivers, and she wiped her cheeks off with her t-shirt and sniffed tiredly. 

Her phone buzzing prompted her to pull it out.

_Zari: You alright?_

Sara sighed and turned her phone off. She felt the shame lick its way through her chest at full force and closed her eyes. She couldn’t bare to let Zari or Amaya share such kindness to her when all she’d done since her arrival is act like a cunt. 

Sucking in a breath, Sara slowly pushed herself to her feet. She didn’t know where she would go, but she knew the options that were off-limits. Unfortunately, that included her room and going back to the locker room to get her gear. 

Sara slowly began making her way across campus, directionless beyond staying far from her dorm, and she came to a stop when she saw the library. 

It was large enough that she could hide somewhere for seven hours until her sister got into town. 

Sara ignored the suggestion from her brain that she was being immature and stalked into the building with purpose. She kept her head down as she walked past people in the common area, knowing her face most likely looked like shit. 

She bypassed the student workers behind the help desk, narrowly avoided a girl on her soccer team who was working with a study group, and made her way into the stacks. 

They were slightly chillier than other areas of the library, and Sara questioned her choice to remain. As she trailed through the sections slowly, she somewhat absentmindedly studied the sections she was walking through. 

Eventually, she made her way to the second floor. About halfway through the aisles, she came to a stop. 

Several rows of comic books, manga, and graphic novels were sorted out in front of her. She noted a blue bean bag chair with duct tape holding it together in places at the end of a hall. 

Sara let a tired laugh. It felt like a haven, and she would be taking advantage of it.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava was drenched in sweat and her lungs and muscles protested every additional movement she made. She reveled in it, used it to push her further and wipe away the turmoil twisting in her guts. 

Her feet pounded the rubbery surface of the track at maximum pace, her arms pumping furiously at her sides. She crossed the starting line for the twenty-fifth time before two figures walking through the fence caught her eye.

The instinct to run the opposite direction triggered in her gut, but she gritted her teeth and slowed to a stop as she approached Amaya and Zari. 

They looked worried, and Ava had a sinking feeling they hadn’t been able to get ahold of Sara. 

Amaya studied her closely, her worry not just for Sara. 

“What happened?”

Ava sucked in lungfuls of air and held her hands over her head. She closed her eyes and took one last moment of the good pain before jumping into the kind she didn’t know how to handle. 

“Let me just get my stuff.”

Ava walked to the bench, searching through other runners’ gear to find her bag and Sara’s. She slung both packs onto her back and motioned toward the bag of soccer balls and cones she hadn’t put up yet. 

“I need to return these.”

Amaya nodded toward the extra bag on Ava’s back. 

“Sara’s?”

Ava nodded and headed toward the athletic building without another word. 

Amaya and Zari refrained from asking questions until after Ava had thrown the bag back into the locked storage space. Zari looked more upset than Ava had seen her before, and she had a feeling that this was bigger than just what had happened between her and Sara.

“So?”

Her voice was slightly accusatory, and Amaya placed a hand on back. 

“Don’t take your fear out on Ava.”

Zari shot an apologetic look at Ava and crossed her arms. 

“I’m not— I’m just worried. Her phone goes straight to voicemail.”

Ava leaned tiredly against the wall, glad that the storage area wasn’t accessed as much near the end of the afternoon. She didn’t know where to begin or what to share, but honesty seemed like the best option left to her. 

“I know that Sara is both of your friends. I do. But the past two days her behavior toward me was aggressive at best, attacking at worst. She showed up at my stupid DnD session with Gary and proceeded to use her character to attack mine. That night she literally walked into my family dinner and pretended like we were friends.” Ava rubbed her hands over her face and sighed. “Today… she kept digging into specific insecurities until I was just done. I left.” 

Amaya and Zari looked somewhat guilty, and Amaya spoke sincerely. 

“She went out because of Zari and I, that’s our fault.”

Ava shook her head, finding herself frustrated at her friend’s sacrificial nature.

“No, in no way can you take the blame for this, Amaya. Just because you wanted to spend time with your girlfriend doesn’t mean Sara had to crash my family dinner.”

Amaya sighed.

“I know, I just—“ She paused and frowned. “Is that all that happened? You told me to reach out to Sara.”

Ava felt the beginnings of heat searing her cheeks and neck and she looked away. 

“Well…” This was awful. Ava would rather jump into an ice bath head first than say what she was about to say. It was better to rip it off like a bandaid. “We kissed.”

It would have been comical seeing Amaya and Zaris’ reactions had the situation not been so serious. There were twin looks of shock, both girls’ eyes widening and their lips parting in surprise. 

And extended silence followed that caused Ava’s cheeks to burn every brighter. She thought about locking herself in the equipment storage unit.

Amaya recovered first; barely. She cleared her throat. 

“So, uh, you kissed? And…. I’m sorry, I’m having a hard time following the plot here.”

Ava groaned.

“Long story short: we yelled at each other, we kissed, she started crying, apologized, and bolted. I followed after because she left her bag and I didn’t know if I needed to talk to her, and I heard her on the phone with somebody named Laurel saying she wanted to go home.”

Amaya looked questioningly to Zari and Zari shook out of her surprise to answer the unasked question. 

“Laurel is her sister.” Zari pulled out her phone. “I’ll find her on FB. We need to make sure Sara is fine.”

Ava felt some of the tension drain from her shoulders. She held out Sara’s bag to Amaya.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m sorry I’m a part of it somehow, but I need to get home to my family. They’ve planned out the whole evening…”

Amaya pulled Ava into a tight hug.

“I’ll let you know when we find her. And I’ll be home to talk later, yeah? I’m not writing off your feelings here.”

Ava squeezed her back and nodded against her shoulder.

“Okay. And I know. I didn’t think you were. Let me know if you need anything.”

Zari was focused intently on what looked like Sara’s Facebook page, and Ava flushed a little harder as she left them to their search.

A part of her wanted to help look, but she had a feeling her presence wasn’t going to be of any benefit to Sara. And at some point, she just needed to take care of herself.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara sat for over three hours in the the bean bag chair reading a comic series she’d heard of but never read. She was on the third Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World comic, and despite the overwhelming emotions battering at her walls, she was enjoying it. She allowed herself to be lost within the world in the pages. 

It wasn’t until she went to check the time that she realized her phone was still off. She swore and waited impatiently for it to turn back on, wincing as strings of missed calls and messages popped up. 

There were ten missed calls from Zari and Amaya combined, and she had four texts specifically from Zari detailing what she’d do if Sara didn’t pick up her damn phone. 

Sara found herself smiling before the weight from before crashed over her. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She didn’t have the emotional capacity or goodness to be a good friend. Zari deserve more than some half-assed attempt from an emotionally deteriorating mess. 

Sara ignored the texts and went to the messages from her sister.

_Laurel: I’m in the air. Be there soon. Text me if you need to talk._

_Laurel: I just heard from your roommate. Is everything okay?_

_Laurel: Sara, can you respond so I know you’re alright?_

_Laurel: Just please text me when you get this. We’re worried._

Sara decided to clear up all issues. She texted a quick _I’m fine, I just want space. Sorry for worrying you._ to Zari. 

She texted her sister next. _I just wanted time to think. I’ll be at the airport to pick you up at midnight. I’m okay._

Sara didn’t wait for a response from either before turning off her phone again. She just wanted to pretend everything was okay until she could collapse in her sister’s arms and hope she caught her. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The last hour was excruciating. Sara had finished the available volumes of the series and was stuck debating whether to get to the airport early. She knew it was the smarter decision, but she also knew she’d have to turn on her phone and deal with whatever was waiting for her.

There was also the fact that she didn’t have her keys to the dorm or car because she’d idiotically left them in the locker room with Ava. That meant she had to Uber to the airport, which would cost an amount of money she wasn’t a fan of spending. Still, it wasn’t like she could search for her bag, or god forbid, ask Ava if she’d taken it. 

She’d prefer peeling her own skin off. 

Sara bit the bullet and turned her phone back on with a huff of frustration. She ignored Zari and Amayas’ texts and went directly to the Uber application. Collecting herself, Sara ordered an Uber and carefully made her way down to the first floor of the Stacks and out into the common area. 

She only had to wait a few minutes before her driver arrived, and she popped open the back door instead of climbing into the open front seat. Choosing that usually signaled that one wanted to speak, and that was the absolute last thing Sara wanted. 

The driver attempted a few times to initiate conversation, but Sara’s clipped answers stopped that early in the ride. 

The ride toward the airport had the violent emotions from before returning to drown her. She was scared that her sister was only coming out of obligation; that she would be angry and disappointed. 

It was sad that Sara had to choose to focus on that rather than the mess of her life in Florida. She couldn’t bring herself to think about the team; specifically her only friends and her chosen enemy. 

Anytime Sara thought about Ava, she felt shame coil in the middle of her chest like a vice. She felt sick and horrified at her behavior, and all she could attempt to do was run from it. 

The thirty-minute ride did a number on her nerves, but she quietly thanked the driver and stepped onto the sidewalk in front of where her sister would be exciting. 

She still had twenty minutes until her sister was supposed to land, and she spent it pacing the sidewalk and worrying. 

She didn’t realize how much time had passed before a soft hand settled on her arm.

“Sara.”

It was like a hammer into a dam, and Sara turned to her sister’s voice as the tears returned once again. 

Laurel didn’t hesitate to open her arms and pull Sara into her chest.

“Hey, I know. It’s okay.” Laurel rubbed Sara’s back softly. “I’m here. I’m here.”

Sara clung to her and cried harder at the relief of her sister’s arms protectively wrapped around her. 

“It’s so hard without her, Laurel.”

The words were broken and choppy, but her sister understood. Her voice was tight when she answered.

“I know.”

Sara sucked in a breath. 

“I’m sorry you had—“

Laurel pulled back and met her eyes.

“Don’t do that, Sara. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, okay? I’m here for you.”

Sara scrubbed her cheeks for the second time that day and waved toward the street.

“We’re going to have to Uber.”

Laurel opened her mouth, most likely to question where Sara’s car was, but she seemed to decide against it. 

“I’ll call it. Do you have a place you want to go?”

Sara didn’t let go even as Laurel used one hand to order an Uber. She knew exactly where she wanted to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also! I know I haven’t responded to a lot of comments. I suck! I will attempt to get to them tomorrow. Hopefully. Maybe.... 
> 
> Let me know what you thought.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Enjoy the Angst lol
> 
> This is unedited.

Sara stayed tucked against her sister’s side the entire hour ride to the beach. They didn’t speak about the anvils that pressed relentlessly into their chests, neither wanting to traumatize their driver. Laurel did the talking for them both, all the while running her hand softly up and down Sara’s back. 

Sara let herself be held. She tightened her hands in her sister’s shirt and pressed her cheek against Laurel’s shoulder. She hadn’t been held like this since before her mother died, and she felt herself breaking under the tenderness of it. 

A part of her wanted to pull away, but she didn’t have it in her anymore to fight. She’d been fighting for so, so long; fighting to exist in a world in which she couldn’t experience anything new with her mom; fighting to make it through a single day without her throat closing up and tears pushing at her eyes; fighting to share the parts of her that her mother helped nurture: her kindness, her empathy, her unrelenting perseverance. She’d failed so many times, almost every time, and she wondered if her mother would be disappointed in her. 

By the time they reached the ocean, Sara felt the last threads unraveling. 

Laurel thanked the driver and helped Sara from the car, guiding her softly out of the parking lot and onto the cool sand.

There was a group of college students one hundred yards away with a small bonfire going, but otherwise, they were alone. 

Laurel led them to the edge of the water and came to a stop, her hand warm and solid at Sara’s side as they both kicked off their shoes.

There was a long time of simple silence, and Sara felt the words bubbling up out of her throat. Laurel knew Sara would speak when she was ready, and she did. 

“Sometimes it hurts so badly that I don’t think I’ll make it through the day.”

Laurel took in a slow, quiet breath and pulled Sara closer. 

“I know. A part of me thinks that I’ll never be able to wake up without wanting to throw up at the pain. I can’t make myself breakfast anymore because that was her meal; pancakes, French toast, poorly done crepes. She loved it all and she never went a day without waking up early to make us breakfast.” Laurel let out a pained breath. “Sometimes, I go to call her and I get to her name before realizing I can’t, and I just sob. The other night day, I went through a McDonald’s drive thru and ordered a Diet Dr Pepper without thinking. I started crying so hard that the worker asked if I wanted a free sundae.”

Sara’s cheeks had streaked with heavy tears before Laurel finished talking. She’d been so selfish. Laurel had been hurting just the same as her and she’d pushed her away. She whispered to her shakily.

“I’m so sorry—“

“Sara, nothing is your fault. Nothing at all. You have nothing to apologize for. Never to me.”

Sara sniffed. 

“But I never asked you how you were or if you needed anything. I didn’t even talk to you. I never thought of anyone but myself. I—“

“Stop, Sara. Stop. People deal with tragedy and grief in different ways. There was a long time where I didn’t want to talk about it. It hurt too much and I would just cry until I could hardly breathe. When I got to a point where I wanted to, I knew you weren’t ready. That’s not your fault either. I didn’t want to hinder your healing by forcing my own needs on you.”

Sara rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes.

“Did you find anyone to talk to?”

“I have good friends.”

Sara closed her eyes and lifted her foot from the wet sand to reach toward the water. It brushed against her skin, cool and feather-light. 

“I’m glad. I still wish I had talked to you more. I feel like I’ve been drowning.” 

Laurel nudged Sara forward, further into the water until it was gliding along their ankles. Sara dig her toes into the sand and released as they stood silently once again. 

Laurel broke it first this time.

“Do you have people here?”

Sara looked down at the water and took a shaky breath. Her tears has stopped, but they looked at the corners, ready to fall. 

“I have friends, but I— I don’t deserve them.”

“Why do you say that?”

Sara slumped slightly and tried not to let the shame from before swallow her whole. 

“I don’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

Laurel turned, adjusting them both so that she could see Sara’s eyes. She cupped the sides of Sara’s face and brushed her cheeks.

“Sara, I’m not going to be disappointed in you.”

Sara looked away. 

“Wait until you hear what I’ve been doing before you say that.”

Laurel said nothing, so Sara continued. She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to admit to it. But she wanted to have somebody say she could make up for her actions. She wanted her sister to tell her their mom would still be proud of her.

“I’ve been so angry for so long. I don’t know how to express my pain in many ways, and anger just seemed like the easiest, safest choice. I have been really mean to people; sometimes for no reason at all. It feels so good to cut others down, and I don’t understand why and I’m just now realizing how horrible I’ve been. I don’t even know how I missed it. And people have put up with me for some reason…. I just… Laurel, I—“ Sara looked out into the coasting waves, her heart hammering in her chest. “There’s this girl.”

“A girl?”

Sara clenched her teeth together and sighed. 

“She is very annoying.”

Laurel chuckled a bit, somewhat sadly.

“I think I understand where this is going.”

Sara huffed caustically.

“I’ve always had a type.”

Laurel’s hands slipped down and interlocked with Sara’s. 

“Tell me about her?”

Sara shook her head.

“I was awful to her, Laurel. I took pleasure in aggravating her and pushing her buttons. She often pushed back, but recently, I was such a bitch. She started ignoring me and I just began pushing harder until she snapped.” Sara swallowed painfully. “God, she probably does think I despise her. I told myself I did. I told myself she was a stuck-up jackass; that I was doing the world a favor by making her snap. She probably doesn’t understand why her friends are friends with me. Oh god, what if I ruined their friendship too. I—“

“Sara! Hey, stop.”

Sara sucked in several deep breaths, not realizing she’d started panting and speaking faster until she was coming down from it. 

Laurel squeezed her hands and met her eyes.

“Hey, just breathe for a moment.” Sara forced herself to calm down and Laurel smiled softly. “That’s better. Don’t lose yourself in your head. I found that it’s the easiest way to get everything completely backwards.”

Sara shook her head again. 

“No. I’m not misunderstanding this. I was a terrible person.”

Laurel pulled her in for a hug, holding her for a long stretch of time. When she released her, her fingers tapped over Sara’s heart.

“You’re still here, aren’t you?”

Sara didn’t know how to respond. She wasn’t sure if Laurel meant physically or metaphorically. Laurel caught her confusion and rested her hand on Sara’s shoulder.

“You’re heart is still beating. Do you remember what mom used to tell us when me messed up?”

Fresh tears sprang in Sara’s eyes.

“You’ve never fucked up so much that you can’t fix something if you’re heart is still beating and your efforts are sincere.”

Laurel chuckled. 

“She always got so mad when you replaced parts of her guidance with curse words.”

Sara sniffed.

“I think she secretly liked it.”

“Probably.” Laurel tugged Sara’s hand and led her to the dry sand. She sat down and pulled Sara next to her, keeping their fingers interlocked. “Mom also said that the further we went in the wrong direction, the more we fucked up, the more painful it would be to swallow our pride and make it right. But she said it would be worth it every time.”

Sara rested her chin on her knees, her eyes vacant as she watched the dark waves.

“I don’t think Ava will forgive me.”

Laurel squeezed her hand.

“It’s not about forgiveness. It’s about your apology; whether she chooses to accept,” Laurel shrugged, “that’s all up to her. And whatever she chooses, you have to accept. Learn from it.”

Sara felt her stomach turn at the thought that Ava might not forgive her. She knew she didn’t deserve it. Not at all. But something deep inside made her want that forgiveness; something she didn’t have an understanding to name. 

Laurel hummed curiously.

“Tell me about this girl.”

Sara huffed.

“She’s…” Sara trailed off, unsure of how to even begin describing Ava when she wasn’t trying to convince somebody she hated her. “She’s stoic, gives off a really bitchy vibe, but… she’s the captain of our team, and she isn’t controlling or overly harsh. She allows us to make mistakes and correct them ourselves. She gives members of the team opportunities to lead. Everyone adores her. She really likes organizing shit in a super uppity way.” 

Sara shrugged, finding it easy to continue but choosing to end her description there. The more she searched for things to say, the harder it was to come up with anything truly negative, the worse she felt. 

Laurel seemed to pick up on her growing reluctance to talk about Ava and shifted the conversation. 

“What about Zari and Amaya?”

Sara’s lips twisted in a small smile. 

“They are wonderful.”

“They’re worried about you.”

Sara leaned her head on Laurel’s shoulder and sighed.

“They deserve a better friend than I can be to them. I just make their lives harder.”

Laurel played with the sand by her hands, pinching piles and letting them drift back to the ground. 

“I don’t believe that’s true, kiddo.”

Sara huffed, a flash of anger searing through her chest.

“Believe what you want, then. I don’t car--.” She sharply cut herself off before she finished and shook her head. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I get snappy so quickly. I didn’t mean that.”

Laurel flicked some sand at her playfully and went back to swirling it around. 

“It’s okay, Sara. We can talk about something else if you’d like. Or we could just sit here and watch the ocean for a bit. But I’m going to say two things: one, don’t push away your friends. They care about you, and you’ll need them. Two, and we can discuss this tomorrow, but talking to a counselor really helped me overcome a lot.”

Sara dug her own fingers into the sand and began piling it into a small mound, her eyes watering again. 

“I’ll think about it.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

They’d remained at the ocean for another hour in comfortable silence. Sara let her mind slip into the cadence and rocking of the ocean until she was able to breathe properly again. Laurel continued to hold her until Sara’s head began slipping from her shoulder when Sara drifted off into a half-sleep. 

Laurel steadied her for a fifth time and slowly shifted Sara into a sitting position. 

“Alright, Spanks, let’s get you home.”

Sara groaned at the ancient nickname and tiredly slapped her sister’s thigh. 

“I don’t think you want me to bring back your lovely nicknames.”

Laurel chuckled and helped Sara to her feet. 

“That’s probably true. Come on. I already ordered an Uber. They’ll be here soon.”

They picked up their shoes and began walking toward the parking lot. The bonfire party that had been happening was still in effect, but it looked like half the participants were unconscious in the sand while the other half continued to drink and chat around the fire. 

Laurel kept an arm around Sara as they washed their feet off in the provided rinsing shower. They finished just as a red Honda pulled into the lot and came to a stop. 

Sara climbed in the back first and moved over so Laurel could follow. Their driver was a younger woman in her thirties, and she smiled at them in the rearview but otherwise remained quiet for the drive back to campus. 

Sara led the way to the dorms and let them into the building. The monitor at the front desk smiled tiredly at them, but didn’t say anything about Laurel or a visitor’s pass. 

They trudged up the steps to her floor and Sara came to a stop just outside her door. She looked to her sister. 

“Do you mind if I go in and talk to them first?”

Laurel shook her head and slipped her arm from around Sara’s waist. 

“Not at all. I’ll be out here until you’re ready.”

“Thank you.”

She didn’t know what to expect. Would Zari be asleep? Would she be mad at her? Could she have just gone to sleep at Amaya’s for the night? Sara had to admit that the last option was the most appealing to her. 

With a deep breath, Sara slipped her key into the lock and pushed open the door. 

To her dismay, a soft light was on in the room, and Sara saw Zari _and_ Amaya on Zari’s bed. Amaya had her back to the wall, a book in her hands, and Zari was asleep between her legs, her head resting on Amaya’s thigh. 

Amaya, being Amaya, smiled softly at Sara. 

“Hey, jackass.”

Sara felt warmth run against her tired bones, and she attempted to return the smile. It most likely looked like an apologetic grimace.

“I’m sorry I ignored your calls.”

Amaya gently closed her book and set in on Zari’s desk. 

“I understand the need for space.” Amaya glanced down at Zari and her brow pinched. “Zari, on the other hand, did not take it well. She was really scared for you, Sara.”

Sara felt the guilt settle deep and she sighed. 

“I’ll apologize to her.”

Amaya’s face flickered between thankful and stern. 

“Sara. . . I also need to say something on Ava’s behalf.”

Sara tensed and pulled in a slow breath as Amaya continued. 

“I want to be your friend. I enjoy spending time with you, and I know that you’re not as coarse as you make people believe. But, I can’t have you attacking my friend. I didn’t realize that there were moments outside of what I’d seen until she told me today, and I won’t stand behind anyone hurting her.”

Sara felt her chin tremble slightly and she nodded. 

“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I won’t-- it won’t happen anymore.”

Amaya nodded. 

“Thank you. I know what you’re going through, and I will be here for you through anything, but I won’t stand behind harmful behavior. And I’m sorry if you feel like I’m springing this on you after a harrowing day, but Ava is my best friend.”

Sara shook her head and cleared her throat in an attempt to push back the tears. 

“No, no, I understand. You’re right to be mad. I don’t even deserve your friendship or Zaris’. I’d understand if you guys didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

Amaya glanced at Zari and back to Sara. She shook her head.

“You’ve been a good friend, Sara. Even if you were a little prickly at times. You were the one that finally got Zari to talk to me. You understood her in a way it’s taken me a while to learn. I don’t want to lose your friendship.”

Sara sniffed and rubbed at her aching eyes. 

“Okay. Okay, I-- can be postpone any more talking until tomorrow? I just, uh, I don’t want to cry anymore and I’m really tired.”

Amaya chuckled. 

“Sure. But don’t think you’re getting out of Zari’s wrath.” Amaya uncovered a pile of bags of Swedish Fish on the bed next to her. “Zari went through some stages of worry. She got you too much candy, and when you continued not to answer, she decided launching them at you when you walked in the door was the best option. You’re lucky she fell asleep.”

Sara let out a real laugh this time, one that seemed to drain some of the exhaustion from her body. 

“I love her.”

Sara watched in amusement as Amaya went to agree and then cleared her throat. 

“She’s something special.” Amaya glanced around Sara. “Did your sister get a hotel?”

Sara shook her head and leaned back into the hall to get Laurel’s attention from where she’d walked down the hall. 

“She was giving me a moment to talk to you guys. Do you mind if she stays in here tonight?”

Amaya made a motion at Zari and smirked.

“It’s not my room. I should be asking you that.”

Sara huffed.

“Good luck trying to get out of Zari’s grasp.”

Laurel entered the room and closed the door behind her. 

Amaya smiled.

“You must be Laurel. I’m Amaya.”

Laurel nodded her greeting.

“Thank you for contacting me earlier.”

Amaya shrugged. 

“Anytime. Sara’s a good friend.”

Sara sniffed again and grumbled about sappy losers as she pulled out clothes for herself and Laurel to sleep in. She stole one of Zari’s extra toothbrushes and handed it to Laurel, making a mental note to buy her roommate another one. 

“We’re lucky. We have a connected bathroom. I can sleep on the floor if you--”

Laurel scoffed.

“Like we haven’t shared a bed before.”

Sara rolled her eyes. 

“Not such a tiny bed.”

Laurel took the toothbrush from her and headed for the bathroom.

“We’ll make do.”

Sara faced away from Amaya while she changed quickly, making sure nobody could see her stomach. She might be willing to talk to her sister, but she wasn’t about to let anyone see how pathetic she was. 

Laurel walked out and Sara took her place in the bathroom to brush her teeth. She rushed it, feeling the weight of the day pushing her toward her bed. Tucking herself under her soft blankets sounded like heaven at this point. 

Instead of falling into her bed like she wanted, Sara walked back into the room to chaos. 

Apparently, Zari had woken up, and she was currently being manhandled by Amaya as she tried to ping Sara in the head with two bags of Swedish Fish. Laurel was snickering on Sara’s bed as Sara ducked back into the bathroom just before a loud clunk hit the wall she’d been by. 

“I’m going to pummel you, Lance!”

Sara dropped her head against the wall and grinned with the way she came alive just having Zari as a friend. There was something about being assaulted with your favorite snack that made you forget, just for a moment, that you were cracking apart. 

Sara took a deep breath and stepped back into the room with her hands raised in surrender. Amaya had managed to wrestle all the Swedish Fish from her girlfriend and put her in a body lock of some kind. Zari glared angrily at Sara, and Sara winced. 

“I’m really sorry I scared you.”

Zari huffed and tried to cross her arms, but Amaya’s weird hold kept them from settling on her chest. 

“I wasn’t scared. I was annoyed.”

Sara smiled and picked up the bag of Swedish fish on the ground. She held it up.

“Is that so? And you got how many bags of these?”

Zari narrowed her eyes. 

“I just buy in bulk because they’re cheaper that way.”

Sara gave Zari a sincere smile. 

“I am sorry that I scared you. I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that.”

Zari huffed. 

“Damn right.” At a bump from Amaya, Zari relaxed. “I’m glad you’re okay. Thanks a lot for waking me up.”

Sara smirked. 

“You did look pretty comfortable in that position.”

Amaya rolled her eyes and Zari pointed a finger at Sara.

“You’re on thin ice, Lance.”

Sara sat on her bed next to Laurel.

“I love you too, Z.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara woke up the next morning to a hand on her arm. She cracked open her eyes to see Zari quietly getting ready for training and Amaya crouched at her eye level. 

“Hey, we didn’t know if you wanted to go to training. We didn’t want to leave without asking.”

Laurel’s back was pressed against hers, so Sara made sure to stay still even as her gut dropped at the idea of seeing Ava so soon after everything. She was too ashamed and to uncertain to face her just yet. She shook her head.

“Can one of you tell Rip that my sister came to see me? He’ll understand.”

Amaya nodded and squeezed her shoulder. 

“Of course. Have a good day. Let me know if you need anything?”

Sara nodded and closed her eyes against the day. She wasn’t ready to face her mistakes and her pain. She fell back asleep as the door closed. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara emailed her professors when she eventually woke up again. Her sister was sitting by her feet and jamming her feet into her tennis shoes. Sara smiled at the dread on Laurel’s face and smiled. 

“You don’t have to go on a run with me. I’ll be quick.” 

Laurel finished lacing up her shoes and huffed.

“I can run a mile.”

Sara snickered as she closed her computer and picked her shoes up from the ground.

“Four.”

Laurel froze, her eyes shooting over.

“What?”

Sara tried to look innocent. 

“I’m running four.”

Laurel cleared her throat. 

“I will run two miles with you and wait while you finish the rest like a lunatic.”

Sara slid her feet into her still-tied shoes. 

“Four isn’t even that much. Sometimes I run more.”

Laurel stood and pulled her hair into a ponytail.

“Alright, miss ‘four-isn’t-even-that-much,’ take me to this ‘bombass’ lake you told me about.”

Sara pulled her hair into a ponytail and grabbed her keys before leading the way out of the dorm and down the steps.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

It was a good run, entertaining as well. Laurel had pushed herself to two and a half miles before practically collapsing into the lake. 

Sara had laughed more at that then she had at anything in a long time. Her sister had the put-together vibe, and it had always been a pleasure for Sara to see ungainly or ungraceful things happen to her; Laurel tripping over literally nothing and stumbling toward moss-covered water had Sara catching her and then folding over with laughter as Laurel shook off the one foot that happened to slip into the water. 

It felt good to laugh with her, and she slowly sat on the ground while she tried to catch her breath. For some reason, the laughter began to shift into tears again. It took her a moment to realize the reason why. 

She hadn’t been this carefree or happy since the moment before the accident. 

Laurel went from glaring and shaking out her foot to squatting down and watching her worriedly. 

“Sara?”

Sara tried to laugh her her tears but it came out muddled. 

“Sorry, I’m okay.”

Even as she said it, her chest began to hurt more and all she could see was her mom laughing and then blood. She began panting, lungs failing to take in air and her body beginning to shake. 

“Fuck-- I’m oka--okay. I’m not--”

Sara clenched her jaw as her teeth began to chatter and she curled in on herself tightly. 

“Sara?!”

Her sister’s hands settled on her wrists and Sara flinched but didn’t pull away. 

“Sara, what’s going on?”

Sara was embarrassed and angry and so fucking sad, and her body wouldn’t respond the way she wanted it to. She didn’t want Laurel to worry and she couldn’t make herself stop shaking. 

Laurel’s thumbs began rubbing along Sara’s skin.

“Sara, I need you to focus on what you can feel. Tell me what you feel.”

Sara closed her eyes and sobbed.

“Hurt.”

Laurel’s voice broke when she spoke again. 

“What is touching your skin, Sara. What do you feel touching your skin.”

Sara tried to climb her way back up the cliff in her head, but she kept slipping and Laurel was going to be so disappointed. She couldn’t do anything properly. 

“Sara. Listen to me. Don’t think about anything but what I’m asking you. What do you feel touching your skin?”

Sara zeroed in on the question. 

“Your hands.”

“Good. What else?”

Sara sucked in several deep breaths and tried to focus like Laurel asked. 

“The ground.”

“What does the ground feel like?”

Sara furrowed her brow as she shifted her legs.

“Gravel. Rocks. . .pressing into my skin.”

“Good job. What else do you feel on your skin?”

Sara took a moment to think, her head unfogging and searching for an answer that Laurel was looking for.

“The breeze.”

At this point, Sara’s breathing had slowed enough that she wasn’t choking for air, and Laurel lifted her hands and pressed them together as Sara came back into the moment.

“Are you okay?”

Sara opened her eyes to find Laurel looking with a sickening amount of worry back at her. She tried to shake it off.

“Yes. Yeah. I just sometimes-- That happens.”

Laurel helped Sara to her feet and pulled her into a hug.

“How often?”

Sara pressed her face into Laurel’s neck and shook her head.

“I’m fine.”

Laurel pulled away gently and made Sara meet her eyes.

“How often?”

Sara sighed. 

“It depends.”

Laurel didn’t let it go. 

“On what?”

Sara shrugged her shoulders and looked down, frustrated with herself for ruining a happy moment with her stupid inability to control herself.

“Sometimes a lot. Sometimes I go a few days without them.”

Laurel’s hands cupped Sara’s cheeks and she lifted her head. Laurel had tears in her eyes and she looked so sad.

“You have these that often? Have you been alone for them? Has anything happened?”

Sara couldn’t admit that she never let anyone help her. And she would never admit that she hurt herself. 

“Zari and Amaya have helped me.”

“Good.” Laurel pulled her into a tight hug and held her for over a minute. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to suffer through these alone. I wish I could be here every day to make sure you have somebody.”

Sara was tired of crying. She pressed her forehead against Laurel’s shoulder. 

“I want them to just stop. I don’t know how to make them stop.”

Laurel rubbed her back.

“Sara, don’t feel like you have to do this, but I think it would be really helpful if you talked to a counselor. Mine helped me target the root of everything I was feeling and gave me an understanding of what was happening.”

Sara bit back her sharp retort that the root of all of this was her mom dying because she’d driven Sara to a soccer tournament. Instead, she sighed.

“I wouldn’t even know where to look or what to do.”

Laurel squeezed her.

“I can help you. Is that okay?”

Sara felt nauseous just thinking about telling a complete stranger about her pain and anger. The idea made her want to vomit. But it if made it so that she didn’t make everyone else suffer and worry because of her, she could do it. 

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I’ll be back on schedule next week! Let me know what you guys thought.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay, okay, this is short, but let me explain: There are two seperate ideas I can follow here, and this is the fork in the road point. 
> 
> 1) I continue as I have been, follow their story through the period of awkwardness and not-friendship even though it’ll take some time. 
> 
> 2) There is a large time-skip with a summary of what happens in between. This gets up to the good stuff faster. It also probably skips through three chapters of little interaction between the two women. This is the one I’m really leaning toward, but I would like to know what you all would like to see. 
> 
> This is UNEDITED. A lot of unedited happening in this. Lol.

Ava collapsed on her bed as soon as she got back from morning training. She excused herself with the knowledge that she was going to wash her sheets later that night anyway. 

Sara hadn’t shown up with Zari and Amaya, and the two girls hadn’t given her any reason why. They’d gone straight to Rip, and Ava had seen worry flash across his face before he nodded firmly and started practice. 

That had been it, and Ava was left questioning what the hell happened and whether or not they’d just lost -painfully admitted- their best striker. 

She decided to focus on the team aspect rather than the uncomfortable guilt and frustration that festered loudly in her head. What if she was the reason Sara quit? What kind of captain did it make her to have constantly argued and butted heads with her own teammate before proceeding to kiss her? 

Ava had excused herself from the fields the moment their scrimmage ended, stating a rush to get back and meet her family for breakfast; something entirely untrue. Her family was rather inclined to sleep in past eight, and Ava wouldn’t finish with her classes until later. 

The plan was for her mom, dad, and sister to have dinner at the house that night so that they would catch up with Amaya and Lily. It was usually one of the most fun days of their visits, something she normally looked forward to, but Ava felt like she was going to vomit at the moment. 

Her sweat-slicked skin began to dry into her sheets and she groaned, rolling over slightly. She didn’t know if she could face Sara in their class today; she also didn’t know if she could face a lack of the girl either. It would suggest something that Ava wasn’t willing to consider; that maybe Sara was actually leaving the school completely. 

If that were the case. . . Ava rolled onto her back and let out a sigh. Her door opened and she glanced over to see Amaya walking inside and closing it behind her. 

She gave Ava a wry smirk.

“Breakfast with the family?”

Ava rolled her eyes.

“Can’t you tell, I’m getting ready.”

Aamya looked showered and ready for classes, and she came and sat on the edge of Ava’s bed. 

“Unless you plan on wearing your sheets, that seems unlikely.”

“Shove off, Maya.”

Amaya placed her hand on Ava’s ankle and squeezed. 

“How are you feeling?”

Ava didn’t know how to answer that question. She shrugged her shoulders and closed her eyes.

“I’m fine.”

Amaya let out a loud scoff. 

“Sure, Aves. And you’re going to breakfast with your family.” Amaya shifted closer and pulled her feet onto the bed so she was sitting cross-legged by Ava’s head. “Talk to me.”

Ava covered her eyes with her right arm and let out her most pressing question.

“Is Sara leaving?”

Amaya was quiet for several moments. 

“I don’t think so.”

That wasn’t entirely what Ava had been hoping to hear. 

“Is it my fault if she does?”

This time, Amaya’s answer came quickly, sharply.

“Absolutely not.”

Ava let out a breath of relief and let herself relax for the first time since her altercation with Sara the day before. Amaya rested her elbows on her knees.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend to you.”

Ava shook her head, lolling it back and forth tiredly. 

“Stop. You didn’t know, and. . . “ She trailed off and sighed. “Honestly, some of it was a two-sided deal. She goaded me a lot, but I snapped and pushed it almost as much. It wasn’t until recently that it became more aggressive. It wasn’t until I stopped responding at all that her comments became sharp and digging.”

“That still doesn’t make it right.”

“No, I know. I just don’t know what I really did to make her hate me like she does. And it’s so frustrating because for a while, I thought maybe she was just like that with everyone, but it was only ever me. And I can’t change that or comprehend why that is. I can’t believe I kissed her.”

Ava realized the slip just as it left her mouth. She knew Amaya did too by the way she tensed on the bed next to her. 

“ _You_ kissed _her_?”

Ava was trapped, the fight or flight instinct rising up steadily, but she decided that she had enough of both.

“Yeah. . . don’t ask me why. We were yelling, and then she was being nice, and then mean again, and I just-- fuck, I just wanted her to stop talking. I meant to shove her into the lockers but. . .”

Ava shrugged and let the sentence trail away. She figured Amaya could piece it together herself. 

They sat in silence for several long moments before Amaya cleared her throat. 

“She said she would be apologizing to you; that she was done messing with you.”

Ava felt the first twinges of annoyance rising back in her chest. 

“I don’t need some half-assed apology that she’s just going to reneg later. I just want her to leave me alone.”

Amaya rested a hand on her shoulder.

“I can guarantee that she won’t take it back.”

Ava shook her head. 

“Her just leaving me alone would be apology enough. I can’t afford to be so fucking stressed for the rest of the semester. I have too much to work for.”

Amaya lifted Ava’s arm off her face and met her eyes. 

“We’ll make sure that you get your shit done, Aves, although I’m pretty sure stressed you gets more done than everyone in this apartment combined.” Amaya stood. “I have to get to class. If I’m not mistaken, you do too. We can talk more if you would like to later, okay?”

Ava nodded and Amaya started toward the door. She paused before she left, looking once more back to Ava.

“She doesn’t hate you by the way. She is misguided, I think, but she doesn’t hate you.”

Ava shrugged. 

“The result seems the same.”

Amaya studied her thoughtfully before nodding.

“Touché.” 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara wasn’t in class, something that was infinitely relieving and somehow still disappointing. Ava didn’t recognize, couldn’t recognize, where that second feeling came from, so she focused on the first. 

And as soon as she finished classes, she pushed it from her mind. Sara Lance had affected her day-to-day life for two months now. Amaya said it was over, and, despite not really grasping that as a possibility, Ava decided that she would try and shoot for optimism.

Optimism had never really served her all that well though, and the streak continued. 

Ava, Lily, and Ava’s dad had been sent off to the store to purchase the necessary ingredients for that night’s dinner. Of course, seeing as her father and Lily were the two worst peas from the single worst pod, any kind of organization went out the window as they went off in different directions. Lily claimed it would make it go faster, her father said he wanted a few extra things, and Ava didn’t have a chance to tell them she was the only one with a list. 

She huffed in annoyance and pulled out a cart, something the other two had forgotten. 

This was why Ava liked shopping by herself. She could go to only the isles she needed without any meandering or need to ask a frazzled worker a question they probably wouldn’t know the answer to anyway. 

Ava glanced at her list and moved toward the pasta isle, intent on getting through the list before her useless roommate and father returned with their collection of unnecessary goods. 

Despite her abandonment by her two “helpers,” Ava actually found herself relaxing. She enjoyed shopping. She liked the process of getting exactly what she wanted at the lowest price possible without sacrificing quality. 

She secretly, dorkily, shopped whenever she wanted to accomplish something, no matter how small. 

She’d made it halfway through the list before she found herself in the cereal aisle. She’d added certain provisions to the list for herself that she’d run out of, and if she paid with them on her mother’s card, she didn’t think it would be noticed. 

She’d just decided her mom could splurge and buy her her favorite cereal when the last voice Ava wanted to hear sounded from the aisle opposite her. 

“Laurel, this is dumb.”

A woman to Ava’s right, about six feet away, called over the aisle. 

“This is not dumb. Get over here and help me remember which ones she used.”

Ava was frozen in place, and she zeroed in on the woman, picking up very familiar features. Sara’s voice called over, closer. 

“She used different ones every time. That’s why it was called the ‘Mystery Bowl.’”

Ava knew she should be running the opposite direction. Her heart was pounding almost painfully in her chest and a bout of anxiety flared under her skin. Ava sucked in a breath and whirled around--

“Aves, look what I--”

Ava crashed into Lily who was holding an armful of stupidly unhealthy snacks and a six pack of Stella. 

Ava felt her heart stop when all the items began tumbling to the ground, sans the six pack that was clutched tightly in Lily’s fist. She yelped. 

“Jesus Christ! What’s got you-- ohhhh. Hey Lance.”

Ava was stock still, facing away from the woman she knew as Laurel’s sister and presumably Sara if Lily’s reaction had anything to do with it. 

Motion at her side drew Ava’s attention down, and she saw Laurel a few feet away picking up some of the fallen snack packs. Lily gave Ava an awkward grimace and knelt down to do the same, thanking Laurel for her help.

Ava wanted to cease her existence; poof, gone. Anything to not be in the situation she was in right now. 

Laurel glanced back at her sister.

“Sara, don’t be rude. Help.”

Ava was glad when she didn’t hear footsteps approaching. But she also couldn’t just stand in that exact position forever. She should be helping pick up the shit she spilled all over the floor anyway. Slowly, without making eye contact with anyone, Ava lowered herself and grabbed a few of the items. Lily had apparently carried the entire aisle of snack packs in her arms. 

Ava thought she might just be able to pick everything up and bolt; really, that was her plan. And then--

“What happened here, Gaffie? I thought you were trained to be good at catching things?”

Ava closed her eyes and ignored the urge to launch herself over into the next aisle. She glanced back quickly, in Sara’s direction, to find her approaching father. This was literally a nightmare.

Her dad had two bags of potato chips and a watermelon in his hands, and he looked amused at the current state of the aisle. 

He glanced at Sara as her passed her stricken looking face and came to a stop.

“Oh, hello! It’s Sara, right?”

Laurel stood up with the last of the items and set them in Ava’s cart. Lily looked at Ava, back to sara, then returned her gaze to Ava, wholly unsure what to do.

Laurel had seemed to pick up on the strange tension, giving Ava a once-over before turning to face the guy so talking to her sister. 

At least Sara’s attention was now away from Ava, and Ava could see that Sara’s face looked ashen gray and almost afraid. Ava watched as Sara tried to smile while shaking her father’s hand. 

“It’s good to see you as well, Mr. Sharpe.”

He smiled and shook his head.

“I told you to call me Douglas.” He looked at the three cans of pringles in her free arm and smirked. “Don’t let Ava catch sight of those. I’m pretty sure one of her favorite hobbies is confiscating the junk food of her players.”

Her dad was being so nice, so cordial, and Ava _really_ wanted him to shut up. 

Ava watched Laurel tense and turned to glance at her, her eyes calculating and somewhat shocked. 

Ava literally had no plan for what to do during a situation in which all the worst possible things happened at once. 

Her father, oblivious as he was, clapped a hand on Sara’s shoulder. 

“Ava, why don’t we invite Sara to our little get together.”

Sara blanched further, looking on par with a ghost, and Ava cleared her throat painfully. 

“Um-- I, well--”

Laurel stepped forward then and held out her hand. 

“Douglas? My name is Laurel. I’m Sara’s sister. That’s a lovely offer, but we’re actually having a family night tonight.”

Ava’s father smiled and shook her hand as Sara avoided any kind of eye contact with Ava. 

Ava didn’t know she was searching for it until she noticed she didn’t receive it. She grabbed Lily’s arm in a vice grip.

“We actually need to get back, dad. Mom texted and asked why we were taking so long.”

She saw both Laurel and Sara flinch at that, but she wasn’t about to stick around to find out why. 

Without another word, Ava dragged Lily along and began pulling her out of the aisle. She heard her father continue conversing with the two Lance sister’s for a moment. 

Ava was already getting ready to pay when he finally joined them.

They all remained silent as they walked out to the car, loaded up their bags, and sat inside. 

As soon as the door closed, her father gave her a look.

“Are you going to explain to me what that was about?”

Lily piped in from the back.

“Yeah, I know you guys have some major beef, but that was a little different than how it normally goes down. What the hell happened?”

Ava clenched her jaw and shook her head. 

“I’d rather not talk about it if I’m being honest. Can we just go?”

Her dad studied her a moment before nodding, but Ava knew it wasn’t over. From the backseat, Lily gave her a narrow-eyed look and settled back without another word. It wasn’t over by a long-shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, comment on which option you want as I continue.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I literally fell asleep on my computer while writing the last paragraph last night lol. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you to everyone who responded last chapter. I was blown away.
> 
> I have NO idea how to feel about this chapter. I wrote, and this is what came out of it. I’m not totally against taking this down and rewriting should people think it doesn’t flow/work for the story, or if they want more detail. 
> 
> This is unedited. 
> 
> I HAVE NO IDEA IF THIS IS HOW THERAPY WORKS, I APOLOGIZE IF I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT.

It had been jarring seeing Ava so suddenly. She had been intent on avoiding her captain until she’d figured out a way to apologize. Running into her at a grocery store with members of their families present was almost panic-inducing. 

Ava had been so tense, her spine arrow-straight before she helped clean up the spilled items. She hadn’t even looked Sara’s direction, something Sara was grateful for. She wasn’t prepared to interact with Ava in a new way, especially one that put her in a place of apology; one that allowed Ava to reject her remorse. 

The ride home from the store had been painfully silent as Laurel tried to find a way to bring up the subject without overtly bringing it up. Eventually she just went for obvious. 

_“That was awkward.”_

_Sara snorted and rubbed a hand across her forehead._

_“Yep.”_

_“So. . . that’s her?”_

_Sara tightened her grip of the steering wheel of her car._

_“Yep.”_

_Laurel hummed._

_“Pretty tall.”_

_That made Sara chuckle, her eyes rolling as she made the turn into the dorm parking lot._

_“Good and unique observation. No wonder you excel in school.”_

_Laurel popped open her door as soon as Sara parked, her hands filled with grocery bags filled with cereal and milk._

_Sara followed and took two of them, debating whether to continue on the subject or drop it._

_“I couldn’t even breathe being in the same row as her.”_

_Laurel glanced at her._

_“Because she’s hot or…”_

_Sara let them into her building and sighed._

_“Because I feel guilty and trapped.”_

Laurel had nodded at her, seemingly convinced of something. 

_“That will probably lessen once you’ve apologized.”_

Sara had sighed. 

_“Probably.”_

And the conversation had been dropped. 

Sara had planned to apologize to Ava the first chance that seemed right. She was doing what she needed to do: talking to her sister, telling her the truth, allowing Laurel to help her set up an appointment to see a therapist once a week for a month before reassessment. 

She actually shared real feelings and real experiences with her chosen therapist, Gideon. It was going well. Sara appreciated Gideon’s straightforward but empathetic nature; she appreciated her ability to register and counteract Sara’s bullshit before it could take them off track. 

Gideon pushed when she needed to push, and there were many times where she was able to recognize when Sara wasn’t quite ready to speak about something. She’d send her home with informational packets or worksheets that she legitimately required Sara to read before she was able to move onto the next subject. Sara had only tested that once, and the first few minutes of the session that followed was filled with silence as Gideon sat across from her and watched her read through a three-page article about common behavioral and mental patterns followed by somebody suffering through loss. 

There were a few times that Sara took several sessions to open up about something. The biggest two happened consecutively to each other, but over several sessions. One was her dad’s blame. She struggled to imagine him being wrong, struggled to find a flaw in his reasoning, and she didn’t want to let go of the shame she felt because of it. She’d hinted at it accidentally in discussions about Laurel, and Gideon had seemed to figure it out on her own. The session before Sara finally spoke on it, Gideon had given her an article containing a small diagram talking about Hindsight Bias. 

Sara had saved it until an hour before her session. She’d cried reading it and crumpled it into a ball in anger at herself and at Gideon. She’d stormed out of the dorm room, ignoring Zari’s questions, and had waited impatiently for thirty minutes in Gideon’s waiting room just so she could yell at her. 

She’d tried, she’d gotten so far as to ask how Gideon dared to claim Sara’s situation was like any others. And the more she’d talked, the more the words from the sheet had echoed through her lips. Gideon has waited patiently through the tirade, only speaking when Sara tapered off into a sob. 

_“Hindsight Bias is a roadblock in your healing, Sara. You believe you have a sway over a tragedy because you cannot accept that it simply happened, that it was out of your control. It comforts you to have a reason, even if that reason makes you hate yourself.”_

_Sara cried harder, and Gideon leaned forward with a tissue between her fingertips. She waited until Sara was calm before continuing._

_“Your father is struggling with the same thing. He can’t accept the fact that he couldn’t do anything, that he was powerless. He’s giving himself an enemy instead of recognizing truth.”_

_Sara slumped in her seat, and Gideon met her eyes firmly._

_“However, that does not mean that what he is doing is okay. That is an unhealthy environment for you to be within, Sara. It will only stunt your own healing.”_

_Sara took several deep breaths._

_“It was still my tournament that we were going to. It wouldn’t have happened if I she hadn’t driven me.”_

_Gideon pulled out a piece of paper and began drawing and writing. When she was finished, she slid the paper over to Sara. There was a diagram there. A box with the question, “which headphones should I buy off of Amazon?” Three lines lead off of the box to three different options. 1) Name Brand, fair price, two thousand reviews with an average of four point five stars and comments praising their functionality and sound. 2) Name Brand, average price, a couple hundred reviews that average to three stars and a couple comments discussing the pros and cons. 3) New Brand, rather expensive, says the item is in beta, there are no reviews.”_

_Gideon motioned to it._

_“Which one would you buy?”_

_It seemed so obvious that Sara was reluctant to choose, but Gideon nodded for her to say it._

_”The first one.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because it makes logical sense.”_

_Gideon smiled then and uncovered the side that was hidden. Three outcomes: 1) These headphones malfunction and and plugging them into your computer shorts the system and erases half of your files. 2) You get a decent pair of headphones. 3) Headphones are great, though still not worth the asking price._

_Gideon raised a brow._

_”Did you make the right choice?”_

_Sara huffed._

_“Obviously not.”_

_Gideon frowned._

_“Why?”_

_Sara motioned like it should be obvious before slowly pulling her hand back._

_“...Oh.”_

_Gideon nodded._

_“You chose rationally. You are buying for use, not to experiment with new technology. The rational decision was the one you chose. There just happened to be a batch of those headphones that malfunctioned. You received a pair. It makes no sense for it to be your fault, but that was the first thing you thought.” Gideon clasped her hands in front of her. “Now understand this on the scale in which it’s happening, Sara. I don’t expect you to believe me when I say it’s not your fault; not right now. But when you go home tonight, or sometime before our next session, I want you make a diagram like this involving your situation. Use only logic and truth. Bring it to me.”_

And Sara had. Sara had cried her way through a diagram, Amaya and Zari had sat on either side of her and made sure she didn’t skew the boxes. She’d finished it with knowledge that she wasn’t ready to accept, and the three of them had watched a stupid romantic comedy because Sara needed to laugh. 

The second struggle Sara had faced had been talking about the accident itself. Sara couldn’t even bring herself to think of it before succumbing to a full-on panic attack across from Gideon. Gideon has gently moved from her side of the table and she’d spoken quietly without ever touching her. She’d brought her back to reality in a few short moments, had thanked Sara for her effort, and moved onto something different. 

The next two sessions it hadn’t even been brought up, Gideon instead having chosen to focus on other topics involving the situation. 

On the third session since, Gideon had mentioned it again. Sara had frozen up, her throat closing, and Gideon had efficiently and calmly changed the subject before Sara could succumb to another attack. 

Sara still wasn’t able to talk about it, but she knew she would eventually need to. 

Despite the obstacles and painful discussions that came from seeing Gideon, Sara found some of the rage within her settling to a tired simmer. She found herself less likely to snap at the smallest thing. Zari and Amaya noticed the difference too, Amaya regularly giving subtle praise and Zari blatantly exclaiming that Sara was ‘less of a bitch nowadays.’

Things were getting better incrementally. They were nearing the end of the semester and she was keeping up with her classes and she’d returned to training; now every single day. Sara even found moments in which she was proud of herself. 

But there was one thing that she didn’t do; one thing she couldn’t seem to do: apologize to Ava. 

She’d tried to find moments, but Ava was never alone. And Sara might feel guilty, but she wasn’t going to share that with half the team or even just a roommate or two. That was the excuse that she stuck with for a while: she just couldn’t seem to find a time with Ava alone. 

But the possibility for those moments did occur; many times, in fact. Sara shared a class with Ava. She had a project with Ava. She could have, at any time, asked for a moment of Ava’s time. She chickened out; each and every time she moved toward Ava with the intention of speaking to her, she veered off at the last moment and tried not to throw up. 

She didn’t know what to do to make herself less weak, and she couldn’t ask Gideon for help. Sara hadn’t told Gideon about Ava. 

And the longer Sara took the say sorry, the less inclined she was to try. Her and Ava had fallen into an unspoken agreement that they would speak as brand new acquaintances in all their interactions. There was no arguing, no frustration, just two people trying to exist in a space with another person without pissing them off or learning too much. 

It sucked. Sara hated the feeling entirely, but a part of her brain questioned whether this was better than any kind of rejection she might receive if she spoke to Ava. What if her apology pushed Ava toward hating her more than she probably already did? What if Sara lost her cool even though she had no right to? 

All the scenarios seemed to lead to Sara losing any kind of non-hostile contact with Ava, and she was just selfish enough to be scared of it.

Her avoidance was even going perfectly well, all things considered. Zari would ask about it sometimes, and Sara would be honest with her about her reasons for refraining, her supposed inability to even make contact. Zari would tell her to speak to Gideon about it; she would slug Sara’s shoulder softly and give her a pointed look before allowing the subject to drop. 

Sara would let it drop, relief filling every inch of her, guilt shoved to the back of her mind, and she would go to Gideon and say nothing. She got comfortable with her lack of initiative.

And then, on Sara’s second to last session before Summer break, Gideon ruined everything. 

Sara was telling her about the team, about how daily training seemed to really help her start her day off with higher energy and less chance of a panic attack. Gideon had smiled at her progress, even shared a few reasons that such a thing occurred, and then she dropped her bombshell.

“Sara.”

“Yeah?”

Gideon’s shrewd look, the one Sara had come to barely recognize as Gideon about to dig into something, flickered over her features. 

“Who is Ava?”

Sara froze. 

“Um. . . what?”

Gideon smiled as she studied Sara’s reaction. She looked pleased, like she knew the answers Sara hadn’t even begun to share. 

“Many times during our sessions, you’ve mentioned your team captain. You always seemed interested in what she was doing, thinking, but you never said her name. You just told me that ‘Ava’ had your team run suicides today, and you didn’t seem upset by it.”

Sara clenched her teeth together and leaned back in her seat. 

“If you guessed who she was, there doesn’t seem to be a reason to ask me.”

Gideon chuckled softly. 

“Don’t deflect. That’s session one-to-seven Sara.”

Sara crossed her arms petulantly. 

“It’s going to be session thirteen Sara as well.”

Gideon smiled.

“Or you could tell me why you’ve kept her to yourself for so long?”

“I didn’t keep her to myself. That doesn--” Sara cut herself off at Gideon’s brow raise. “She’s just the captain of my team. We haven’t had the best relationship.”

“You speak about her like you respect her.”

Sara shrugged, feeling the approaching gavel slam. She’d been coasting the line for too long and Gideon wasn’t about to let her inch away. 

“She’s a good Captain.”

“So why don’t you get along?”

Sara pulled at a loose thread on her shorts, eyes anywhere but on Gideon. It’s surprisingly easy to explain after all the heavy shit she’s slogged through.

“I was a bitch.”

“Just you?”

Sara huffed.

“She was only a bitch when I was a bitch. I was always a bitch.”

Gideon tilted her head. 

“Rephrase your sentence to help me understand?”

“We got off on the wrong foot and I just. . . I pushed and prodded at her weak spots so much just to see her get angry, just to be an ass.”

Gideon nodded.

“And her actions were reactionary?”

“Basically.”

“Tell me a bit about her?”

Sara groaned. 

“Please don’t make me.”

Gideon chuckled.

“You don’t have to do anything, Sara. But you’ve been hiding this very purposefully from me, and I must say I’m curious to know why.”

Sara crossed and uncrossed her legs in front of her, suddenly uncomfortable in her own skin. 

“Ava is type A, rigid as fuck, and ambitious. She’s a double major, a captain, and somehow, she pulls it all off while still having everyone like her. The team respects her a lot; sometimes I think more than they respect Rip. She’s kind of funny too. Sometimes.” Sara realized she’d rambled a bit and she cleared her throat. “Is that enough?”

Gideon pursed her lips and hummed. 

“What does she look like?”

Sara narrowed her eyes. 

“If you’re going where I think you’re going. . . “

Gideon expression became expectant.

“And where do you think I’m going?”

“You think I find her attractive.”

“Do you?”

Sara threw up a hand. 

“Duh! She’s like an Amazon warrior.”

Gideon laughed at that. 

“So Ava is attractive, well put-together, successful, and respected. Do you see why this may have set you off in a negative way? How seeing somebody like this while you felt so poorly about yourself may have twisted emotions that would have been normal otherwise?”

Sara shrugged.

“I guess. But that doesn’t make it okay.”

Gideon raised a brow. 

“I think you know I wasn’t claiming it was.”

Sara slumped. 

“Sorry. I’m bad at talking about this.”

“Thank you. And it seems like there’s a lot of unresolved emotions about this on your end? Why is that?”

Sara wanted to laugh. . . and also have Zari punch her in the face weeks ago until she apologized to Ava and preemptively avoided this situation.

Biting the bullet, Sara explained the past several weeks of her attempting to apologize and not being able to. Gideon listened, only prompting when Sara fell quiet or seemed stuck in a thought. 

Once caught up, Gideon spoke.

“It’s normal to be afraid of rejection, Sara.”

“But I deserve rejection. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal to me, but it is.”

Gideon smiled.

“Your attraction to her and your desire for her attention was warped into very negative behavior caused by grief and shame. Just because you didn’t recognize your feelings for what they were, doesn’t mean that once you found out, they just went away. It makes sense that you’d be afraid of her reaction; a part of you is still invested in her attention. Losing that would be hard.”

It was different having the words spoken to her so plainly instead of being hinted at by her own brain. Said out loud, Sara felt even worse.

“This is stupid.”

Gideon shook her head, expression firm.

“Don’t invalidate your feelings when they make you angry, Sara.”

Sara closed her eyes and sighed.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Yes you do.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara was going to throw up. She was partially leaning against the trash can outside of the lecture hall she was supposed to be inside. She’d given herself a deadline this time, a day and time in which she would finally fucking speak to Ava. She was literally waiting until the last second, having skipped her shared class with Ava just to give her more prep time. 

The outflux of students leaving classes signalled Sara of the end of class, and she quickly stood up from her position hunched by the trash can and moved toward the doors. She stopped in her tracks as Ava walked out, her brow furrowed as she looked at something on her phone. 

Sara didn’t realize she was directly in her path until Ava almost crashed into her. 

Ava looked up and immediately took a step back, her expression unsettled by Sara’s presence. 

“Lance?”

Sara got the words out even if she tripped on a few.

“Can-- uh, can we talk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so tell me how that went? It was a difficult chapter to figure out. 
> 
> If people like it, there will be one from Ava’s perspective next.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so very late. I had an atrocious week; my car broke down, I turned in my notice at work and had to apply for new jobs, I didn’t sleep more than four hours a night at maximum, and I was just swamped with extra stuff I hadn’t planned for. 
> 
> But I do want everyone to know how much I appreciate you all reading and commenting on this. I love receiving your asks on tumblr and I love that you’re enjoying my story. So thank you all, and I really do hope to get back on schedule now. 
> 
> This is honestly so very unedited.

The drive back from the store was a misleading, as both Lily and Ava’s dad avoided talking about the encounter at the store at all. 

They arrived to Ava’s mother commanding their little kitchen like a military captain while Amaya and Ava’s sister snickered and did as they were asked. It was nice, and despite the endless amount of frustration she felt, Ava felt herself relax into the evening.

She joined the fray and listened as her mother told her to dice the onions and crush three cloves of garlic and heat up a pan of olive oil over the stove. Her sister kept sighing and giving Ava looks whenever their mother got too bossy or too demanding. It was something Ava would have enjoyed immensely had she not been preoccupied with thoughts of Sara and her weird apology and the awkward interaction they’d had at the supermarket. 

Ava had very few chances to connect with Ali, mostly because of distance, but also because of the rift their mom had seemed to create between them. It was unfortunate because of how close they’d been as kids, and Ava knew her mom hadn’t intended to divide them, but it had happened all the same. 

They didn’t ever seem to have much to talk about anymore, despite having a similar major and looking almost identical. So Ava always relished the moments where they were able to roll their eyes and silently communicate their amusement. 

All through the preparation and cooking, Ava’s dad kept attempting to help, only to be blocked from the kitchen by anyone close enough to stop his entry. They’d all experienced what happened last time he’d tried to cook, and that had led to an emergency room visit and a half-burned kitchen. 

He playfully made his attempts before huffing back to his chair and watching something on their Netflix that Ava didn’t recognize in the slightest. Even her mother got in on the playful banter when she wasn’t bossing them around, her oil-slick spatula waving at her husband when he managed to get past Ali with a spin move. 

Ava laughed and allowed the stress that had been building since her confrontation with Sara begin to slip, though releasing it fully was entirely impossible; especially with the way Amaya watched her closely. 

She had mouthed ‘are you alright’ when they’d arrived home from the store, and Ava had just shaken her head and quietly said ‘later.’ 

But the dinner was amazing, the conversation was fine, and Ava was surprised that her mom didn’t mention her spread focus or lack of real drive to make a career choice. It was pleasant and entertaining, and Ava even forgot a few times that she felt like she’d been thrown through a car wash without a car. 

But the night was never going to last, and soon enough, Ava found herself saying a quick goodbye to her family. She would see them the next day when they headed to the closest beach to get sunburned. Ava’s family had a tendency to burn even with slathers of sunscreen on their bodies. And while Ava was no exception, she still fared better than the rest of them.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Ava tried to curb any further interrogation for the night by wishing her roommates a good night. 

She’d only been in her room a few moments, brushing her teeth, when Amaya knocked quietly on the door. Ava, who’d found herself so close to the retreat of sleep, sighed and slumped her shoulders. Amaya gave her a soft chuckle. 

“Warm welcome, Aves.”

Ava finished brushing her teeth and spit into the sink. She took far longer than necessary to clean off her brush and reorganize her bathroom counter. Amaya, being the most annoyingly patient person Ava had ever met, waited silently. 

Finally, Ava couldn’t find anything else put off the inevitable, and she crossed her arms tiredly and turned to her friend. 

“Anyway I can persuade you to let this go for now?”

Amaya smiled softly. 

“I told you we’d talk when I got home, and while it took longer than I expected, I’m keeping my promise.” Amaya tilted her head toward Ava’s bed. “You can get comfortable though. Your dad told me you guys ran into Sara and her sister at the store.”

Any relief Ava had found in the past several hours vanished in an instant, and her bones grew tired of holding her up. She headed for her bed and started to pull back the covers. Seeing this, both Gigi and Solo launched themselves from their cat tree to her bed, making the process as difficult as usual. 

“It was horrible.”

Amaya smirked.

“Lily said you were so mad you punched all the snacks out of her hands.”

Ava rolled her eyes.

“Lily needs to see psychologist about her pathological need to lie about things.”

Amaya laughed and walked over to the bed. She nudged Solo a bit so she could sit beside Ava. 

“Probably. How are you feeling?”

Ava tiredly threw up a hand. 

“I don’t even know. I didn’t think it was possible to have a single person fuck with my state of mind so much.”

Amaya looked down. 

“I am really sorry, by the way. I didn’t realize how bad it was. I was so focused on Zari that I missed out on how much you were actually affected by everything.”

Ava leaned her head against her headboard and shook her head slowly. 

“Really, Maya, it’s okay. I’m not upset with you. And honestly, it was annoying but bearable until the past two days happened. After our talk on the beach, I decided that I was going to stop reacting to her. I think that’s what set her off. I don’t know.”

Amaya pulled her knees to her chest, a contemplative look on her face. 

“She never gave me a straight answer to why she did what she did to you. To be fair, she was pretty caustic to a lot of people, but she took it to another level with you.”

Ava shrugged.

“Maybe she didn’t like me because I was in a place of authority on the team. She definitely doesn’t seem to like being told what to do.”

Amaya shook her head. 

“I honestly don’t think it’s that… But I did talk to her last night after she got her sister from the airport.” Amaya nudged Ava with her toes. “She said she wouldn’t be bothering you anymore.”

Ava snorted. 

“We’ll see. That seems rather unlikely.”

Amaya’s face went stern. 

“I won’t let her, Aves. Sara might be my friend, but I I’m not going to let her do that to you. If I’d known what was happening I would have talked to her sooner.”

Ava felt bad that Amaya was blaming herself so much .

“Look, Amaya, it really is alright. I was only two days that she really laid it on. Don’t beat yourself up like you failed me catastrophically. I’ll get over it.”

Ava ran her hands through her hair tiredly, tugging out her loose bun and letting her hair fall around her shoulders. She just wanted to pass out and wake up again with her problems solved. 

Amaya reached over and laced their fingers together. Being the absolute saint that she was, she changed the subject.

“Tonight went really well. You and Ali seemed to get along a little better… And your mom didn’t say too much to cringe about.”

Ava chuckled and leaned her head against her headboard. 

“Yeah, it was nice to be able to relax a little bit. I’m sure my mother will find something else to prod at me with. Just give it time.”

Amaya squeezed her hand and grinned. 

“Always so optimistic.”

Ava scoffed. 

“Believing that a learned, consistent pattern will continue isn’t pessimism, it’s accepting reality.”

Amaya rolled her eyes and began to stand, tugging once on Ava’s hand before letting go.

“Alright, Descartes.”

Ava threw one of her pillows at her back. 

“You can’t just say a random philosophers name in relation to something they _aren’t_ related to!”

Amaya smirked back.

“You seemed to understand it just fine.” Her smile broadened at Ava’s glare, and then she gave her a sincere look. “Just know that you can talk to me, okay? I don’t want you trying to deal with this in your crazy brain. You just try and compartmentalize it, but you aren’t wired to shove things away.”

Ava pursed her lips to hide a smile. 

“Okay, Freud.”

Amaya’s jaw dropped, appalled. 

“Excuse you, that is a horrific insult.”

Ava crossed her arms, though the effect was negated by Gigi crawling painfully up her shoulder. 

“So stop using the philosophers out of context.”

Amaya narrowed her eyes and then closed the door, a sharp “never” coming muffled through the door. 

Ava gently pulled Gigi from her shoulder and his claws dragged painfully against her skin. She just rolled her eyes and stuck him next to Solo as she cuddled to Ava’s side. With one last sigh, Ava slipped down under her covers and closed her eyes. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The rest of the weekend had gone rather well. Ava’s mom kept her comments at a minimum, though Ava figured that was her dad’s doing when she caught the pointed looks he kept shooting his wife. 

Ali was rather mild all things considered, and she seemed genuinely interested in how the soccer training was going. She and Ava had gone surfing and had genuinely enjoyed their time together.

Ava expected there to be some kind of consequence for her pleasant and not-at-all painful visit from her family, so when training came around, she was prepared for anything. 

Still, she hadn’t entirely known what to expect when she saw Sara again. Maybe a continuation of the intensely awkward energy permeating an entire thirty-foot space around them. She had even considered that Sara would snap out of whatever funk she was in to return to her normal, aggressive behavior. 

What she hadn’t seen coming was careful avoidance. The Monday after that harrowing weekend brought to her an unbelievably smooth practice. 

Sara hadn’t looked her direction a single time before the start, spending most of it warming up with Zari. She looked Sara-adjacent. That’s the only way Ava could place it in her mind. She was the same person, but it seemed like her shoulders didn’t hold themselves so rigidly anymore. She looked like she’d been able to drop a hiking backpack after four hours of trudging through rough terrain. 

It had struck Ava then that she’d never really seen Sara relax. 

That had been the first of many surprises in that single two hour period. During the training, Sara _listened_. She kept her mouth shut and her stupid smirk from her lips every time Ava spoke. 

At one point, Ava had been forced to give her correction on a single play, a new tactic she and Rip had talked about with Zari and her as the spearheads. 

Ava had been dreading this entirely, expecting pushback on every comment and suggestion before they even got to attempt the maneuver again. 

Instead, Sara stood next to Zari, both panting from exertion, and Sara listened silently the entire time Ava spoke. Her lips never twitched into amusement, she didn’t let slip any snarky responses or wink. She simply took in what Ava was saying and nodded once. 

And that had been it. For that practice. And the next. And the ones to follow. Sara was attentive, bordering on respectful, and Ava didn’t know what to do with it. 

In their shared class, Sara returned to her old seat, two away, and she didn’t so much as look at Ava unless they needed to discuss their project. They worked on it in class and worked within a google document outside of it. 

Things were oddly unaffected by the turmoil of the first month of the semester, and Ava truly wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

On one hand, she was furious. She didn’t understand how Sara could go from being one of the most atrocious people she’d ever met to this quiet, unobtrusive person. Why couldn’t she have been like that from the beginning? Why did Sara constantly torment her and act like such a jackass? And had the kiss really been the fucking catalyst for all of it? If so, what the hell did that mean? And what was she supposed to do about? 

On the other hand, Ava felt like she could breathe again. She didn’t wake up every day somehow both curious and dreading her interactions with the snarky striker at any given moment. She wasn’t trying to write dialogues in her head before and after interacting with Sara just so she didn’t get caught off guard the next time. 

It was all very surreal, and her unsureness for what to do in response slowly turned into a slow acceptance. If this was how it would be for the rest of her time on the same team as Sara, Ava could deal with that. She could deal with not understanding or knowing what the hell had happened or why. Really. Even though it ate at her and niggled in the back of her mind whenever she thought of Sara, she could let it go. 

She knew she could. It was better to accept what was happening than go back to before. It felt like a precarious edge she was balancing beside; one wrong move could bring her back to the infuriating commentary from Sara, and Ava wasn’t willing to risk it. 

So she got used to the questions that lingered in her mind, and she watched silently as Sara began to relax more; as she began to treat the team better and listen attentively. There were several times where Ava almost risked the balance; on the days that Sara was borderline generous to her, or to others, she wanted desperately to figure out what the hell happened. 

But she withstood her own curiosity and the frustration she hadn’t yet overcome to make sure she could lead her team and keep her sanity. 

She hadn’t planned for this. 

She hadn’t planned to walk out of class a week before the semester ended and almost run her previous nemesis over in the middle of the sidewalk. 

She came to a stop, looking up from her phone when she realized somebody was standing in front of her, and there she was. 

She had on jean shorts, a white tee, and slides as per her usual wardrobe, but something out of place, at least for the last two months, was the direct eye contact. It was unsettling, meeting those bright blues dead on and up close for the first time in weeks. 

Sara seemed almost nervous, and emotion Ava would have sworn she didn’t feel. After a few moments of silence, she prompted her.

“Lance?”

Sara’s eyes flickered away and then back, resolve filling her shoulders.

“Can-- uh, can we talk?”

Ava’s stomach dropped. Those words were generally a lead-in to a serious conversation, and Ava felt the careful balance begin to tip. She hesitated and tried to think of a way out.

“I need to get to my next class.”

Sara nodded.

“I know. It won’t take long.”

Ava’s apparently intelligent brain was useless as it failed to give her another excuse. She took a slow breath and nodded. 

“Sure.”

Sara glanced around them and then nodded toward a bench off to the side. Despite her direction, she didn’t actually sit down before turning to look at Ava again.

“I just--” 

She trailed off and cleared her throat, her jaw clenching and unclenching a few times. Ava waited, her mind railing to try and figure out what was about to happen. The ideas ranged from normal to the outrageous, going so far as to wonder if the past two months had been a practical joke that Sara was going to reveal at just this moment. 

Never mind the fact that Ava didn’t think Sara was patient enough to wait two months for an insult, no matter how good it was. But she also faintly recognized that this approach was different than any other Sara had had before. So she waited. 

Sara looked off to the side and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her shorts. Ava could see the sharp lines of her muscles pulled taught and loosening, leading her to believe that Sara was clenching her fists. Finally,

“I wanted to apologize.”

Ava stared in bewilderment as Sara gained confidence now that she had begun. 

Sara nodded once. 

“I wanted to apologize for the shitty way I treated you from the moment I met you. You didn’t deserve it, and I was a total asshole. So I’m sorry.”

Ava opened and closed her mouth a few times, shocked into silence. She hadn’t expected this at all. In no way, shape, or form had she ever believed Sara would willingly and sincerely apologize to her. She didn’t know how to react. 

Sara seemed to take that as her answer, and she nodded again, her eyes flicking to the side. 

“Um, anyway. Yeah, that’s what I wanted to tell you. Have a good day in class.”

Before Ava’s brain had righted itself, Sara was already beelining away from her. She thought about following, but she didn’t know what that would lead to. 

By the time Ava was able to process things again, she found herself running late to class, and she shook her head and took off toward her building. 

As she walked, she pulled out her phone and opened her strain of messages with Amaya.

_You won’t believe what just happened._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was relatively short, but next weeks will be longer!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who reads, gives kudos/comments. It’s very encouraging and really does inspire me to get these chapters up almost on time. 
> 
> THIS IS UNEDITED. 
> 
> Also, there will be HELLA Avalance interaction next chapter. Thank you for being patient.

Sara had thought the feeling of needing to puke would go away as soon as she apologized; she was wrong. Seeing the way Ava looked so confused and shocked, and seeing how she literally said nothing for what felt like ages but was most likely only a few seconds, had Sara’s stomach twisting in a violent fashion as she slipped past her and made a run for her dorm. She had another class, but it was review day, and therefore, not mandatory. 

She couldn’t quite grasp how she was feeling over the agitation in her chest and stomach. Ava’s surprised face continuously replayed itself through her head, and she forced herself to block it out after fifteen minutes of walking through campus and not being able to decipher her emotions. 

She tried to talk herself into a clearer headspace, knowing fully that she’d done the right thing despite whatever came after it. It helped; marginally. But she still felt the tightness and discomfort filling her. A part of her thought about calling Gideon to talk about it. But despite her therapist’s offer, she’d never actually mustered up enough humility to call her outside of her sessions. 

Besides, she had a meeting with her at the end of the week, just before she left to go home for the summer. She knew Gideon had told her not to, but there wasn’t much option when she didn’t have a job and the dorms were closing. She was scared, but she’d spoken to Laurel about it extensively, and her sister had told her that things would be okay. 

Sara still hadn’t spoken to her father. The few times she’d gotten to guts to ask Laurel, her sister had said that he was out. She wasn’t so sure Laurel was being honest in those moments, but the alternative hurt a bit too much to consider. 

Sara was hoping that she could reconnect with her dad over her break like she’d reconnected with Laurel. She thought it might be able to help if he could see her and be forced to think about was really happening. 

Gideon had given her a serious look and told her not to let her hopes dash to far from her reach. She said that grief is different for everyone, and sometimes, especially in their situation, it takes more time and distance for a person who lost their spouse to really understand. 

But Laurel was convinced, and that helped ease some of Sara’s fear to the point that she’d bought a plane ticket. 

Sara made it back to her dorm room and pushed into the room. A startled yelp from Zari’s side had her freezing as the door swung open, and she jumped back and turned around a moment too late. 

Because apparently Zari and Amaya liked to get feist in the middle of the damn day. Sara moved toward the bathroom with her eyes closed, bumping into the wall and tripping over a pair of her own shoes before she found the safety within. 

“Ew, ew, ew, ew.”

She closed the door behind her and huffed out a breath as she heard the scrambling on the other side. Zari’s somewhat frantic tone mixed with Amaya’s obvious amusement was at least entertaining as Sara thought about the cons of pouring bleach in her eyes. 

Several moments passed before she heard Amaya call out, still laughing,

“We are clothed.”

Sara carefully pushed the door opened but didn’t walk out. 

“Are you sure?”

Zari’s biting retort came next.

“No, we’re not sure that we put our clothes on. You should probably stay inside the bathroom forever.”

Sara snickered and walked into her room to find her roommate sitting moodily on her bed with her arms crossed and her cheeks stained a dark red. Amaya looked much more comfortable, her lips quirked in a smirk as she met Sara’s eyes. 

“Don’t mind the grouch.”

Zari shot a glare at her girlfriend and then turned her eyes back to Sara.

“What are you even doing back? You’re supposed to be at class.”

Sara tried to bite back her amusement at Zari’s frustration, but she was having trouble feeling all that bad. 

“So are you.” Sara dropped onto her bed and pulled her legs up, pointedly looking at Zari’s mussed up hair and the dark mark forming on her throat. “What’s your excuse?”

Zari blushed harder and narrowed her eyes. 

“See if I ever get you sympathy candy again.”

Sara grinned.

“I know an empty threat when I hear one. You can’t keep that promise because then you’d actually have to talk to me instead of giving me a sugar high.”

Zari huffed, though it struggled to maintain its bitterness when Amaya pulled her into a tight hug and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

“Zar, be nice.”

Sara watched the combativeness slip away and smirked. 

“Yeah, _Zar_ , be nice.”

Zari’s eyes flashed and she grabbed a pillow, set to lunge across the room and beat Sara until she apologized, but Amaya laughed and caught her around the waist, wrestling her to submission. She pointed through Zari’s arm at Sara. 

“Stop antagonizing.”

Sara held out her hands innocently and shot an apologetic grin Zari’s way. 

“I’m sorry I interrupted your kinky sex that you didn’t warn me you’d be having in any kind of way that would allow me not to walk in.”

Zari blew a strand of hair out of her face and slumped in annoyance. 

“We don’t have kinky sex.”

Amaya chuckled. 

“Yet.”

Zari’s face went from red to burning and she tucked her head into Amaya’s shoulder as Sara collapsed with laughter. 

Sara tried to stop her giggling several times before actually succeeding. 

Amaya was grinning down in a sickeningly sweet way at Zari as she continued to hide, and Sara let her amusement and happiness for her friends ease the flustered nerves she’d been feeling since talking with Ava. 

She had watched Zari and Amayas’ relationship bloom from hesitant but warm to something so magnificent that it sometimes hurt to look at. Zari was able to settle into the relationship in a way she’d previously told Sara she didn’t think was possible. They were perfectly matched for each other, Zari abrupt, analytical, and giving and Amaya patient, gentle, and confident. 

Anytime Sara had seen Zari get scared and try and push Amaya away, Amaya had slid around her outstretched arms and pulled her into a hug that had Zari melting.

Sometimes Sara would look at them and the intensity of it was almost too much. 

But she was so very happy for them, and she was so very happy that she got to make fun of Zari because she was still so private about her sexual life when it came to Amaya.

She’d rarely spoken about it except to once tell Sara that she’d never had anyone be as thoughtful and giving as Amaya always was. 

It was something beautiful that Sara had in her life, and Gideon had told her on many occasions that she should cherish it. Gideon said that having healthy relationships around Sara was a really good way to know what they looked like and what behaviours within them to replicate. 

Almost every session recently, she’d had Sara tell her one thing about the way Amaya and Zari treated each other, and then she would proceed to give examples of how Sara could do similar things in everyday interactions in her own life. 

It was hard, honestly. Sara wasn’t good at being gentle at the best of times. And she didn’t like to listen anymore. And her first instinct was still to snap and jab and bite at the things that made her uncomfortable. But she was getting better about it. 

Sara sat back up and pulled her knees to her chest, letting her smile loosen up but keeping it on her face. 

“I am sorry I interrupted. I know you guys want to spend time together before Amaya goes for the summer.”

At the mention of their impending separation, both Zari and Amayas’ faces slipped. Amaya squeezed Zari and rested her chin on her shoulder. 

“It’ll only be for two months.” 

And Lily and Ava said it was okay that I give you permission to crash in my room while I’m gone, so you can just pretend I’m still here.”

Sara pretended to gag at the cuteness while also chuckling.

“You both make me sick.”

Zari didn’t even attempt to look annoyed as she smiled at Amaya’s words. 

Amaya winked at Sara over Zari’s shoulder. 

“Don’t pretend you don't think we’re adorable. I know how to read you, Lance.”

Sara held up her hand. 

“Guilty as charged. You’re the couple to end all couples. Nobody will ever be as adorable as you.”

Amaya slowly disentangled herself from Zari’s back and sat beside her on the bed. She gave Sara look.

“Sooo, why did you skip class?”

Sara cleared her throat and glanced away from her. 

“Well. . . So I did a thing.”

Zari made a noise in the back of her throat that sounded a bit like amused dread.

“What thing?”

Sara’s eyes flicked up to meet hers. She spoke so quickly that she wasn’t sure either one heard. 

“ItalkedtoAvaandItoldherIwassorryforbeingatotalbitch.”

Zari’s eyes widened.

“I caught Ava and bitch, and I swear to God if you called her--”

Sara shook her head and took a deep breath. 

“I apologized to Ava. After class. Well, I didn’t go to class because I was about to barf. But I apologized to her and said I was sorry I was a bitch.”

Zari and Amaya both looked at her so proudly that she didn’t know what to do. Amaya stood up and flung herself on top of Sara shouting ‘good job.’

Once Sara had wrestled herself free, she found Zari standing with a visibly molding cookie cake that said ‘took you long enough’ in dried, swooping frosting. 

She grimaced. 

“You assumed I would take this long?”

Zari huffed and let out a small smile. 

“Actually, this is the third cake. Amaya told me to stop buying them, but I wasn’t about to let you think I didn’t have some kind of witty response to you growing some courage.”

Sara rolled her eyes and felt the relief she’d been expecting when she first said sorry slowly begin to seep into her skin and settle at her chest. Her friends were proud of her, Gideon would be proud of her, Sara knew her mom would be proud of her. 

She smiled at the cake a let out a wet laugh, only then realizing she was on the verge of crying. Zari noticed and shook her head playfully. 

“Oh no, Sara. One tear and I’ll eat this entire moldy cake that I’ve had hidden under my bed for two weeks. You’ll be responsible for my death.”

Sara looked at Amaya. 

“Quick, say something really sad.”

Zari glared and Amaya rolled her eyes at both of them.

“How you two survive as roommates is beyond me. You’re both the worst communicators I’ve ever met.”

Sara pushed the cookie cake in Zari’s hands further away from her.

“In my defense, I am technically capable of talking through things. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, is like a tiny fortress made out of gallium. Pretty solid looking and hard to penetrate until she gets a little warmth. Then she’s suddenly a puddle and still incapable of forming sentences.”

Zari started pulling off the top of the cookies cake tray.

“Looks like you’re asking to be covered in mold, Lance.”

Amaya was up in a flash and dislodging the cookie cake from her hands. 

“I swear you two are children.”

She took the cookie cake and tossed it in their trash. Zari pouted. 

“I paid for that.”

Amaya rolled her eyes and gently squeezed her chin between her thumb and forefinger. 

“And I told you to stop buying cakes with rude sayings until Sara actually apoligized.”

Zari looked over at Sara and pointed.

“You owe me forty dollars.”

Sara’s jaw dropped. 

“For the rude-cakes you bought?”

Zari nodded sternly, and Amaya brought her hands to cover her face. Sara and Zari were the ones to chuckle then, and Zari tugged a few times on Amaya’s arm.

“We’re done, I promise.”

Amaya peeked through her fingers with a glare. 

“You sure? I can come back another time if you guys want to have a food fight to the death.”

Sara leaned back on her bed and closed her eyes. 

“As enticing as that sounds, I am going to take a nap instead.” She peeked an eye open. “Unless you need me to clear out so you can finish your business.”

Amaya smirked at Zari.

“We can finish that later. For now, tell us how the apology went.”

Sara blew out a breath and shrugged her shoulders into her pillow. 

“I said I was sorry and she just stared at me like I’d asked her to tango with me on the sidewalk until I walked away.”

Amaya gripped Sara’s shin and squeezed reassuringly.

“I’m sure she was just surprised.”

Sara shrugged again. 

“I get it even if that’s all that comes from this. Like, I know I wouldn’t forgive me for some of the shit I said. She probably fucking hates me.”

Sara tried not to let that knowledge lodge itself too deeply in her chest. She didn’t know how Ava felt, and just assuming wouldn’t help their situation any. 

Amaya seemed of the same mind.

“Ava doesn’t hate anyone, Sara. Well, besides maybe Jon Constantine. But really, just give her some time to process it. Yeah?”

Sara nodded tiredly and rocked her feet back and forth against her bed. 

“Yeah.” Sara tapped her fingers against her mattress. She needed a subject change. “Well, I’m actually going to pass out any second, so like, feel free to quietly bang when I fall asleep if you need to.”

Zari’s pillow slammed down into her face and Sara sputtered out a laugh as she turned away. 

“Don’t be mad that I said what you were secretly thinking.”

There was a breeze of air as Sara assumed Amaya stopped the pillow from finding its target once more. 

“Have a good nap, Sara. We’ll leave you to it.”

Zari called over Amaya near the end. 

“I hope you dream about moldy cake.”

Sara let herself relax into her sheets, a smile painting her features before they loosened into sleep. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava was sitting on the floor of their living area using a long string to mess with Gigi when Amaya walked into the room later that day. She’d finished her meager homework much too quickly and found herself with nothing to do. Dead week was the worst week in her opinion. Why not just get directly to the tests so people could be _done._

She sighed, still feeling a little out of sorts. 

She had been thrown off guard from the moment she met Sara’s eyes after their normally-shared class. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do or say in return. A part of her wanted to not say anything; she knew it was petty, but that side of her didn’t want to forgive Sara. She made her life a hellscape for two months and for what? It’s not like Sara explained herself, especially not the really bad week where she just dug her claws into Ava’s weak points and refused to let go. 

But another part was desperate to know, to figure out why Sara had acted the way she did and what her friends knew that she didn’t. 

The key turning in the lock had her eyes immediately moving to the door, and tried to keep herself calm as she saw Amaya’s form appear looking curiously at her phone. 

“Aaaaves, I just saw your text. How are you—“

She came to a stop as she took in Ava trying to look nonchalant while sitting in the ground holding a cat toy for a cat that had seemingly disappeared. Jackass. 

Amaya smirked and tilted her head.

“Were you waiting for me?”

Ava huff and pushed herself to her feet. 

“I was playing with Gigi.”

Amaya pointedly looked around and Ava rolled her eyes. 

“He left when he heard you open the door.”

Amaya held her hand down to pull Ava up. 

“Alright, weirdo. How are you feeling?”

Ava let herself be pulled from the ground and she trails into the kitchen after Amaya. 

“What do you mean?”

Amaya pulled a container of prepped food from the fridge and popped it open. She held it toward Ava and Ava absentmindedly pulled out a carrot. 

“I happened to run into Sara today after she spoke to you.”

Ava rolled her eyes. 

“It’s strange how you have such a different experience with her. I can’t even imagine what she’d be like when she wasn’t constantly trying to aggravate me.”

That wasn’t necessarily true at this point, not after two months of interactions that didn’t lead to Ava walking away wanting to strangle her; not after their interaction today. 

Amaya chuckled. 

“She’s a big brat just like Zari.” She settled back against the counter and met Ava’s eyes. “So? How do you feel?”

Ava shrugged, mirroring Amaya’s position. 

“I don’t know. I just… she didn’t explain why she did what she did.”

Amaya made a face.

“You wanted her to make excuses?”

Ava flushed.

“No, of course not. But…” she trailed off with a shrug. “I guess I just want to know why she chose me of all people to be shitty to.”

Amaya popped a cherry tomato in her mouth and Ava grimaced. Noticing, Amaya picked up another one and chewed it purposefully with a smile. Ava grimaced and reached into the container to dig past the tomatoes. 

“Filth.” Ava nodded at the container. “Are you going to just eat the veggies or are you planning on getting some protein?”

Amaya rolled her eyes pulled out the portion of chicken to heat up. 

“Sorry, Captain.” Amaya set a timer and turned back around. “You know, you could ask her?”

Ava’s immediate reaction was to reject that idea loudly, but she just shrugged. 

“I doubt she would be honest. It seems like a waste of time.”

Amaya narrowed her eyes at her. 

“That seems like a cop-out.”

Ava shifted uncomfortably on the counter and crossed her arms. 

“Or I just don’t want to waste my time.”

Amaya shrugged and pulled out the chicken as the timer went off. She poured the remaining veggies onto a plate and set her chicken beside it. 

“Or you’re scared to hear the answer.” She held up a hand before Ava could protest. “I’m not saying you’re wrong to want to move on. Or that you don’t have the right. But we promised we’d be truthful to each other when we think the other person isn’t being honest with themselves. I’m just laying out the facts.” Amaya cut off a piece of chicken and ate it. “Do what you want with it.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara hadn’t heard anything from Ava since they’d spoken. She saw her in class and she saw her at training, but there was no acknowledgement of the apology. Sara tried to not to let it upset her. She didn’t have a right to more of a response, but she wanted one all the same. She caught herself staring at Ava like she had before, this time with a singular hope that she might be forgiven or at least acknowledged. She felt pathetic, and she was so glad that she was finally finished with her exams and prepared to go home. 

She’d already packed her bag, and Laurel said she’d be there to pick her up at the airport when she arrived back home. She was excited besides the nerves and fears that had rooted themselves in her bones. She’d have time to be with her sister and maybe make things right with her dad. 

Now, all she had left was her last appointment with Gideon until after the summer break. She felt similar to how she always did before a session; curious, anxious, hopeful. It was always a small chore to get herself in her car and to the offices. 

But she’d made it, and she’d been called back to the office before she’d even sat down. She’d just opened the door to Gideon’s office when her phone went off. Laurel’s name popped up on the screen, and she glanced over at Gideon hesitantly. 

Gideon smiled and motioned for her to take the call.

Sara meant to just answer, explain where she was, and hang up. 

“Hey, Laurel, can I call you back? I’m--”

“Sara. . . .”

Laurel’s voice was strange, a hard anger and a deep sadness mixed in one. For a moment, Sara froze. She couldn’t think of what she might have done to piss off her sister. She didn’t have long to think of possible reasons before Laurel was talking again.

“I’m so sorry, dad said that he. . .he, um,” Her voice kept slipping between pity and anger, and Sara found herself at a loss for air. “He told me to tell you that you aren’t, fuck, Sara, he said that you can’t come home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys thought. I’m... undecided about this chapter.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry that I’m a day late, but hopefully the content of this chapter will be worth it... lol. 
> 
> Anyway, this is a pretty heavy angst chapter, but you get some real Avalance interaction finally. It’s not so much the amount as it is what actually happens. 
> 
> ALSO, this IS edited. Because lesbian__barbie is bomb and did it.

The impact of those words was immediate and destructive in a way that made it impossible to breathe. 

“What?”

Her voice was barely a whisper, pleading for Laurel to say something else. Laurel sounded like she was going to cry. 

“I’m so, so sorry Sara. I never thought— it doesn’t matter. I’m going to start looking for an apartment. As soon as I find one, you can come home and stay with me.”

Sara was frozen in place, half inside Gideon’s office, half in the hallway. She could feel Gideon watching her now, and she tried to keep her face clear. She couldn’t do anything about the pain in her voice.

“I—“ she looked down. “But I already have my ticket.” Sara pressed her hand to her abdomen. “The dorms are closing. What am I supposed to do?”

She sounded increasingly more panicked as she spoke, her breath coming heavier, and Laurel must have heard it. 

“Sara, breathe. Just breathe. I’ll make sure you have a place to stay and we’ll suspend your ticket to a future time.”

Sara tried. She did. She sucked in a few deep breaths and she thought it might be enough. But she kept imagining her father’s face, his blame and hatred and she felt the tears before she could think to leave the office. He would never forgive her and in a single moment, she’d lost both of her parents. 

Laurel tried again.

“Sara? Can you hear me?”

Sara opened her mouth and nothing escaped but a strangled pant. She felt dizzy and her skin itched and her jaw clenched together so tightly that her teeth clicked. 

She swallowed and stared ahead of her, everything blurring through her tears. 

Gideon’s voice sounded beside her, soft and encouraging. 

“Sara, tell me what you’re feeling.”

Sara tried to speak again and barely spilled out a quiet apology before she had to suck in air. 

“Don’t apologize, Sara. I’m going to touch your arm, okay?”

Sara nodded, her face aimed toward the ground. 

The touch at her elbow was grounding, and the pressure increased as she felt her arm being guided away from its position by her stomach. 

Sara’s heart dropped at the red tint to her fingertips, realizing exactly what she’d just done in front of Gideon. She tensed, sucking in a heavy breath as Gideon guided her forward. 

“Take a seat, Sara. Breathe.”

Sara didn’t know how she followed direction, but she ended up in the chair on a strange precipice between falling into the attack and trying to think of ways to explain away her scratching. 

Gideon sat across from her, and Sara tried to focus on her while her lungs failed to work properly. 

“I can—I can ex-explain.”

“Don’t worry about that for now, Sara. Tell me what’s going on.”

Sara thought about it and felt the same jolt of pain and shame, her heart kicking into gear once more. 

Gideon met her eyes.

“Sara, you’re doing so well. Breathe and do what we talked about, okay?”

Sara nodded somewhat and started counting her breaths, repeating the number through the next one until she finished.

“One,” breathe in, “one, breathe out. “Two,” breathe in, “two,” breathe out.

She got to fifteen before the exercise began taking effect and she was able to unfog her head enough to let rationality take over. 

Gideon smiled when Sara’s clear eyes met hers.

“Very good. Can you tell me what happened?”

Sara nodded slowly.

“My dad said I can’t come home.”

Her voice broke at the end, but she kept it together. She noted a flicker of something pass through Gideon’s eyes briefly before they leveled out. 

“Do you understand that he is wrong here? He is choosing to hurt you to protect himself. Don’t let this bring you back into your guilt. You’ve done nothing to deserve this.”

Sara shrugged and looked away. 

“Maybe—“

“Can you explain to me what you did wrong?”

Sara tried to find a reason that Gideon hadn’t already explained away in previous sessions. She racked her brain for a way to make it all her fault. She failed. Gideon nodded.

“I thought so. Sara, this is not your fault. You didn’t do anything at all.”

Sara slumped in her chair and looked down at her stained hand. She quickly looked away. 

“Doesn’t change the fact that I now have nowhere to stay for the summer.”

“There are several options we could look at that would be affordable. We can discuss it at the end of our session today, okay? I think it would be best if we begin by calling Laurel back. I know she must be worried.”

Gideon slid Sara’s phone toward her across her desk, and Sara reached out without thinking, her red-tinted fingers coming into view. Gideon glanced at them and her eyes returned to Sara’s with a certain intensity. 

“And then we will speak about that.”

Sara swallowed and pulled her phone into her lap. Her hands were still shaking somewhat, but she managed to initiate a call to her sister. 

Laurel answered on the first ring. 

“Sara! Are you okay?”

Sara swallowed and nodded, pushing back the returning panic with a few controlled breaths.

“I’m okay. I’m sorry I scared you.”

“Don’t be. You shouldn’t have to deal with this right now.”

Sara closed her eyes. 

“I just need to figure out what to do now.”

Laurel sounded sure in her response. 

“I spoke to dad; gave him a piece of my mind. He’s going to pay for you to stay in a hotel room.”

Sara pinched the bridge of her nose.

“He doesn’t have the money to put me up in a hotel for two months, Laurel.”

Laure’s voice hardened.

“I don’t care what he can afford. He’s being a coward and he’s being cruel. He can go into debt for all I care. He’ll pay until I can find a place and get you home.”

Sara nodded slowly to herself, her eyes prickling. 

“Why is he doing this to me?”

Laurel softened. 

“I really couldn’t begin to tell you, Sara. But it’s not right and he’s pushing away more than just you with it.”

“You don’t have to cut him off just for me.”

Laurel huffed. 

“Yes, I do. I will never stand for such immature and disgusting behavior. I’m staying with a friend until I find a place.”

Sara leaned her head back against the chair, her voice quiet.

“Thank you, Laurel.”

Laurel’s response was just a quiet.

“I’ll always have your back. You and me forever, alright?”

Sara smiled then, remembering the first time Laurel said that to her. It had been Sara’s first day in the same high school as Laurel. They had just had a fight the night before so they weren’t speaking. But when Sara had been approached and hit on by a lacrosse player, Laurel had swooped in with a scathing remark and an arm around her shoulders. 

_”That guy is really bad news, Sara.”_

Sara had petulantly questioned her motives, and Laurel had just squeezed her shoulder and smiled at her. 

_”Whether we fight or not, I got your back. It’s you and me forever, kiddo.”_

Sara felt her frantic heartbeat settle and she nodded. 

“You and me forever.” Sara could almost hear Laurel’s encouraging smile through the phone. “I need to finish my session with Gideon. Can I-- I’ll call you later?”

“Of course, Sara. I love you.”

Sara’s chest settled even more. 

“I love you too. Bye.”

When she hung up, Gideon smiled at her. 

“I’m glad that you have her, Sara.”

“Me too.” Sara shifted for a moment under Gideon’s stare and then sighed. “I guess we should probably talk about the elephant.”

Gideon chuckled, her eyes looking down at Sara’s fidgeting hands. 

“We should. You didn’t tell me about this.”

Sara looked away. 

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not that bad, honestly.”

Gideon hummed. 

“So you’re telling me that if I asked you to go see our resident nurse, it would not be that bad? I wouldn’t have cause for concern?”

Sara felt trapped. She knew she should have told Gideon sooner, but she’d never been more ashamed of anything in her life. 

“I’m sorry.”

Gideon shook her head. 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. I would just like to understand why you kept this to yourself. Self-harm happens for many reasons, and the root of it being worked on can help in many other areas of your life.”

Sara hated that she would have to say it out loud; talk about her greatest weakness. She clenched her hands into fists. 

“I don’t mean to do it anymore. . .it just…”

She trailed off and Gideon finished for her. 

“Happens?” At Sara’s small nod, Gideon continued. “How did they begin?”

“The first few panic attacks were really bad. I’ve never felt so out of control and weak… I was always able to find a quiet place to fall apart, but. . . it didn’t make them any easier. And I thought--” Sara swallowed thickly. “I thought that if I involved pain, my brain would stop falling apart. When that didn’t work, I tried to stop but. . .it feels good.”

Gideon’s understanding in that moment meant everything to Sara. Her face didn’t twist in disgust or confusion, and she looked like what Sara was saying was altogether unsurprising. Sara had been so scared that she’d be looked down upon; either with pity or anger or misunderstanding, but Gideon didn’t emote any of that. 

“You were punishing yourself and giving yourself some semblance control at the same time. You still are.”

Sara didn’t comment, not having any rebuttal or alternative answer. 

“It’s a double-edged sword, Sara. You want to stop the panic attacks because they make you feel weak, but you feel like you have some control yourself when you harm your own body in a moment in which the rest of you is mostly out of control. But I would argue that you’ve now begun a habit that only takes away more control.”

Sara’s stomach clenched. 

“What do you mean?”

“It happens now without your direct initiation. It has become another habit, a kind of addiction. Something you can’t control.”

Sara hadn’t thought about it like that, and the implication made her a little dizzy. She wanted to argue that she could stop herself, but she hadn’t even been aware she was doing it this time. 

“What do I-- How do I fix it?”

She didn’t mean to sound so small, but Gideon gave her an encouraging smile.

“There are several ways. We can find the one that works best for you, okay?”

They talked for the rest of Sara’s session and went over by a bit. Sara felt armored, prepared to face the coming challenge of summer and the hurt she still carried. She felt like that up until the moment she opened the door to the average hotel room in the average hotel. Tears streamed down her cheeks before the door closed behind her. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The next two weeks were up there in ranking of the worst days of Sara’s life. Sleep was rare, most of her time at night spent trying to adapt to the cold sheets and the impersonal space. She’d hardly brought anything beyond clothing inside, her hopes high that Laurel would find a space quickly and Sara could go to her. 

She’d been forced to tell Zari the entire situation, waiting until the night after Amaya flew out in order to allow them their last night together for some time. Zari had been furious at Sara’s dad, and she’d done something she’d never done before when Sara started crying: she moved to give her a hug. 

Sara had clung her to desperately in that moment and asked her why her own father hated her. Zari hadn’t had an answer, but she’d allowed her personal space to be breached and her shirt to be soaked in tears and snot, and Sara had been grateful in the moment. 

Afterward, when Zari had gone back to Amaya’s for the night, she’d felt pathetic. She didn’t want Zari to have to worry about her and comfort her. 

So she’d cut herself off as unobviously as possible. Zari would text her and ask her how she was, what she was up to, if she wanted to do this or that. There were team runs and scrimmages that the remaining team members generally participated in during the summer. 

Zari had invited her to every one. Sara had politely declined with the reasoning that she didn’t want to have to deal with Ava. 

But Ava was far from Sara’s mind in those thirteen days following the news. Every day was a struggle. It felt like all the progress Sara had made with Gideon and with time had been ripped away from her. 

There wasn’t a single day that she didn’t cry, and only one day of the thirteen was panic-attack free. Sara felt like she was living in a fragile shell of herself that was constantly battered around and bruised. Her stomach was constantly aching and burning. 

By the end of the first week, Sara had hardly slept or eaten anything. She felt weak and dizzy and so broken. She called to cancel her appointment with Gideon, not wanting to be seen or convinced that she should take care of herself. 

Gideon has attempted to call her twice. Both times, Sara had sent her to voicemail. 

When Laurel called, she tried to put on a brave face. She knew Laurel was trying her hardest to find a place, but with her income going to be split between school and a new apartment, her options were limited. 

Zari came by the room a few times after being subtly blown off on the sixth day, but Sara didn’t answer the door. 

She hadn’t showered in four days and her hair looked like a bramble. She’d told Zari later that she’d been out with a friend; that she was sorry she’d missed her. She’d agreed that they needed to get their routine coffee sometime; said she’d text her. 

She hadn’t. And she continued to spiral. She sat on her shitty bed and watched tv for hours on end. Her lack of sleep at night turning into sporadic naps that left her feeling worse than before. 

On the thirteenth day of her stay, Sara realized she desperately needed food. She’d put on a hoodie and sweats and hoped she didn’t smell bad. 

But when she opened the door, she froze. 

Posted up against the opposing wall was Zari, bags and a cooler around her. She grimaced the moment she saw Sara’s appearance. 

“I fucking knew it. Go inside, smelly.”

Sara stared at her in shock, and Zari sighed as she stood up, collecting her bags.

“I brought you some stuff, okay? Can I come in?”

Sara nodded dumbly and slowly backed into the room. She didn’t know what to say. She should apologize for lying, for how the room looked, for how she looked. 

Zari followed her in and set Sara’s things on the counter of the small kitchen area. Something smelt heavenly, but Sara wasn’t sure she’d be able to keep it down. 

Zari began unpacking the bag, revealing random snack packages and ten Gatorades that she stuck in the mini fridge. She unloaded the cooler that turned out to be filled with sandwich meats and hot dogs, condiments, and fruits andvegetables. 

It wasn’t until she placed the last item in the fridge that she faced Sara. 

“You’re a mess, Lance.”

Sara felt the long-lasting fragility flicker away for a moment at the normalcy of Zari’s tone; the teasing insult. It was grounding in a way that had Sara close to tears. 

Zari must have seen them and her face blanched.

“Hey, hang on. I’m sorry, Sara.”

Sara shook her head a let out a wet laugh. 

“It’s more than fine. Thank you for not babying me.”

Zari answered in stride with that knowledge. 

“Are you sure you don’t need it? It’s usually babies that require somebody people to bathe and feed them, right?”

Sara laughed again, her chest decompressing. 

“Don’t try and bathe me, freak.”

Zari opened the take-out bag she brought and began unloading cartons from their favorite Chinese place. 

“Fine. But I am going to feed you. And then you can bathe yourself. And then we can have a little chat.”

And so it happened, though Sara took an ungodly amount of time to eat and shower, trying to postpone whatever conversation she was going to have with Zari. 

By the time she finished, it was almost nine and the sun had set. 

She was clean, she had a full stomach for the first time in days, and her deepening despair seemed to have been filed away for the time being. 

Zari was sitting in the desk chair when Sara walked out in shorts and a t-shirt, her feet kicked up and her phone in her hands. She set it down in order to raise an eyebrow at Sara before patting the bed beside her. 

Sara sighed and ran a towel over the ends of her hair one more time before throwing it on her bed and sitting down in the spot that Zari had indicated. 

“I can explain.”

Zari chuckled and steepled her fingers over her stomach. 

“That’s what people say when they know they’ve done something dumb. But I don’t need an explanation if you don’t want to give it. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re dealing with. So I’m here to tell you to cut it out and that you’re coming with the team to the beach tomorrow.”

Everything in Sara wanted to argue. The idea of being in the sun and people seeing her in this state, even if the state is mostly internal, was horrendously repulsive. But she saw the way Zari seemed very prepared to argue this out, and she really, really did not have the energy. She sighed. 

“You’ve picked up Amaya’s bad habits.”

Zari grinned. 

“You mean being a rational and put-together human being?” She shook her head. “Not at all. But I’m picking up the slack while she’s away. Can’t have our favorite grump wallowing away by herself. Anyway, I’m sure you haven’t been running or working out either, so you need to whip yourself back into shape or the team run this Sunday will kill you. I’m just being a good teammate.”

Sara groaned and dropped back onto her bed feeling so much better than she had before. She knew Gideon would easily explain that as her letting her pain consume her instead of working through it. She’d probably talk about how being around Zari in a time when she felt betrayed and abandoned by her father was necessary to remain on a healthy path. And she’d make Sara admit it too. And she’d be right; something that only made it more frustrating. 

She felt dumb for closing herself off if being around Zari could help her. But maybe she wouldn’t have realized that had she not spent two weeks in pain and crying. 

Either way, Zari didn’t seem keen on allowing it to continue. She had already made herself comfortable and didn’t look to be moving anytime soon. 

She ended up staying for two hours just talking and half-watching television. Sara felt more at home when Zari was taking up space in the room. It was a bit like living in their dorm, except Zari got up to leave around midnight. Neither one of them were all too cuddly, and sharing a single bed didn’t make a lot of sense to them when they were going to see each other in less than six hours. 

Zari had informed Sara that the beach group was leaving at five in the morning, something she didn’t seem happy about. And though Sara didn’t love the idea, it meant less time that she would be alone. 

Zari left with a pointed look and a reminder that she’d see Sara at four-forty-five. She promised that she’d bring the entire gang to Sara’s apartment should she fail to show. 

As soon as the door closed, Sara set her alarm and moved to her partially unpacked suitcase to find her swimsuit. She’d traded out all her bikini tops for rash guards, and she retrieved black bottoms and a black and red top to put on in the morning. 

She climbed under her sheets, actually feeling tired and a bit sleepy. Her newly-shaved legs felt amazing against the sheets, and she was able to stretch out and close her eyes with hope brewing in her chest.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara woke up to the alarm on her phone feeling a little groggy and worn out. The boost of energy she’d received from Zari’s visit seemed to have tapered off into the night, and the same dark headspace she’d been living in had filled her sleep with a nightmare of her father screaming at her.

She didn’t want to go to Ava’s apartment and deal with the awkwardness that would inevitably exist. She didn’t feel up to it. But she also didn’t want Zari traipsing into her pathetic living situation with a bunch of her teammates. She’d have to come up with a lie so she didn’t have to explain that her father hated her and wouldn’t let her go home. 

So, despite the ever-growing desire to curl back under her covers and pass into unconsciousness, Sara threw them off and slowly pushed herself into a sitting position. She slid on her bikini bottoms and pulled a pair of red athletic shorts over them. She didn’t look down as she pulled off her shirt and tugged on a sports bra, followed quickly by the rashguard. 

A little blind searching helped her find her slides, and she tiredly stood from the bed and began searching for her keys. 

She found them on the counter next to the collection of fruit Zari brought her. She hesitated for a moment before picking up an apple and a banana. Zari would probably look smug, but there was a difference between not eating because one didn’t have easy access to food and ignoring it when it was right in front of you. 

Sara made sure she had a drawstring with her wallet and a change of clothes and then walked out of the hotel room. 

She received a text from Zari as she climbed into her car asking if she was awake. With a quick response, Sara was on the road to Ava’s apartment. 

The closer she got, the more she didn’t want to go. She wasn’t ever someone to have social anxiety or anxiety in general, but the idea of riding for two hours in a car with Ava and her other teammates was almost nauseating. 

She took ten minutes just sitting in her car in the apartment complex’s parking lot before climbing out of her car. 

She had just started toward the stairs when she saw Ava’s door open. 

Ava walked out with a bag on her back and in hand, and her eyes immediately found Sara’s below. Sara froze, and Ava seemed to stutter in her movements. 

Zari sauntered out behind her, followed by Lily and Remi. 

Sara’s desire to throw up doubled at the small number. Zari had made it seem like at least a large portion of the team had stayed back for summer. This was much more intimate than she’d been hoping for, and she wondered if Zari would let her go back to her hotel if she barfed in the grass beside her. 

Instead, she received a nod of acknowledgement from Ava, a stupidly smug smile from Zari, and then Lily grinned like an idiot and wrapped her arm around her shoulders, dragging her to the visitor section of the lot.

“Lancie-Poo, I’ve missed you! I expected to see you more after I found out that you were staying around here for the summer. You been hiding?”

Zari cut in smoothly, noticing the uncertain look on Sara’s face.

“Fat chance, Lil. Sara needs people to see her at least three times daily. Her narcissistic complex demands it.”

Sara found herself smiling and rolling her eyes.

“Fuck of, Tomaz.”

Lily feigned an offended gasp let go of Sara to cover Remi’s ears. 

“Sara, we have children here.”

Remi shrugged out of Lily’s grip and stuck her tongue out. 

“Fuck off, Lilian.”

Lily’s jaw dropped, continuing the charade, and Sara took the distraction as a way to slip beside Zari.

They reached an old, blue Subaru Forester that looked like it had sand caked into the paint. Remi unlocked it and popped the trunk, allowing everyone to stow their bags. Ava chucked set her bags inside and walked to the front seat without a word, and Zari pulled Sara into the back seat. 

The first hour of the trip passed without issue, music playing from Remi’s phone that she actually hated immensely but would never say. Luckily, it changed about thirty minutes in to generic pop music, and she was able to stop trying to telekinetically deafen herself. 

She wasn’t quite comfortable with her body being squished into the door, Zari beside her and Lily to Zari’s right, but it wasn’t horrible. She hadn’t found her way back to the state she was in with Zari the night before, her chest still a little heavy and her head swirling with dark thoughts, but it was arguably better than being alone. 

Sara was leaned against the window and trying not to bring down the mood of the car. She’d promised Zari that she’d come and try to enjoy herself, so that was the ultimate goal. 

So far, that had turned into Sara not speaking as the rest of the car laughed and spoke about trivial and normal things. 

It wasn’t going the worst it could be, but she wasn’t necessarily enjoying it either. And the longer they drove on, the more Sara began to feel that ominous presence one felt when something rather horrible was going to happen. 

She didn’t have to wait much longer to figure it out what it was. 

They’d just hit the highway that would lead them toward their destination when a painfully familiar hook began, and Sara lost her ability to convert oxygen. She tensed sharply in her seat and spoke loudly and brusquely. 

“Turn it off.”

She knew she sounded like a bitch. Zari looked at her disapprovingly even as Ava turned around in the front seat. She looked like she’d expected this; like she’d been waiting for the moment Sara fucked up again. Zari sighed. 

“Sara….”

She really couldn’t breathe. She didn’t care if she sounded panicked, the song had to stop before-

_”Laurel, turn it off!”_

_Sara yelled from the living room, her homework scattered in front of her only for looks. She was more focused on the show playing on the tv._

_Laurel appeared in the room, grinning._

_“It’s not me, it’s mom. This is her new favorite song.”_

_Before Sara could say anything, the gibberish got louder, preceding her mother’s dancing entrance into the living room._

_“You don’t like Ed!?”_

_Sara couldn’t help the laugh that left her as her mother swayed like a goof with the speaker over her head._

_“Some of his songs. This one is dumb.”_

_Her mother scoffed and started singing along._

_“Bibby-ya-bibooba!”_

_Laurel snorted, and Sara threw up a hand._

_“That’s not even what he’s saying!”_

_Her mother continued to sing louder, saying the title of the song over whatever Ed Sheeran and Sara were saying._

_“Bippity-boppity-boooya!”_

Sara jerked into the car door because the memory faded to be replaced by another. She faintly heard Zari shouting for the song to be turned off, but Sara was gone.

_”It’s my sooooooong!”_

_Sara groaned and slumped in her seat playfully._

_“Mooooom. This is the third time in two hours!”_

_Her mom was already dancing around in her seat, bopping her head like a dork. She actually knew most of the lyrics, singing along. But without fail, whether it was to annoy Sara or to amuse herself, her mother NEVER sang the Bibia Be Ye Ye parts correctly._

_“Bitty-te-le day day!!!”_

_Sara laughed right up to the moment that they hit the deer, the body crashing through the windshield and then flying out as the car crunched and flipped over and over._

_Her body jerked and she tried to reach for her mom, but the force of the turns kept her from getting to her. The pain was unreal, something sharp cutting into her stomach and flickers of agony all over her body._

_There was so much noise and fear that Sara couldn’t think about anything at all until a few moments after the car came to a stop, upside down. She hung limply from her seatbelt until she could see properly, and she turned to look at her mom, to ask if she was okay._

_It was late, and there weren’t a lot of lights, but she could see the dark patches of blood and the strange shape of her neck. Sara couldn’t breathe and her stomach hurt so badly-_

“Sara! Sara stop!”

Sara felt pressure on her wrist and she turned away from it, because she needed the pain. She found her mom in the pain now. The hands continued grabbing her, forcing her back and finding her wrist again.

“Sara, you’re hurting yourself!”

She wanted to scream that she knew. She wanted to hurt herself. But she felt lightheaded and she couldn’t form words. So she fought the people trying to stop her. She was still in the upside down car, if she could just turn her head she could see her mom…

“Lance!”

A different voice. Stronger hands gripped both of hers and jerked them from her body. 

“Look at me, Lance.”

Sara didn’t know what they wanted, they weren’t with her in the car. Her mom was right there and she really just needed-

“Sara. Open your eyes.”

She felt angry tears leaving her. Her eyes were open! It was just too dark for them to see.

She felt a pressure on her chest, warm and firm and alive. 

“Sara, breathe. Open your eyes.”

She was… she.... She sucked in a gasp of air that had her head clearing slightly. The soft pressure on her chest was still there and she latched onto the feeling, let it guide her from the dark until she was back to herself, eyes closed tightly, her breathing erratic and sharp. 

“Good job, keep breathing. You’re doing so well.”

She grasped onto the pressure on her chest, a hand, and she held it with her own, keeping it in place until she was able to think clearly. As clarity returned, so did shame and fear, and she kept her eyes closed for a different reason. 

She didn’t want to see pity or confusion or annoyance from her teammates. She couldn’t believe she had been so weak in front of them. Especially Ava. 

“Can you open your eyes?”

Ava. It hit her then that the hand on her chest and the voice in her head was the only person Sara never wanted to see her like this. She opened her eyes to pretend she was fine, to push Ava away and bolt. 

But Ava’s eyes weren’t pitying or annoyed. They were so blue, and so sincere, and so _understanding_. And Sara didn’t know how Ava could understand, but she did, and Sara let herself go. 

She’d somehow ended up on the ground, leaning against the car. But it was just them, just the two of them and Ava had her wrist in one hand and her other was still resting on Sara’s sternum. 

So Sara cried, simply crumpled inward and cried because her mom was gone and she wasn’t coming back. And she wasn’t about to burst into the room with a speaker and the wrong lyrics. At some point Ava let go of her wrist and pulled Sara into her instead, though her hand never left her chest. 

“You’re okay, Sara.”

Sara cried into Ava’s shirt.

“But she’s not.”

“Who?”

Sara cried harder.

“My mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought. Also, come be my friend on Tumblr (same name). I want more friends.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, somebody mentioned that a playlist would be cool for this story. I wasn’t exactly sure what they meant, but if this is something that interests other people, I could make one. 
> 
> Thanks to lesbian__barbie for editing this for me.

Ava found that the best way of dealing with Sara’s apology was not to. It wasn’t directly intentional; but she didn’t trust Sara, and she didn’t know if she would be able to refrain from strangling her should she accept the apology and then have the decision backfire as she expected it would. 

She wasn’t normally one to withhold forgiveness or second chances, but in her mind, they had to be earned, and while Sara had been behaving, Ava couldn’t accept that as enough. Not after she’d experienced the full force of what had to be Sara’s nasty side.

She decided that she would rethink it all come the next semester. And, if Sara continued with her current disposition, she would fully accept the apology. 

That was the plan. It was going quite well, as Sara didn’t approach her again about it, nor did she change her overall behavior during training or class. She seemed to accept Ava’s non-answer, which honestly came as as much of a surprise as the apology had. 

Everything was in stasis until the last days of the semester, when she’d overheard Zari talking to Amaya over the phone about Sara staying for the summer instead of heading home. Zari’s voice had been rather urgent, so Ava had given her privacy and returned to her room with a sense of discomfort.

It was a wrench in Ava’s hope for more time, but maybe she would actually be able to reach an understanding of Sara before the actual season began. Despite the tightness settling in her stomach, she couldn’t say she wouldn’t be happy to put the awkwardness between it to rest for good. 

But for two weeks, Sara wasn’t around. There were several team outings where Ava expected to see Sara and Zari to walk up together. Ava even asked Zari where Sara was, but she’d seen the way Zari’s face had shifted to defensive and concerned and had let it go. Zari eventually just told Ava that Sara wasn’t interested.

It was frustrating to say the least, as it had become a mystery that she was incapable of solving. She knew there was something wrong with Sara; that much was made clear by the things she’d heard and witnessed in the past. But now it was beginning to seem like something more than a personality problem. It had been more than that a while, but the idea that there may be a serious issue going on that Ava was unaware of made her thoughts of Sara clouded with worry and confusion. 

It took up more of her idle thoughts than she’d have liked, but she attempted to push it out of her mind. Summer break was the only time where she really found herself with real free time to do nothing at all. Some days she laid around on the couch with Lily in the recliner beside her and watched television. Other days she spent on the beach just relaxing. She still ran daily, but she had at least a month before she needed to pick up the pace, and she wasn’t about to miss out on the laziness. 

That being said, she was responsible enough to garner her laziness toward group activities at least a couple times a week. That is how she ended up inviting the remaining girls on campus to the beach with her. 

She expected it to be the same as it had been the past several times; Zari, Lily, Remi, and her getting together and going on a run or grabbing dinner or watching a movie. She found herself enjoying Zari’s company and her dry humor more than she expected. She’d been somewhat worried about the other girl living with them for the summer because of her close relationship to Sara, but it had turned out that her concerns were unwarranted.

She even found herself dropping onto the couch whenever Zari happened to be watching something or working on her computer in the living room. It didn’t happen often, and Ava attested that to Zari feeling like an intruder, but she’d found a comfortable routine in the past two weeks that had easily involved Zari. 

Change wasn’t normally her strong suit, but Zari’s presence in her home was way less jarring than expected. Maybe that’s why she’d let herself fall so easily into complacency regarding surprsises; why she didn’t allow herself to think that Zari might eventually convince Sara to join them for an outing. 

But the night before the beach trip, Zari, Lily, and Ava were sitting around the television playing FIFA. Ava had gotten over the oddity of playing soccer on a screen with a controller, and their competitions almost every other night became rather heated. 

This time, as Ava was whipping the ball upfield to attempt to even the score with Lily, Zari spoke from the side almost nonchalantly. 

“Oh, Sara is coming tomorrow by the way.”

Ava cleared her throat and pretended the fact that she just ran her own player out of bounds was due to the controller sticking and not the way her stomach dropped at the news. She tried to act nonchalant. 

“She said yes finally?”

Zari’s scoff answered that. 

“I haven’t asked. But she doesn’t get a choice this time.” Zari stood then, her phone getting stuck into her back pocket. “I’m heading over there. See you guys later.”

The door had barely closed behind her before Lily paused the game and turned to face her, eyes twinkling in that way that Ava feared. 

“You know, you never told me about that whole situation. Did you guys bang or something? Is that why all the awkward?”

Ava sighed and tossed her controller on the cushion beside her. 

“Jesus, no. You’re so quick to go to sex with everything.”

Lily waggled her eyebrows and turned toward her more fully. 

“Sooo, you going to spill why you guys were so ‘cut this tension with a knife’ all the time? I’ve been very patient.”

Ava rolled her eyes. 

“Do you think your patience deserves a reward?”

Lily’s eyes lit up. 

“Definitely.”

Ava smirked and stood, wholly unprepared to talk about this. 

“Awesome. There are cookies in the fridge. You can have one”

Lily’s eyes narrowed.

“Your stupid cold-cookies are not a reward. One day you’re going to tell me.”

Ava stopped and turned to glare.

“They’re not stupid.”

Lily crossed her arms. 

“You’re avoiding the statement. And yes, they are. You’re weird.”

Ava huffed.

“I’m ignoring your _command_ in favor of defending my choices.” She turned away. “And now I’m ignoring it by walking away.”

“Tease.”

Ava called down the hallway. 

“It’s not teasing if I didn’t bring up the subject. Go entertain yourself by talking to brick-head Brett.”

Ava grinned to herself as she heard Lily’s grumble. Her current flavor was some jock named Brett, and Ava had met him a total of one second before wanting to pull out his hair and stuff it in his mouth so he couldn’t say another stupid thing. Lily found it hilarious up until Ava’s new nickname. 

Ava felt victorious for about ten seconds before returning to the new information. She groaned and collapsed on her bed. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The next morning, as she woke to her alarm, she found that the knots in her stomach hadn’t eased at all. She hadn’t heard Zari return the night before, and she hoped that maybe they’d stay up too late and Sara would bail in order to sleep in. It seemed like a fitting outplaying of events, but Zari informed her as they packed a few things in a cooler that it was not to be so. 

Ava had a total of one hour to prepare herself to see Sara again. It had only been two weeks, but the break from constantly wondering and trying not to meet her eyes had been nice. Now, she helped everyone prepare, entertaining Remi when she arrived, and basically keeping her mind occupied so she didn’t have to face the strangling tenseness in her stomach.

All of it faded a moment when she finally caught sight of Sara when they left the apartment to load up the car. 

She looked. . . she looked hard and exhausted; her shoulders were slumped forward and there were dark rings around her eyes that had Ava wondering if she’d slept in the time since she’d last seen her. 

She froze for a split-second before trying for something that wasn’t awkward. She didn’t know if a nod of acknowledgment fit in that category, but she was choosing to be optimistic. 

Sara didn’t say much at all. Even the conversation she had come to expect between Zari and her was short. Sara said two words from their walk to the car and through most of the drive. Ava stared ahead out at the road and acted normal and ignored the blatant silence. She knew that she’d failed when Sara finally spoke again. 

“Turn it off.”

It was jarring and unexpected and sharp, and as Ava turned, she took in Remi’s confusion and the popular song that was playing over the speakers. It was just a song, not unlike the others that had been filtering through the car for the past half-hour, but for some reason, it was apparently the one that Sara chose to find her jackass side again. 

Ava turned around expecting to see the return of whatever version of Sara she’d first met and encountered almost daily for two months. She’d known the new Sara wouldn’t last despite hoping for it, and somehow, frustratingly, she was disappointed. 

 

But she didn’t see her; she didn’t find haughty eyes and a cocky smirk and the always-present penchant for pissing Ava off. 

 

Ava saw darkness and terror. She saw the face of somebody broken and in pain. She saw a face she recognized. 

 

As Zari yelled for the song to be turned off, for the car to be pulled over, Ava barely held herself back from moving and doing what she’d learned to do so, so long ago. 

 

She watched Zari attempt to calm Sara. Lily got out of the car and opened Sara’s door and Sara thrashed so hard that she fell out. 

 

Her body hitting the ground, the subsequent rise of fear and helplessness in Zari’s tone, was all she needed to make a choice.

 

Ava climbed out of the front seat, moved quickly around the car, and gently but firmly told Zari and Lily to move aside. Their panic was not helping Sara’s. 

 

She knelt in front of Sara and gripped both of her wrists, forcing them to stop moving, stop fighting, stop hurting. 

 

“Lance! Look at me, Lance.” Sara jerked against her grip and Ava spoke softly. “Sara. Open your eyes.”

Ava watched tears leak down Sara’s cheeks and spill pass her chin, Sara’s body shaking against her hands. She took a slow breath to keep herself calm and pressed her palm over Sara’s chest, her fingers grazing her throat and collarbone. 

“Sara, breathe. Open your eyes.”

She heard it register, the quick intake of breath to start the recovery process and in the following panted breaths. Ava heard Zari, Lily, and Remi conversing and then slowly walking a distance away to give them space. 

Ava did what she knew, and she couldn’t find it in herself to withhold gentleness just because of her past with Sara. 

“Good job, keep breathing. You’re doing so well.”

Sara’s hand, stained red, came up to grab onto Ava’s and hold on tightly as she began to calm down. Ava waited until Sara’s breathing had somewhat evened out before speaking again. 

“Can you open your eyes.”

The sudden iron that brought Sara rigid had Ava prepared for another fight. Instead, Sara’s eyes opened and she finally saw the lie for what it was; when Sara’s eyes read bitter and hard, they were hiding shame. 

Ava didn’t flinch under it, and she watched the hardness soften and fall away to relief and sorrow, and she suddenly found herself much closer as Sara’s head fell forward toward her chest as the sobs began to escape. 

Ava hesitated a moment before retracting the hand on Sara’s clavicle pulling her into chest, her arms wrapping tightly. 

“You’re okay, Sara.”

Sara’s face pressed against Ava’s shoulder and neck.

“But she’s not.”

Ava felt the oncoming storm, the knowledge she’d been missing, and she was more scared for it than she might have imagined. Only the worst things can break somebody the way Sara was broken. 

“Who?”

Sara let out another sob.

“My mom.”

Ava had been wondering for so long, and now, as everything clicked into place like slotting gears, she closed her eyes. She’d come close to this, not that she’d realized it at the time, but this had almost been her story. Thinking about the possibility was horrible, so dealing with the reality… Ava pulled Sara tighter into her chest. 

She didn’t say a word, didn’t have anything that could come close to being helpful. But she let Sara know that she was there as she kept her against her chest with her left shoulder against the car. 

Sara didn’t speak for minutes, her sobs slowing to a crawling hiccup. She sniffed and pulled her head back. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t— I shouldn’t have just—“

Ava interrupted as softly as she could.

“Don’t say sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Sara scoffed and scraped at her cheeks, turning the dangerous and emotional conversation to something else. 

“I think we both know that’s not true.”

Ava felt her lips turn up, and she slowly released Sara she moved away. 

“You’ve already apologized for the other things.”

Sara shifted so she wasn’t far, but was no longer touching Ava. 

“Still. You didn’t have to do any of this after what I put you through.”

Ava moved her leg slightly to bump her foot against Sara’s. 

“I think we both know it wasn’t just you.”

Sara leaned her head on her knees and looked away. 

“Sometimes. I was always looking for a fight.”

“I always gave you one.”

Sara smirked. 

“You did. Until you didn’t. And that is when my behavior became unacceptable.”

Ava hummed. 

“True, but you apologized.” When Sara glanced up, and met her eyes. “I accept your apology, Sara.”

Relief flickered in Sara’s eyes and her body relaxed into itself. 

“Thank you.”

Ava hadn’t planned to say that, but as soon as she did, she believed it. It was true what Sara said; her behavior had been unacceptable in those moments, but Ava was willing to give her a chance, willing to risk forgiveness to the Sara sitting before her. 

Ava nodded and then took a deep breath, her voice finding a firmness. 

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Sara’s head jerked up and she looked at Ava in shock. 

“No, I— why would I…” It seemed to dawn on her when Ava looked purposefully at Sara’s shaking fingers. Sara tried to tuck them away. “I’m fine. It’s just something that happens sometimes.”

Ava tilted her head and waited for Sara to meet her eyes again. 

“If you’re bleeding, there’s a chance for infection. Nails aren’t the cleanest.”

Sara shook her head quickly. 

“No, I always clean it after.”

Ava didn’t continue to push, but she let the subject change with one last word on the matter.

“We’ll stop at the closest pharmacy and grab a few things.”

Ava saw the panic flicker in Sara’s eyes, the shame that came with needing help or people knowing it, and she spoke softly. 

“I have to get sunscreen. I forgot mine.”

Sara opened her mouth to question it before picking up on what Ava was giving her; an excuse. 

“Okay.”

Ava took a deep breath and began to stand, reaching her hand down to Sara once she was up. 

Sara’s fingers slid into hers, and Ava felt the tremors still going through her. 

“Do you want to turn around?”

Sara shook her head.

“I’d rather not have just ruined everyone’s day.” 

“Nobody would be upset.”

Sara just shook her head again and looked around for Zari and Remi. 

“I know, but I want to go still.”

Ava accepted her answer and saw the nervousness that seemed to settle into Sara’s shoulders and face. She didn’t say anything, as there wasn’t anything else she could do to prove that nobody was upset with her. The rest of the day would have to do that. 

Ava looked around and saw Lily, Zari and Remi out of earshot and she waved them over. Before they arrived, Ava returned her gaze to Sara. 

“What is safe to play? On the radio I mean.”

Sara glanced at her feet. 

“Just not that song.”

Ava nodded and began to walk toward the front seat. Sara climbed in the back. 

Ava saw the hesitation on their companions’ faces and she subtlety shook her head at them. 

All three girls slowly got in the car, and Ava reached over and plugged her phone into the car’s system. 

“Alright, onward. And stop at the next CVS or Walgreens, I forgot my sunscreen.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava played Milky Chance for the last thirty minutes of the trip. She and Sara went into the CVS they stopped at, and Ava waited inside the doors with her unnecessary sunscreen while Sara made her way to the bathroom with her purchases. 

She was happy Zari, Lily, and Remi hadn’t mentioned the two bottles of it they’d all seen her stuff into their bags. Sara didn’t need any more attention drawn to the situation. 

It was only a five minute wait before she saw Sara’s blonde hair from over the isles. She looked fidgety, but the pinched expression that had been on her face had cleared somewhat. 

Ava wanted to ask to help her, to make sure she cleaned whatever wound she’d given herself properly, but she didn’t think Sara would have taken that well. Instead, she trusted that, considering Sara said this happened often, she would also know how to clean it properly. 

“You ready to go?”

The question was loaded, and Sara knew it. 

“Everything’s good.”

Ava nodded and led the way out. As they approached the running car, Sara cleared her throat. 

“Thank you, Ava.”

Ava met her gaze over the car. 

“Anytime.”

It felt like a promise, and Ava wasn’t so sure she hadn’t meant it as one.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

They arrived on the beach an hour later than expected, but it was still relatively sparsely populated. The sun was just warming the sand and lighting the sky a bright blue. The smell of the ocean permeated everything, and Ava felt herself relaxing into it like she always did. 

They carried their bags and cooler to an open area, and Ava started unpacking the towels. 

Before anyone else was ready, Lily was flinging her over clothes off and launching herself toward the water with a yell that had the rest of them chuckling. Remi followed closely after. 

With a quick glance between Sara and Ava, Zari followed them. 

Ava saw Sara’s eyes flicker to the ocean and away, disappointment etched there. 

“We can get a waterproof bandage?”

Sara seemed surprised to have her thoughts so clearly interpreted, but she slowly shook her head. 

“This is a fitting outcome I would say.”

She said it so casually, and Ava felt her body tense at her meaning. 

“You don’t have to punish yourself.”

Sara’s jaw clenched and she looked down. 

“I know.”

But she didn’t. Ava saw it in every line of her body and the downward pull of her lips. Sara didn’t know at all, and that revelation was painful. 

“Sara.”

She didn’t know why she was saying her name so much. For so long it had been Lance. But something had changed, and it didn’t seem fitting anymore. 

Sara flicked her towel out and laid it out on the sand. 

“It’s really okay. I promise.”

Ava narrowed her eyes at her, then dropped onto her towel as well. 

Sara glanced over, her brows drawn together. 

“You don’t have to stay out here with me just because I was stupid.”

Ava bit back a retort that Sara was _being_ stupid for thinking she had _been_ stupid. Instead, she started rummaging in the bag. 

“I brought a book. I wasn’t planning on getting in the water.”

Sara narrowed her eyes. 

“Liar.”

In response, Ava tugged her paperback out and her lips turned up into a small smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it issss. Maybe I should just say I update on Wednesday. 
> 
> Lesbian__barbie edited it because she is the best.

Sara couldn’t help the way her eyes continuously flicked from the bright blue sky to the worn edges of Ava’s book to the sharp lines of Ava’s jaw and brow. She felt comfortable, strangely so, and it was all down to the woman she’d been horrified to be in the same car with when she woke up that morning. 

She’d thought she was using optimal stealthing tactics, but after an hour, when Sara opened her eyes and glanced back over at Ava, Sara found that Ava was watching her, book resting against her chest. 

“Is there a reason you keep staring at me?”

Sara tried to hide her shock.

“Just making sure you’re actually reading and not pretending just for my sake.”

Ava smirked and closed her eyes against the sun, her body relaxing further. 

“Let’s say I believe you… I can tell you that I’ve definitely been reading my book.”

Sara bit back a grin and began fidgeting with the hem of her rashguard. 

“Words do not equate to proof.”

Ava cracked an eye open and peered at Sara for a moment before nodding subtlety and smirking. She returned to her relaxed state and sighed out softly 

“We all have our routines.But they must have a purpose and provide an outcome that we can see and take some comfort from, or else they have no use at all. Without that, they are like the endless pacings of a caged animal. If they are not madness itself, then they are a prelude to it.’

 

Sara looked at Ava as she spoke, the words carrying something in them that made her realize that Ava was quoting something.

But Ava wasn’t reading from the pages; her eyes weren’t even open. But her lips formed around the words with ease, and Sara was entranced until the final word. She shook herself from it and huffed. 

“That proves that you’ve memorized whatever book you’re reading, not that you just recently were. I can’t even tell what that book is based on the cover because it’s so worn.”

Ava smiled and lifted the book from her chest. She passed it over the sand, and Sara took it in her hands. It was warm from the sun and the press of Ava’s fingertips. 

Sara turned the cover and read the title. 

“The Book of Lost Things?”

Ava gave a hint of a nod. 

“It was my favorite book growing up. I’ve read it a million times. I have a pristine copy at home that doesn’t leave the house.”

Sara read the back.

“This surprises me. I figured you’d be really into non-fiction or at least historical fiction.”

Ava chuckled.

“I am into both of those. I do enjoy other genres, but I don’t tread into them often. This is somewhat of an anomaly.”

Sara continued to hold the book, but her eyes were back on Ava. 

“Why is that?”

Ava took a slow breath.

“It came to me at a time in my life where I did not understand monsters.” 

Sara was confused, but she didn’t interrupt. Ava continued. 

“Not monsters like magical beasts or the things children fear under their beds… I didn’t understand real monsters. I didn’t know what real people just like me could become. This book is the horrors of our reality written in the words children might understand.”

Sara felt the words stir in her chest, and she couldn’t help but prod.

“Like what?”

Ava finally opened her eyes and turned her head toward Sara. She looked serious, but there was a hint of amusement there. 

“It talks about pain in a visceral way. It speaks on escape from pain… it shows how pain is even within our escapes.” Ava’s eyes were dancing with passion that came from learning and growth. “The books shows the reader how there are people that will prey on your pain just to ease their own or to bring you more.”

Sara felt the power in the words being spoken and she frowned.

“That seems a bit dark for a kid’s book, right?”

Ava shrugged, but didn’t look like she agreed.

“The words I’ve read in this book should be known by all.”

Sara shouldn’t keep pressing, but this was new territory, a new feeling. She liked the way Ava’s voice sounded when she spoke of what she wholly believed. She wanted to know more.

“Like what?”

Ava closed her eyes again. There was silence for several moments, then,

“There is a price to be paid for everything, and it is a good idea to find out that price before you make the agreement.”

Sara huffed.

“Seems like good business practice.”

She froze as soon as the words left her lips. She hadn’t meant to be making fun of it. Fuck, what if Ava— she was cut from her thoughts by Ava’s light laughter, and Sara looked over to she her chest rising and falling. Ava smiled.

“That is true.”

Sara went boneless against her towel in relief.

“Tell me another.”

Ava hummed. 

“Do you really want to hear these?”

“Yes.”

There was another small period of waves and people chatting before Ava spoke once more. 

“You asked for it.” Ava took a breath, her voice going smooth like a storyteller’s. “Let me tell you the truth about the world to which you so desperately want to return. It is a place of pain and suffering and grief. When you left it, cities were being attacked. Women and children were being blasted to pieces or burned alive by bombs dropped from planes flown by men with wives and children of their own. People were being dragged from their homes and shot in the street. Your world is tearing itself apart, and the most amusing thing of all is that it was little better before the war started. War merely gives people an excuse to indulge themselves further, to murder with impunity. There were wars before it, and there will be wars after it, and in between people will fight one another and hurt one another and maim one another and betray one another, because that is what they have always done.”

Sara listened with rapt attention and a fast-beating heart to the dark words. They were rending, harsh, and somehow so careful, and Sara held tighter to the book in her hands. When Sara couldn’t find words to answer with, Ava spoke once more. 

“The words in it will break your heart and rebuild it in a way more fitting to survive in this world.”

Sara met Ava’s eyes.

“Can I read it?”

The implication was loud; Sara needed to survive. At Ava’s hesitation, just a small hitch in her throat, Sara held the book out. 

“Sorry, I can just get it online or something.”

Ava shook her head and didn’t reach out to bring her book back to her.

“You can read it if you’d like. But… it hurts. And it’s real hurt. Not the kind that you find in most stories. It might not help you. At least right now.”

Sara studied the faded red cover of the book for several moments and then moved it closer to Ava. 

“Maybe I’ll read it another time?”

Ava looked relieved, and she took the book back and slid it in her bag. 

“Let me know when.” 

Minutes passed in a comfortable quiet before Sara thought of something.

“How many books do you memorize?”

Ava laughed, and Sara felt the ever-present tenseness in her muscles seeping their retreat at the sound. It was almost impossible to believe that she could make Ava laugh; that she was interested at all in making Ava laugh. 

“I don’t memorize books. I remember the lines within them that struck me.”

Sara nodded.

“You’ll have to impart more upon me sometime.”

Ava knees bent and she placed her hands behind her head. 

“I could probably do that.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara felt the heavy pull of sleep, her eyelids slipping every few seconds and her mind going a bit fuzzy. She knew it was time to go back to the hotel, but the thought of being alone and away from the group of women that had made her feel normal even after she’d revealed some of her darkest parts… it made her want to curl into a ball and ask if she could stay just for a night. 

 

It was pathetic, she knew it. But Zari never treated her any differently no matter what she saw or heard from Sara. And Lily just seemed to understand that it was not something to be broached. Remi had followed suit, though Sara had seen glimpses of worry there, shot in her direction at various times during the day. And Ava… Ava had been nothing short of wonderful. 

 

It made Sara ache to take back all of the hell she’d put her through. Because somehow she’d missed the gentleness under her stoic nature. Ava was stern and soft at once, and it was scary how safe Sara felt in her presence. She also recognized the irony in it.

The rest of their time at the beach had been spent with both of them quiet and absorbing the sun’s rays. Sometimes, there was a murmur of something; Sara suggesting Ava at least get in the water for a bit, Ava coming up with ridiculous excuses for why she couldn’t; including, “I don’t want Lily trying to drown me,” and “I have a condition where I sometimes forget how to swim.” 

It had been a show of support that Sara hadn’t expected, and God if she hadn’t needed it. 

The drive home had been a bit tense at first, Remi accidentally turning on the radio and then freaking out and slamming it off, an apology on her face. And Sara had felt shitty, because she didn’t want anyone to have to monitor their actions in their own vehicle or worry all the time about whether Sara was going to panic. 

But Ava had silently swooped in with her phone and turned around to grin at them. It wasn’t revealed why until the opening strums of a country song sounded, and Lily, Zari, and Remi let out groans of pain. 

Lily had kicked the back of Ava’s seat and told her she was the spawn of a goblin. Remi had argued that this wasn’t allowed because it was her car. And Ava had grinned like a cheshire cat and told them that it was part of their soccer training to suffer through uncomfortable situations. 

That had been that, and the atmosphere in the car had shifted from awkward to amused and pained within a minute. 

Sara had caught Ava’s eyes once during the altercation, and she’d attempted to share how grateful she was. Ava had just smiled minutely and turned back around in her seat.

Sara glanced down at her hands. 

Remi had left an hour before, claiming exhaustion and missing her dog. Lily had wished them all a good night with the bird about thirty minutes after. 

 

Now it was approaching one in the morning, and while Brooklyn-Nine-Nine was playing in the background, it seemed as if Zari and Sara were already falling asleep. 

Sara began building up her courage to leave just as Ava stood and left the room without speaking. Sara grimaced, knowing she’d overstayed her welcome. She felt sick, but she slowly stood and smiled at Zari. 

 

“Thank you for making me come.”

 

Zari’s normally neutral or smirking expression turned to one of concern.

 

“Are you going to be okay?”

 

Sara did everything in her power to hide her fear.

 

“Of course. Seriously, I’ll be fine.”

 

Sara picked her bag off the ground and slung it over her shoulder. 

 

“I promise I won’t be a stranger.”

 

Zari looked hesitant to let her leave, but a noise from the hallway caught Sara’s attention. 

 

She looked over to see Ava, face somewhat hesitant and hands filled with a pillow and blankets. 

 

Sara hadn’t felt so warm in ages. 

 

The hesitation lingered in Ava’s eyes for a few moments longer before dissipating to be replaced by sternness. She held up the compiled items and nodded toward the couch. 

 

“They say l driving exhausted is similar to driving drunk. You should probably just crash on the couch tonight. If you want.”

 

It was a strange mix of suggestion, command, and question, and Sara almost cried. 

 

Sara, who had gripped the handle in preparation of leaving, slowly lowered her hand. 

 

She dropped her bag by the door and nodded, unable to hide her relief.

 

“Thank you, Ava.”

 

Ava smiled then, and it was almost breathtaking in its sincerity and softness. 

 

“Anytime.”

Zari smiled, squeezed Sara’s shoulder, and turned away. 

“Looks like I’ll be seeing you in the morning, Lance. Night.”

Ava took that moment to walk to the couch and set the items in her arms down. 

Sara shuffled away from the door and came to a stop a few feet from Ava, trying not to cry as she watched her captain place the pillow on the end and set the blankets on a cushion. 

Ava glanced back at her. 

“I can get more blankets if you need?”

Sara shook her head. 

“These will be fine, thank you. I really do appreciate it.”

When Ava turned to look at her, Sara found a depth to her understanding that she didn’t expect. Ava’s eyes were searching, and she looked down. 

“Do you have trouble sleeping?”

Sara inhaled a little too sharply but still aimed for nonchalance. 

“I’ll be fine. I promise.”

Ava studied her, her hair curling around her shoulders and brushing her cheeks. 

“Okay. If you need anything, you know where everyone is.”

Sara nodded, her heart beating a bit too fast. As Ava began to walk away, Sara cleared her throat. 

“How did you know what to do today? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Ava met her eyes, and Sara didn’t see any sadness or loss there like she’d somewhat expected. Instead, it was a melancholy, a memory that flashed once in the blue of Ava’s eyes and vanished. 

“That’s a long story; one I can tell you when we’ve both gotten some rest.”

Sara nodded.

“Goodnight, Ava.”

Ava smiled once. 

“Goodnight, Sara.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sleep came quickly at first, her body sinking into the still-warm couch and her eyes drifting shut against the faint glow of the television. She should have turned it off, but she couldn’t find the remote, and searching for it seemed like too large of a task once she was curled into the blankets on the couch. They were soft and encompassing, and the pillow under her head was the same. 

She was warm and content until she very much wasn’t. And then she was in a car and it was raining, the darkness around her only lit by the lightning strikes and the weak beams from the car lights. She was alone, and her hands gripped the wheel with an intensity that came from terror. 

She couldn’t slow her speed or control the wheel, and a form began to take shape on the road in front of her. Human-like, familiar, and Sara screamed as she moved closer, her mother’s face appearing in the lights before she collided with her.

Sara jolted up, sucking in a loud breath. She’d pushed the blankets off of her in her sleep and they were strewn over the floor between the coffee table and the couch. She tried to slow her breathing from gasping to normal. 

“Sara.”

Sara jolted, her head snapping to the right and back toward the hallway. Ava stood there in the dark with a concerned frown on her tired face. Her hair was a mess, and she moved forward a couple steps. 

Sara felt terrible. 

“I’m so sorry, Ava. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

A meow and nudge at her leg had Sara glancing down, and she heard Ava chuckle. 

“Hey, don’t worry. It wasn’t you that woke me. Gigi has been scratching at the door for ten minutes. I just let him out and decided to come for a glass of water. I heard you. . . are you okay?”

Sara swallowed and relaxed a bit as Gigi leapt into her lap and started walking all over her legs with his claws extended. It was a welcome pain, one that shook the remaining sleep and fear from her body.

“I’m fine. Just a bad dream.”

Ava looked just as understanding as before, and she hummed softly. 

“Let me get a glass of water. Do you want one?”

“Yes, please. Thank you.”

Ava nodded. 

“Okay. I’ll get water and then we can talk. If you want?”

Sara stroked along Gigi’s back as soon as he stop gouging her skin with his claws. 

“You don’t have to stay up. It’s late.”

Ava gave her a small smile. 

“That’s the great thing about summer break though, isn’t it? No curfew and no early mornings?” Ava turned toward the kitchen. “I’ll be back.”

Sara focused her attention on Gigi to keep from overthinking whatever conversation Ava wanted to have. His fur was long and soft under her fingers, and he seemed disinclined to attack her for petting him at that point in time as he curled onto her legs and began purring. 

Ava returned to the living room a few moments later and sat on the couch just a two feet from Sara. She glared at Gigi.

“It’s really annoying how he likes you so much.”

Light. Sara could do light. She scratched behind his ears and smiled. 

“He just recognizes talent, I think.”

Ava’s eyes flashed in amusement. 

“Oh, is that what it is? Thank you for the revelation.”

Sara smiled and leaned her head back against the couch. 

“No problem.”

She felt Ava watching her, and she braced for the questions that would come; hoped she didn’t disappoint Ava by being too weak to talk about them right then. Instead, Ava chose a different path.

“When I was a kid, my dad was gone a lot. He spent years in the military, deployed overseas. He was always really happy, really lighthearted. He would be gone for months at a time, and when he’d come home, he’d spend every waking moment with Ali and me that he could. He’d build things for us a lot, always making sure to involve us. He’d take us to parks and museums. Sometimes we’d go on roadtrips, just us three. We missed him so much when he’d leave, but he always made it up to us upon his return. 

“Then, one day, when Ali and I were eleven, he came home and he was different. He was sad. I could tell even then. His hands shook for no reason and he always looked like he was somewhere else, his eyes glazed over with a kind of deadness that was really terrifying for two kids who looked for their carefree father there. My mom tried to explain, but she didn’t even know what had happened or what was wrong.”

Sara listened carefully, the glide of her hand through Gigi’s fur more subconscious than purposeful then.

“Sometimes, at night, we’d hear him shouting from their room. It wasn’t angry, just sad and scared. It scared Ali, and we spent a long time sharing a bed. Then about two weeks from the day he came home, we were in the kitchen cooking dinner, and I dropped a pan.”

Sara glanced up at the change of tone, going from telling a story to sharing something deeply personal. Ava pulled her knees to her chest, but she didn’t look small. Sara gathered that she’d already healed this wound. 

“My dad fell to the ground, covering his head and pressing himself against our counters like he was taking cover. My mom, more calmer than I had expected from her, knelt beside him and spoke softly to him, her hand against his chest as he breathed out and in over and over again. I’d never seen my father falter, never seen him crumble.”

Ava let out a huff. 

“I was so fucking scared. And when it was all over, he sat us both down and apologized like he’d done something wrong. And he asked us to be careful not to make loud noises because he was sick, but he was trying to get better. And he did. It took him two years of therapy and hard work to overcome the episodes, and sometimes he gets them sporadically, but he did it.”

Ava looked at Sara then, finding her eyes. 

“That’s how I knew what to do, though I wasn’t sure it would help you.” Ava frowned. “You act like you have to apologize for it, like it’s your fault that you struggle. Why do you do that?”

Sara swallowed and clenched her jaw tightly before releasing it. 

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not true.”

Sara sighed. 

“I just-- I feel like I shouldn’t be around people if I can’t control myself enough to not ruin their time.”

“You don’t have control over it. It’s not a burden to the people who care about you to help you through it. You can ask Amaya and Zari. I’m sure they would tell you the same.”

Sara shrugged. 

“People tell you what you need to hear when they think you’re too fragile to handle the truth.”

Ava looked almost mad at that, but she just shook her head. 

“I don’t believe that. We all struggle. We all have our failings the parts of us that need healing.”

Sara finally looked away. 

“I don’t think everyone is capable of healing.”

“I don’t believe that either. It can take a lot of time, work, and understanding, but I believe that everyone is able to heal if given the proper care and tools.”

Sara chuckled through the tears filling her eyes.

“You’re a very optimistic person.”

Ava heard the waver in her voice. 

“I am realistic, but I also believe in searching for the good. It makes the difficult things a little easier to to swallow.”

Sara sniffed and rubbed under her eyes. She was tired of crying, and she wasn’t feeling up to talking about her mom, but she appreciated Ava’s vulnerability. 

“Thank you for telling me that.”

Ava nodded and settled further into the couch. 

“Want to watch something until you’re feeling tired again?”

Sara shrugged. 

“Sure. You don’t have to stay up just for me.”

Ava smirked.

“Ha, I’m staying up so that Gigi doesn’t forget about me and think you’re his new owner.”

Sara chuckled and resisted the urge to squeeze Gigi to her chest. 

“I should probably just take him since he likes me so much more.”

Ava glared at her.

“I’ll find you.”

Sara’s smile widened and she looked toward the television that hadn’t been turned off. Netflix was still showing the “Are you still watching” prompt, and Ava clicked yes. She glanced over. 

“You still good with Brooklyn-Nine-Nine?”

Sara nodded.

“Yeah, although if you want to watch a documentary we totally can.”

Ava’s cheeks seemed to redden.

“Why do you say that?”

Sara pointed to the “recently watched” section with a grin.

“Lily was flicking through that earlier. It was an educated guess that it wasn’t Zari or her watching ‘Icarus’ or ‘Best of Enemies.’”

Ava huffed. 

“I have nothing to say on the matter.” 

Sara laughed at that, real and sincere in a way it felt she hadn’t in two weeks. 

Ava’s growing pout turned into a smile as she looked over at Sara. 

“I’m making you watch ‘Icarus’ now.”

Sara shrugged. 

“I’ve already seen it. Nice try though.”

Ava’s eyes widened slightly, then she smirked. 

“Mercury 13.”

Sara sighed. 

“Is it boring?”

Ava gave her a smug smile. 

“Not to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what ya thought.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Here's the late chapter lol. Things are starting to get a little better now. Hopefully I won't make so many people cry. 
> 
> I posted a visual aid on tumblr and people seemed to enjoy it a lot, so let me know if you guys would like more? There's some things I use that are helpful to me, and maybe you'd like to see them too. If you have any requests, shoot them to me at my tumblr of the same name or here in the comments. 
> 
> lesbian__barbie is half the reason you guys get relatively scheduled updates lol.

Sara was awakened by something shifting under her head, the pillow firm, but with enough give to be comfortable. She groaned and tried to still it, wrapping her arms around it. Trying to. But there was something in the way, something that seemed attached to the pillow that was now seemingly harder under her head.

She tried to blink her eyes open, succeeded in doing so after a few moments, and took in the area surrounding her to fit the pieces together. She’d fallen asleep at Ava’s apartment. On her couch. She’d woken up from a nightmare. Ava had ventured out for water and ended up forcing Sara to watch a hypothetically interesting documentary that she was sure she’d passed out within ten minutes. And now?

The pillow under her leg was not nearly as soft as it had been before, and Sara moved to push off of it, only to freeze when she grabbed what was decidedly not a knee and much more likely, a knee. 

Sara shot up and tried not to notice how red Ava’s cheeks were.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t, I just…”

She trailed off because her face was on fire and her brain wasn’t functioning fully and she was relatively mortified. 

Ava didn’t look mad or upset, just fairly uncertain what to do. She cleared her throat. 

“It’s-- I think we both fell asleep during the documentary.”

Sara huffed and collapsed back the other way, her head hitting an actual pillow. 

“Because it was boring?”

She glanced over just in time to see Ava’s eyes go from uncertain to stubbornly questioning. 

“Or, it’s because it was late.”

Sara felt her pounding heartbeat begin to slow down, and her body relaxed into the couch now that she was sure she hadn’t accidentally crossed some boundary. Sara gave a facetious nod.

“I’m sure that was the only reason.”

At Ava’s glare, Sara felt a smile pulling at her lips. 

Ava, for her part, just rolled her eyes and pushed herself from the couch.

“I have to run.”

Sara felt disappointment simmer up unexpectedly and she sat back up. 

“Oh yeah, I can get out of your hair. I should probably get back to the. . . I should get back.”

Ava’s ears zeroed in on her at that and she tilted her head. 

“Where are you staying?”

Sara shrugged and blatantly ignored Ava's question.

“Thank you for letting me crash here.”

Ava watched her quietly for a beat too long and then glanced back at the hallway where Zari and Lily assumably were. 

“It wasn’t a problem.” Ava returned her attention to Sara. “Do you want to join?”

It was said quickly, stiltedly, like Ava wasn’t sure if she should be asking. Sara frowned. 

“Where are you going?”

Ava’s lips quirked up. 

“On a run.”

Sara huffed. 

“Ohhh. That, okay. Yes. I mean, if that’s okay.”

Ava laughed.

“You thought I meant I have to run as in I have to leave, didn’t you?”

“Technically, I was still right.” Sara glanced down at the clothes she was wearing, glad she had thought to bring a change of clothing that wasn’t sweatpants. “I don’t actually have tennis shoes.”

Ava smiled.

“You are in a home of athletes. You think you’d be the same size as Lily?”

Sara glanced down at her feet.

“Nines?”

Ava shrugged.

“Worth a shot. Hang on.”

Ava walked to the hallway and disappeared around the corner. Sara glanced around the rather open living room, her chest beating quicker than normal. She didn’t know how she was supposed to feel, but everything seemed to have turned on its head. 

Sara heard quiet murmurs and a groan, and a few moments later she was returning with a pair of tennis shoes. She held them up somewhat victoriously, and Sara laughed, her chest feeling warm. 

Ava handed her the shoes and motioned back toward the hall. 

“I’ll be back.”

Sara sat down on the couch and spent a minute just untying the laces for what was probably the first time in weeks. She slipped the tennis shoes on her feet and tested the fit. They were a little tight, but not enough that it would be uncomfortable for a single run. 

She tied them tightly and then whipped her hair into a sloppy ponytail just as Ava returned. Sara, despite all of their drama, still couldn’t pull her eyes away fast enough to avoid a once-over, and she cleared her throat and avoided thinking about Ava’s thighs and calves. She was very quickly distracted by the small belt that Ava had around her waist. Sara tried not to chuckle, but Ava caught where her eyes had landed. 

Ava pointed. 

“Don’t you dare, Lance.”

Sara snickered and pretended to be tucking in her already-tucked shirt. 

“I like your fanny pack.”

Ava rolled her eyes, but her cheeks held a hint of red.

“It’s not a fanny pack.”

Sara liked this. She liked the innocent teasing so much more than the pointed attacks. A part of her still felt sick for the past, but she tried to ignore it. 

“It looks like a fanny pack. Does it have zippers? Little pouches for keys?”

Ava hesitated with her hands by the belt, and Sara saw that she was about to unzip a compartment to place her keys inside. 

Refraining from howling with laughter was close to impossible. 

Ava grumpily unzipped her the pocket and stuffed her keys in it. 

“It holds my water bottle.”

Sara nodded.

“And your keys.”

Ava glared.

“I was going to offer to share my water, but you can just pass out.”

Sara grinned. 

“It’ll probably be worth it.”

Ava’s lips twitched from their downturned position.

“Seems like we’ll find out, won’t we? Come on. Let’s see if you’ve been staying in shape since the end of training.”

Ava turned toward the door just in time to miss the widening of Sara’s eyes. She one hundred percent had done absolutely nothing for two weeks. She would just have to keep up with Ava so that she wouldn’t find out. 

Steeling herself for what was probably going to be a very painful run, Sara followed Ava out the door. 

Ava locked the apartment behind them and turned out toward the balcony. 

“Do you prefer streets, sidewalks, or paths?”

Sara shrugged. 

“Whatever is fine with me.”

Ava seemed to think for a moment. She nodded.

“We can hit the park then. I usually warm up on the way, stretch there, and then set off.”

Sara nodded, and she fell in line with Ava as she began a brusque walk down the steps and away from the apartment. 

They traveled in silence for a few minutes, more comfortable than it had right to be, before Sara broke it.

“Why don’t you wear your fanny pack with the team?”

It was a weird question, one that Sara didn’t really think about. But Ava’s body tending beside her was enough of a sign that Sara shouldn’t have brought it up. 

But Ava didn’t seem mad, just uncomfortable, and Sara tried to backtrack.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. I didn’t realize—“

Ava chuckled slightly and shrugged.

“It’s not that, it’s more that I didn’t want to give you ammunition to make fun of me in front of them team.”

And just like that, Sara felt the overwhelming guilt crash into her chest.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Sara sighed. “I really am. I don’t… I can’t believe how shitty I was.”

Ava shook her head.

“I’ve already accepted your apology, Sara. I’m not upset. I just didn’t want to lie to you or make you think I had some weird attachment to my runner’s belt.”

The way she said the last word was amusingly forceful. Sara tried to take the offered forgiveness.

“Is that a subtle hint that I should stop calling it a fanny pack.”

Ava shrugged indifferently, but she shot Sara a smirk. 

“You don’t have to if you enjoy being wrong.”

Sara rolled her eyes and let the guilt slip back.

“We’ll see how much I’m needing water.”

Ava scoffed.

“Oh, no, water is already off the table for you.”

Sara grinned and felt the anxiety trickle away a bit more. 

“That’s probably fair.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

They stretched upon arrival at the park and Sara felt the burn that came from not exercising properly for an extended amount of time. They sat in the grass by a small playground that was empty besides one family playing a game. As they stretched, other runners and people walking their dogs went by. 

Ava stood up after about five minutes and started stretching her shoulders out, her head rolling and her arms swinging around. 

Sara slowly stood up and followed suit. Ava shot her a look. 

“You up for a five mile-er?”

Sara tried not to visibly panic as she bounced on her feet a few times. 

“No problem.”

Ava nodded once, and then tilted her head toward the sidewalk. 

“Ready?”

Sara didn’t do anything beyond a nod, already solidifying her determination in her brain and preparing for pain. Ava took that as her answer and began at a brisk jog, her strides easy and graceful in a way that Sara had really never seen anyone mimic. 

Sara had to work a bit harder to keep up with Ava’s distance gained each step, but she found an comfortable gait after a couple minutes. 

Everything went well for the first two miles, Sara not breathing too heavily despite how quickly they were covering ground. It wasn’t until close to mile three, when Sara was running at speed, her arms pumping smoothly, that her calves began to burn a bit more than they would have. A bit past the three mile mark, she started to feel a cramp building between her ribs. That would be from the poor diet and the the lack of sleep, and despite her building regrets, there was nothing she could do now. Ava had, despite her comments, passed her water bottle over a few times during the run, and Sara was sure it was the only reason she wasn’t gasping. 

Mile four was excruciating, the cramp settling in and stabbing her with every move and breath she took. Ava was breathing decently heavy now, masking Sara’s somewhat excessive pants, but it did nothing to hide the sharp grimace that crossed her expression on particularly lancing pain. But she was determined, and there was no way she was going to be falling behind Ava.

Near the beginning of mile five, Sara was really starting to question her dedication to the plan to finish. She thought about the pros and cons of just collapsing onto the asphalt and letting the now-searing, white-hot jabs under her ribs subside. 

It was also around that time that Ava seemed to take notice of her plight. And though they’d been running quite silently to this point, she glanced over in worry.

“You good, Sara?”

Sara thought speaking might kill her, so she nodded her head. She could feel Ava’s eyes on her, but she was focused mostly on not vomiting onto a passing biker. 

The last four minutes passed agonizingly slow, and Sara’s cramp had spread from her left lung down to her abdomen and over. She was close to wheezing, and her face was contorted in discomfort for all to see. 

They hit the end of the final lap, their starting place, and Sara barely refrained from letting her knees buckle under her. 

Ava was breathing heavily from the fast pace, but she seemed otherwise unfazed. She studied Sara as Sara held her hands over her head and sucked in lungfuls of air, her eyes closed and sweat covering her body. 

“Would I be wrong to believe you’ve slacked a bit on your daily exercises?”

Sara tried to laugh but it got lost in her erratic breathing. 

“Not. . . at. . .all.”

Ava hummed and Sara felt the cool end of a plastic bottle pressing into her hand. She gratefully took it and squeezed a bit into her mouth. Ava didn’t take it when it was held back out. 

“Finish it.”

Sara couldn’t bring herself to argue, and she held her cramping side and poured the rest of the water bottle down her throat. 

“Thank… you.”

She continued trying to slow down her breathing, and succeeded in doing so after a small chunk of time. 

Ava was obviously trying to hide her grin, and Sara rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be smug.”

Ava shrugged and took the empty water bottle. Sara would never insult her fanny pack again if it allowed her to keep from passing out. 

Ava started stretching.

“Any reason you’ve been slacking on the training regimen that Rip and I posted? You’re allowed to switch things out or make up your own. That was just to help the girls who weren’t comfortable coming up with one.”

Sara dropped her ass into the grass and lazily grabbed at her foot to feign stretching.

“Things have been. . .” She didn’t know what to say that wasn’t ‘I was in a majorly depressive state and I found it difficult to get out of bed.’ After a few moments she went with something that could pass as normal. “I don’t know the area around the hotel I’m staying it so I wasn’t comfortable running it. And I would have joined you all, but I didn’t want things to be weird. . .”

Seemed legitimate, hopefuly an answer that didn’t allow for much prodding. But Sara had made a critical error, and she found that out within a second. 

“You’re staying in a hotel?”

Sara’s chest seized up, and she stopped breathing. She felt embarrassment and shame and frustration all rise up at once, and she didn’t realize she’d begun breathing harder or that her nails began digging through her shirt into the sore skin of her stomach. Ava’s fingers laced around her wrist quickly and gently, pulling it back.

“Sara, breathe. Relax. It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it. I’m sorry for pushing.”

Sara heard the soothing candor of her words sink in and she tried to relax her hands. She hoped Ava didn’t let go yet. 

“No, no. I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting it. I should be able to handle it.”

Ava squeezed her wrist gently. 

“Hey, we’ve already discussed this. Don’t apologize. Do you want to finish stretching and head back? I’m sure the girls will want to go grab food.”

It was such an easy out, so open and without strings. Sara closed her eyes and nodded. 

“Yeah, yes. That sounds good. Thank you.” 

Ava tightened her grip on Sara’s wrist once again before letting go. 

“Good. Now stretch properly or you’re going to feel like shit tomorrow.”

Sara huffed out a laugh and reached out toward both feet, her eyes slipping open just enough to see Ava watching her without judgement. 

“I’m going to feel like shit either way.”

Ava smirked, crossed her legs, and twisted her body to stretch her sides.

“Most definitely.”

Sara breathed a sigh of relief and loosened up her body from the trembling muscles to the aching between her ribs. She’d never thought anyone would match Amaya in her ease of handling Sara’s many problems. She also didn’t think that she would be able to come down from the ledge of an attack so quickly, but Ava had yanked her back and reassured her that jumping wasn’t needed. 

It was startling, and Sara fought back apology after apology as she realized just how wrong she’d been about Ava from the beginning. She didn’t know how to make it up to her that didn’t involve groveling again, and Ava had made it clear that she didn’t want that from Sara. 

It came to her about five minutes from the apartment, a way to try and mend the rift that Ava had so far been doing all the work in correcting. 

She slowed her pace minutely and waited for Ava to do the same, then,

“My mom died in a car accident.”

The words tore at her heart, but she swallowed the pain. Ava, to her credit, only stiffened in shock for a moment before she took a deep breath. 

“I’m so sincerely sorry, Sara.”

The words were spoken with so much passion, with a hint of understanding. And Sara thought that maybe Ava had thought about what it would have been like to have lost her dad instead of getting back a broken frame that was mended over time. It wasn’t a turn of phrase, a repeated sentiment that came from somebody who just didn’t know what to say. 

Sara’s throat felt tight, and she knew she might cry. But she wanted to show Ava that she was trying too, and that she was willing to be vulnerable.

“We were driving home from a tournament out of state. She just. . . she didn’t make it. And my dad blames me. And he wouldn’t let me come home this summer.”

Her voice went soft near the end, filling with the emotions that always seemed to prevalent. 

Ava was quiet for a time, but when she spoke, there was just as much passion there. 

“Not to overstep, but that’s just. . . that’s not okay. You don’t deserve that.”

Sara made as if to argue, because she always tried to defend her dad despite knowing deep down that he was being unfair, but Ava cut her off. 

“I can see you’re about to argue, and I’m going to stop you there. My opinion might not mean anything here, but I don’t care. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.”

Sara sniffed, but she didn’t let the tears fall. 

“I know, I know. But he’s my dad.”

Ava huffed. 

“Doesn’t mean he’s not majorly fucking up right now.”

Sara let out a small smile at Ava’s adamance. 

“Thank you.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

They reached the bottom steps of Ava’s apartment building and Sara cleared her throat. 

“Not a lot of people know, so. . .”

Sara trailed off, and Ava gave her a soft smile, more sincere than Sara had ever seen from her, and it shook her breath from her lungs. 

“I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The day had passed quickly, and somehow Sara had ended up spending most of it with Zari, Lily, and Ava instead of going back to her hotel. She didn’t leave until around four, and by that time, Sara felt freer and clearer than she had since the news about her dad. 

And even when she left, knowing exactly where she was heading, she didn’t feel such an intense drag at her chest. Lily had hugged her, Zari had bumped her shoulder and playfully told her to let her know if she needed more help feeding herself. Ava had smiled at her from a small distance away, and she hadn’t needed to say anything for Sara to know what she was thinking. 

It been comforting, and now she felt like she could handle her empty hotel room and cold sheets. 

She called Gideon on the way home, and she was surprised at how quickly the phone was answered. 

“Sara.”

Sara could hear the question in her name and she grimaced. 

“Got any free space for a makeup appointment tomorrow?”

“My seven o'clock cancelled.”

Sara’s eyes widened. 

“In the morning?!” When Gideon remained silent, Sara sighed. “Fiiine. I can make it.”

Gideon made a noise of confirmation. 

“Good. See you then.”

Sara said goodbye and groaned to herself. At least that wouldn’t give her a lot of time to wallow and change her mind the next day. 

She pulled into the lot and felt a jolt of discomfort in her chest at the way the lights stood out on the hotel building. It was so impersonal. Sara forced her eyes down and grabbed her stuff. She wanted a shower first. 

But, by the time she was back in her hotel room and starting to take of her shirt, she paused. The white of the tape on her stomach stood out against the mirror, and she tensed. 

She needed to take it off to shower, and she would need to replace the bandage. She’d gotten herself good this time, and she knew it by the way the burn in her stomach had hardly diminished since she’d taped it. 

With gritted teeth, she slowly pulled her shirt all the way off and peeled away an edge of the bandage. Her stomach was an irritated red, and as she revealed the mark across her stomach, she felt her whole body clench. There were patches of skin rubbed raw around the scar that should’ve healed without issue. Instead, it looked rough, the edges swollen and the wound partially open in places. 

She knew permanent damage was being done, and the fear settled deep. Instead of allowing herself to think about it, she slipped out of the remainder of her clothing and climbed into the scalding hot water of the shower. It stung, but it was better to feel it than see it.

Sara was glad that the mirror had fogged completely when she exited, and she sprayed peroxide on her stomach, covered it again, and returned to her room to collapse on her bed. She looked at the clock. Almost a quarter after five; too early to go to try to sleep, so Sara flicked on the television. She just hoped she could make it through a night without a nightmare to wake her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought! Thank you for reading and commenting. I really appreciate you taking time to tell me what you liked in the chapter or what you felt about it. Anyway, until next time!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient for this chapter, everyone. Also, I can't wait to go read the fics that have been suggested to me because I've been starved for weeeeeeks.

Sara sat across from Gideon, her feet shifting under her chair and her eyes downcast against Gideon’s searching look. 

“You missed a session.”

Sara cleared her throat and glanced up to see if she could read Gideon’s expression. She got absolutely nothing. 

“I’m sorry. I was having a bad time.”

Gideon nodded.

“I assumed so.” Gideon’s expression didn’t give much away, but she tilted her head in question. “Is that not what you come here for? To acquire guidance through the bad times when the mess in your head is a little too confusing?”

Sara let her shoulders slump in defeat. 

“Yes. I…”

She let herself trail off, not able to put into words why she hadn’t come in. Gideon had no such problem. 

“You closed yourself away when faced with the reality of living with your situation instead of just talking about it in hypotheticals. You found what was comfortable in hopes that you could just buckle in and hold on tight enough that the new pain and the new trauma wouldn’t shake you loose. Does that ring any bells?”

Sara huffed in annoyance. 

“One or two.”

It did. The more Gideon spoke, the more she was able to recognize how all of the pieces that were so overwhelming before actually fit together.

Gideon smiled slightly at Sara’s response.

“It’s natural, Sara. Don’t look at this as anything except for a learnable encounter with yourself. Next time, you will begin to recognize the ways your mind attempts to correct your pain.”

Sara finally relaxed, glad that Gideon wasn’t mad, but unwilling to admit that she would fail again in the same way.

“There won’t be a next time.”

Gideon raised a brow as if Sara was a independent, naive toddler. 

“You are setting yourself up for failure, Sara. You’re creating goals for yourself that you can’t reach yet.”

Sara clenched her jaw.

“I can if I try harder.”

“This isn’t about how hard you try or how determined you are.” Seeing that Sara was intent on resisting her logic, Gideon switched tactics. “Say, for argument's sake, that you had the soccer ball right in front of your own team’s goal—“

“I’m a striker, I don’t spend much time near my own goal.”

Gideon shot her a look.

“For argument’s sake, you are. How do you get the ball forward?”

Sara itches to argue further, but instead tried to be conducive to whatever Gideon was going to tell her.

“It depends on where I am specifically by the goal, but either way, I want it away from my goal first. In a critical situation, I’d just blast it up the field. But ideally, passing the ball up through my teammates would be the way to go.”

Gideon frowned, but it seemed like she was leading Sara to a conclusion that she’d most likely be right about..

“So you’d never take the ball up yourself?”

Sara narrowed her eyes.

“It’s often much too dangerous to attempt dribbling as ball from your back half. The chances for success are low.”

It registered in her brain exactly what Gideon was going for then. Gideon smiled as Sara laid the last foundation for her explanation.

“Now, think of everything you’re struggling with right now. You’re so used to just running into the fray, into the hope of making it out the other side, and you forget that there are people to help you. You have seen that your attempts to, let’s say, drive headfirst into the obstacles before you have led to sending you out of bounds. There hasn’t been a catastrophic moment where the ball was taken and arguably scored into your own goal, so it doesn’t seem like such a big deal. Out of bounds isn’t anything special, but it gives you a chance to breathe.”

Sara couldn’t find it in herself not to be difficult.

“Hearing you talk about soccer is weird.”

Gideon gave her a knowing look and continued.

“There are steps to getting to the other end of the field, Sara. Next time, aim for, as you said, blasting the ball up the field. It doesn’t matter if you’re attempts at asking for help are a bit messy. You just want somebody to know what you’re going through so that you aren’t alone. You can work on the careful passing later.”

“But I don’t want to burden them.”

“There’s is a difference between somebody being there for you to hold onto when you need them versus you expecting them to solve your problems and, in a sense, be your therapist. Your messy outreach might just be you asking somebody to hang out; to be near you so that you’re not being swallowed by your own mind.”

Sara gave up on trying to find way to argue and she met Gideon’s eyes. 

“It’s annoying when you say things in such a way that makes them sound so reasonable.”

And then, with the arguably most shit-eating grin Sara had ever seen on a mature adult, Gideon spoke.

“Well, it _is_ my job.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara left the office with a goal in mind. Gideon had said not to question her instincts when she felt like she needed to talk to somebody or when she thought she might spiral, and something told Sara that today was going be a repeat of last time if she didn’t take early steps to prevent it. She had to position herself for success as Rip called it while correcting the defensive line.

She clicked call on Zari’s contact and pressed her phone to her ear. After three rings, Zari picked up. 

“Wow, Sara, look at this. I thought I was going to need to show up with food again to get you to talk to me.”

Sara rolled her eyes.

Shut it, Tomaz. You busy?”

Zari groaned.

“Unfortunately.” There was a soft thunk of something and Zari huffed. “I mean, I’m am busy and so, so enjoying it.” Her Voice took on a desperate tone. “If you need time to like, be anywhere else than right where I am, just say the word.”

There were sounds of a struggle as Sara heard the phone fall, and then a panting voice answered. 

“Sara, it’s Lily. We’re having a little game night and we’d love you to join.”

There was an indignant shout from Zari sounding like she might be squished into something.

“Don’t listen to her, Sara! It’s a trap. Save yourself!”

Lily shushed Zari and spoke quickly into the phone.

“Oh, look at that; Cards Against Humanity. Come join us, Lancey-poo.”

The line went dead then, and Sara pulled her phone away to look at it. She very obviously should trust Zari in this. Going over to the apartment was a bad idea for several reasons, not even mentioning whatever the hell they're actually doing. 

She should just go home and call again later that night. 

Incomprehensibly, she found herself sitting outside the wrong building twenty minutes later. She would never tell anyone how long she spent sitting in the parking lot and telling herself she would leave. Nor would she tell them how she decidedly did not leave, instead getting out of her car and walking slowly toward the steps that lead to the apartment. 

She heard shouting before she even reached the door. 

“You can’t make me talk to children! I will cook the food!”

Despite the fact that Sara didn’t know what the fuck Zari was yelling about, she found herself laughing at the absurdity, the nerves that had been building up slipping off her shoulders. 

She heard the muffled response of somebody and she decided to knock on the door. The sound and movement stopped for several seconds, and then she heard footsteps approaching. The door opened slightly, and Sara caught her breath a bit as Ava’s eyes met hers. She was always somewhat worried that Ava would change her mind and hate her one day, and she liked to attribute her repetitive off-guard-ness to that rather than whatever else seemed to be stirring in her chest.

Ava’s lips quirked into an amused smile. 

“You’ve really chosen poorly, Sara.”

The words weren’t comforting, but Sara took the smile as a sign that there was just something she completely did not understand. Ava pushed the door open further, and Sara moved inside far enough to see Zari sitting on Lily’s back, looking nonchalant as if she wasn’t pinning another human to the carpet. Lily turned her face, still smushed into the carpet, and she smiled. 

“Ahh, Sara. You’ve fallen into my trap.”

And despite the muffled, ridiculous sound of Lily’s voice, Sara felt true regret. Zari looked at her sadly and shook her head. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t trust me, Lance. Now you’ve gotten yourself stuck.”

Sara looked at the coffee table then, and she saw stacks of binders, folders, and papers of different colors. There were what looked to be stations, and in front of the television was a blank whiteboard. Sara didn’t know what exactly she was looking at, but she knew she definitely should have listened to Zari. 

She feigned attempting escape, but as she turned to leave, Ava shut the door behind her and smirked. 

“Huh uh, you’re in the shit now.”

Sara feigned moroseness, but she turned easily back into the room and walked toward the painfully organized set up. Zari dropped a pillow on Lily’s face and glared at Sara.

“Do you want any water? Some granola? Something to get you through the coming hell?”

Ava sighed and walked back into the room, taking a seat on the floor in front of the coffee table.

“The only reason you’re experiencing hell is because you and Lily are small children with no impulse control or ability to be organized.”

Lily shoved the pillow off her face and let out another muffled protest. 

“The hell aspect is actually planning this summer camp for all the small, dirty children.”

Ava rolled her eyes and Sara took a careful seat on the couch to her right. 

“They’re literally ten through sixteen. And they’re not dirty.”

Zari huffed. 

“I beg to disagree. They don’t wash their hands. Or their hair. Especially the boys. They will be triply worse in tents in the woods.”

Ava started shuffling through a stack of papers in front of her, her eyes rolling again, but she seemed amused. 

“It’s like you haven’t listened the last four times I’ve told you that there are cabins.”

Sara tried to figure out what the hell they were talking about, but nothing came to mind. 

“Am I missing something? What summer camp is this? And why are you guys planning it.”

Lily managed to get a hang under her and launch Zari off of her back. She clambered to a sitting position and gave her a pitying smile. 

“You poor, naive froshie. You and Zari really are two peas.”

Zari sat back up and huffed petulantly. 

“Hey, I saw “Kick the Moon Summer Camp” in our binders. I just didn’t think it was mandatory without some grievous life occurance to keep one away.”

Sara frowned.

“Summer camp? Like, we’re . . .” Her eyes widened. “Oh. Okay. So we’re counselors?”

Ava pointed at Sara with a piece of paper. 

“Wow, she picked it up much faster than you Zari.”

Zari pouted and shifted to her knees so she could reach a stack of her own papers on the island. 

“I was in denial. It’s not my fault.”

Ava chuckled and returned her attention to Sara.

“I’m assuming you didn’t read the whole binder then?”

Sara winced. 

“It was less a protest and more the fact that I don’t generally plan ahead for anything at all.”

Ava shook her head in amusement and looked over the stack of paper. She reached out and found one that had what looked like a detailed list of “Things to Pack” on it. 

“Here. Start stapling these. There should be two pages front and back.”

Sara did as she was asked and looked over to see Lily and Zari begin similar tasks. Ava was writing very carefully on the front of the colored binders with a black sharpie. It was an impressive looking repetition of “Counselor’s Eyes Only:” with the space for a name, and in small print, ‘you have been warned.’ 

“What’s the story there?”

Ava grinned. 

“It’s a running joke that all the kids attempt to steal the papers out of the counselor's binders. You can blame that on Lily. But now, we have a folder that we carry around and one we keep in our cabins so that when they inevitably steal things from them, we aren’t actually hapless. It makes for a fun way to get everyone involved and comfortable with each other, so we play it up.”

Lily held up a finger.

“So technically, it’s a good thing I made this a tradition.”

Sara grinned and stapled another list together. 

“So who are these kids exactly?”

Ava looked somewhat more serious as she answered, but doubly as passionate. 

“It’s for the foster care kids in the surrounding cities. A lot that don’t have permanent homes or that live mostly in orphanages are required to come, and we try to make their time as fun as possible. We have a lot of returning older kids as well; ones that have aged out or that found permanent families. They connect with some of the younger ones in ways we can’t. So generally, we have a counselor, one of us, and an assistant counselor, one of the older kids.”

Sara smiled, her chest warm. 

“That’s really amazing. Do you plan everything?”

Ava’s cheeks reddened and she looked down. 

“I didn’t at first. But the person who ran it the first year just really seemed to hate the kids. She didn’t put in any effort and everything was confusing. I offered to take it off of her hands, and she gave me a list of ‘musts’ before shoving off. So I just have to make sure to include certain things and I get to make all the calls.”

Sara could tell Ava was invested in this, that she cared about it more than she was trying to show, and she couldn’t stop the soft smile that pulled at her lips. 

“That’s probably a lot to do, I’m assuming?”

Ava huffed, seemingly glad that Sara didn’t push.

“It’s a lot. But I have a year to plan and most of it is already done. We still have an entire month anyway. And I have friends from the football team join us at go-time. It’s gone smoothly the past two years.” 

Lily evened out her stack and set it carefully on a clear corner of the coffee table. Sara could read the purposefulness of it, and she knew that Lily understood how important this was despite her jokes. Lily pulled out her phone.

“Alright, ladies. We’re going to be working hard getting all these together for the organizations, so we will need some jams. What are we in the mood for?” She held a finger out at Ava. “Keep your country mouth shut, giantess. You don’t get a vote.”

Ava laughed and shrugged. 

“Fine. But can I veto Top Forty?”

Lily groaned dramatically. 

“You just ruin all the fun, huh?” She started typing quickly. “I’m playing Khalid. Just because he’s popular doesn’t mean he counts as Top Forty.”

Ava made a face.

“Technically your logic is flawed, but--”

Lily made a strangled shrieking noise and clicked on her phone, the sound of “Love Lies” seeping from the speakers.

For the next hour, Sara helped staple, stack, and arrange information into different piles for different people. And despite herself, she was having fun. Only part of it had to do with the way Ava’s eyes were filled with the same passion and determination that Sara had always been annoyed by before. She understood it better, and she respected it a hell of a lot. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Around the hour mark, Lily dropped her last stack and raised her hands. 

“Okay, change of pace. Can we PLEASE talk about the fun stuff now?”

Ava didn’t look up from where she was three-hole-punching sheets and sticking them in laminated sleeves. 

“You mean to talk about kids’ allergies and how we’ll prevent any incidents? The emergency plans?”

Lily flicked a pen, and Sara glanced up just in time to see Ava’s hand snatch it from the air before it could land and mark something. 

“Watch it, Stein. I’ll kick you from the preparation party. And don’t even say you want that because then you’d miss your favorite part.”

Lily pouted and Sara and Zari finished off their current stacks before turning to Ava for direction. 

Ava smirked. 

“It’s time to decide who will be a counselor. Lily enjoys sticking freshmen in the positions because apparently their “faces are hilarious” when they find out.”

Lily grinned.

“They are! Remember when Gwen had to do it? She practically cried.”

Ava rolled her eyes.

“She _did_ cry, asshole.” Ava looked reassuringly at Zari and Sara. “We don’t force anyone to do it if they’re uncomfortable, of course. She ended up doing it and loving it though.”

Zari picked up a thick packet from the table. 

“Are these the kids? There’s a lot. How are they divided up?”

Ava’s face took a serious tone. 

“Based on what they’re comfortable with. Some of them have been through some horrible stuff. We do everything we can to make sure they feel safe and comfortable with us. I’ll take care of the groups. You guys can help me with assigning roles for our team.”

Ava stood and moved over to the whiteboard. Written on it was ‘Counselor Suggestions’ and ‘Selected Counselors.’ She wrote her name, Gwen’s and Lily’s under ‘Selected Counselors,’ along with ‘Nate’ and ‘Jax’ and ‘Ray’ before capping the marker. 

“Alright, so any suggestions?”

Lily nodded.

“Remi. I think she’d be good with the kids. She’s really confident and easy to talk to.”

Ava put down the name in ‘suggested,’ and the next fifteen minute consisted of them talking about the possible players from their team and the football team that could possibly be a good counselor. 

Sara listened quietly, curiously, and felt an itching in the back of her throat as she tried to refrain from offering what she was about to offer. Even after a valiant attempt, while Ava and Lily were struggling to come up with one more, she lost the battle. 

“I can. Do it. The, I mean. . .” She huffed. “I can be a counselor. If you need. I mean, if you think I can.”

She forced herself to stop talking, and tried not avoid eye contact with anyone in case she saw something in their expressions that suggested they thought she shouldn’t have said anything or offered herself as a counselor. She lost the battle, but to her surprise, when she looked up, she saw Ava writing her name on the ‘Selected Counselors’ list. 

Her chest squeezed strangely and she felt tears prick her eyes, because Ava hadn’t even questioned it before putting Sara in the affirmative spot. She was never more hopeful that she and Ava could overcome their jagged beginning than in that moment, she she tried not to let how much it meant show on her expression. 

Ava smiled, her eyes lingering on Sara for a pause before capping her marker.

“Awesome, I’ll talk to the new members and see how they feel about doing it. There’s a class everyone will need to go to before, but it can be done online for those who won’t be back yet.”

Lily collapsed into the recliner and bent boneless, her head rolling to the side. 

“Okay, break time? Or done for the day time?”

Ava glanced at the gathered materials. 

“Uh, I’ll probably keep working on this. But you guys really don’t need to stick around for it. I know it’s kind of boring.”

Lily pursed her lips.

“It’s not as fun to complain when you are nice.”

Ava chuckled. 

“I’m sorry I spoiled your entertainment.”

Zari pushed herself to stand. 

“I actually would stay, but Amaya is calling in a few minutes because she finally got a moment away from her family. I don’t want to miss her.”

Lily hummed. 

“We won’t judge you too harshly, Zari. I’m going to get lunch just for a little break and I’ll be back. You guys craving anything?”

Ava shrugged. 

“You pick. I have cash though, hang on.”

She got up to move and Lily shook her head. 

“No, my lumbering philanthropist. I can take care of this.” She looked to Sara and Zari. “I’ll probably hit up JJ’s. What do you guys want?”

Zari waved her off. 

“I have leftovers in the fridge, thank you though.”

Sara aimed to protest but Lily shook her head. 

“Don’t even. You’re going to stick around and help, I don’t mind getting you a sandwich. What do you like?”

Sara chuckled. 

“Fine, but I got you next time. I’ll have an Club Lulu Unwich. Without tomatoes.”

Lily grimaced. 

“Not sure why you’re taking away the two best ingredients, but sure.” She stood and palmed her keys. “I know what you like, Aves. Be back soon.”

She made her exit, the door closing behind her, and Sara found herself alone with Ava. She tried not to think about how she’d fallen asleep on her the last time they were alone. 

“So what’s next?”

Ava smiled and picked up the stacked binders.

“We need to fill these.”

Sara took the half that were offered to her and smirked, but made sure her voice was a gentle teasing.

“You know, I’m a bit surprised by the colors.”

Ava grimaced at them and then sighed. 

“It was the only way to get Lily to help me shop and lug everything home. She didn’t like my navy binders.”

Sara feigned surprise. 

“You splurged for navy and she wasn’t satisfied? The nerve.”

Ava laughed then, light and amused, and Sara felt the same warmth that always seemed to be present when she was with Ava now. 

Ava flipped open a binder. 

“Shut up and work, Lance.”

Sara did as she was told, following Ava’s instructions for what went in what order. She thought about the words that were just spoken and how before they would have resulted in a bitter argument. She tried not to let the change get to her too much. She didn’t want to find herself attached. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava stared at the speckled ceiling, her limbs starfishing across her bed. She’d been there for over an hour, intending on a short nap to relieve her brain from its intruding and curious thoughts. Instead, it had overtaken her desire for sleep with more questions.

Sara was…. unfathomable; immensely new and strange and so, so, so different than Ava could have imagined. Her wit was quick and humorous when it wasn’t needling into Ava’s insecurities. Her edges were all but gone away, showing the brokenness that was hidden beneath them.   
Ava didn’t know why she continued to think about it after Sara had gone. She knew a portion of her interest came from that the shock of the transformation. But the remaining was curiosity that Ava couldn’t lock down a point of origin for. 

 

“SHARPE!”

Ava’s head jerked, her body tensing in shock, and she glared at Lily’s approaching form. Lily had two bowls in her hands and a spoon in her mouth that she attempted to speak around.

 

“You wouldn’t answer me. I had to get creative.”

 

Ava rolled her eyes.

 

“Shouting my name is in no way creative.”

 

Lily waved her very accurate point away and settled on the bed, reaching one of the bowls toward Ava?

 

“Ice cream?”

 

Ava moved to grab it. 

 

“Bribery isn’t creative either.”

 

As Ava’s fingers brushed the porcelain bowl, Lily shifted it out of reach and grinned. 

 

“You can have it when you tell me all about your situation with Sara. I have been left in the dark and you know how scared I am of it.”

 

Ava sighed, tone suggesting how ridiculous she felt Lily was being. 

 

“You’re scared of figurative dark?”

 

Lily grinned.

 

“Of course. What, did you think I meant literal darkness? Heck no. In fact, throw me in a sewer and replace the manhole as long as you tell me what I want to know.”

 

Ava groaned.

 

“You annoy me.”

 

Lily took another bite of ice cream and grinned. 

 

“It’s the foundation of my charm. Chop chop, Farmer Sharpe. Your ice cream is melting and I need to know what kind of roller coaster you guys are on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts on the chapter :)


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've basically had this written for four days and have been torn between posting and starting over. I've decided to post, but I'm just not sure about it as a whole. 
> 
> lesbian__barbie is a bomb beta

The conversation had gone over surprisingly well, all things considered….’things’ being that Lily was part of it. Lily had listened, and her teasing tone had transitioned rather quickly to respectful the moment Ava revealed what her interactions with Sara had actually been like leading up to the months of no interaction. 

Ava had easily read the anger there, directed at Sara mostly; but there was also a layer of hurt that had to have come from Ava’s silence on the matter. 

Ava had quickly dispersed those emotions, explaining that Sara had apologized once, then several more times, and Ava had decided to forgive her. She also told Lily that the only person she’d told about it was Amaya, and only because she’d witnessed it and there was no way Ava could have sidelined her. 

She explained that talking about it was highly stress-inducing, and had chosen to push it aside instead of facing it. 

Lily had understood. That was something she could always count on in her friend, and she relied on it heavily when it came to emotions she couldn’t process or overcome. 

Lily had gracefully moved on from the past and focused on the present, asking about her and Sara now, about what had changed. Ava had told her that circumstances and stubbornness had created her and Saras’ collisions in the first place, and that those things had been changed enough to right their course. 

And it was true. She was being honest when she told Sara she’d forgiven her. She’d hoped that their animosity being culled would allow for their time in shared spaces to go smoothly. She’d even expected that she would come to tolerate Sara. 

What she hadn’t expected was an actual connection. And truly, she didn’t know if it was possible after everything, but the way things were currently going. . . if it had been anyone else, it would have been the foundation of a friendship. And maybe it was. 

Maybe they had both been monumentally stupid and abrasive to each other because of the single first day that they’d met. Ava had been tired, Sara had been. . . something, and they’d clashed. Maybe that had been all that put them on the wrong path. 

Ava didn’t know. But she knew that currently, Sara was on her way over with some movie Zari had requested for movie night. She’d seen Sara every other day for a week, and there hadn’t been a single altercation or sharp word. 

She could see Sara was still sometimes hesitant in her actions and words, and it was such a drastic difference. It shouldn’t have surprised her after the first few times, but for some reason it continued to. She was consistently and pleasantly blindsided by Sara, and it had her on her toes in a much different way than she used to be around her.

She was hoping she was prepared for it tonight, hoping that she didn’t get taken off-guard by Sara’s insight, by her wit, by her unique brand of thoughtfulness. She didn’t have high hopes for herself. 

To make matters worse, this wasn’t a group event. This had been planned as a movie night just for Lily, Zari, Sara, and her. Then Lily had gone and bailed because she’d met a girl the night before and she just “had to explore those wonders.” Ava could only assume she was talking about the woman’s boobs, and she’d smacked Lily upside the head with a folder from her Summer Camp.

It had done more damage to the folder than Lily, unfortunately, and Ava was forced to put it aside to only be used if entirely necessary. Even then, she told herself that she’d buy a new one before willingly using it. 

So, because Lily was a betrayer, it was just going to be Zari, Sara, and her. 

Ava had thought about ducking out, making up some kind of excuse. And she could have. It would have been as simple as making plans with Gary and saying she’d make the next one. 

She hadn’t. And she refused to think about why that was as she idly stirred a bowl of canned chicken into the already present cream cheese, hot sauce, cheddar cheese, and ranch dressing. 

The concoction seemed like an atrocious idea to her, but Zari had sworn by it, mentioning her Computer Engineering club president brought it to their meetings and it was always gone by the end. She’d left Ava in charge of it when Zari had received a surprise call from Amaya and had shoved a messy spoon into her hand along with the instructions she’d sloppily written out. 

Ava finished mixing in the chicken and checked the recipe once more in hopes that she’d somehow missed the final instruction of dumping it into the garbage. No such luck. 

Instead, she went to the already preheated oven and placed the glass bowl on the rack. The recipe had called for microwaving and stirring repeatedly, but Ava had no plans to do that. She still needed to make popcorn and the obligatory vegetable platter that she would insist on both girls eating from. 

She was about halfway through lining up the carrots on the plate when there was a knock at the door, and despite knowing that Sara was coming, she still felt a jolt under her sternum. 

Wiping off her hands, she made her way to the door and took a slow breath before pulling it open. The breeze carried in, cooler than expected, and she tried to look like a normal human when she smiled at Sara and moved back so she could come inside. 

Sara had a black ‘Knights’ Hoodie and mottled gray and white shorts with her token slides. She had three bags on one arm and something hidden from view tucked under the other. 

“I thought you were just going for a movie?”

Sara walked into the kitchen and immediately saw the plate of vegetables with containers of different colorful items beside it. She glanced back and smirked. 

“I was preparing for the eventuality that you wouldn’t have actual snacks.”

Ava narrowed her eyes and pointed at the jug of kernels she was about to put in the contraption Amaya had gotten them in their sophomore year that allowed them to cook popcorn on the stove. 

“Popcorn is a snack. And vegetables are also _actual_ snacks.” She walked to the stove just as the timer went off and pulled it out to cool. “I also made this gross thing. And there are chips.”

She heard the start of Sara’s quiet laughter and sighed, turning and crossing her arms expectantly. 

Sara tried to stifle her laughing.

“That’s all well and good, but I’m going need candy. That’s what movie are for: binging and feeling okay about it.”

Ava tried not to react openly appalled by Sara’s statement, but she must have failed because Sara’s grin deepened and she began pulling the candy out of her bag. Too much of it. The amount of sugar currently in Ava’s kitchen currently was causing her physical pain.

Sara laid them all out on the counter and glanced around. 

“Would you prefer we put them in bowls or eat them from the boxes?”

Ava leaned against the counter, eyes narrowing further. 

“I’d prefer them to go back to the store.”

Sara seemed caught between trying not to laugh and attempting to look apologetic, and Ava ignored the voice in her head that said it was endearing. 

Sara pulled one of the packages forward and shook it at Ava. 

“Does this make anything better?”

Ava took in the familiar yellow and red package with repressed interest, making sure to maintain the downward twist of her lips. 

“I don’t know why it would.”

In reality, she was trying to figure out how the hell Sara knew the kind of candy she liked. 

Sara wiggled it.

“Ava, I know you like Starburst. Don’t pretend you don’t.”

It was always somewhat jolting to hear Sara say her name and not some mutilated form of it. She huffed and snatched the Starburst out of Sara’s hand.

“How would you know what candy I like?”

She said it almost petulantly, but there was a hint of sincerity that Sara caught. To Ava’s surprise, Sara’s cheeks burnt a pink color before she could clear it away.

“Uh, I just asked Lily. I needed some way to convince you to allow such life-ruining contraband in your living space.” 

Her words took a more sarcastic edge near the end, and Ava almost forgot about the blush in order to snark back. Almost. Instead, she hummed.

“Except Lily is wholly convinced that I don’t eat candy. She is under the impression that I do not consume sugar at all.” Ava rolled her eyes. “Which is rather ridiculous for somebody studying biochem.”

Sara cleared her throat. 

“You caught me. I saw you eating them in class. Anyway,” Sara pushed off the counter. “I’m going to get Zari.”

Ava watched with raised eyebrows as Sara bolted from the kitchen. As soon as she left, Ava glanced down at the packet of Starburst and ignored the warmth in her chest.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Zari and Sara entered the kitchen in time to see Ava dump the first batch of of popcorn in a large bowl. 

Sara watched, horrified, as Ava put a _miniscule_ bit of olive oil and a tiny dash of salt on it before calling it good. Ava looked over and caught her expression. She chuckled. 

“If you’re insisting on bringing trash into my home, you can handle popcorn without excessive amounts of butter and salt.”

Zari laughed. 

“I actually don’t know if she can, Ava. Sara has problems eating anything in a ‘healthier’ state. She could make a salad bad for her. In fact, I’ve seen her do it with the seven pounds of ranch she adds.”

Sara smacked Zari’s arm while laughing at Ava’s once again traumatized face.

“I use barely more than the suggested amount. Don’t exaggerate or you’ll kill her before she has time to be traumatized by your movie choice.”

Ava’s sighed. 

“I regret letting either of you into this apartment.”

Zari piled up her arms with the snacks, somehow juggling both the dip, chips, and popcorn while holding a bag of m&m’s with her teeth. 

“Let’s get this show on the road.”

Zari ungracefully unloaded the food onto the coffee table before claiming the recliner, and Sara watched Ava’s face twist into a pained grimace as a few chips flicked over edge and one of the bowls of popcorn dumped half its contents over the wood and onto the floor. 

Sara moved to pick it up before Ava had an actual aneurysm, and she made sure to find every piece on the floor and place it all into a single pile before looking around for a means of transport. Seeing none, she shrugged and moved forward, pulling her hoodie bottom out and moving to scoop the scraps into it. 

Before she was able to expertly carry the trash like a kangaroo, she felt a hand on her arm pulling her back.

“Don’t you dare. Oh my god. Are you both animals? Do you live like this in your dorm? How do you survive?”

Zari had already started laughing by ‘Oh my god,’ and Sara followed suit as she allowed Ava to guide her away from the table and onto the couch. The exasperation lacing Ava’s tone was evident; disbelief and amusement intertwined. 

Zari pulled out the DVD as Ava retreated to the kitchen to presumably find a _proper_ means of taking trash from one place to another. Ava returned with the trash bin and a wet rag with which she cleared every bit of popcorn from the table and floor. By the time she was finished, both Zari and Sara were watching her with pressing smirks. 

Sara could see that Ava was attempting to act annoyed.

Ava shook her head and shook the rag out over the trash.

“What are we watching?”

Zari leaned forward and grabbed the case off the table before tossing it to Ava.

“Insidious is a gem. Sara said she hadn’t seen it so I had to rectify that. Also, I lost my last copy, so I wanted a new one.”

Sara saw Ava’s jaw tense noticeably, followed swiftly by the rest of her body.

“Isn’t that scary?”

Zari, stuffing a handful of popcorn in her mouth, laughed through it and nodded.

“Hell yes. The first time I saw it I couldn’t be alone in the dark for two months.”

Ava paled, the hand holding the trash bin so tightly on the lip of it that her knuckles were white. 

“Right. Okay.”

Ava nodded stiffly and quickly left to return the trash can. 

Sara studied Zari.

“Did you ask Ava if she was cool with scary movies?”

Zari stopped with her hand halfway to her mouth and gave Sara a guilty look.

“Not exactly.”

Sara felt a nudge in warning before the massively fluffy Gigi launched himself onto her lap from the ground, his claws naturally clinging into her thighs before retracting. Sara hissed, but slid her hand through his soft fur and smiled before responding to Zari.

“You might want to check. She didn’t seemed thrilled by the idea.”

Zari jammed a handful of popcorn in her mouth and nodded her agreement. When Ava returned to the room again, she tossed a piece of popcorn at her. 

“Hey, sorry I forgot to ask, but are you fine with scary movies?”

Ava smiled and nodded as she sat down on the couch beside Sara, not even noticing Gigi’s presence. Sara could see the tense line of her shoulders and the way her hands were clenched at her sides. The smile looked painfully forced, but Zari was already fist-pumping and using the PS4 controller to press play.

Sara pulled out her phone and opened up a contact she hadn’t used for months. It was still under ‘Farmer Sharpie,’ and she took a moment to change it before writing something out. She was about to hit send before second-guessing herself. She and Ava were actually figuring things out, and she didn’t want to overstep by making assumptions about her or suggesting she couldn’t handle scary movies. Sara deleted the text and put her phone down after some consideration, feeling torn. 

She would wait until she was more certain. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

It didn’t take long for her suspicions to be confirmed, as Ava only became more rigid in the first minutes of the film. Sara tried not to be obvious about her glances, but she could probably stare directly at Ava and not be noticed with the way Ava’s eyes were focused directly above the television and completely unmoving. 

Sara pulled out her phone again and tried to hide it behind the purring cat on her lap while she typed. 

_Are you okay?_

Sara winced as Ava’s phone buzzed and had Ava jolting minutely as if startled. There was relief just after as Ava seemed to realize she could be distracted for a moment. But she frowned when she saw who it was from and then she glanced over at Sara. Her face didn’t change as she read the texts, but Sara noticed her hesitation as she wrote, deleted, and wrote more. A few moments later Sara’s phone buzzed.

_Ava: I’m okay._

Sara scratched gently behind Gigi’s ears as she thought about a way to help without being too obvious. Because Ava was apparently of the mindset that she was going to watch the movie. After a moment, she googled ‘Jump scares in Insidious.’ Her eyes widened as she went down the long list with major and minor scares. 

“Jesus.”

She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but Zari was glued to the television and she scoffed out a laugh. 

“If you’re already scared, this movie is going to kill you, Sara. Nothing has even happened yet.”

Sara could practically feel the tension emitting from Ava, and she glanced around the room. 

“Zar, can we pause it for a second?”

Zari quickly paused and looked at her in question’.

“Sorry, can I just grab a blanket or something?”

Ava stood jerkily, almost too quickly, and she made a sound of agreement.

“I’ll get one.”

She fled from the room and Sara glanced over at Zari, debating whether to suggest turning off the movie. She didn’t think Ava would appreciate it. 

Instead, she made sure to take note of the time watched. 10:33. She opened the stopwatch on her phone and did the calculation in her head so she could watch the clock and know exactly when the jump scares were about to happen. She wasn’t sure what she would do with the information yet, but she knew that, with the way Ava was already reacting, she would need to figure something out in the next three minutes.

Ava returned with two blankets. One she sat next to Sara, and the other she tried to wrap inconspicuously around herself. 

Zari started the movie, and Sara decided that she would wait and see how badly Ava reacted to the first one. 

Sara tensed a little when the time came, expecting the crack, but she flinched even more at how Ava turned away and visibly startled. Sara was torn between finding it somewhat adorable and sad. 

8 minutes and 57 seconds until the next one. 

Sara racked her brain for an idea up until the ten second countdown on her phone. With two seconds to spare, she just reached out and nudged Ava. 

It was perfect timing too, and as a voice yelled through the baby monitor on the screen, Ava was distracted looking at her in confusion. Sara kept her eyes forward. 

5 minutes and 23 seconds later, Sara did it again. And, though she saw the man on the screen behind the daughter’s crib, Ava was looking at her again. She also saw Sara flinch at what was on the screen. 

It took four more times before Ava really figured out what Sara was doing, and the shock and look of appreciation on her face made Sara’s uncertainty about it all fade away. 

The next one was supposedly major, and Sara wasn’t sure how to convey that, so she double-tapped with a little more pressure. Ava looked away, but Sara didn’t realize the length of this one, and Ava began to look back as a man lunged at the main character. Sara flinched and she felt Ava’s reaction, a swift retreat into the couch cushion, more than she saw it. 

Zari glanced back and grinned.

“That was a good one, right? Just fucking wait.”

Sara glanced over at Ava with worry and saw the tendons in her neck and the muscles of her jaw protruding with the effort to remain still. Sara weighed her options, her thoughts taking her to somewhat dangerous territory. The next several jump scares were going to happen in rapid succession, and she wasn’t sure how that would work with their current system or how to convey that without running the risk of Zari catching on and embarrassing Ava.

She saw the way that Ava’s fingers had curled into fists at her sides, digging deeply into the cushion of the couch, and she carefully, feeling herself step toward the precipice of their burgeoning friendship, edged her hand over and rested her fingers over the back of it, not grasping so much as making her aware. 

She didn’t look over in order to avoid whatever look Ava was giving her, and she tapped once thirty seconds later when the next scare happened. A minute later, she repeated the rise and fall of her fingers against the back of Ava’s hand. 

Her chest felt tight with heat and uncertainty, the soft skin under her fingers a cause for distress more so than the movie for her. She shook it off with the excuse that she was just attempting to help Ava through an arguably terrifying movie. 

So when the next major scare came a minute later, she pushed her hand further and covered the entirety of the back of Ava’s hand to cause her distraction enough to look away. She waited until the moment had passed before returning to the simple press of fingers against Ava’s fist. 

It was the pattern she followed for the rest of the film without issue or suspicion from Zari. It was weird to touch Ava. She’d never done beyond their battles on the field or her moment of weakness on the side of the road and soon after, the park. To do so now, voluntarily and in support was confusing and not particularly helpful to the part of her she’d understood and chosen to ignore; specifically, her misguided attraction that she thought she’d buried. 

She found Ava’s fear endearing, and that was not something she’d been prepared to handle. She became lost in her thoughts to the point that she didn’t feel Gigi shifting on her lap until four sets of claws pierced her thighs and the cat launched off of her with force. Sara hissed and tensed, her fingers lifting from Ava’s hand in an effort not to give a false signal as she reacted to the pain. It was unfortunately enough of a distraction for Sara to miss the falling of her timer to zero, and a hand on the screen reached out of a closing drawer, pulling a yelp from Zari and causing Ava to turn her head away and have her hand scrabbling for Sara’s. 

Sara was about to apologize when she felt Ava’s fingers wrap through hers and sinch tightly, pressing between Sara’s knuckles. Sara froze, wholly unsure how to proceed, but Ava seemed oblivious as her chest rose and fell and her entire body tried to fall from it’s painful rigidity. 

The last ten minutes of the movie are tense, five more jumpscares that Sara tries to warn Ava about while also not panicking, because fuck if Ava’s hand doesn’t fit so well into her own. She should really not be thinking that; it’s literally the most idiotic thing that she could be contemplating, but it’s pressing itself into Sara’s brain with a determination that startled her into submission. 

Instead of fighting, she endured Ava’s tight grasp on her hand for the remaining duration, feeling her circulation weakening to the point of almost numbness. 

Then the last scene flashed, a jump scare, and the screen went black. Ava’s hand tightened further for five more seconds before Zari backed out of the movie and shed blue light across the room. Ava jerked her hand back then as if shocked, and Sara decided then and there to never, ever speak of it again. 

She cleared her throat and stood, just then realizing that she’d had zero of the snacks laid out on the table. Zari looked at her with a wide smile.

“What did you think?”

Sara feigned being impressed. 

“Good pick for sure, Z. Any chance we can watch something that doesn’t make me want to shit a brick?”

Zari grinned and pulled her Blu Ray out of the PS4. 

“Scared, Sara? I didn’t take you for a wuss.”

Sara grinned and rolled her eyes, feet kicking up onto the table as she pulled the bowl of popcorn into her lap. 

“Fuck off and put on something funny before I have a heart attack.”

Sara knew exactly what she was doing, but she hoped Ava didn’t take offense. She was just trying to keep Zari’s attention off of Ava until Ava had settled herself. Sara was sure Zari wouldn’t make it a big deal if she found out that Ava was actually completely terrified, but Ava seemed disinclined to share, and Sara didn’t see a reason to force it.

As Zari pulled open Hulu, sara risked a glance at Ava and found her captain watching her already, emotions shielded behind a level gaze. Sara cleared her throat and stood. 

“I’m going to grab. . .” She trailed off as she realized everything was already in the living room and her drink was full. “. . a poo.”

She cringed to herself as she walked into the hallway to the left. 

Her body was wired. She felt like she’d just been shocked a few times for fun; enough to spike her heart rate and have her muscles twitch, but not enough to save her with unconsciousness. 

She shook her head as she entered the the bathroom and leaned against the door to close it. She was being horribly foolish and she needed to wrangle herself back into whatever small space she’d been given in Ava’s life. She wasn’t about to crumble it shut with some kind of emotional revelation. 

She didn’t like Ava. She just appreciated that she felt understood and forgiven. She liked having Ava watching her back rather trying to fend off Sara’s pointed jabs. She just had to find an outlet for everything that wasn’t always Zari-related. Because currently, Zari-related also meant Ava-related, and that was dangerous. 

She closed her eyes and pondered her options before one wrapped its arms around her like a welcome embrace. Or grapple. She needed to get back into boxing. 

In the process of working with Gideon and paying for therapy, she’d been forced to cut out her monthly membership. But she wondered if she’d be able to spend a few days out of the week working at K.O. if it allowed her a free membership. It was definitely worth a shot and something she would pursue early the next day. 

With steeled nerves and every intention of acting like nothing at all had transpired in her head, Sara returned the the living room and plopped down on the sofa leaving a slightly larger gap between her and Ava.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments are appreciated. Critiques as well.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOK AT ME PUTTING THIS UP EARLY. This chapter is a doozy lol. Sorry for the pain. 
> 
> When Ava walks into the gym, these are the songs that are playing if you want to listen to them at the time.  
> First, 'Say Less' by Dillon Francis. Second is 'Coming in Hot' by Andy Mineo and Lecrae.
> 
> lesbian__barbie is a balla balla.

The next two weeks had Sara falling into a rhythm that worked for her. She spent very little time alone, having contacted the owner of K.O. about a possible position working there. Because of her time spent there in the first months of school, and her overall skill-level and experience, she was offered a position as an assistant to the beginner classes and given free access to the gym in its open hours. 

It allowed her a bit of distance from Ava; to the point that she only saw her sparingly rather than every other day. The sudden distance was almost like the first breath of cold air after being in a sauna; a fog being lifted. Sara knew she could keep whatever was happening in check; she wasn’t worried that she’d ruin everything with Ava by liking her, because she knew it would eventually go away. All her crushes did. 

Her next meeting with Gideon was almost easy after the trauma of the past three weeks, and she ended up talking about boxing for longer than she needed to. But Gideon had seemed proud of her for taking the initiative and getting back into something she loved. She’d been suspiciously mute on Sara’s decisive ramblings about Ava, but Sara chalked that up to Gideon wanting her to work things out herself. 

Nights were still the hardest time for her, and she found that she put off going back to the hotel as late as possible. Sometimes that was easy as she could generally stay with Zari until she was close to passing out. If Ava was there, she always offered the couch, and Sara always took it. 

Other days were more difficult; Zari would be busy with her club and Sara didn’t have it in her to ask Ava or Lily to hang out without Zari being the facilitator. Those days, Sara ended up staying late at the gym, expending every ounce of energy she had until her arms were too heavy to lift and her abdomen flared with heat and protest. She’d move like jello, sweaty and numb, say goodbye to her boss, and drive home to crash into unconsciousness.

She felt great for the first week of it, her mind being generally so exhausted that she didn’t have time to think or grieve or wonder. It seemed like a perfect solution to her, as it provided a peace of mind that she hadn’t had in too long.

It wasn’t until the second week that anyone else seemed to take notice of how gingerly she moved her sore muscles and the pull of exhaustion that didn’t seem to fully pass even after sleep. There was a team run that she’d agreed to be a part of, stupidly considering her state, and she’d tried very hard not to reveal the way her body felt like it would crumble. She kept pace, excelled even, but the come down while they stretched almost had her eyes closing and head lolling. 

Zari poked her. 

“You good, Sara? You seem really out of it.”

She puffed out a breath, trying to find the peace that came with her weariness. 

“I’m good. Just been working out a lot.”

Ava, who was sitting just a few feet away talking with some of their teammates glanced over at her with a furrowed brow, but she didn’t say anything.

Zari switched positions, focusing on her left leg and bending over it. 

“How is working at K.O.?”

Sara gave up on finishing her stretches and collapsed into the grass. 

“It’s really fun.”

She felt a little too short on breath, and she hoped that she would retreat from the dizziness if she laid still long enough. 

Ava’s voice sounded out much closer than Sara expected.

“How much are you working?”

Sara tried to shrug, her chest still somewhat tight and her eyes refusing to open.

“Only fifteen hours a week. It’s a pretty awesome gig.”

Ava’s tone was hard to read as she furthered her questioning. 

“How much time do you spend there?”

Sara sucked in a deep breath. 

“Daily. I don’t really keep track.”

There was a pause, several moments passing without a word until Zari cleared her throat.

“Just. . . don’t work yourself too hard, okay?”

Sara heard it then, the concern lacing what she had previously heard as curious. She pried an eye open to find Zari and Ava passing a look between each other, their brows pinched. 

Something sour and heated lanced through Sara, a deep frustration and a helpless annoyance. She was doing well. She wasn’t having as many nightmares. She had only had two panic attacks in two weeks. That was almost a record for her. There was no reason for Ava or Zari to stick their noses into it; she was fine and she would continue to get better even if it took a little physical exhaustion on her part. 

They didn’t push after failing to receive a response from her, but Sara was already angry, and when Zari asked her to come back to the apartment, she told them she had to work. 

It wasn’t untrue in the sense that she’d probably put in an hour or so of actual work when she arrived at the gym, but it was exactly scheduled. She preferred it to the option of staying around Zari, and god forbid, Ava, and watching them worry about something that wasn’t a problem. She would take exhaustion over being out of control any day. 

The rest of the week, she found herself hitting the bags harder and more often to prove a point, if only to herself, that she wasn’t tired. She passed up on a group run on Friday night because she’d already been at K.O. for three hours and she didn’t think she would survive a fiver through the park. 

Saturday had her waking up after one, aching, her body stiff to the point of pain, and she decided that she would stay in bed for a bit longer and maybe take a day to relax a bit. Something dark twisted in the back of her mind, telling her that it wasn’t a good idea, that taking a break meant thinking. But that warning also was a red flag; it made her think, made her analyze her actions. 

She was close to working it out when her phone rang. Relief and hope flooded her as she saw Laurel’s name flashing on the screen as it buzzed.

“Laurel, hey.”

There was a pause, then,

“Are you okay, Sara?”

Sara sat up straighter against the pain in her stomach. 

“I am. How is the apartment hunt?”

Laurel sighed, and Sara’s heart dropped just enough to press into her lungs and make breathing difficult. 

“The girl who I was going to room with dropped out last night. She said that her parents offered to let her stay at home for another year.”

Sara closed her eyes against the tears. She didn’t know what to say without making Laurel feel bad. Apparently she didn’t need to say anything. 

“I’m sorry, Sara, I know this is hard for you.”

Sara held the phone away from her to take in a shaky breath before bringing it back and trying to smile into her voice. 

“Don’t be sorry, Laurel. It’s not your fault. I know how hard it is to find a decent place within a budget there. I’m doing okay.”

“Still. You shouldn’t be in a hotel. You should be home with me. . . I talked to my friend that I’m staying with. She said you could come live here. We’d have to share a room, but I think we could make it work.”

Sara pressed a weak hand to her forehead and shook her head.

“I can’t do that to your friend. And it would be too stressful for both of us to stay in the same room again. I promise, Laurel, I’m okay here.”

The words ripped across her tongue like sandpaper, and she tried to ignore the bad taste that it left there. She didn’t like lying to Laurel, she wasn’t trying to repeat the past, but she didn’t want her sister to feel any worse. 

And really, she was okay. She just missed her sister. 

They talked for thirty more minutes about the current occurrences in their lives before Laurel had to go to work. She promised to call on Monday, told Sara she loved her, and hung up. 

Sara collapsed back onto her sheets and tried not to allow the panic she felt crawling up her spine to take root in her chest and throat. When no amount of forceful thought worked, Sara rolled to her feet. As soon as they hit the floor, she stumbled at the give in her legs, but she was able to catch herself on the bedside table. 

She quickly brushed her teeth, changed into workout gear, and stuck her boxing gear in her string bag. 

Her body hurt, but she could work it off after a slow intro.

She carefully made her way down the steps, her head still needing a moment to catch up with the rest of her, and then found her car in the parking lot. 

She tried to blink the tiredness from her eyes as she backed out and headed toward her destination. Upon entering K.O. ten minutes later, she let her muscles relax into the smell of hard work and regularly cleaned equipment mixed into something comforting. 

She walked down the long hallway to the benches at the back. As she passed by the training rooms, she could see that there was already a class going on. She hurried her pace and pulled her bag open to find her wraps and start winding them around her hands. 

As she finished, a familiar figure turned the corner and came to a stop, her arms crossed and her brow ticked up in disapproval. 

“I told you to take a day off, Lance.”

Sara finished wrapping her last hand and stretched her fingers to make sure the wraps weren’t too tight. 

“You’re not the boss of me.”

Alex’s lips quirked into a grin. 

“Technically, I have seniority. And Kass also told you the same; she is your boss.”

Sara huffed and unpacked her gloves and catching mitts.

“I didn’t see her in there today.”

Alex held out an arm in front of her when she tried to pass, her eyes filled with concern. 

“Sara, you’re going too hard. Your body is going to fall apart. 

Sara’s skin crawled at the thought of not training, her muscles itching to burn away her thoughts.

“I have to. Please?”

Alex sighed. 

“Fine. You can help with a class or two. No training on your own either.”

Sara tensed. 

“That’s only two hours.”

Alex studied her closely, brow furrowed.

“If you need to stay, you can help with office side.”

Sara let her shoulders slump, not satisfied but glad she at least got to stay. 

“Fine.”

Alex smirked at her attitude and smacked her shoulder. 

“Come on, Lance. Let’s show these other froshies how it’s done.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara sat at the second office desk, her head pounding from staring at a screen for four hours. She’d filed all the new student applications and placed them in classes fitting their schedules. 

Alex, for her part, was sitting at the other desk, making phone calls to collaborate times and prices with the university and schools that worked with them. 

It was reaching eight, and Alex let out a sigh and closed the laptop as she stood, stretching her back and legs.

“Alright, Lance, time to go.”

Sara pretended to still be filing through the papers that she’d finished. 

“I have a few more.”

Alex walked around the table and came to a stop in front of the desk, a disbelieving look on her face. 

“I saw you put away the last stack five minutes ago.”

Sara looked down.

“I have some that I need to redo. Students asked for different times a few minutes ago and I’ll have to make some changes.”

Alex stood there silently for a few moments before sighing. 

“Have it your way, Lance. Don’t forget to lock up when you leave.”

Sara listened as Alex went down toward the equipment area. A few minutes later she walked by again and stuck her head in. 

“Don’t stay much longer, Sara. You need to rest.”

Sara waved at her and grunted in agreement. She waited until she heard the front entrance close in the distance before shoving out of her seat and making her way toward the equipment room. As she rounded the corner, she came to a stop when she didn’t see her bag on the bench. She glanced around the small area until her eyes caught a rectangle of white on the equipment cage. 

Moving closer, she was able to read it. 

_Fuck off, Lance. I know you better than you think. Sincerely, Alex._

Sara frowned until she caught sight of her bag within the locked cage. She growled in frustration, slamming the palm of her hand into the metal. It sang out tinnily and she turned to look around, ready to demand Alex return because her keys and wallet were in the beg. Instead, she saw the two items sitting prettily on the top shelf beside the benches. 

Sara hissed in frustration and snatched them from the surface, stalking toward the exit. Fucking Alex and her fucking stupid idea of helping. Fuck her. 

Sara stomped down the hall, glancing into the empty gym and looking longingly at the heavy bags on one side. She slowed to a stop as she reached the second entrance, her mind resisting her departure. 

She huffed. She didn’t need hand wraps to get a workout in. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava was sitting in the living room with a list of the campers in her lap, her knees bent and her feet resting on the coffee table. She normally refrained from such behavior, but the current struggle she was enduring trying to sort the kids into groups she believed would benefit them had her somewhat careless. 

She’d been on task for over an hour, and she’d placed every kid besides three that had outstanding behavioral issues to account for. 

Her phone buzzed against the couch and she glanced over to see Rip calling. A frown marred her features; he was supposed to be on vacation with his wife and daughter. Why was he calling her at- she looked at the time- eight-forty-five at night. She pressed the phone to her ear.

“Rip?”

His voice seemed somewhat concerned when he spoke. 

“Ava, hello. I am sorry to bug you, but I can’t get ahold of Zari. I just received a phone call from somebody named Alex. She works with Sara and I’m Sara’s emergency contact.” 

Ava’s heart fell at the multitude of emergencies that might have happened. She was already standing before Rip continued. 

“She said that Sara has been running herself ragged and that she might need a ride home from the gym. Apparently she was falling asleep in the office and she was supposed to leave around 8:30, but she said that Sara was in the training room. I’m not there to get her, so I was hoping you could get Zari? I know Sara isn’t your favorite person, but I don’t want her getting hurt.”

Ava rapidly got her keys from their hook on the wall and she squeezed them in her hand. 

“I can get her. Zari is at a club event.”

There was a pause before Rip spoke again. 

“Okay, thank you, Ava. I know this isn’t something you’d like to be doing. You’re a good captain.”

Ava didn’t feel the need to try and explain the changes that had been taking place over the past month, nor did she try. 

“Anytime, Rip. Thanks for letting me know. Have a good night.”

She hung up and swung the door open, worry churning in her stomach. She knew she should have approached Sara sooner, but Sara had reacted poorly to Zari’s questioning and she didn’t want to push her away further. 

She used her GPS to take her toward the boxing gym, her fingers twisting against the leather steering wheel. Her stomach was tense and her nerves were on edge as she rounded the corner closest to the gym. 

Sara’s car was the only one in the parking lot as she pulled in at nine-ten. She parked beside it and put her own car in park, taking a moment to lean her head back against the seat and think. 

She hadn’t really thought through what she was doing, and now that she was here, she was unsure how to proceed. 

Sara definitely wouldn’t appreciate the intrusion; and definitely not Ava suggesting she leave the gym and ride with her instead of taking her own car. 

She forced back the doubts she had and pushed open her door, her resolve strengthening. She was Sara’s captain. She had to make sure that her team members were healthy and safe; it was her job. She wouldn’t be doing her job if she didn’t go and make sure Sara was okay.

A part of her worried that the door would be locked, but as she opened under her hand, she grew frustrated that Sara wasn’t at least aware of safety measures. 

As soon as the door opened, she was met with blaring music that pounded against her sternum and into her bones, the repetitive generated sounds and bass hits had her clenching her teeth. She walked down a hall made of exposed brick and glanced through the archways she passed, seeing an empty room with a blue ring on the left, the right holding what looked like machines. She continued down the lit hallway until she reached the one the music was blaring out of. 

She came to a stop in the archway and glanced in to find Sara crashing unprotected fists into a sandbag without relenting. Her body was chorded, the muscles in stark relief against her skin as they strained to keep up with Sara’s pace. There was sweat soaking straight through every inch of her shirt and her hair slicked against her head in a way that suggested she’d been going for some time. 

She looked strong, savage almost, but Ava noted the signs of extreme fatigue from experience, and she felt her worry increase despite her attempts to remain neutral. She was just here as a captain, and the heaving breaths Sara was taking, the way her strikes seemed to take everything in her _every_ time, that was something to cause concern in anyone. 

A loud buzzer interrupted the music, and Ava almost lurched forward as Sara collapsed against the bag, her entire body’s weight resting against it. Her eyes were closed, her face pressed against the bag, her arms wrapped around it loosely in a weak hug. 

Her back rose and fell violently, and Ava tried to figure out the best way to approach without startling Sara. That thought flew from her mind as Sara’s body slipped a bit down the bag, Sara’s hands scrabbling for purchase as her knees crashed into the cushioned floor below her. Sara’s head bounced against the bag and she fell to the side, her arm giving out and sending her to the mat. 

Ava launched across the room and fell to her knees beside Sara as the song changed and begin to blare an entirely new, much too loud song. 

Ava didn’t have time to worry about touching Sara as she gently gripped her shoulder and helped her onto her back so she wasn’t crushing her arm. Sara didn’t even seem to have the energy to be surprised, and Ava’s worry skyrocketed. She tried to meet Sara’s eyes, the deep blue was clouded and unfocused, Sara’s eyelids blinking rapidly over them. 

Ava glanced around for the stereo and failed to find anything but speakers around the room. She refocused on Sara and instinctively reached forward to move the hair off of Sara’s face, amazed at the heat blazing from her skin. 

“Sara?”

Sara’s head lolled to the side, and Ava jerked her phone from her pocket, intent on calling an ambulance, but she saw Sara’s hand reaching up and her lips moving. Her fingers wrapped around Ava’s wrist weakly and pulled at it, her head shaking. 

Even without being able to hear, Ava could read the repeated “I’m fine” falling from Sara’s lips. She hesitated, and Sara tugged again at Ava’s wrist until she dropped it. 

Ava set her phone on the cushioned floor, ready to grab for it should she feel it absolutely necessary. Sara closed her eyes, her hand falling into Ava’s leg. She lifted it a moment later and pointed to the side. Ava followed her direction and found a canteen sitting there. She quickly moved and grabbed it for her before bringing it back; it felt as if Sara hadn’t had any of it. Ava’s chest burned and she opened the cap as she knelt close to Sara’s head.

Sara, for her part, was attempting to sit up, and Ava wrapped an arm around her shoulders and helped her sit up. She lifted the canteen to Sara’s lips, and even when Sara wrapped her hands around hers, she didn’t pull away. 

Sara drank heavily, too quickly, and her eyes widened in a way Ava recognized. She reached for the closest object that could catch vomit, getting a stool and flipping it over. Sara heaved over it, her body convulsing under Ava’s arm. She quickly ran out of fluid and ended up dry-heaving for over a minute. 

Ava looked at her phone just out of reach and pursed her lips as Sara panted over the stool, then dropped her head against Ava’s shoulder. 

Ava gently moved the stool from Sara’s lap and set it on the floor before gripping Sara’s arm and shifting to her feet. She carefully lifted Sara’s body from the ground with little help on Sara’s end. 

Sara leaned heavily into her side as she started to walk her from the room, away from the music that made it impossible to talk or think. She walked Sara down the hall, one hand carrying her water, the other around Sara as she looked for a bathroom. There was an open door to the office to her right and two small, dark rooms to the left that looked like bathrooms. 

She walked Sara to one, grabbing several white cloths from a shelf, and was relieved that the bathroom were cooler than the rest of the building. She set Sara’s water down and turned on the faucet, waiting until the water was ice cold before soaking two of the cloths. She rang them out as best she could with one hand and adjusted so she could wrap one around the back of Sara’s neck. 

Sara flinched, but didn’t protest, and Ava used the other one to wipe over Sara’s overheated face, moving it carefully along her cheeks and over her forehead. 

Sara kept her eyes closed, but her breathing was slowing down, and she was beginning to take some of her own weight. After several minutes, Sara reached out and picked up her water. This time, she made sure to measure her drinking, stopping before Ava knew she wanted to. 

Sara’s hand disappeared into her pocket, and suddenly the music that had become ingrained into Ava’s body stopped. The silence was almost more jarring, and Ava watched as Sara’s eyes blinked open and met her own in the mirror in front of them. 

There was a moment where they just looked at eachother, and Ava saw a vulnerability in Sara’s eyes that were often so guarded, and her heart stuttered, squeezing in sympathy. Sara seemed to recognize it, and she looked away, breaking whatever connection was there and tensing. She tried to pull away from Ava, but stumbled, almost falling, and Ava caught her. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m fine.”

Her voice was hoarse, strained, and Ava felt her blood boil. 

“You’re obviously not.”

Sara bristled in her hands and tried to pull away again, her feet tangling again. Ava caught her once more and held tightly.

“Stop, Sara. You’re about to collapse.”

“I’m fine. I’m fine. It’s fine.”

Sara pulled weakly, her body trembling, and Ava’s anger drained away as she felt the oncoming panic in the way Sara’s voice shook.

Ava didn’t let go. She instead pulled Sara’s back into her chest, her hand going quickly to Sara’s sternum when Sara’s breathing became frantic. 

“Sara. . . you’re okay. Sara, shhh.”

Sara gasped out a exhausted sob. 

“I’m fine. I don’t need-- I’m getting better. Things are better.”

It sounded like she was begging for it to be the truth, and Ava let her thumb move gently along Sara’s collarbone as she continued rambling, sounding frantic. 

“I haven’t even been having nightmares. I-I--I haven’t had as many panic attacks. I’m doing better!” 

She heaved out a sob and Ava closed her eyes. 

“It’s okay, Sara. Shhhh. . .”

Sara’s hands wrapped around Ava’s against her sternum and held on tightly. 

“I’m fine!”

Sara’s voice broke and she stopped fighting, her sobs coming violently, wracking her already weak body. Ava held her tightly until her body stopped shaking and her cries quieted minutes later. It was then that Ava began to slowly walk them, still holding Sara against her, toward the benches in the hall. She sat down and eased Sara next to her, keeping an arm around her back and the other one still against Sara’s chest. 

Sara’s fingers twisted in Ava’s shirt and her head was tucked into her neck, damp with tears. Silence surrounded them, and then Sara spoke quietly. 

“I’m getting better.”

Ava closed her eyes and rested her head against Sara’s and spoke as softly as she could.

“Running yourself ragged until you’re too tired to dream and think is not the same as healing.”

Sara sniffed tiredly, her voice so pained and weak.

“It feels better.”

Ava’s heart broke, and she pushed back the unexpected tears in her own eyes. 

“It won’t if you keep pushing yourself this way. Your body will become too strained to keep at it, and whatever reprieve you’ve been given won’t hold up. Pain is not a permanent solution to pain.”

Sara sniffed again, this time the sound followed by a deep, shaky inhale. She was crying once more, her words coming out wobbly and halting.

“It’s not fair. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Everything hurts all the time and my dad hates me and I miss my mom.” Sara was obviously trying to stop the tears, but they grew heavier and harder to control amidst her devastation. “I’m trying to be better. I don’t want to hurt myself and I don’t want to blame myself, but it’s so hard. And everything makes sense when I’m not in the watching my mom die over and over in my head, but she’s almost always here, always suffering. It’s too hard, Ava. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.”

Ava swallowed the lump in her throat. 

“You are so strong, Sara. You can. You will fight because it’s in every fiber of you. I’ve experienced it firsthand. You have fire and fury all at your disposal and you will harness it to make it out the other side.”

Sara didn’t respond, but her arms curled around Ava’s ribs and tightened. They remained there for a long time. Every few minutes, Ava would guide the canteen of water to Sara’s lips and help her drink. 

It was just past ten when Sara’s sniffles went quiet and her arms loosed their grip on Ava.

“I’m sorry.”

Ava pulled back to meet Sara’s eyes, the blue encroached upon by the redness of tears and exhaustion. 

“Don’t apologize to me, Sara. Please don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Sara shrugged and slowly tried to stand, her legs shaking with the effort. Ava helped her without imposing too much, setting the wet towels down on the bench, and she glanced around the building. 

“What should I do to shut this place down?”

Sara glanced around dazedly, but she nodded to the office. 

“Lights, speaker, and door locks.”

Ava nodded.

“Do you have your keys?”

Sara handed them over without argument, and Ava slowly guided her to the office to shut off the lights and lock the door. Next was the training room, and Ava made sure to get her phone from the matt and pocket it before finding the speaker port and shutting it off. The lights followed, and then she walked Sara down the hallway. She turned off the hall light and pushed the door open for Sara, the cool breeze brushing across their skin. 

Ava locked the door and double-checked by tugging at it to make sure, then she guided Sara to the passenger side of her car and guided her in without a single heard protest. As soon as the door closed, she took a deep breath, sucking in the fresh air and trying to clear her head so that she was focused enough to drive. 

Ava walked to the driver’s side and climbed in, turning on the car and rolling down the windows so that Sara could feel the cool wind on her skin as they drove. As she backed out, Sara spoke quietly. 

“I’m at the Best Western by downtown.”

Ava nodded as she put the car in gear, her mind reeling with ways to help, ways to comfort. 

She never intended on taking Sara back to her hotel room, despite knowing that it may have been the best course of action. She even debated it as she reached the point where she had to make a definitive turn, a choice. But as she approached it, Sara’s hand reached over and her fingers questioningly touched at Ava’s. 

Ava responded in the only way she could, turning her hand and linking their fingers together to give Sara whatever support she needed. 

She turned left toward her apartment. 

Sara didn’t seem to notice until they reached her street, and once she did, she sighed. 

“I don’t want to intrude.”

Ava let her voice carry a firmness that hadn’t been present in the previous hour.

“You’re not intruding.”

“Ava. . .”

Ava pulled into her parking lot and found an empty space. She pulled into it and parked before turning off the car and turning toward Sara, squeezing her hand.

“You’re not intruding. I promise you.”

Sara studied her eyes, reading the sincerity, and she swallowed and nodded. Ava smiled, squeezed her hand, then released it so they could exit the car. Ava walked around and ignored Sara’s protests as she opened the door and held out her hand to assist. 

Sara sighed and connected their hands again, letting herself get pulled to her feet. Ava didn’t let go, trying to guide Sara without being too obvious. 

The stairs were an obstacle, but they made their way up and to Ava’s door eventually. As they approached, Sara slowed. 

“Lily and Zari. . .”

Ava ran her thumb against Sara’s. 

“Lily is seeing some girl and Zari is at a club event. She said she wouldn’t be home until around midnight.”

She felt Sara relax then, her shoulders slumping and her head falling, and she moved them forward to open the door. As they walked inside, Ava glanced over and saw Sara’s eyes drooping tiredly. 

She led her to the bathroom and found her an extra toothbrush, waited in the doorway while Sara did a poor mimicry of cleaning her teeth. When she finished, the tiredness really settling into Sara’s expression and body language, Ava melted just a bit more. 

Sara rubbed at her tired face, her red eyes lidded, and she huffed with a little attitude; something that filled Ava with relief.

“I can probably make it to the couch without help.”

Ava gave her a small smile.

“Your body is going to hurt enough without adding the uncomfortableness of a couch.”

Sara frowned, her sleepy brain trying to figure out what she was suggesting. When it clicked, her eyes widened, and the stubbornness that had been scattered by her grieving returned full force. 

“I’m not taking your bed, Ava.”

Ava reached a hand out, a somewhat pleading look there. 

“Sara, please don’t fight me on this.”

“But--”

Ava shook her head. 

“I would like you to sleep well tonight. This is your captain speaking.”

Sara let out a snicker that seemed to come from delirium.

“I didn’t know you could fly planes.”

Ava’s lips lifted at the corners as she repressed a laugh. 

“I’m very talented.”

Sara nodded severely. 

“I am learning.”

Ava watched her eyes droop almost shut before reaching out and touching the back of Sara’s hand. 

“Ready to sleep?”

Sara nodded, eyes closed, and Ava took the chance to wrap her arm around her and begin leading her down the hall to her own room. She pushed inside and Solo was at their feet immediately, tripping Sara and forcing Ava to catch her. 

Sara, who had practically been sleeping while standing, startled and clung to Ava as she regained her balance. 

Ava glared at Solo as she launched herself onto the bed and laid near the pillows so that pulling the covers down would be a more difficult process. Ava stuck her tongue out childishly at her own cat and tugged the covers down anyway so that she could help Sara climb up. 

Sara did so sloppily, her limbs looking clumsy as she fell face-first onto the sheets. 

“It smells good.”

Ava blushed and cleared her throat. 

“It just smells better than a gym.”

Sara seemed to find a burst of energy then as she rolled over, her wide eyes staring at Ava.

“I’m dirty! I can’t sleep in your bed.”

Ava couldn’t stop the chuckle that left her then. 

“You’re fine.”

Sara seemed ready to protest, so Ava pulled the cover down and then over Sara’s body, practically tucking her in. 

“I’m going to brush my teeth really quickly and change, okay? Then I’ll be out on the couch if you need anything.”

Sara nodded sleepily, her mind already slipping past her adamancy that she was too dirty. 

Ava took her time in her bathroom, changing into shorts and a t-shirt and brushing her teeth for two minutes. She flossed and rinsed her mouth with mouthwash. 

When she walked back into her room, glancing over at the bed, she saw Sara’s still form under the sheets. She thought she was asleep, but as Ava collected a pillow and blanket from the closet and headed for the door, she heard Sara’s gravelly voice. 

“Ava?”

Ava paused and looked back. What she saw stopped her heart in her chest. 

Sara was pulling back the covers, her eyes pleading and her hand outstretched almost pathetically. 

“Sara. . .”

She didn’t know what to say, but she knew it was a bad idea; the worst, really.

Sara’s lips turned into a frown like she might cry, and Ava knew it was only from her extreme exhaustion, but she felt her willpower being sapped. 

“I don’t want to be alone.”

That was all it took. Ava swallowed thickly and dropped the items in her hand. She turned off the light in her room and slowly made her way to her bed. Sara did a poor job off scooting over, but there was just enough space for her to climb up. 

This was the dumbest thing she could remember doing in her lifetime, but she wasn’t strong enough to say no to a sleepy, soft Sara Lance. 

So she carefully settled into the spot next to her, Sara’s heat already radiating off of her and filling the space under the covers. 

As she let her head rest against her pillow, she felt Sara’s hand slot into the same place it had been for most of the night. 

She felt something warm and certain flood her; something fierce and protective; something dangerous. 

She was very, very screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! The ball is rolling now.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm quite late with this. My apologies. I've been busy recently with some life stuff. I know I've also kind of been off Tumblr for several days as well, but I promise I will respond to everyone soon.
> 
> I did get several messages about the new LOT trailers and how Ava and Sara are camp counselors lmao. I was dying, and I might even tune in to that episode. 
> 
> Anyway, here's the chapter. It's mostly a follow up to last chapter's events. 
> 
> Thanks for lesbian__barbie for being a baller!

Sara clung tighter to the source of warmth she could feel at her side as rain poured over her skin her clothing, drenched through, clung heavily against her frame. There were sirens all around, blaring in her ears to the point of pain. Bright lights pierced into her pounding skull and raked across her eyes without mercy. She turned her face away, urgently seeking respite from the overload on her senses.

Her hands pressed against her ears and she tried to retreat backward, but her feet found no purchase on solid ground. She began to fall, her mouth opening in a soundless scream as all the air left her lungs; left her gasping. 

Sara jerked awake, shaking and sucking in lungfuls of air, and she felt a soft pressure against her sternum, reassuring and formidable against her fear. 

“Sara?”

Sara tried to blink the sleep from her tired eyes without success; their heaviness only seeming to grow with the effort. The fingers on her collarbones tapped gently, requesting her attention, and she clenched her jaw to force focus. 

Ava was on her side, leaning on one arm with her body turned toward Sara, her brows turned down in concern. 

Sara found that she could only hold her gaze for short periods, glancing away whenever the genuine care threatened to suffocate her. She remembered the occurences from before, knew exactly how she ended up where she was. She was too tired for the embarrassment to find purchase in her chest, instead allowing it to slip past. 

All she could feel now was a dry, scraping exhaustion; it crawled along her skin and spiked in her bones, insisting she sleep. 

But Ava was still watching her patiently, still assuring her with her touch and her presence, and Sara couldn’t ignore it. 

“I’m okay. Sorry for waking you.”

Ava shook her head, her hair, messy from sleep, slipping from her shoulders and into her face. Even in the dark, Sara could see the vibrancy of her eyes, the way they searched her for answers. 

“It’s okay. Nightmare?”

Sara thought back to the overwhelming sounds and sights, but she shook her head. She could smell the dried sweat that certainly came from her and grimaced. 

“I don’t know. Maybe.” She swallowed and glanced around. “I am sorry for crashing in your bed after working out for an hour. I should go sleep on the couch.” She sighed. “Or, do you have a guest shower?”

Ava studied her for several long moments, her expression open and searching. She patted Sara’s sternum once and removed her hand, and Sara felt the loss. 

“Come with me.”

Ava started to get up, and Sara quickly circled her fingers around her arm. 

“Wait, you should sleep. You don’t need to be. . .” Sara trailed off and shook her head in frustration. “I shouldn’t have burdened you with all of this. I don’t even. . . Jesus. I should probably just head back to the hotel. Do you know if there are Ubers in your area often?”

Sara started searching almost desperately for her phone, fingers scrambling in Ava’s sheets even though the chances of it being there were less than zero. 

Ava caught her hands before she could inadvertently throw the sheets and comforter off the bed. She waited until she had Sara’s attention before giving her a reassuring look. 

“Come with me?”

Sara took a slow breath, making sure Ava wasn’t upset with a quick search of her expression, and nodded. She was led, not into the hall, but to Ava’s own bathroom. Ava let her hands go as she bent down to collect things from the cabinet below the sink, and she stood with two towels in her hands. She placed them on the sink counter and turned to look at her. 

“Light on or off?”

Sara glanced around the dark room and winced. The light didn’t sound pleasant, but neither did stumbling around an unfamiliar room in the dark. Ava must have read the hesitation on her face because she nodded and pulled out a drawer, holding a square packet in her hands. 

A match was lit, and Sara took notice of the two candles within the bathroom, one on the back of the toilet and the other on the sink. They gave off a faint glow, enough to illuminate the obstacles at Sara’s feet and the necessary items she would need. 

Sara’s chest warmed, touched and so thrown by Ava that she found herself staring at her. Ava gave her a small smile. 

“Would you prefer shorts or sweats?”

It took Sara too long to pick up on the question, and she glanced away. 

“Sweats, please. Thank you.”

Ava disappeared into her room and returned quickly with what looked like navy sweatpants and a gray t-shirt. She held them out to Sara, but quickly sucked in a breath when Sara reached out her hands to take them. The clothing was set down on the towels so Ava’s hands could find purchase of Sara’s wrists and pull them closer to her face. 

Sara frowned, then quickly understood as she took in the dark, mottled bruises interspersed with raw skin on the knuckles of her hands. Ava turned on the lights then, blinding Sara and causing her to close her eyes and hiss weakly. So much for the candles. 

“Sara, why didn’t you mention these? They could be infected.”

Sara peered through her squinted eyes at her colorful knuckles curiously. 

“I didn’t actually notice…”

Ava frowned and glanced around the bathroom for a moment. She let go of Sara’s hands and pulled the mirror open to reveal a row of small shelves, apparently not finding what she was looking for. 

After a moment of consideration, Ava huffed. 

“Go ahead and shower. I’m going to find our first aid stuff.” She leveled Sara with a look. “Make sure you clean those thoroughly. We’ll finish them off once you’re done.”

Sara didn’t have it in her to argue about being told what to do or how to do it. Instead, she nodded her head and waited for Ava to leave. 

It seemed to take Ava a moment to realize that she would need to before Sara could do as she said, and the stark brightness from the lights revealed her pink cheeks before she hastily backed out of the room. 

Sara still felt the pleasant warm buzz from the way she was taken care of as she closed the door behind her and flicked the lights back off. 

~<

By the time she opened the door to the bathroom, Ava’s sweats rolled several times to make them wearable and the shirt hanging off one shoulder, Ava had settled on the bed with a scattering of items laid out beside her. 

There was a lamp on in the room, and Ava glanced up only to stutter through something unintelligible. Her eyes flickered all over Sara and then quickly away. 

“Go ah-- sit-- the table, the lights are, I mean. . .”

Sara frowned in confusion and Ava shook her head. 

“Sorry. Sit in the light so I can see. Please.”

Sara rubbed the second towel through her hair one more time before carefully resting it over the back of Ava’s desk chair. She nodded thankfully.

“I used one of your plastic grocery bags to place my stuff in for now.”

As she sat, she leaned her back against the headboard and rested her hands on her knees. Ava inspected them carefully, checking the edges for puffiness. After she was satisfied, she picked up a bottle of peroxide that had a spray nozzle attached and pulled Sara’s hand out. 

There was a sharp sting followed by the distraction of watching the white, fizzing bubbles soak over her knuckles. Ava sprayed the other one and turned back to whatever items she’d deemed necessary for this. 

The entire process took about ten minutes, and Sara spent all of it trying not to stare at the furrow between Ava’s brows or the focus in her eyes. It was endearing, and therefore, it was dangerous. 

Ava finished by wrapping a light layer of gauze over the both hands, making sure to keep it loose to allow for airflow. She checked them over with a careful eyes and and gently let Sara’s hands go. 

“Keep an eye on them. If it gets puffy or anything--”

Sara smiled and nodded.

“I will. Thank you, Ava.” She looked around the room. “And thank you for letting me invade your space like this.”

Ava looked away then, her eyes on the leftover wrap in her hands, twisting and tugging on the pieces. 

“It’s really not a problem. How are you feeling?”

Sara sighed, dropping her head back against Ava’s headboard, not sure she what she should say.

“I’m kind of exhausted; kind of feel like an idiot.”

Ava huffed.

“You were an idiot.”

Sara’s lips pulled into a grin and she rolled her eyes. 

“Thanks.”

Ava didn’t seem repentant.

“You have a lot of people in your life that tell it to you straight, but maybe you need one more. Because you almost ended up in the hospital tonight.”

Sara tried to deflect.

“Are you sure you can say anything straight?”

She could feel the glare even if she wasn’t looking right at her. Ava kept on talking like Sara hadn’t. 

“Why were you pushing yourself so hard? What caused you to start that?”

Sara wasn’t about to share the fact that she was trying to find an outlet that didn’t include Ava. 

“I was just trying something new. It panned out for a while.”

“Did it?” 

Sara pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her arms across them.

“Sometimes I was too tired to breathe, let alone think. I was empty, and it was freeing.”

“Did you actually think it would last?”

Sara sighed.

“I thought maybe if I pushed hard enough.” She felt Ava’s eyes on her and sighed. “I guess I knew it wouldn’t actually help. But fuck. . .” Her voice cracked a little at the end and she felt Ava shift, then hesitate. She shook her head. “I’m fine. Sorry, I’m okay. Some days it’s hard to just step out of bed. It felt like a victory that I was making it to the gym every day.”

Sara startled as a familiar claw dug into her thigh, and she looked down to see Gigi pushing himself up on her lap and rubbing his face against her arm. Solo had already joined them at some point, sprawled out with her back against Ava’s and her eyes closed blissfully. 

Sara shifted her arm and began running her fingers through Gigi’s fur, scratching the back of his head and behind his ears. 

“I don’t think his claws ever retract.”

Ava chuckled. 

“At least he loves you.”

Sara smiled down at the cat, her chest buzzing with a warmth that animals always seemed to generate. 

“Maybe I need to get a cat. I hear that helps people who are fucked up.”

Ava frowned, and Sara looked away before she spoke.

“You’re not fucked up. You went through trauma and survived it. You’re still surviving it. That’s powerful, Sara.”

Sara shrugged, not wanting to argue about it. She was so drained and so out of ideas to fill herself.

“I miss my sister.”

Ava reached back and started petting Solo’s side. 

“Is she back with your dad?”

Sara shook her head, her eyes stinging. 

“No. She moved out when he told me I couldn’t come home. She’s been working and living with her friend, trying to find a place so I can come back. It’s not going well. Places are so expensive and she’s paying the parts of tuition that her scholarship didn’t cover. She can’t afford to live alone. I know she feels bad though; she thinks she’s at fault somehow.”

Ava pulled a knee up, resting her free arm on top along with her chin. She watched Gigi as he nudged against Sara’s shoulder and hand. Her voice was confident when she spoke. 

“I’m glad she has your back. She sounds like an incredible sister.”

“She is. I was such a dick to her after everything, and she still came running the moment I called her and told her I needed her. She literally flew out and risked losing her job to come because I didn’t think I could stay here anymore. I just want to be able to go home and see her.” Sara clenched her teeth and cleared her throat. “And I know it sounds stupid, but I want to see my dad too.”

Ava shook her head. 

“It doesn’t sound stupid, Sara. He’s your father. He might be making a huge mistake with the way he’s treating you, but that doesn’t automatically negate how much you love him.”

Sara didn’t respond for several moments, her mind running away with what it would be like to go home. It turned into something a lot more painful. 

“Maybe going home would make it all worse.”

“How so?”

Sara felt her throat begin to close up.

“Because that house has my mom’s touch all over it.” Sara still found herself breathless with how hard and fast the pain could overcome her, how entirely she could be swept into it. She breathed through her nose, trying to remain calm. “She was so bright. She could walk into a room and make it warm and welcoming because that’s just who she was. She faced everything with passion, with fierceness that people remembered.”

Sara’s eyes filled with tears and she turned away. 

“She drove me to be everything I could be. She is the reason I am who I am. What if I get lost now? She won’t be here.”

The tears slipped down Sara’s cheeks and she felt Gigi bump his head into her chin, purring his strange, growl-purr. 

Ava reached forward and rested her hand on Sara’s ankle, offering support without forcing it. 

“Sara, you know what she believed in and what she wanted for you. You will always have that.”

Sara rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, grimacing as the bandage pressed into the raw skin. 

“What if I forget?”

Ava smiled with heart-wrenching sincerity. 

“We both know you won’t.”

Sara started to tug on the edges of the bandages.

“I already did once.”

Ava squeezed her ankle, her eyes flicking toward the bandage with obvious intent, and Sara stopped. She stuffed both of her hands between her thighs. 

Ava smiled. 

“A momentary lapse is not forgetting. Everyone fails sometimes, even at their strongest. Don’t ever think you’re not allowed to make mistakes.”

Sara huffed, letting out a wet chuckle, though her tears had somewhat stopped. 

“It’s annoying when you have a response to everything I say.”

Ava feigned confusion, her lips twitching with a smile.

“Isn’t that how conversations are supposed to go? One person says something, then the other; so on and so forth. Or would you prefer I just not talk?”

Sara laughed quietly, the ache in her chest dimming. 

“If that’s a real offer, I’ll take it.”

Ava narrowed her eyes, but she understood it for the joke it was. 

“If I don’t talk to you, you know Zari is going to try. That would probably turn into her just insulting you until you were more upset at her than yourself.”

Sara smirked. 

“I might prefer to be mad at Zari than listen to you tell me logical things.”

Ava huffed and stood, cleaning up all of the items on the bed and moving them to her desk. 

“Too bad, Lance.” She set everything out, and Sara noted the way she organized them on her desk before turning back around. “Anyway, it’s almost three in the morning, and sleep is important.”

Sara hesitated, unsure whether she should try and leave for the couch, but Ava seemed to have game plan in mind. She decided to wait and see. 

Ava went to the bathroom and turned off the light, then moved to the lightswitch by the door and flicked it off. The only light remaining was the lamp by Sara’s side. Ava motioned to it as she pulled her comforter back and sat down. 

“Can you turn that off?”

Sara’s pulse jumped, both relieved and nervous about the continued sleeping arrangements. But she calmed that emotion quickly, not wanting to creep on Ava even if it was just in her head. Ava was being a good friend, and Sara would never take that for granted.

She reached over and twisted the light, sending the room into darkness. 

Sara made sure to keep space between them this time, turning her back to Ava and curling her knees into her chest.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara woke up a few hours later with a headache and muscles so stiff and sore she thought she might never move again. She pulled the covers over her head and tried to find the escape into sleep, but any time she came close, she was dragged back into reality by a particularly bad pulse behind her eyes or an arguably more painful twitch of a muscle. 

She eventually gave up, intent on raiding the collective medicine cabinet in the kitchen. Her skull was pounding to a pattern she couldn’t follow, and she moved as quietly as she could from Ava’s bed, her feet sinking into the carpet. Gigi growled in annoyance as he was left without Sara’s warmth at his side. 

Sara winced as her body took her full weight, her knees feeling weak enough to give out. She heard Ava shift, but she was intent on finding relief for the agony that was her body, and she moved to the door at a menial pace. 

She pulled it open and slipped out, stumbling slightly as she exited. Her body collided with something that felt decidedly like another body, and she grimaced and looked up into the very shocked eyes of Lily. It didn’t take her long to notice Zari just behind her, paused on her way into Amaya’s room and staring at her as if she’d grown a few too many limbs. 

Sara didn’t have the energy to care as she groaned and slipped around Lily. She winced against the light and made her way into the kitchen, pulling open her desired cabinet just in time to hear a very loud “Ava, what the fuck?!” before a door was slammed and the voice quieted. 

Zari appeared in the archway of the kitchen, disbelief written clearly across her face. 

Sara tried to ignore her as she felt for the Advil. She found it just as Zari started her questions. 

“Sara. . . did you and Ava. . .”

Sara groaned again and dumped three Advil into her palm, her still-bleary eyes blinking against the intrusion of sound and light. She made the mistake of trying to swallow them without water, and she choked, bending forward and coming close to collapsing at the agony of her abdominal muscles. 

Zari moved quickly and Sara vaguely heard the rush of water before a glass was being pressed into her hand. She chugged it, giving the pills enough lubrication to allow for swallowing. 

She continued coughing even after she’d successfully swallowed, and Zari did nothing else to help, instead watching expectantly with crossed arms. Sara rolled her eyes and spoke through her coughs.

“Whatever you’re asking, no. Ava and I didn’t ‘anything.’ I had a bad night. I just slept in there.”

Zari seemed torn between asking if she was okay and how exactly her having a bad night had her in Ava’s bed. 

Sara pointed a finger at her. 

“I’m not talking until I can think. Go away.”

Zari crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes stubbornly, but Sara was denying out of necessity; she would resist for her own sanity. 

Sara cradled her water in her hands and shuffled past Zari into the living room, eyes set only for the couch. She idly wondered about what kind of conversation was happening on Ava’s end, and she hoped it wasn’t too terribly painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tides are changing, my friends.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, late again. One day I'll be responsible. 
> 
> lesbian__barbie kicks names and takes ass.

Ava woke up to Sara shuffling out of the room, and the knot in her chest that hadn’t seemed to relax even during sleep eased, allowing her body to settle further into her mattress. She pulled the covers to her chin just as Lily’s voice interrupted what could have been a blissful return to sleep.

“Ava, what the fuck!?”

The slamming of the door further solidified the fact that she would not be going back to sleep. She groaned and turned herself into her mattress, pressing her face against it in hopes of suffocation. 

The very identifiable impressions of feet on her bed had her flinching in expectation for whatever Lily had planned. She felt a foot prod against her leg insistently, and she finally gave it, rolling over and giving Lily the most put out look she could. 

“What do you want, Lilian.”

Lily’s eyes went wide with dramaticized betrayal.

“How dare you! We do not speak that name in this apartment. It’s one of the Laws.”

Ava peered at her. 

“I’m pretty sure when we discussed apartment _guidelines_ that I said not to wake me up in the morning. Yet you haven’t let me sleep in since the moment we moved in together.”

Lily dropped onto the bed, dislodging both Gigi and Solo and causing them to scamper off toward their tower. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s an exaggeration, but point taken. It’s minimally important compared to what I just encountered leaving your room.”

Ava rolled her eyes and looked sadly at the warmth of Solo all the way across the room. 

“You make it sound like Sara is a mysterious creature.”

“Coming out of your room, she is.”

Ava had a feeling she would be rolling her eyes through the entirety of their conversation.

“She had a bad night and she passed out in here.”

“Which begs the question: why was she in here at all?”

Ava covered her eyes with her arm and tried to bite back another groan. 

“Lily, Sara was having a rough time of it and she didn’t want to be alone. It’s really not my place to talk about it.” 

Lily gave her a long-suffering sigh and nodded.

“Fiiine. Don’t tell me about your steamy romance.” 

Ava could tell it was said in jest, and she chuckled. 

“Next time I have a steamy romance in which I’m dumb enough to bring them here, I’ll let you interrogate me. Sound good?”

Lily’s eyes lit up mischievously and she grinned. 

“You just made a critical error. I will take advantage soon.”

With that, Lily smacked Ava’s thigh and rolled out of range, her feet hitting the floor with a thump. 

A spark of dread flared somewhere in Ava’s brain, but she was too tired to think further on it. Instead, she tucked herself back under her blankets, looked pleadingly at Solo as if she would understand and come back to curl up at Ava’s side. 

She fell back asleep before she could see if she had. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava woke up an hour later to the smell of hot dogs that Lily was probably going to cook into coal logs. She blew out a breath and pushed her covers off, sending a glare over to Solo where she was curled up against Gigi; traitor. 

She brushed her teeth, scrubbed her face, and pulled her hair into a messy bun to avoid having to mess with it for the next hour. Without bothering to change out of her sleep attire, she made her way to the kitchen, wondering what she should be expecting to find; whether Sara was still there or if Lily and Zari had scared her off. 

Entering the kitchen, she tried to ignore the worry that flickered through her at just the presence of Lily at the portable grill and Zari sitting on the counter eating a salad. They both looked up at her as she turned the corner, and Lily waved a fork at her. 

“I’m making hot dogs. You want one?”

Ava grabbed a glass and began to fill it with water. 

“Not if you’re cooking it.”

Lily pointed the fork at her. 

“Hey, burnt hot dogs are good hot dogs and that isn’t opinion, it’s fact.”

Zari narrowed her eyes. 

“I think you’ve been scammed. All that rigorous school work and you don’t know what a fact is?”

Lily frowned petulantly and turned back to the grill where three hot dogs were on their way to blackening.

“Amaya likes them too, Zari. What do you say to that?”

Zari feigned relief. 

“Thank God she has a flaw. I was beginning to worry.”

Ava smirked and pulled out her own fork, saving one of the hot dogs before it became inedible. She forewent a bun and pulled the condiments toward her, ignoring Lily’s affronted glare. She leaned against the counter and tried to nonchalance. 

“When did Sara leave?”

Zari huffed around a bite of salad. 

“That freeloader is asleep on your couch.”

Ava raised her brows. 

“I know I don’t need to point out the hypocrisy. . .”

Zari grinned. 

“I am helping pay for the groceries am I not? And I tried to cover the rent for Amaya but she said no. I have paid my dues, Sharpe.”

Ava held up her hands. 

“I concede.” She glanced toward the living room. “Have you guys asked if Sara wanted something?”

Zari gave her a look, but simply shook her head. 

“She’s been unconscious for the past two hours. I don’t know if she had work today, but she didn’t seem inclined to care.”

Ava glanced at the clock on the microwave and winced. She didn’t usually sleep until almost noon, and a pang of anxiousness filled her at wasting away part of the day. She’d just have to make up for it. 

“I’ll ask.”

Ava set her plate down and left the kitchen. She found Sara sprawled across her couch, stomach down and one arm hanging to the floor. She looked dead-to-the-world, and Ava almost let her keep sleeping. But she knew from her experience with her dad that sleeping through the day when you were struggling like Sara was could worsen the symptoms. 

She sat down on the coffee table and found herself unsure how exactly to go about rousing Sara. She felt slightly awkward, and she suddenly wished that Zari had offered to do it instead. Internally hyping herself up, Ava reached forward and touched at Sara’s elbow. 

“Sara?”

Sara shifted, mumbling something that Ava couldn’t understand in a tone that had her heart a little soft. 

A body launched over the couch and landed directly on Sara, and Ava jumped startled. 

Sara groaned in agony and Zari began chuckling manically as she jumped off and started back toward the kitchen to a laughing Lily. 

“That’s how you wake a sleeping Sara.”

Ava winced as Sara continued whining in pain, but she couldn’t hide her chuckle as it dragged out into a groan. 

“You okay?”

Sara shifted her face so that she could look at Ava. 

“I’ll kill her.”

Ava smiled.

“I’ll help. There are hotdogs being made if you want one?”

Sara nodded sleepily into the couch and started to roll over, but it looked like every movement caused her pain. She eventually pushed herself into a sitting position, her hair wild around her head and her blue eyes still rimmed with pinkness from the night before. 

Ava’s chest squeezed, and tried not to stare at her. She couldn’t remember a time when looking at Sara made her awkward, and she couldn’t say she was enjoying it. 

Sara didn’t seem to notice as she was still waking up. She scrubbed at the imprint of the sofa on her face and sighed. 

“Yeah, thank you.” She tried to stand, only to groan again and collapse back onto the couch. “I can’t move. I’ll die.”

Ava smirked and stood, holding out a hand in offering. 

“Come on. You’ll just get worse the longer you’re not moving.”

Sara huffed, but she slid her hand into Ava’s in a way that was becoming familiar, and she allowed Ava to pull her to her feet. Her nose wrinkled as she glanced to the kitchen.

“It smells like the hotdogs are burning.”

Ava smiled, her own eyes moving toward where Lily was stood over the grill, eyes intent on the most-likely black hotdogs. 

“That’s because they are. Lily has terrible taste. I can make sure you get one that is still brown.”

Sara shot her a grateful look and dropped her hand, making her way slowly to the kitchen. 

“Does she like all her food burnt?”

Lily looked over then, eyes narrow. 

“I can literally hear your conversation, and no, first of all, I don’t. Secondly, Ava is lying. They’re not burnt, they’re crispy.”

Zari had finished her salad at this point, but she seemed keen to watch Lily fry the shit out of meat. Ava pulled the hotdog package on the counter over and pulled one out. She set it on the grill away from Lily’s. 

“Crispy is a term for bacon, which is also the wrong way to have it.”

Both Sara and Lily let out sounds of disagreement, but Ava held up her hands. 

“I do not, in any way, want to get into another argument about food. I’m going to eat this, and then I need to get to work on finishing the camp preparation. It has to be done before I leave at the end of the week.”

Sara’s eyes shot up, and Ava remembered only then that she hadn’t really talked to her about it. It hadn’t seemed like a necessary conversation, but seeing the flash of something a little sad and a little scared in Sara’s eyes had her regretting it. 

“You’re leaving?”

Sara’s tone was normal, simply curious, and even her eyes had flickered back to neutral, but Ava wasn’t convinced by it. She nodded, staring at her plate. 

“Yeah, I’m visiting home for a bit before the camp to see my family.”

Lily speared her blackened hotdogs from the grill and stuck them on her plate with a big glob of mustard and no ketchup. 

“You’re lucky your mom didn’t push you into coming home for the internship with Ali this summer.”

Ava clung to the subject change.

“She did push. I just told her no because that was a nightmare last time and I’m not into suffering for long periods of time.”

Zari smirked. 

“Not a bondage girl?”

Lily huffed.

“Bondage and pain are two different things.”

Sara’s eyebrows raised.

“You’re experienced in the matter?”

Lily’s smirk became lascivious.

“I dabble in a bit of both. This one time--”

Ava’s eyes went wide and she shook her head vigorously. 

“No! No. I’m eating. Keep your sex life to yourself.”

Lily rolled her eyes.

“Fine, but it’s a good story.”

She then proceeded to take her hotdog and make lude gestures, and Ava closed her eyes. 

“I’ll barf. I swear.”

Lily laughed, but stopped and continued eating. And despite the almost-trauma, Ava was glad that the subject had been diverted from her impending departure. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The rest of lunch went smoothly, and Ava steered clear of any topics that might lead to discussing her leaving. She didn’t know why she felt the need to avoid it, but there was worry brewing in her chest at the thought of not being around to help Sara if she needed her. 

And she knew it wasn’t her job, that it was probably a strange thing for her to feel. But Sara’s eyes had been so, so lost the night before; like she just didn’t know what direction she could possibly go in to be okay again. And some of Sara’s directionless fear had dissipated the longer she’d been with her, and she wouldn’t be able to forget that. 

At some point during their lunch, Sara had gone to check her phone, and had returned with a sheepish look on her face. She’d handed it to Ava, and Ava had tried not to laugh at the text accompanied by a picture from Alex. 

It was the stool that Sara had thrown up in. Both of them had completely forgotten about it on the way out. 

_Alex: You know, I’m sure glad you disobeyed my order to not work out_ and _left your gross vomit for me._

Sara had sent back a sincere apology and both of them had ignored Zari and Lilys’ questioning looks. 

After lunch, Ava announced that she was going to work on camp stuff, and Sara asked if she needed help with anything. The truth was, she didn’t. She was almost finished, only needing to place a couple more kids with the proper counselors. But she wasn’t thrilled at the idea of Sara returning to her hotel, and despite not being able to understand exactly _why_ she was so invested in it, she decided to make up work for Sara to do instead. 

When she handed Sara a stack of already prepared binders and told her to put them in two separate groups by alphabetical order, she received a look from Sara that suggested she knew it was an unneeded task, but nothing was said to question it.

Lily had left to spend time with a few friends, while Zari had disappeared into Amaya’s room to work on whatever computer stuff she was always messing with. 

That had left Ava and Sara working alone. They hadn’t talked much for the past twenty minutes, something uncertain and heavy in the room, and Ava tried to suss out what exactly to do about it. It turned into her staring at Sara a little too often and none too subtly. 

It was strange to look at Sara and see the qualities that had infuriated her before as something to enjoy. The stubbornness, the showy _almost_ -arrogance that see to radiate from her when she wasn’t falling apart and lost, they had been what Ava most hated about Sara. But they had shifted recently, become softer, and Ava understood them for what they were. 

Sara was a product of a wonderful mother; one who guided her and supported her in everything and that had instilled a sense of good, of right and wrong in Sara since childhood. It made sense that those had been warped by Sara’s pain, that what had probably once been determination, perseverance, and confidence had been misshapen and rigid. 

It was so easy to see now, after listening to Sara talk about her mom and how disappointed she thought she would be in her. The shame that laced Sara’s tone when she mentioned how she treated people; Ava especially. 

And it broke Ava just a little bit, because there was a sadness in Sara that she knew she wouldn’t be able to reach until Sara let her. And she didn’t know why she wanted to find it, nor did she know what she’d do with it, but watching Sara carry it alone was heart wrenching. 

“Ava.”

Ava startled, her eyes snapping to Sara’s and finding them watching her curiously. 

“Yeah?”

Sara tilted her head, studying her, and Ava tried to keep all her present thoughts from her expression. 

“You have been staring off into space for five minutes.”

Ava cleared her throat and shrugged it off. 

“Sorry, I’m just a little tired.”

She registered the guilt that flashed in Sara’s eyes right before she spoke.

“I’m really sorry I kept you up last night. I shouldn’t have imposed. I should have called an Uber.”

Ava’s eyes widened, and she shook her head quickly. 

“No, I’m really glad you came with me, Sara. I didn’t want you to be alone.”

Sara’s eyes didn’t change, and Ava felt a desperate need to convince her that she had been welcome, that she would be welcome anytime. Sara fiddled with the edge of one of the folders, eyes darting around the coffee table before she took a deep breath and stood. 

“I shouldn’t have put all of this on you. I don’t know what I was thinking at all. I wasn’t thinking.”

Ava could read the increasing panic, and she tried to shake her head, but Sara was already moving toward the door. 

“Sara.”

Ava stood, not sure what she was doing, but certain that she wasn’t letting Sara leave just before a possible oncoming panic attack. 

Sara was halfway out the door before Ava caught her wrist gently but securely, stopping her escape and getting Sara’s attention. She looked so small, her shoulders curled in and her head down, and Ava didn’t have much time to think beyond comfort as she pulled Sara into a hug. 

There was little resistance, as if Sara had been trying to find a reason to stay, and Ava willingly gave it to her. 

Sara tucked against her, her arms hesitant against Ava’s sides, fingers fidgeting against her ribs for several seconds before they fully wrapped around Ava’s waist. She felt Sara breathe out, her body relaxing into the embrace, and Ava spoke quietly. 

“I wouldn’t have wanted you to be alone, okay?” Ava felt torn, wanting to share the intensity behind the words she was saying, but not understanding where it was coming from herself. “You don’t have to second-guess or apologize, because I do not do things that I don’t want to do. I’m glad you were here.”

Sara nodded against her shoulder and slowly pulled away, her eyes looking at their feet. She took several slow breaths before meeting Ava’s eyes. Sara’s were tired, the exhaustion that never really seemed to leave on stark display. 

“I feel so out of control so much of the day. My mind doesn’t feel like it belongs to me anymore; I feel like I’m always chasing after it, trying to stop it from spiraling in any given direction. And I guess. . . I don’t know. You talk to me in a way that calms me down and allows me to catch up, to get on top of my emotions and thoughts. And I shouldn’t rely on that, I know I shouldn’t.”

Ava frowned, brows furrowing slightly. 

“You can rely on me, I’m your friend.”

Sara sighed. 

“But it’s not fair for you to have to deal with me whenever I fall apart. I fall apart all the time.”

Ava gave her a small smile. 

“Sara, we all need people in our lives to help us get out of our thoughts and into the right frame of mind. Lily, Amaya, and I have a tradition of driving to the beach and eating fries while we talk about our current struggles. It’s not bad to need other people.”

Sara shook her head. 

“But I’m a tragedy on legs that apparently can’t go a day without crying. That’s a lot to ask of somebody.”

Ava leaned her head against the door frame, aware that they were halfway outside, the warm air soothing across their skin. 

“I can’t fix things, nor do I expect to, but I’m willing to be here, Sara. I want to.”

Sara’s eyes flickered up to meet her and held, intense in their focus after so long with her avoidance. 

“Why?”

Ava didn’t have a thought-out answer; she didn’t have an answer at all. She didn’t know why it was so important to her that Sara was okay. 

“I don’t have an answer to that, but I promise it’s true.”

Sara waited several moments before breaking eye contact, her hands moving to her face and pressing into her eyes. She dropped them after a moment, and she looked nervous.

“Do you mind if I text you? When you’re gone?”

Ava’s chest warmed, and she smiled. 

“Not at all.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara was sitting with Zari at the apartment a day after Ava left, her feet kicked up on Zari’s knee as she tried to subtly distract her from the game at hand. They were competing to see who would tally up the most kills, and Sara was fifteen behind. She kept nudging and poking her until Zari shoved her feet off and almost died in game because she was trying to hit Sara with a pillow.

“Stop cheating because you know you can’t win.”

Sara dodged around a corner and whipped around, firing a burst of bullets into the oncoming horde. 

“We didn’t state any rules to our bet. It’s not cheating if there were no rules to begin with.”

Zari huffed and launched the pillow at Sara again, but she raised her controller up to block it.

“Then prepare to be destroyed, Lance.”

Sara chuckled, wisely standing up and moving to the recliner so that Zari couldn’t put her threat in motion. 

It was weird being in the apartment knowing that Ava was out of town. 

Sara’s plan to avoid her had just brought them closer, and she’d spent the rest of the week hanging out with the group of them. She didn’t stay over again, but she didn’t spend much time alone, and she didn’t have a breakdown every few hours which was a plus. 

Ava was an incredible person, and Sara was happy to just spend time with her. The other feelings, the ones that could bring trouble and ruin it all, they were shoved away to be dealt with at a later time. She needed to figure out her life, and she was partially hoping the crush would go away once she was a bit more stable in her own life. 

Sara flicked the toggle on the controller as she jumped off a balcony when she heard the buzz of her phone. It didn’t stop after one, so she quickly snatched it up and held it to her ear with her shoulder. 

“Hello?”

Laurel’s voice came through loud and excited. 

“Sara, I found a place!”

The phone slipped from her shoulder and Sara dropped the controller to pick it up, officially conceding victory to Zari. She pressed the phone back to her ear as her side of the screen went red and her controller vibrated on the couch.

“What?”

Laurel practically squealed, and Sara chuckled. 

“I found a place! I signed the lease with a friend a yesterday, and I’ve started moving my stuff in.”

Sara felt the excitement catch, her heart beating quickly, and for once, it wasn’t the start of something bad. 

“Laurel, that’s awesome. Who’s the friend?”

“She’s in a few of my classes. We got to talking the other day, and I was told her about my apartment search struggles. She’s apparently been looking for a roommate after she had to kick the last one out for doing cocaine on her coffee table.”

Sara chuckled.

“Jesus.”

“I know. Anyway, Sara. . .” Laurel hesitated a moment, “I got you a ticket here. I probably should have asked if you still wanted to come back, but--”

Sara interrupted.

“Laurel, of course I still want to come home. When is my flight?”

Sara could hear Laurel’s smile in her next words. 

“Two days. The flight leaves at four pm.”

Sara settled back into the sofa, her eyes closing in relief. The anxiety that had been building up the past two months began slipping away, and she felt close to tears from the release of pressure. 

“I’ll see you then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOOT WOOOOOT, all aboard the Avalance train. 
> 
> I actually watched the season opener for Legends. Not half bad, and those Avalance scenes. AHHH


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took forever, but I'm thinking we're getting back on track. 
> 
> lesbian__barbie will probably take over the world at some point.

Sara pushed her carry-on bag into the overhead compartment and slid into the window seat, hoping against hope that the people in her row were decent. She settled into the leather and glanced out onto the tarmac, watching the crews moving luggage to the planes or back to the terminal. 

Her phone vibrated on her lap. 

_Ava: Are you saying that you’re NOT a fan of ice cream, but you like frozen yogurt? If so, I will be revoking my offer of friendship._

Sara grinned at her phone, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her elbows on them. 

_I’m saying that I like both, but I get frozen yogurt more often. Is that going to cause the ruination of our friendship?_

Sara glanced over and watched jealousy as a tall, burly man with perfectly trimmed, ginger facial hair and pastel-colored clothing sat in the aisle seat. He gave her a polite smile and pulled out a set of headphones, immediately placing them in his ears and tugging a book out of what looked to be a sleek fanny pack. 

She very, very subtly snuck a picture and sent it to Ava. 

_I found your soulmate._

A few moments later, Sara received a notification. 

_Ava: I would say that was acceptable, but apparently you’ve also forgotten my proclivity for women._

Another text came seconds later. 

_Ava: . . . ask him where he got it._

Sara chuckled. 

Things had. . .relaxed a bit between them; something that Sara was grateful for. The intensity of all of Sara’s fucked up emotions had drawn her and Ava together very quickly, and she hadn’t rightly known how to handle the things she was feeling or Ava’s immediacy in coming to her aid. 

Her last meeting with Gideon had helped her decipher some of those emotions as well. 

_”How have things been since I last saw you?_

_Sara blew out her cheeks and couldn’t keep the derisive scoff to herself._

_“It turns out I’m rather inept at ‘healing’ as it were.”_

_Gideon raised her eyebrows in question, and Sara figured it would be easier to go out and explain everything instead of waiting for Gideon to peel it out of her._

_“I know I told you I was working out a lot more, and that it was helping. But I may have taken that a bit to far? And I may have wound up almost passing out from exhaustion.” Sara saw Gideon eyes shift with unknown reaction, and she continued quickly before anything could be said. It was probably a bad idea not to think about the words leaving her lips. “And it turned out alright, because Ava was there and she talked to me. And I haven’t been doing it now. I’m actually feeling a little better. Sometimes I mean. And I’m going home tomorrow. Laurel finally found a place and I’m going to stay with her for the rest of the summer until the camp my team puts on.”_

_Gideon’s brows had seemed to pull higher with every sentence, and finally she held up a hand._

_“There are four specific things I would like to talk about with you based on that explosion of words.”_

_Sara flushed._

_“Sorry.”_

_Gideon gave her a kind smile._

_“Don’t be. I’m aware that you were attempting to overload me with information in order to confuse me and put me off the scent of the things you don’t want to talk about. Therefore, I would like to talk about those things specifically.”_

_Gideon crossed her legs and settled back in her chair._

_“One, even though you turned a release into an addiction, I’m still proud that you are seeking better ways to handle your emotions. As I’ve said before, there will be many times of struggle before you have a grasp of your situation, and you are learning that as well._

_“Secondly: Ava. It seems you have kept certain things from me where she is concerned. I would like to know them now. And thirdly, I’m very happy for you, and I’m glad you get to return home to be with your sister. We should discuss some of the things you may feel during your trip so that you will be prepared for them. Where would you like to begin?”_

_Sara curled her shoulders forward and shrugged._

_“Nowhere?”_

_Gideon smiled._

_“I always do enjoy when you leave decisions to me. Tell me about Ava.”_

_Sara grimaced, unsure what advice she was going to receive, and not quite sure she wanted it. She began hesitantly._

_“We’ve gotten close. . .er. Closer. She just seems to be there whenever I fall apart.”_

_“How is that affecting you?”_

_Sara found herself intertwining her fingers._

_“What do you mean?”_

_Gideon shot her a look. Sara sighed._

_“It’s confusing, okay? And it’s difficult. But it’s also really great. She makes me feel okay.”_

_Gideon nodded._

_“That’s understandable, Sara. But you see where that can be dangerous, do you not?”_

_“I do. I know. And I’m really trying to do everything in my power to avoid relying on her.”_

_Gideon shook her head._

_“She is one of your friends. It is good to rely on them. I’m talking about the emotional attachment; the fact that not too long ago, you admitted to liking her, and how that might have a negative effect on your growing relationship if you do not discern between what is friendship and what is attraction.”_

_Sara wanted to curl into a ball and hide. Having those words spoken so plainly to her made her focus on the feelings she’d been pushing aside. She wanted to squirm, but knew Gideon would just pick up on it and ask more questions._

_“I know. I know that. I’m trying.”_

_Her voice got quieter, trailing off as she found herself at a loss. She didn’t know what to say. Gideon studied her for a moment, her eyes softening._

_“Sara, I know it must be so difficult to decipher your emotions right now as it is. I wouldn’t be asking this, asking you to think about it, if I didn’t believe it was important to your future healing. I’m definitely not saying you shouldn’t be friends with her; it seems she is good for you. I’m just asking that you be aware of her affect on you so you do not put her or yourself in an unfair place.”_

_Sara’s throat felt tight, and she breathed a bit harshly through her nose._

_“Do you think she’s only being nice because she feels bad for me?”_

_She doesn’t know what makes her ask it, and she regrets it the moment it’s left her lips. It was too revealing, too pathetic; but she desperately wanted an answer._

_Gideon must have seen that desperation, because she spoke softly._

_“No, Sara. I don’t think that most people have it in them to give so much of themselves if pity is the only motivator. I think she wants to be your friend. But intense emotions can be confusing for all parties involved. She might be struggling with how quickly you’ve gotten close, and that can lead to unreliable emotions. I think that this distance will be good for you both, so that you can find some perspective.”_

_Sara’s chest loosened and tightened as Gideon spoke. She knew that Gideon was right, but she wished she could just continue on with the way things were._

_She nodded._

_“Can we talk about the other stuff?”_

_Gideon seemed to debate prodding Sara’s hesitance for a moment, but she nodded._

_“About your brief journey into the beginning’s orthorexia, do you notice how it was just a new form of punishment for yourself?”_

_Sara’s eyes widened._

_“No, it just helped me sleep. It kept me from thinking. And it was better to suffer physically than mentally.”_

_Gideon hummed._

_“But you were still causing yourself pain. Did it feel good?”_

_Sara didn’t want to say yes, so she said nothing._

_Gideon tilted her head._

_“It’s okay, Sara. Things do not change so quickly. This isn’t some major set-back. It is a stepping-stone.”_

_“How does it feel? To recognize feelings as what they are and be able to compartmentalize and label them? I can’t remember anymore.”_

_It was said almost bitterly, but Gideon didn’t seem put off._

_“I am in a different place than you Sara, but my life hasn’t been without suffering.”_

_Sara felt like a dick._

_“I’m sorry, I’m just. . .”_

_She trailed off and shook her head, and Gideon smiled._

_“I understand.” She glanced down at the watch on her wrist. “I would like to discuss your visit home before you leave.”_

_Sara began tapping her feet, eyes flickering to the side._

_“I’m excited to go home. . . I’m not sure how I’ll feel once I’m there.”_

_“That’s natural. I think it will be good for you to be with your sister again. Has your father reached out to you?”_

_Sara’s chest plummeted._

_“No. I thought I might. . . I thought I could try reaching out to him? When I’m there?”_

_Gideon met her eyes._

_“Sara, I don’t think that meeting would be productive. He is the one that has created this barrier between you. He will only make it worse if you cross it. It will hurt you more.”_

_Sara sniffed then, but she rubbed the tears away._

_“That’s what Laurel said too. I just want him to explain.”_

_“I know. But I do not expect that he will until he’s ready. He’s acting selfishly, Sara. That is not your fault. But don’t put yourself in a situation that will only add to your emotional conflict.”_

_Sara nodded._

_“Okay. I can do that. Laurel will probably make me shop and decorate with her anyway. She’s weird.”_

_Gideon chuckled then._

_“This is going to be really good for you. Make sure you let it.” And Sara, do me a favor: you have a habit of taking things to extremes; don’t do that to Ava. Don’t push her away completely. I think your friendship with her should keep growing.”_

Sara had taken Gideon’s words to heart, and she’d made sure to take into account the way she was feeling when she talked to Ava. It had allowed her to drag their conversations back from such intensity to something friendlier, but no less meaningful. 

_I don’t think he’d appreciate me interrupting his book just so my weirdo team captain can know where he got his fanny pack. Also, not all soulmates are romantic soulmates, obviously. He’s your fanny pack soulmate. Fanny Mate._

Sara glanced up as somebody began to slide past the fanny man and inwardly groaned. Boat shoes, khakis, buttoned up shirt pressed to flatness, lack of gay aura. . . she’d just been blocked in by a frat boy. The greek lettering on his bag that he shoved overhead was enough to solidify her guess.

He was classically attractive, his jaw chiseled and his hair combed over and held down with product. Sara just hoped he would be chill. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with jackasses. She pulled her headphones from her pocket and stuck them in her ears, putting on Khalid and resting her head against her seat. Ava texted. 

_Ava: If you ever call anyone my fanny mate again, you’re kicked off the team. I’ll tell Rip you committed grievous attacks on my character._

Sara felt an elbow bump into hers, and she glanced at the rest to see the frat boy had set his arm directly next to her own. She rolled her eyes. She could be the bigger person here. 

_You need me to score your goals. You lost your strikers to graduation last year. Looks like you’re stuck with me talking about all your fanny mates._

_I just had a frattie sit next to me. I’m dreading this flight._

As if conjuring some action on his part, the frat guy leaned close to her and spoke. She couldn’t hear what he was saying through her headphones, and she elected not to show that she knew he was talking to her. 

_He’s trying to talk to me. I wonder what the rules are about spending an entire flight in the bathroom._

She closed her eyes, intent on ignoring any attempt at conversation, when she felt the earbud being pulled from her ear. A spark of anger fluttered between her ribs, but she kept her face calm and turned her eyes to the boy staring at her with a grin on his face.

“Hey, I’m Lucas. My brothers-”

Sara grimaced. 

“Call you Luke, I’m sure. Please do not touch my things.”

She went to put her earbud back in as the guy’s face twisted with frustration and embarrassment. He grabbed her hand, and she felt her teeth clench together. 

“What’s your problem, I was just introducing myself.”

Rage flared bright in her chest as she twisted her wrist and caught the guy’s hand, giving it a tight twist before releasing it.

“Do _not_ touch me.”

She watched as his face became redder, obviously realizing he’d made the situation worse. Before he could say anything else, a deep throat clearing caught her attention. The burly man was leaning forward, his eyes hard and focused on the frat boy.

“I suggest you switch seats with me, pal; before she snaps you in half.”

A head popped up from the seat in front of them before the frat boy could retort, and it was an man in his late twenties, his skin a warm brown and his eyes just as stern as the burly man’s. 

“Why don’t you go ahead and do as he says before you embarrass yourself more, my dude.”

Sara chuckled as Lucas’ face twisted and changed colors rapidly. He seemed ready to fight, but three versus one had him hesitating. 

The man in front of them clicked his tongue.

“Actually, how about you go ahead and switch with me. You’ll have a nice aisle seat, and you can be close to the flight attendants when you have one of the numerous complaints I’m sure you’ve prepared beforehand.”

Lucas rubbed at the wrist Sara had tweaked just enough to hurt, and Sara nodded to it. 

“I know that fight or flight response is resounding loudly in your little brain, but I would run, Lucas.”

Lucas huffed angrily and stood, yanking his bag down as the man in the seat in front did the same. They stared each other down as they passed, but the glare was gone from her new seat buddy’s face when he joined her and fanny man. 

He smiled at fanny man and Sara.

“Hello, I’m Rafi.”

Sara grinned right back. 

“Sara.”

The fanny man nodded to them both. 

“Faolan.”

Sara felt relief seep gently into her chest as she took in the two guys who had backed her up without question. 

Rafi settled into his seat, his dress pants slipping up to reveal rainbow socks and Oxfords. Faolan’s eyes slipped to them as well, and Sara watched his his eyes move back to Rafi’s face with new interest. 

She opened the text she had received from Ava sometime during the brief altercation. 

_Ava: You’re lucky you have a scrap of talent. Challenge him to a duel._

A text had come a few minutes after the first.

_Ava: If he bugs you, you can tell the flight attendants. They’ll move him._

Ava smiled at the concern lacing the text-tone.

_Do I have a story for you._

~<€~<€~<€~<€

By the time Sara’s plane had taken off, she’d entered a lively conversation with her new friends about the torture that was long flights. Sara kept Ava up to date on the progression of Faolan attempting to flirt with Rafi as ambiguously as possible, and Rafi definitely noticing and giving Sara winks when he flirted back very, very obviously. She told Ava that she would tell her how it all ended when she touched down again.

It had to be the most entertaining flight Sara had ever endured, and at point of landing, Rafi had already input his number in Faolan’s phone.

Sara hugged both of them goodbye, both of their contacts input into her own phone. 

She walked to the baggage claim to wait, and heard her name called from her left a few minutes later. Turning to it, she found her sister running at her with outstretched arms and a wide smile. 

Sara dropped her carry-on as Laurel slammed into her, taking her breath away and causing laughter to spill from her. She almost cried as a select sort of happiness soothed its way through her, easing the long-felt aches that came from being far from family. 

“Sara, I missed you so much.”

Her sister’s attempt to spin her around had both of them almost toppling, and Sara gripped Laurel’s elbow to keep her upright. 

“I missed you too, Laurel.”

Laurel didn’t let go of her as she shuffled them slightly to the right and pulled Sara’s bag off the rotating belt. 

“Ready to go?”

Sara couldn’t push the smile that split her cheeks down as she nodded.

“Of course. I have to judge your new place and make fun of your decorations.”

Laurel pulled Sara’s bag with one hand, the other linking with Sara’s elbow, and she gave Sara a playful glare.

“You don’t get to have an opinion about my apartment until it’s done being decorated, got it? Keep your sass in your ass.”

Sara made a face at that, but it shifted back as she laughed. 

“I don’t think that’s a saying.”

Laurel guided them around the swarming airport with grace and speed, easing them out into the parking garage. 

“Well, it’s rule number one at my apartment, got it? Thea agrees.”   
They walked up to Laurel’s Camry and Sara’s bag was thrown in the back seat. 

Sara tugged the passenger door open and settled into the familiar seats as Laurel started the car. 

“Was your flight alright?”

Sara found herself close to giggling at the absurdity of the answer she was about to regale her with, and quickly dove into the adventure while they drove toward the city. 

Laurel was practically cackling by the end.

“You’re saying that these random guys on your flight, who helped you with a creepy dude-bro, are now probably planning their first date and subsequent boning?”

Sara kicked her feet out, reminding herself not to put them on the dash.

“I don’t think anyone _plans_ the boning part of their dates, Laurel.”

“You know what I mean.”

It felt good; the ribbing and easy conversation that didn’t revolve around anything important or heavy. Sara pulled out her phone for the first time since arrival.

_Ava: I’m glad your almost-catastrophe turned into a grand story. Message me when you land safely._

Her stomach tumbled a bit, and she quickly brought herself into check. 

_Same. I’m with Laurel now, I’ll talk to you later._

And with a smirk, she sent one more message with a link to the site that Faolan found his fanny pack on.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava collapsed back into her sheets, her body sinking tiredly into the mattress and her eyes closing against the light she really should have turned off. 

She loved being home. She loved her family. But she also felt like she needed to take an entire day to recuperate after a single outing with them. Granted, a “single outing” with her mother and Ali started at eight in the morning with a run and didn’t end until past noon when they had a late lunch with their father. It was tradition; a trying one. And her dad also grinned at her so knowingly when they finally met up with him. 

Part of the pain had been alleviated by Sara’s thrilling texts about her new, budding couple-friends. That had been a wild journey. 

A muffled double-buzz caught her attention, and she dug around her covers blindly until her fingers brushed her phone. She hummed a chuckle when she opened it, and quickly opened the link, knowing she would never tell Sara exactly how much she wanted the _not_ -fanny pack. Maybe she’d put it on her Christmas list. 

Ava dropped her phone back down and closed her eyes again, debating whether or not to just fall asleep for a quick nap before rejoining whatever activity her mom had planned for the afternoon. Her lips twitched up into a grin as she thought about how Sara would react to spending any long periods of time around her mother.

She’d shared her mother’s antics with Sara the past couple days, and Sara had been appalled by the rigorous schedule and lack of autonomy. It had been humorous, to say the least. 

Ava felt somewhat relieved at the sudden separation from Sara; one that had taken them hundreds of miles apart and given Ava a chance to breathe. It was strange. She felt like she had been pulled into such an intimate place in Sara’s orbit, and it hadn’t released her until she was physically distanced from her. 

She chose not to look too deeply into it, not sure she wanted the answers it would reveal to her. Instead, she allowed herself to settle into the normal pattern of new friendship, the amusing but generally light conversation and questions. 

It was easy, simple, and only a small part of Ava ached for something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for commenting and leaving kudos. You guys encourage me every day. I will be attempting to get back into responding to them, because I've honestly slacked off hard in that area for a while. 
> 
> Check me on Tumblr (same username) if you have any questions about the story :)


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while, but I hope you enjoy the new chapter. 
> 
> lesbian__barbie is...a lesbian in case you didn’t know. So, there; fact of the day for ya. (I couldn’t think of a fun way to say she’s cool because I’m tired). 
> 
> This chapter starts off based on a text post I put on my tumblr. I didn’t know how to put it on here. 
> 
> And if you want to see the shirt for their camp, it’s also on my tumblr.

Sara walked into the living room, trying not to look at the color currently being painted onto Thea and Laurels’ walls. She’d been commenting on its hideousness non-stop; both to Ava and her sister. It had not ceased to astound her that she was the only sane one of the three in the room; especially considering the overall state of her mind. 

Thea and Laurel were in the process of taping the trim on the last remaining wall,and Laurel glanced back at Sara from her position kneeling on the hardwoods. 

“You could help us, you know?”

Sara narrowed her eyes and plopped down on their admittedly-comfortable, leather couch as she dug into a bowl of popcorn.

“I can’t submit myself to being part of such a travesty.”

Thea popped the lid off the next paint can and raised her brows at Laurel.

“Is she always this dramatic?”

Laurel grimaced and carefully placed the blue tape. 

“She’s always a brat; but I think college life has changed her.”

Sara huffed.

“I’m not being dramatic. You literally chose the worst color imaginable.”

Laurel laughed.

“There were only five choices allowed by our complex.”

Sara gave her a look.

“Yes, I know, and _this_ is what you went with?”

Thea glanced around at the walls that had already been finished and shrugged.

“It had more character than off-white or tan.”

Sara stared at her sister pointedly. 

“I don’t know how I feel about your new roommate.”

Laurel snickered at Thea’s death glare and stood up, moving to throw an arm around her. 

“I kinda like her. The jury is still out, but I’ll probably keep her.”

Thea shrugged out of Laurel’s embrace and scoffed as she picked up her brush. 

“This is my apartment find. You can move out if you want.”

Sara grinned and kicked up her feet, her phone finding its way into her hands; Ava’s name on the screen. 

_Ava: My mom just casually left an informational packet about Stanford’s law program on our kitchen counter._

Sara made sure Laurel and Thea were preoccupied before responding. 

_what would she do if you didn’t mention it at all? just pretend you don’t see it_

_Ava: She would move it every morning to a more blatant location. It’d probably end up on my bed before I left._

Sara laughed at that, her lips pulling into an easy grin, and she settled more comfortably into the sofa just as a body landed beside her. 

Laurel leaned over and peered at her phone. 

“Who are you talking to?”

Sara immediately turned her phone away as Thea settled on her other side and looked. 

“Ava? Who’s Ava?”

Sara turned her phone off and pushed it into her pocket, waiting for the slew of questions she was about to receive from her sister. 

“You’re talking to Ava?”

Sara mentally rebuked herself for not being more careful. She’d been rather mute on the topic of Ava with her sister. She didn’t know how Laurel would react, and she wasn’t keen on rehashing her feelings on the subject. 

“She just asked me when I’d be back. My team is working a camp for kids before school starts back up.”

Laurel studied her expression.

“Liar. Why are you lying?”

Sara groaned and leaned her head back into the cushions so she could stare at the ceiling.

“Is it okay if we don’t talk about it?”

There were a few moments of silence before Laurel spoke again.

“Sure.” The cushion to Sara’s left lifted. “I’m going to make lunch. What are you two hungry for?”

Sara allowed the tightness in her shoulders to settle and she huffed. 

“Have you somehow learned to cook in the months I haven’t seen you?”

Laurel swatted at her with a pillow. 

“Get up and help me then, brat.”

Sara shook her head, her hand jamming back into the bowl. She pulled out a large handful and stuffed it in her face, only regretting it when she realized she wouldn’t be able to chew. 

Thea laughed and stood up, trailing after Laurel.

“I’ll help you.”

Sara was left alone, and after she choked down way too much popcorn, she responded to Ava.

_do it. im serious. itll be so funny. you say shes entirely passive-aggressive so she might not say anything to you and just get progressively more pissy as time goes on_

Ava was quick to respond. 

_Ava: It sounds like you want me to encourage my own death, which I think is quite cruel on your part._

_i think i already told you that your struggles amuse me_

_Ava: I’m only still talking to you because you said you’d be a camp counselor and I can’t have you backing out._

_im sure thats true. how is the prep going? you all set?_

_Ava: It is. And yes, I’m ready. I used everyone's shirt sizes to make the shirt order, so those will be arriving at my apartment in the next couple days._

_oooh can I see?_

Sara received a picture of a green shirt with the words “Kick the Moon” written down it and a symbol of a human figure flipping up, its foot toward a moon. 

_Ava: the organization chooses the color and design each year. It’s at least better than last year._

_what was it like last year_

The next photo was a shirt in a burnt-orange color without a symbol on it, just the name written in blocky lettering. Sara grimaced.

_yeah thats not amazing._

_Ava: I know. I have to go. My mother is taking us to the country club._

_dear god why_  

_Ava: Who fucking knows. My dad and I just order food until it’s over. Enjoy painting the puke walls._

_thanks ha. make fun of snobs and eat fancy food_

Sara dropped her phone on her chest and stuck her hand back into the bowl, idly listening to the soft crunch. 

Her chest felt warm, pleasantly so, and she focused it on it a moment too long; her mind shared very helpfully an image of Ava smiling. The warmth spread across her shoulders and up her neck, insisting that Sara embrace whatever emotion that was coursing through her. 

She was pulled the television remote over and flicked on the tv before she could fall down that pit. She skimmed through the channels, finding nothing worth stopping on. She didn’t know why Laurel had sprung for cable with Netflix and Hulu as viable options. She noted it to make fun of her sister when she next had the chance. 

She’d gone through twenty or so channels when a familiar caught her attention, and she clicked on it without thinking. The nostalgia clashed with the intense wave of sadness, and she found herself staring at the screen, hardly blinking. 

Frasier was her mother’s favorite show. It was a nightly tradition for their family; they would gather in the living room on their large, leather sofa and Sara would curl into her mom’s side when her homework was done. 

Her father and Laurel would often dip out after the first episode, but Sara always remained until she fell asleep, far past her mildly-enforced bedtime. 

It was tradition, one that, even when her father and Laurel skipped out of, Sara never missed. 

She felt the sting of tears and the burn in her nose and a gentle set of hands curling around her shoulders. Her chest lightened slightly as Laurel leaned down and hugged her, her cheek pressing into Sara’s.

“She loved watching this with you, you know? It was her favorite nighttime activity.”

The tears spilled, but it was different this time. There wasn’t as much anguish twisting her throat shut and turning her heart dark. 

Now there was grief interposed with love and comfort, and Sara grasped onto it as tightly as she could. She could survive this. It was the first time that thought crossed her mind since her mother’s death. 

She breathed out shakily, her head nodding once as Laurel shared her strength and her compassion in a single gesture. 

She would survive. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava pressed her head under her pillow as her sister continued to knock on the door. 

“Ava, I know you’re not asleep. Open your damn door.”

A muffled ‘language’ from their mother downstairs had her rolling her eyes. It was like she still thought her twenty-one year old daughters wouldn’t use words like ‘damn.’ 

Ava waited through another series of knocks before getting up and opening her door to her sister’s uptight expression.

“Mom wants you to set an alarm for six in the morning. We’re going on a hike.” 

Ava nodded and started to close her door, but Ali stuck her hand out, her eyes flashing with uncertainty. But she said nothing. 

Ava felt her annoyance kick up quicker than it normally would after several days spent trapped in her family home. Her only break was spending time with her father, but he worked every day. Her mother had taken the week off; allowed since she was the CEO and she saved her time-off for this part of the summer just so she could torture Ava for as long as possible. 

“What do you want?”

Ali’s jaw muscles clenched with irritation and she looked away, backstepping. 

“Never mind.”

A twinge of guilt had her reaching out, touching Ali’s elbow lightly and pulling away. 

“Sorry, what’s up?”

Ali crossed her arms defensively and kept her eyes from Ava’s face. 

“I was going to ask if you would be interested in going to the shore tonight? We could use one of the fire pits and hang out like we used to?”

Ava didn’t know how to respond despite her first instinct being to say no. She and her sister didn’t get along anymore. They existed in the same space when they had to and that was that. 

This request was shocking at best, a trap at worst, but Ava found herself nodding stiltedly, and Ali retreated before Ava could take it back. 

Instead, she stared at the empty space in front of her for several long seconds and then turned back to her room. 

Shit. 

She loved her sister. She did. But they had absolutely nothing in common anymore. Ali had slowly become a clone of their mother, following her path and staying as close to their mother’s goals as possible. Ava had felt their mother’s hopes for her as a prison, and she’d quickly broken free with the help of her father. 

Glancing around her room, Ava stepped into a pair of slides and tied a light jacked around her waist. Her stomach was in knots, and she pulled out her phone as a gut reaction, only realizing she was about to text Sara when she saw her name on the screen. 

She froze and shook her head, scolding herself and tossing it back onto the bed. She couldn’t text Sara about every small thing in her life. Sara needed to focus on herself. 

Ava attempted to think of some excuse to back out, but none were plausible. She was curious as to what Ali might want, and the only way to find out was to go. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The walk to the beach was silent; out the back door, through the pristinely landscaped backyard, and down a damn of of large rocks that seemed much more fun when they were kids. 

The beach had always been Ali’s escape when they were growing up and she was upset or angry, and Ava had accompanied her there many times in this same silence. 

The difference being that she knew Ali back then; she knew why she was stressed or frustrated. 

This Ali was entirely a mystery to her. Her thoughts and dreams were completely out of Ava’s view. 

They reached the middle of the massive stretch of sand and Ali slowed by a circle of stones, not intending on reaching the water. 

She set about creating a fire with practiced ease, and Ava watched with questions brewing in her mind. Something had changed. 

Ali lit a small wad of paper towels and stuck it under her structure of kindling and logs. It wasn’t long before the flames were kicking high. 

Ali started at the fire, and Ava watched Ali; understanding beginning to brew in her chest like a rumbling storm. 

“I have a year left before I go to law school.”

Ava modded. 

“I’m aware. Mom tells me daily.”

The corner of Ali’s lips lifted in a smirk, but it fell quickly. 

“I’m sure she does.”

She sat then, right in the sand in the most ungrateful display Ava had seen from her since she became their mom’s golden child. 

Ali dug into her drawstring bag at her side and Ava’s eyes widened when she saw her withdraw a blunt, wrapped perfectly and ready for use. 

“Ali, what…”

Ali retrieved a well-used lighter from her pocket and flicked it, taking a deep drag into her lungs and closing her eyes. She coughed slightly, then held it questioningly toward Ava. 

Ava stared at it, obviously appalled, and Ali started laughing more freely than Ava had heard in years. 

“Keep on the straight and narrow, sis.”

Ava cleared her throat, trying to relax as she dropped into the sand a couple feet from Ali. 

“I’m just.. surprised? I’ve done the research, so I know that the positive effects of marijuana outweigh the negatives by a wide margin, but I never thought—“

Ali huffed.

“What? That mom’s poster child would do anything that she wasn’t told to?”

There was a bitterness there that snapped at Ava just as much as it was aimed toward their mom. 

“I— well… yeah. I guess so.”

Ali took another drag and Ava watched her sister’s shoulders ease and her intensity ebb. 

“You didn’t stick around long enough to see the ways in which I rebel, did you?”

There was definitely pointed barbs there, but Ava also heard pain, and a repressed shame she didn’t quite comprehend found its way into her body. 

“I got a scholarship…”

Ali chuckled, but her voice was a little hoarse.

“I’m not talking about Florida, Aves.”

Aves. Aves was Ali’s name first. She’d stopped using it when Ava had declared that she wouldn’t follow her mom’s path. The pieces began to click.

“You mean… Ali, I didn’t want the life she was pushing. I had to run from it.”

“Did you ever notice that you ran away from me too?”

“What? No? I didn’t run away from you. You chose to stick to mom’s side. You mimicked her and idolized her.”

Ali took one last pull and then put out the blunt, storing it on the rocks by the fire. 

“When we were sixteen, mom called us inside from this very spot. On the table were college applications and informational packets. She had two folders with our names on them, giving us an outline of the next ten years of our lives.”

Ava shuddered when she remembered the way her entire being had revolted, begging her to run. 

“She thought she was being so helpful. And you agreed.”

Ali glanced down, her normally still fingers digging in the sand. 

“I was never strong enough to stand against her without you. You told her no, and you left me there alone. I tried to argue, but I was quick to fold back then. I didn’t know how to deny her when I knew she believed she was being a good mom.”

Ava’s chest tightened. 

“You could have—”

Ali’s voice shifted to a tired acceptance. 

“I could have what, Aves? Chased after you? Yeah, I guess I could have. But you left me, and I was confused. So I told her yes and I planned on talking to you about it, but you would never… you looked at me like I was her. You judged me from the moment I gave in.”

Ava took a slow, shaky breath, the shame flooding her body in full. 

“I- I never knew… the next morning she kept talking about how proud of you she was, about how you would grow up to be something. I was mad. I thought you had turned on me…” 

Ava shifted, wishing they were still in a place where she could offer some kind of comfort. 

“I’m so sorry, Ali. This whole time—“

Ali shook her head. 

“No, it’s not all on you. I didn’t ever try to speak to you about it after that. We just began growing apart and growing in our dislike of each other… I wasn’t nice to you.” Ali tossed a handful of sand toward the rocks and they rained onto its surface. “But honestly, I didn’t bring you here to make you feel guilty or rehash shitty memories. I just miss you, and I’m done being too stubborn to forgive the mistakes that were make on both sides.”

Ava saw a glimmer of something quite beautiful returning to her life, and she desperately wanted to reach for it. But she had to understand. 

“Why now, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Ali smiled at her. 

“I see you texting on your phone a lot more than I ever have before, and you’re always smiling or content. And I realized I had no idea why, or what kind of things made you happy or amused or pleased. I realized I didn’t know you at all, and I just kind of broke down in our backyard. Dad found me, and you know how he is. He gave me the advice I needed five years ago. I just want to know what makes my little sister look like an idiot on her phone all the time. I want to hear about your soccer team and how your classes are going. I want to know about your plans for the future, and I want to be a part of your life.”

Ava didn’t care that she wasn’t a hugger or that she hadn’t really hugged Ali in years. She pushed forward and settled next to Ali, wrapping her arms around her sister and pulling her close. 

“I’ve missed you too, you know? I liked to pretend that I didn’t, but it always hurt when I would see you and I couldn’t talk to you like I used to. I want that back.”

Ali sighed and relaxed against Ava’s side, returning the hug. 

“Mom thinks that I’m going to follow through with her plan, going to law school after I get my undergraduate and become a corporate lawyer with her.”

“Are you not?”

Ali smirked. 

“Oh, I’ll definitely be going to law school… but I plan to work in civil rights. I can’t wait to see the look on her face.”

Those words really forced everything in Ava’s head to snap into place, beginning the disassembling and rebuilding of who she knew her sister to be. It made so much sense with what she used to know about Ali. 

“Mom will freak.”

Ali chuckled. 

“She will. But dad thinks she’ll come around.”

“You told dad?”

Ali gave her a look. 

“I think you should expect that my epiphany came on the coattails of my conversation with dad.”

Ava smiled. 

“True.” She sat in silence, staring at the way the flames kicked the edges of the night around them. “Do you ever wonder why he didn’t openly stand against mom when we were sixteen?”

Ali sighed. 

“Sometimes. I’ve thought about it a lot, actually. I remember back then that he was still struggling. And say what you want about mom, but she loves dad more than anything, and she never left his side or degraded him or stopping helping him heal. She was his rock, and he knew he could count on her without hesitation. I think… maybe at the time… he didn’t think he had any right to contradict her.”

It made sense. It was very in character for their father.

“I can see that.” 

Ava pulled off the jacket around her waist and placed it behind her on the sand so she could lay down. 

Ali pulled her blunt to herself and relit it, taking the time to finish it completely before heavily dropping onto the sand beside Ava. 

Ava turned her head lazily. 

“As much as this has been enlightening of our past, tell me about you now. Obviously I have some misconceptions.”

Ali snorted. 

“The things you don’t know about me could fill books.”

Ava kicked out her foot lightly into Ali’s calf.

“So tell me.”

Ali was quiet for a moment.

“Well, I’m seeing somebody.”

“Who is it?”

Ali’s eyes were closed against the stars and her voice was soft when she spoke. 

“His name is Ekon Njoku. He is an exchange student from Nigeria and he’s getting his degree in Theoretical and Mathematical Physics.”

Ava hummed. 

“How come we’ve never heard about him?”

Ali shrugged against the sand. 

“He was something that mom couldn’t control. I wanted to keep him away from her for as long as possible. Dad knows. I didn’t think you’d care.”

Ava winced, but she knew it was deserved. 

“Tell me about him.”

“He is different from anyone I’ve ever known, Aves. So, so smart and so quiet, but he’s hilarious. He observes everything and listens, never saying something that doesn’t have purpose. I could listen to him talk about growing up in Nigeria for hours; I have, actually.” Ali was quiet. “I told him that I loved him before I left. And I told him to think about it before responding, because I know he likes to do that.”

“How long have you guys been together?”

“Since the start of sophomore year. We met at a ‘future graduate school student’ meeting. He was at my table and he was the only one not taking notes. He simply listened and asked questions. I didn’t learn anything because I was staring at him the entire time.”

Ava laughed at that.

“Typical, Ali.”

Ali giggled a giggle that Ava assumes was induced by marijuana. 

“Very much so. I have relaxed a lot more since knowing him.”

Ava huffed.

“I can see that.”

Ali flocked sand at her. 

“Not this. This is a product of my bi-weekly conversations with our mom. Ekon is just so calm all the time; he gets stressed and upset of course, but he handles it so thoughtfully and with so much optimism. It used to make me angry, honestly. I didn’t know how somebody could look at possibly losing their future because of an error in the exchange system, but he’d told me then that he could have many futures that would bring him joy. And that was it.” Ali laughed. “I don’t know how he puts up with me to be honest.”

“Probably the same way you put up with mom.”

Ali made a sound of protest.

“Rude. Take it back.”

Ava didn’t have the energy to battle it out, so she held up her hands in a sign of surrender. 

“Fine, Fine. I’m sure he finds other ways to tolerate you.”

The wind picked up and made the fire shift and dip around, breaking into patches of darkness. Ali lazily tossed the end of her blunt into the fire and crossed her arms behind her head. 

“What about you? Any lovely ladies in your life?”

Ali has been the first person Ava told about her inclination toward women. Ali had also helpfully told her at the time that she already knew because Ava was a drooler.

Ava knew the smile and blue eyes she saw flashing in her mind were off-limits and wholly inappropriate, so she just shook her head. 

“No. I’ve been so focused on school and soccer that I haven’t really had time.”

“Who are you always texting?”

Ava let out an offended breath. 

“I have friends.”

Ali laughed.

“You seem to like this friend more than the others then. You’re not a big texter, Aves.”

Ava quickly tried to defend herself. 

“I text a lot more than I used to because I’m always setting up team events and dealing with two roommates. I got used to it.”

Ali’s tone was disbelieving. 

“Alright Aves, keep your mysterious, smile-inducing friend to yourself. I’ll find out myself.”

Ava cleared her throat, her mind a mix of denial and Sara and questions she didn’t know how to answer. 

“How? You are quite far from me.”

Ali turned her head then, her eyes focusing on Ava’s shoulder.

“I was actually hoping I could bring Ekon to meet you in a couple months?”

Ava tried to meet her eyes, but Ali was doing everything to keep that from happening. It was obvious that she was scared about how Ava might respond. She kept talking before Ava could actually do so.

“Sorry, I can wait more. I just got excited for a moment and I got caught up in catching up. We can wait—“

“Als, I’d love to meet him, okay? But how will you afford it?”

Ali’s entire body relaxed, and she smiled mischievously. 

“I got a job. I had to pay for my weed somehow.”

She started laughing and Ava joined in, incapable of refraining when Ali looked so carefree and at ease. 

“Fair enough. But flights are expensive. We could meet in the middle?”

Ali shook her head. 

“Hah, you just know I’ll figure out who you’ve been talking to if I show up. I’m definitely coming. And dad said he’d help me out. Now I just have to convince Ekon to let me pay for him.”

Ava rolled her eyes.

“Well, to be clear, I’m not talking to anyone. But I look forward to getting to know more about you. I hope you’re able to make it to Florida with him.”

Ali met her eyes and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: something I should probably mention seeing how a couple people have pointed it out... I REALLY messed up the timeline of this story. Like, don’t look at the seasons or what semester they’re in because I messed it up so badly and it makes no sense. Like, dear god. 
> 
> We're coming back together now, friends. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> lesbian__barbie is a lovely bitch so jot that down.

Every day that Sara spent with Laurel was a step closer to a bit of clarity. Florida had become such a marsh of clashing emotions and thoughts, and Sara has been lost in it for months. 

Some of the days Sara could even wake up and feel okay to be alive. She could open her eyes and walk into the kitchen where Laurel was generally attempting to make breakfast. There was a success rate around sixty percent and growing, and it was an entertaining way to ease into the day with a little bit of fun and a little bit of fear when Laurel happened to set something on fire. 

Thea ended up helping some days, but Sara couldn’t say she was much better at cooking than Laurel. 

Sara often snuck a bowl of cereal while the two argued about the best way to poach an egg. 

_”I saw it on MasterChef. You have to vortex the water in the pot and drop the egg in.”_

_“Then why does it break every time you try!”_

It was leagues better than waking up alone and haunted by loss, even if there was a burnt smell that had saturated the kitchen.

Sometimes, it would just be her and Laurel spending the day together, going on runs so Sara could keep in shape or watching the classic movies that Laurel loved and Sara despised. Thea joined in when she wasn’t working. Sara had found out that she practically ran a nightclub. 

Thea had allowed Sara to sneak into it a few separate times, but she hadn’t given her alcohol per Laurel’s stern request. 

During the times that they were both working, the melancholy would edge its way into Sara’s chest with little fanfare and a lot of heaviness. Those were the times she felt and thought too much. And of those times, there were a couple that almost had Sara driving to her dad’s house. 

It was a close thing. She’d even made it to his driveway before peeling backward and driving to away far enough that she could park and cry. 

She thought that having her dad around might have made it all more bearable; that maybe she wouldn’t feel so guilty or so sad if she hadn’t lost both parents in a single moment. This would quickly turn into anger and frustration at her father and at herself. 

Those were the bad days. Those were the days that Laurel would come back from work and find Sara curled up in darkness and crying. 

Laurel would climb in beside her and pull her to her chest, encouragement whispered against the agony. 

Sara found strength in Laurel.

Sara had once assumed that Laurel just hadn’t been as close with their mom; that she was able to ignore the pain and keep it from affecting her life.

But living with her, Sara had come to understand. Laurel grieved deeply, same as her.

She just exhibited and harnessed that grief very differently. 

Where Sara spiraled, letting memories and thoughts eat away at her composure until she was incapable of basic human functioning, Laurel _breathed._

Sara has seen it numerous times. Laurel would be in the middle of a conversation or activity, and her eyes would fall, her nose twitching in the way it always had when she was about to cry. 

But she never did. Laurel would close her eyes, breathe deeply for as long as she needed, and then relax and continue her previous action. 

It had taken Sara until the day before she was meant to fly back to understand what exactly Laurel did and thought when she closed her eyes. 

Laurel had debated telling Sara, her eyes searching Sara’s face as if she thought Sara might not be okay hearing what she had to say. In the end, she’d spoken quietly. 

“In the first months after, I shut down. I did not allow myself to feel or think or breathe long enough to let the loss settle in. I wanted to be strong for you and for dad, and I refused to accept that mom was gone. Of course it didn’t last. . . I broke down in the middle of a class, just pathetically balling my eyes out while everyone stared at me. After that, I cried at the drop of a hat and I was slowly fracturing. One day, when I had to leave class because I knew I was going to cry again, I just closed my eyes and I thought about mom and who she was. I thought about what she would want for me; I thought about the strength and courage she gave me; I thought about her joy, and how much joy she spread just by simply existing. And I thought about what she would want for me, and how she would want me to feel.”

“It helped me. And so every time I feel like I’m close to shattering, I do that. I close my eyes and I think about mom and I let her be the perseverance that I don’t have.”

Sara had listened with rapt attention, her heart aching a curious way as she longed to settle herself like Laurel.

“Do you think I could do that?”

“I don’t know, Sara. We are such different people. You have so much passion burning in your chest. You are just like mom in so many ways and I can’t imagine living in such a depth of emotion all the time. You _feel_ so much and take so much responsibility onto your shoulders, and your journey is going to follow a different path. But you were always the strongest of us.” 

Laurel had pulled Sara closer then, running a hand through Sara’s hair. 

“Sometimes, when mom and I were alone- working on some project or another for my classes- she would just start talking about you. ‘Sara mastered this new technique yesterday,’ ‘Sara has shown so much maturity and understanding when it comes to the politics of popularity at her school,’ ‘Sara really has such a leading nature. She’s so assured and intelligent.’”

Laurel had said it all with a soft smile, her eyes lifting to the ceiling as she continued even as tears fell freely down Sara’s cheeks. 

“Mom was so fucking proud of you, Sara. Even when she was disappointed, she was proud. Because there wasn’t a single time that you didn’t fix or apologize for your mistakes. That takes humility; something you somehow have access to even with all of your confidence.”

Sara had slumped and spoken through her tears. 

“Not recently.”

Laurel had squeezed her. 

“Look, Sasquatch. Just as you love viciously, you grieve viciously. You just have to learn to rein in your emotions until they don’t overwhelm you. I can tell you’ve already begun to do that. It’ll just take time and patience with yourself, okay? You’re too much like mom to let this beat you.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

It had been everything Sara needed to hear, and she found herself packing her bags to return to Florida with hope burning its way through her muddled mind. 

As she sat in her seat, ready to take off, she sent out a text to Ava. They’d fallen off of texting the past several days, both digging into the quality time they had with their family before they had to leave them. 

_i cant wait to see gigi and experience how much more he loves me more than he loves you._

_Ava: You’re full of shit. And my plane arrives two hours before yours, so I get a headstart on earning his love._

Sara laughed. 

_if you havent earned it at this point dont you think its a little too late?_

_Ava: It’s probably more likely than you ever learning proper grammar._

_ouch Ava. such a burn. but i know you only turn to that insult when you recognize the truth in what im saying. I take it as your concession of defeat_

_Ava: You’re the worst person I know._

Sara shuffled a bit to let somebody past her toward the middle seat, ignoring the general loudness of the people on airplanes.

_id believe that if you didnt know constantine and if you also hadnt told me all the ways in which you dislike him_

_Ava: His name is Jon and he's the worst. He is not cool enough to have last name status._

_oh? being called by your last name is cool? why did you always get so salty when i called you by yours?_

It was easier to talk about their rocky past now that Sara truly believed Ava had forgiven her. It still filled her with not-a-small-smidgen of shame, but she was slowly overcoming it.

_Ava: If you would please consider: Sharpie is not my last name. Nor is Farmer Sharpe. Or Avacado Sharpe. I can go on but your lack of creativity is too painful to imagine._

_it seems like youre still a little salty about it. luckily salt pairs well with avocados._

Sara waited eagerly for what was bound to be a ‘conversation over’ text or a ‘complex explanation that somehow was meant to dismantle Sara’s statement but only served to confuse her’ text. It turned out to be the former.

_I have a brutal response prepared, but I have to turn off my data. Count your blessings, Lance._

Sara was sure she’d be hearing about the ‘response’ at some point, but she turned up her music and put away her phone, her head dropping back against the seat to attempt some semblance of sleep for the long flight.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara hadn’t slept a single minute; something always seemed to startle her into awareness even though she was bone-tired and intensely in need of a couple hours of rest. 

Still, standing up from her seat and walking off the plane, Sara felt somewhat energized and expectant. Zari had agreed to come pick her up in Sara’s car that she’d practically loaned to her when she left. All Sara had to do make it to the exit. 

She tried to slip through the amassing crowd as quickly as possible without running crashing into any of the other hundreds of people swarming around her. 

She reached the exit Zari was supposed to be waiting by and moved to open the door, but she stumbled slightly as it was yanked open for her. Sara looked up into a startling set of blue eyes. 

“So about what I didn’t get to finish earlier. . .”

Sara’s smile broke out across her face and she chuckled tiredly. 

“I’m going to need you to keep those thoughts to yourself until I’ve had food or sleep; preferably both.”

Ava shifted the bag hanging off of her shoulder and smirked.

“Hope you don’t mind if I hitch a ride with you and Zari. My flight was delayed right before take-off.”

Sara tried to maintain a hold on the rapidly increasing pace of her heartbeat. Her thoughts were traveling to dangerous places; like how good Ava looked in just a pair of loose sweats and a t-shirt. And how Ava’s smile was honestly so pretty; somehow prettier than before. And like how Sara’s chest felt warm and tight and fluttery in the most unwanted of ways. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t text me your very accurate and detailed explanation of why I was speaking falsely.”

Ava grinned and stepped aside so Sara could walk out. 

“I did. I’m assuming you just haven’t turned your phone off of airplane mode and that’s why I received no concession of defeat from your end, nor any acknowledgement that I would, in fact, be sharing a cab.”

Sara laughed.

“We should act like Zari is our uber driver. She’d be so mad.”

Ava came to a stop at the curb and glanced over, smirking.

“You enjoy pushing people’s buttons. My mom was not pleased with your suggestion, by the way.”

Sara’s eyes widened as she racked her brain for what Ava might be saying.

“What suggestion?”

Ava leaned against the wall outside the terminal and smiled. 

“I may or may not have continuously ignored her blatantly-placed informational packets for the entirety of my trip.”

Sara almost snorted with laughter, catching it at the last second. 

“Oh god, what happened?”

Ava looked so relaxed, her smile easy and eyes flashing with glee as she glanced over. 

“The next move was to the table by the front door that we stick all our keys on. I went in and out as much as possible that day using my keys. The next move was to my bathroom counter. She actually left it there for a couple days and was visibly agitated every time I saw her. She kept looking at me like she was trying to decide if I was stupid, oblivious, or intentionally being ignorant. She didn’t confront me until after she stuck it on my pillow and I still didn’t mention it.”

Sara had broken into laughter about halfway through and was trying to gather herself before she fell over. 

“I can’t believe you actually did that.”

Ava shot her a look.

“It was your idea!”

Sara took several deep breaths and settled down, her eyes a little watery. 

“God, but why did you do it? It was such a bad one.”

Ava rolled her eyes and shook her head. 

“You’re the worst.”

Sara grinned. 

“You say that a lot.”

“I mean it.”

“Liar.”

Ava nodded toward the left, and Sara followed her direction to see her car pulling into the pick-up lane. 

Ava pushed off the wall. 

“I keep getting interrupted before I can prove you wrong.”

Sara shouldered her bag and took a few steps toward the curb. 

“You just use them as excuses because you need to think up a viable argument.”

“Shut it, Lance.”

Sara laughed, catching the corners of Ava’s mouth pulling up in amusement as Zari pulled the car to the curb; the windows rolled down and music blasting from the speakers. 

Zari turned down the music minimally and leaned down to look out at both of them with a wide smirk. 

“You guys look like shit.”

Sara flipped Zari off as she went around the the trunk and popped it open. She stuck her bag inside and took Ava’s from her as she approached, closing the door with a satisfying thunk. 

Zari propped open the driver’s door. 

“You want to drive?”

Sara waved away her offer and made her way to the back seat. Ava caught her attention before opening the door. 

“It’s your car. Do you want passenger?”

Sara shook her head and dropped into the back seat, immediately laying across all three seats. 

“You can’t do this in the front seat.”

Sara pulled toward the backrests as Ava’s seat came backward, almost hitting her in the face. Ava leaned around and raised a brow. 

“You can lay down here as well and it’s not illegal.”

Sara grumpily pushed at Ava’s now intrusively-placed seat and huffed. 

“Breaking the rules is fun.”

“And you’re a menace to society.”

Sara rolled her eyes and then closed them, her skin buzzing and her heart still beating in an inopportune way. The space had been good. They’d been able to pull away from the proximity-induced intimacy and reset at a more friendly and neutral place. 

It didn’t mean Sara felt much differently, but she felt like she was under control of what she was feeling and thinking in relation to Ava. It felt good and bad at once, but Sara was attempting to focus on the positive. 

Zari kept insulting them both as the car ride furthered, but it was filled with the tones of affection that always seemed to ease around people’s words and actions when they’d missed somebody.

Ava let her seat back up a bit to give Sara space back. 

“Have you destroyed my home while I was away?”

Zari turned out of the pick-up circle and sped up, looking comfortable in Sara’s car.

“Me? Never. Lily, on the other hand. . . I wasn’t aware she enjoyed to throw parties so much.”

Ava sat up abruptly in her seat. 

“She did what?”

Zari snickered and pulled onto the highway. 

“I’m kidding, Ava. Keep yourself together until we make it home, yeah?”

Sara laughed at the glare Ava sent Zari’s way, and that glare quickly transferred to her. Sara raised a brow in challenge and Ava narrowed her eyes. 

“You’re pushing your luck today.”

Zari scoffed.

“Sara wouldn’t be Sara if everything that came out of her mouth didn’t push people to the brink of violence.”

Sara kicked her feet up and crossed her arms behind her head, settling into a familiar smell, a familiar seat, and an unfamiliar sense of being okay. 

“That’s a bit of an over-exaggeration, I believe it’s only half of everything.”

Zari grinned in the mirror.

“Which is still forty-eight percent more than most people.”

Sara blew out a disagreeable sigh. 

“It’s all conjecture. You don’t have the hard evidence to prove it factually.” Zari’s eyes glinted with glee and Sara frowned. “Not that you should attempt to gather said evidence. . .”

Zari didn’t respond, but the creepy smile didn’t leave her face as Sara assumed she began to plot her case study the entire rest of the way to Ava’s apartment.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

For Ava, getting out of the car was just as nice as walking off the plane after sitting for so long. Her legs took up far too much space for most confined spaces, and, as tired as she was, she was itching to stretch them out with a quick run. 

It also couldn’t hurt to clear her head a bit. 

She wanted to smack her own self upside the head. 

From the moment she saw Sara walking out of the airport, her mind had been spinning. She’d missed her.

It didn’t make any sense to her why she cared so much about how Sara was mentally, physically, emotionally. . . it just did. 

She’d been somewhat floored by Sara’s appearance even though she’d been expecting to see her. Her eyes shined just as blue, but there was a hint of life there that hadn’t really found root before. Sara looked beautiful, and Ava hated that she couldn’t stop thinking that. 

She felt like a switch had been flipped at some point between hating and befriending Sara that sent her too far in the new direction. 

It was concerning and much easier to ignore than face. 

Ava took the steps to her floor two at a time, her bag growing heavy on her shoulder as she ascended. She reached her door and it flung open before she could reach out, and Lily threw herself into her arms and almost toppled them over the balcony. 

“AVES!!!”

Ava caught her footing as a grunt that quickly morphed into laughter wheezed out of her. 

“Jesus, Lily. Maybe don’t kill us both before I start my senior year?”

Lily let go enough to pull Sara into the next hug, and Ava watched with a grin as Sara awkwardly returned the hug. 

“Thanks for being a one-woman welcoming committee, Lily.”

Lily released Sara and turned back into the apartment abruptly. 

“I ordered pizza. It got here ten minutes ago so I already ate.”

Ava rolled her eyes.

“Of course you did.”

Lily grinned at her.

“Look, I’m a growing girl.”

“You’re literally not.”

Lily shrugged. 

“Sue me. I was hungry and Zari drives like my grandma that has macular degeneration.”

Ava made a face. 

“The one that has her license revoked because she could only drive at twenty-miles-per-hour if she wanted to see?”

Lily pointed at her and flipped the pizza box open as she walked into the kitchen. 

“Exactly.”

Zari’s brows tilted down.

“I resent that. I was just protecting a car that wasn’t mine.”

Sara parred Zari’s shoulder.

“I appreciate that, Z.” Zari smirked at Lily, but Sara continued. “Not everyone is a confident driver.”

Zari’s smirk twisted and and knocked Sara’s hand from her shoulder. 

“Bitch. Give me a piece of pizza.”

Ava laughed quietly as she edged her way to the fridge and found a baggie of bell pepper slices. She knew Lily would set something aside for her just in case. 

Sometimes Ava could bring herself to eat junk food. It generally depended on her mental and physical health at any given time. She never ate unhealthy food when she was stressed or tired, hating the way the grease and heavy carbs or high sugars would sit in her body and weigh her down. 

It had been somewhat of a learning process for them all at first. Lily had taken offense to Ava choosing not to eat with them; one time specifically when Ava couldn’t eat the macaroni casserole Lily had made. It had lead to a long discussion, and had forced Ava to reveal some aspects of herself that she usually kept under wraps. 

It had ended up clearing up several different issues, and she’d been blown away by the ways in which Lily and Amaya adapted. 

Ava caught Sara watching her curiously as she took a piece of pizza for herself. Ava gave her a smile and turned to Zari. 

“I need you to tell me everything that Lily has done to my apartment in the past weeks.”

Lily blanched slightly, coughing a little. 

“Nothing. I was an angel.”

Zari snorted and pretended to talk under her breath. 

“If most angels throw ragers and toss food across the kitchen into the sink and garbage yelling ‘Kobe,’ sign me up for heaven.”

Ava glared at Lily, and Lily tried to look innocent as she waved her hands around showily. 

“Look though! It’s all clean and there’s nothing out of place.”

They continued arguing about the ethics of throwing parties when two of the three members of the house were unaware for another thirty minutes. 

Ava did her best to keep her eyes on Zari and Lily, but they too often fell to Sara, who listened with a wide grin and a smug look on her face whenever Ava and Zari wrecked Lily’s attempts at self-defense. 

It was good to be back. She was happy to be home and away from the watchful eyes of her mom. She and Ali had agreed to try and catch up at least once a week, and that new revelation had allowed an anxiety always in the back of her mind to settle. 

Now. . . she just had to deal with her new, seemingly intense need to stare at Sara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ava, having so many feelings. Whatever will she do


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it’s been a couple weeks, but life has been crazy with my preparations for moving to Colorado and starting my new job. 
> 
> For immersion, listen to ‘It’s Called: Freefall’ and then ‘Fever Pitch’ by Rainbow Kitten Surprise.
> 
> EDIT: I posted this several days ago, but apparently I back-dated it. So sorry if anyone thought I’d just not updated for the third week in a row.

“Which car has the t-shirts?!”

Ray held up a hand happily, and Ava marked them off her list. She held the clipboard tightly between her fingers as she studied the list. 

“Excess Toiletries, first aid, cleaning supplies?”

Amaya jumped down from the back of Nate’s truck and closed the hatch. 

“Nate has them.”

Three check marks; each one relieving Ava’s tension just a little more. To say she was stressed was somewhat understated. 

She’d had everything prepared, completely planned to who rode with whom and what gear they would carry in their car. She hadn’t counted on their best mode of storage, to break down on the side of the highway before even reaching them. 

It left her dragging people with their cars to the community center thirty minutes away so that they could functionally transport the gear they needed. 

Everyone had been more than willing to pitch in, offering their vehicles and manpower, so Ava was doing her best to stay calm and not hyper-focused on possible mistakes. 

“The water guns, goggles, hoses, and spare towels?”

Ava glanced around and found Sara half-climbing out of her Jeep.  
“Got them here, Ava.”

Ava felt a little warmer, and it eased through her to settle along the length of her spine. 

Sara had offered to help from the moment things went south. She’d appeared outside Ava’s apartment with a V8 drink and a cup holder full of red and pink starbursts.

Sara had driven her out to the Community Center providing the equipment early, playing music softly in the background while Ava tried to contact as many people as she could that had sizeable storage in their vehicles. 

She hadn’t even made fun of Ava when she’d pulled out an entirely pristine binder called “Pre-Camp.” Ava had dove into it and marked up the alterations and made sure nothing would be forgotten. 

Sara… she’d been wonderful. She’d kept any snark to herself, offering help and a gentle snippet humor every few minutes when she saw Ava’s shoulders curving forward in frustration. 

Now, everyone had brought their cars and trucks, now Ava was running through her list and making damn sure every single thing was accounted for and prepped to move. 

Ray, Nate, Remi, and Zari had all brought their vehicles, while Lily had driven Ava’s car for her. They were all aware of Ava’s levels of stress, and none of them wanted to make it worse. 

“Lifeguard equipment, soccer gear, game pieces?”

Nate hefted a massive box into his truck. 

“Right here, Aves. This was the last one.”

Ava nodded, her shoes sliding on the pavement as she spun to look around her. 

“The coolers of food and drinks from the Center?”

Sara jumped down from her Jeep.

“Got them.”

Ava ran through the rest of the list once, writing down the location of each item beside them. Once finished, she called for everyone to load up. 

Ava wasn’t paying attention to anything beyond the binder in her hands, and she found herself absentmindedly climbing into Sara’s passenger seat as she wrote little notes to herself in the margins of certain pages. She didn’t realize that she should probably be driving her own car until Sara was already backing out, and Ava looked out the window to find Lily taking it in stride, already pulling out to follow them in Ava’s car. 

Ava’s stomach was tight. It felt like an iron rod had been placed there, and everything inside was slowly twisting around, tighter and tighter. It was common for her to get somewhat uptight in situations in which it seemed everything was on her shoulders, but this was different; this was unbelievably important. 

She had planned out this week for a bunch of kids who might have a generally painful and lonely life. It was make or break, and holding that weight was terrifying. 

Ava tapped her pen as the Jeep sped up, her eyes roving the excess funds that the Center was offering. It wasn’t a lot, but it would have to do. Hopefully they wouldn’t need to dip into it at all. 

She flipped to the list of kids- sorted into their groups- and then dug into her backpack for their files to make sure they were all there.

The counselors would all be arriving today, though Amaya would arrive late that night, and Ava would hand them somewhat confidential information on the kids they would be working with so that they would know what to expect. It was necessary, and she hoped everyone was prepared for the week to come. 

“Ava.”

She blinked against the interruption and glanced over at Sara. 

“Yes?”

Sara raised a brow and gave her a small smile. 

“Breathe sometimes. It’s good for you.”

Ava couldn’t help the way her stomach settled just a bit. 

“Sorry.”

Sara shook her head.

“Don’t apologize. I know this is really important to you. But I also know that you’ve been preparing for this for months. There won’t be any dumb mistakes on your end.”

Ava tried to pry her shoulders back so she could relax a bit into the leather seats. They had a forty-minute drive to the camp location; she didn’t need to spend all of it on the verge of throwing up. 

She snatched a pink Starburst from the cupholder and unwrapped it, feeling no guilt for the amount of them she had now consumed. 

“I just want these kids to have a good time.”

Sara nodded, eyes on the road. She was calm, her muscles loose and her wrist draped over the wheel. 

“I know. I really do. And it’s so, so cool that you put so much of your free time and energy into this. But you’ve gotten nothing but positive results so far, right? Like, I’ve read some of the testimonies from past campers; some of them literally attest their survival to this camp and how it gave them something to look forward to every year when they were in their toughest spots. This year will only be better, so how can they not enjoy it?”

She was right, honestly. Ava knew that. 

“Yeah. . . I guess.”

Sara slowly, slow enough that Ava could reject it if she wanted, reached over and slid her pen from her hand. She then placed it on the page in the binder and closed the binder over it. 

“So take a couple minutes and then get back to it, yeah?”

Ava nodded, and she carefully set the binder into the plastic crate sitting at her feet. 

Sara smiled and reached over to the stereo to turn it up, a band blasting through the speakers that Ava didn’t know. She read the screen and laughed. 

“Rainbow Kitten Surprise?”

Sara rolled her eyes. 

“I know, trust me, the name is a deterrent. But I listen to them when I want to chill out. The main singer has this voice that-- well, just listen. You’ll get it.”

Ava dropped her head back against the seat and did as asked, her eyes slipping closed against the the sunlight. 

The verse was soothing, rambling off the singer’s lips and echoing in the confined space of the call, a harmony making it sound somewhat ethereal. It was almost shocking when the refrain came, and the voices grew more powerful, sharp and insistent. The song followed that pattern, soothing to powerful, and Ava loved it. 

It was almost staggering when Sara starting belting out the next song, hardly caring that she sounded somewhat ridiculous. 

“Hallelujah! The young king sings a song for the lover, the leaver, the lonely alike”

Ava laughed and Sara tapered off, her own chuckle escaping as she slowed with the traffic. 

“You should look up the lyrics of some of their songs. They’re fire. You know Bon Iver?” Ava nodded. “It’s similarly poetic, but they just have a wildly different sound.”

Ava continued to listen as the band seemed to defy a specific genre, altering their sound song to song. She subtly wrote down their name so she wouldn’t forget and sat back, giving another twenty minutes over to RKS; as Sara referred to them. 

“I really like them.”

Sara didn’t look over, but Ava caught the small, smug grin that flashed on Sara’s face. 

“I thought you might. Feel any better?”

She did. It was unexpected and somewhat annoying considering Sara had expected it, but she did. 

“Yes. Thank you, Sara.”

“Anytime.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Everyone was here except Amaya and Gary; but both would be arriving before five. Ava could easily see Zari practically vibrating with excitement, and even though that meant Zari kept staring at the door every few moments, Ava couldn’t really hold it against her. 

Whenever Ava had been in communication with Amaya during their break, Amaya had found ways to talk about Zari despite not having seen her for weeks. “Zari showed me this really intense program her club is messing with. It is actually cool, like, they’re coding a. . . etc.” Ava hadn’t understood a word, and she knew Amaya hadn’t either, but her friend talked about it almost as excitedly as Zari had when she’d waxed on about it to Lily, Sara, and her. 

Zari, on her end, dropped anything and everything when it came to getting to talk to Amaya. They could be in the middle of her favorite movie of all time and she’d miss it entirely just to get an hour in. 

It was sickeningly sweet, and Ava was happy they’d figured themselves out enough to make it work. 

She glanced around the room, noting that most people had finished writing and were waiting for her to continue. She nodded. 

“Alright, tonight, I will sit down with each of you and introduce you to the Assistant counselors you’ll be working with. They’ve been through this before, so they can probably teach you a thing or two. They’re going to be the ones bunking with the kids, as we’ve found that deeper bonds are created and there is more trust when they are being watched over by somebody who knows exactly what they’re going through.

“Now, if you’ll open your folders, the fourth sheet in there is blue. It has your bunking assignments for the week and the directions to get to your cabin. They are just behind the kids’ bunkhouses, so we’re close for any emergencies. But, and this is very important, do not enter the kids’ sleeping unless you have explicit permission from the assistant counselor or unless there's an emergency. The assistant counselors will understand these kids better than you ever could, and we are hoping to build trust and cultivate a safe space for them to grow and learn.”

Some guy on the football team that Ava hadn’t met quite yet raised his hand. 

“Isn’t that dangerous? Kids are kids. I’m not saying I don’t understand the trust aspect, but I know some of them have been through a lot, and some might not be in the best head-spaces. How are we supposed to look after them if we’re not with them?”

Ava nodded in understanding. 

“The assistant counselors we have brought to do this are between the ages of eighteen and twenty-two. Some of them are older than some of you. They have the skills, training, and depth of understanding that these kids need, and they won’t be overwhelmed in number or out of their depth should issues arise, because while there is one per room, there are six rooms in a single building. This has been proven an effective decision over the last two years.”

The guy seemed to accept her answer readily enough, and she moved on. 

“Alright, go ahead and grab a lunch. Those of you tasked with culinary duties, this will be your first run-through. Figure out the kitchen and move efficiently.”

Lily hopped up and clapped her hands.

“Chop-chop, before Scava comes out to play.”

A round of chuckles circled the room, and Ava rolled her eyes affectionately, but she found them absentmindedly shifting over toward where Sara was leaning against the wall with her feet kicked up on a bench, still writing in her given notebook. Ava made sure the six people assigned to the kitchen were making their way inside before she moved toward where Sara was sitting, her brow furrowed in concentration and her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. 

Sara didn’t notice Ava’s arrival until Ava tapped her foot. She seemed caught off guard, and she tilted her notebook against her chest. 

“Ava, hey. Do you need help with anything?”

Ava tried to look casual as she sat down on the bench by Sara’s feet. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You looked a little worried over here. I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Something light and warm pooled in Sara’s eyes, and Ava looked away. 

“I’m good. Just thinking about the kids. . .” Sara’s face fell a bit, and she cleared her throat. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Ava’s mouth shifted in concern. 

“Of course.” Ava looked around the somewhat filled room that was quickly becoming rowdy. She tilted her head toward the door. “Want to walk?”

Sara didn’t meet her eyes as she nodded and stuck her folder and notebook into the backpack she’d brought along. 

Ava allowed Sara to lead the way, following at a small distance to give Sara some space. She seemed nervous, and Ava wasn’t sure what to expect. 

They exited the main hall of the campsite and their feet went from gravel to dirt as Sara lead them down toward the lake that was a couple hundred yards away. The area was beautiful, surrounded by trees so that any semblance of civilization was hidden away. There were directive paths and a few wooden signs if anyone got a bit confused in their exploration, but otherwise, it was untouched and captivating. 

Sara hesitated halfway toward the lake, her head turning quickly back with an even deeper furrow. 

“Wait, I really shouldn’t be taking you away from the preparation. I’m sorry. I know how much this means and I’m not trying to take up your time--”

Sara’s insistence and worry seemed two-fold; her concern for Ava’s time-management and something else that Ava assumed meant Sara was chickening out. 

Ava hummed and started walking again, gently taking hold of Sara’s elbow and nudging her toward the lake. 

“Tell me what’s going on, Sara.”

Ava brushed aside the thoughts in her head suggesting that she really should be more stressed at the thought of losing time, but she was strangely lacking it; probably a cause for concern in itself. 

Sara stayed rather close to her side, though they were no longer touching. She didn’t speak until the sounds of their footsteps on the dock echoed around them. 

“I’m afraid that I’m going to have a panic attack or something when I’m supposed to be a mature and reliable outlet for these kids. Maybe I. . .” Sara slowed, dragging her feet against the grain of the wooden planks. “Maybe somebody better should take my group.” 

Ava felt the pained squeeze of her heart in her chest. 

“I don’t think that there is a better person for it, Sara.”

Sara huffed, her eyes cloudy with frustration and her ever-present internal turmoil.

“You don’t need to protect my feelings, Ava. It’s not like I’ve ever tried to do that for you. I’m not even a good person. I’m not cut out to try and help kids be one.”

Sara looked defeated in the slope of her shoulders to the tapping of her fingers. Ava wanted to reach out and take them, but she knew it wouldn’t be helpful for either of them is she got distracted by such a simple action. 

“You wanted to do this before. You believed you could. Tell me what changed?”

Ava spoke as invitingly as possible, and Sara gave her a tired shrug.

“It’s just that, well. . . You were talking about how important it was to create a safe environment for these kids. And I know that a lot of them have dealt with shit I’ve never even had to question or think about. I don’t want to be the person making it worse by not keeping my shit together.”

Ava was watching the spiralling progression of Sara’s fears, and she reached out to tap once under Sara’s chin. It was quick and light, meant to catch her attention without distracting them too much. Sara met her eyes and Ava smiled. 

“I have several things to say.”

The right corner of Sara’s lips quirked up, the storminess in her eyes broken apart for a small moment.

“I’m listening.”

Ava stuck her hands behind her back, clasping them together to stave of any obvious nerves. 

“One, you are a good person. Making mistakes doesn’t inherently alter a person’s understanding of right and wrong, even if it takes them a while to learn from those mistakes. Two, you’re dedicated to your beliefs and you are unstoppable when you have a goal in mind. You don’t have it in you to quit. That’s a characteristic of a reliable leader.”

Sara’s cheeks were tinging red, but she tried to joke it off. 

“I notice you left out the mature element.”

Ava grinned. 

“You can’t have it all. Leave some for the rest of us.” Sara smiled fully then, somewhat shy, but Ava felt a multitude of times better for it. “Continuing, there’s something I’ve discovered after doing this camp. Often times, it is easier to handle our own struggles when we’re around people that are dealing with theirs. Sara, these kids have all, in one way or another, lost their families. You might be the best person here to understand and encourage them.”

Sara faltered. 

“What if I’m not able to talk to them about my mom?”

“You don’t have to. All it takes is these kids looking at you and seeing somebody who gets it. You will recognize things in them that I never could. I promise you that you are good enough to do this; better than good enough. Okay? And if you think panic attacks will be a problem, we can talk to your assistant counselor. They are prepared to lead should we ever need to step away for a bit. If I’m not mistaken, you have Megan Munoz assisting you, and she’s incredibly sweet. She won’t have a problem with you needing to take a breather once and awhile.”

Sara nodded, her toe twisting into the boards below them. She didn’t seem entirely convinced, but her shoulders weren’t quite so droopy, and she met Ava’s eyes momentarily. 

“If you’re sure. . . I will do it.” She kicked a foot out toward the way they’d come. “We should probably get back so you can tell off a bunch of jocks for being idiots.”

Ava laughed, turning easily, relieved, and she walked in-step with Sara beside her. 

“Hopefully everyone is being intelligent and just eating their lunch.”

Sara snickered, her eyes on the building ahead of them. 

“I wouldn’t bet on it.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Sara studied her map, intent on grabbing a power-nap before dinner. They’d gone over the safety protocols for two hours, even trekking through the woods on the path to the closest park-ranger outpost. They could call, but it cell reception was spotty, and there were possible occasions in which the park rangers would have tools their camp couldn’t. 

She had been placed with Zari, which made sense under normal circumstances, but she didn’t think Zari and Amaya seeing each other after being apart so long was in any way could be construed as normal circumstances. There was no way they wouldn’t want to spend the night together, if only just to catch up and be close to one another, and that left Sara’s rooming arrangements rather precarious. 

Despite the setbacks, they’d been able to get back on schedule once things had really begun moving. Everyone was helpful, doing their part to make Ava’s life easier. 

It was obvious that they respected her. People recognized the effort and commitment she gave to this camp; anything that she was given to do, really. 

People were quick to step up and help when there were issues, dealing with them themselves instead of running to Ava and forcing her to correct them/fix things. It seemed the importance of the camp was not lost on anyone.

Ava, for her part, had slowly been able to slow down and breathe once she realized she wouldn’t have to carry all the counselors’ duties on her own. Her rigid posture had eased off and left enjoying the process more. 

As Sara reached the road, needing to cross to get to her cabin. As she met gravel, she heard the grinding of rubber on rock and looked left toward a rising cloud of dust. 

A pale blue car emerged from it, easing slowly forward like the driver was nervous. It made sense as soon as she could see the hunched frame of Gary behind the wheel. 

A familiar, grinning face was aimed at her from the passenger seat, and Sara waved. Gary pulled to a stop beside her and manually rolled down his window, looking like he was straining. 

“Hey, Sara.”

“Look at you guys rolling up in style.”

A head popped forward through the front seats and Sara instantly panicked for Ava.

“Ey, hello Sara. Fancy seeing you here.”

Sara’s gaze flickered over to Amaya, who was already giving her a somewhat helpless look as Jon grinned.

“Constantine… hey. I didn’t know you were coming.”

Jon clapped Gary on the shoulder and Gary’s cheeks reddened. 

“This guy here told me you were all doing something for the homeless kids.”

This was not good. And Sara could kiss her small nap goodbye. There was no way she was allowing Jon Constantine to ruin all of Ava’s hard work. Even if it meant she was on babysitting duty.

She sighed and yanked open the door, settling in beside Jon, who did not make any attempt to scoot from the middle seat. 

Sara spun her index finger in the air.

“Let’s get this show on the road.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm beginning my new job this week, so I'm not sure what that'll give me in terms of free time to write. I will attempt to get a chapter up next week as well, but I wanted to give you a heads up that it might not happen.

Experiencing Ava’s shift into horrified was somewhat amusing with a side of concerning, and Sara tried to gauge exactly how much of a wrench Constantine was in Ava’s plans. 

Gary was wringing his hands, obviously very aware of the mess he’d still willingly caused, and Amaya’s eyes were anywhere but them, searching. 

They were all distracted a moment as Zari barreled out of the kitchen, entirely unabashed as she launched herself from yards away into Amaya’s arms. It was precious, and both of them looked so happy that Sara forgot the precariousness of the situation in front of her. 

Ava cleared her throat and stepped forward, a genuine smile turned toward Amaya as she pulled her into a hug. 

“It’s really good to see you, Maya.”

Lily slammed into them both, snickering.

“Unfortunately, we ended up enjoying Zari better as a roommate, so we’re letting you go.”

Amaya smiled, her hand still latched to Zari’s.

“That’s unfortunate. I brought you all something, but I guess I’ll take it to my new roommate.” She winked at Sara. “Looks like you have an opening.” 

Sara rolled her eyes and refrained from poking too much fun at the glare she got from Zari. 

“As much as I enjoy this topic of conversation, I think Ava was just about to show non-counselors the off-time routine.” 

Ava seemed thrown off, gaze twitching over to Constantine every few moments and then back, more agitated. The muscles in her jaw shifted severely and she cleared her throat. 

“Of course. I just need to speak with Gary for a moment.”

Gary blanched as Ava grabbed his arm and began dragging him away. Zari has already begun pulling Amaya outside the mess hall. 

Sara turned to a smirking John and crossed her arms, eyes searching. 

“What the hell are you doing here?”

John held his heart.

“Hey! I’m here to help, lovely.”

Sara bristled. 

“This is too important for you to show up and fuck about like this. These kids matter, John.”

For the first time since she’d met John, he seemed somewhat vulnerable. His eyes shifted downward. 

“Look, I get it. It’s.. I just wanted to help. I lost both of my parents when I was ten and I just— I just want to help.”

He looked pained, his brow furrowing together in a show of sincerity, and Sara sighed. 

“Let me go talk to Ava.”

She walked away before whatever smart-ass remark she could read on his face came out of his mouth, heading for the office hallway Ava and Gary had walked through. 

She heard Ava’s voice, sharp and frustrated, echoing from the furthest office.

“Gary, I don’t give a shit about your crush the size of Texas! This isn’t okay and I can’t believe you would risk the safety of these kids by bringing him here!”

Sara’s eyes widened at that new tidbit, but she kept walking as Gary tried to stutter through a response. 

“I’m really sorry! He kind of— well we were talking about his past and I mentioned the camp… he’s not that bad. I know I should have called, I tried, but it kept going to voicemail— I think he could be useful if we—“

Sara saved him the trouble of choking out more words and turned the corner, eyes finding Ava’s immediately. She seemed exponentially more stressed out now that they were away from so many eyes, and Sara barely refrained from smacking Gary upside the head. 

“Gary, go away for a second.”

Ava ran a hand through her hair, throwing up the other one. 

“Wait, no, I need to talk to him about this, Sara. I just—“

“Trust me.”

Sara pushed Gary outside of the main office and closed the door, sealing them away. Ava chest body was strung taut, her eyes somewhat frantic. 

“I talked to John.” 

Ava huffed. 

“What did that idiot have to say?”

Sara leaned against the door as Ava began to pace. 

“He said that he lost his parents. He wants to help kids like himself.”

Ava halted in her pacing, shoulders slumping. 

“Fuck… I shouldn’t have—“

Sara snorted.

“No, you have every right to be peeved and frustrated. Gary is a dumbass.”

A muffled “I can hear you guys” came through the door and Ava rubbed her forehead. 

“I didn’t plan for him.”

Sara nodded, trying to remain calm and hoping it would ease over to Ava. 

“You can tell him to leave. I can drive him home right now.”

Ava gave her an appreciative smile but shook her head.

“It’s a long trip. And case-specific safety training starts in an hour. It’s mandatory according to the organizations working with us.”

Sara shrugged. 

“So John stays in Gary’s cabin the whole week. I’m sure there’s some rope around to keep him tethered to a certain radius.”

Ava laughed then, tired but more relaxed than she had been. 

“Gary would enjoy that.”

Sara grimaced. 

“I’ll need to hear more about that. For now… say John stays; give him the jobs you’d trust a squirrel to do. He sleeps on Gary’s floor and if he speaks douche like normal, I get to throw him in the lake and send him walking home. He doesn’t have to be a massive detriment if he’s actually willing to not be a dick.”

Ava sighed, but she looked open to the suggestion. 

“That’s a big ‘if.’”

Sara shrugged. 

“I think that he might actually come through. If not, you can throw me in the lake too.”

Ava rolled her eyes, lips curling up.

“Then I’d be distracted _and_ down a counselor.”

Sara started to laugh before the insinuation there kicked in, and her words caught, her lungs filling in surprise. 

Ava’s eyes shot wide and she cleared her throat. 

“Jesus Christ, the time.” 

Ava slipped around Sara and practically smacked Gary with the door when she opened it, leaving Sara standing in the middle of the room with a pleased and stupefied expression on her face.

She was ninety percent sure what Ava had been insinuating, and she felt, for the first time since the tumultuous emotions in her chest had risen up, that they might have a chance of reciprocation. To her surprise, it was more terrifying than it had a right to be, and she thought that maybe sitting down in the office for a few minutes or twenty wouldn’t be a bad idea.

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The words had honestly left her mouth before she could process the stupidity of it, and now she had another thing to add to the list of worries that was surely building in her mind. 

Ava dragged Gary down the hallway and into the mess hall, eyes landing on John looking somewhat lost in the chaos of the room. He caught her approach and, surprisingly, his face didn’t slide into a mirror of a hyena. He looked somewhat sheepish, a stark difference to who he’d been projecting when he arrived.

“Uh, Sharpe. Hello.”

Ava pushed Gary toward him and sighed. 

“Gary will show you the nice floor of his cabin that you’ll be sleeping on. We have a couple extra medium and small shirts, so you get what you get.”

Both Gary and Constantine started to turn away, but Ava wasn’t done. 

“John.” He was hesitant to meet her eyes. “Fuck this up and you’ll regret it.”

He nodded somberly, taking it as the sincere threat that it was, and slowly turned away. 

Ava took a slow, deep breath, her eyes closing against the stress as she tried to categorize everything back in its proper place in her mind. 

Amaya and Zari spilled back into the room looking ruffled and glowy, and Ava couldn’t help but chuckle. Amaya looked a little sheepish as she walked over, still shoulder to shoulder with Zari. 

“Hey, Aves, I’m sorry about John. He was in the car when Gary picked me up. I texted you, but I can see you’ve been busy. You okay?”

Ava hugged Amaya again, a feeling of certainty filling her now that the rock of their group had found her way back. 

“I’m okay. Sara threatened to throw John into the lake if he did anything stupid.”

Zari grinned. 

“I’ll help.”

Amaya rolled her eyes and proceeded to look around. 

“Where do you need me?”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

All in all, the safety-training went smoothly, and Ava felt that the volunteers were all decently-enough prepared to at least recognize different types of panic attacks and behaviors that might require intervention or alertness. 

She’d kept her eyes on four specific people for wildly different reasons during it; Zari and Amaya because they were practically glued to one another and close to not paying attention. 

It was forgivable considering she knew they’d each experienced Sara’s. 

Ava also watched Constantine, eyes sharp for any kind of unwanted behavior, but he actually seemed to be taking notes and _listening._

The fourth person, the one she had her eyes on the most, was Sara. She had worried that discussion of panic attacks might be a frustrating or upsetting, but Sara had taken it in stride, keeping her eyes at her feet, her fingers playing at the seams of her jeans. 

That was the extent of it, and Ava breathed a sigh of quiet relief when they moved onto another topic. 

The kitchen crew was on top of the dinner, getting up a couple minutes before the end of the presentation to begin cooking for the team. While the rest of them spent the next twenty minutes chatting and finding seats, Ava had retreated to the back office to go through her files one last time before the night was up. 

There were three kids she’d been told to look out for; Emily Morales, Grace Spencer, and Armando Price. They were placed with herself, Amaya, and Ray respectively. 

Emily had apparently just lost both of her mothers within a year, one passing away from cancer and the other getting shot on the job. She was volatile to an extent according to her handler, and she’d already been placed in three different homes within the last two months. She was only twelve years old. 

Grace Spencer was a curious case, her attitude dismissive and arrogant. She’d been in the system for years, passed around from home to home. She was almost sixteen, and her handler looked at this camp as a hope against hope.

Armando Price had been caught in the middle of a shitty situation; his dad was the only one taking care of him after his mother ran off when he was four. They were low on money, struggling just to eat, and his father had gotten into dealing to make enough to keep them alive. An addict had eventually broken in their house, intent on stealing the cocaine he believed to be kept there, and he’d killed Armando’s father when he failed to find it. Armando had seen it all. 

Now, he hardly spoke, his head always turned to the ground. Ava thought Ray would have the best chance of connecting with him. 

Ava had already spoken at length with both Amaya and Ray to make sure they knew what they were getting into, but she needed to check all her boxes at least three times before she felt comfortable with her gathered knowledge. 

She’d just finished reading through Grace’s when somebody knocked on the office door. She half-expected Sara to peak in, but it was Amaya who gracefully slipped through the door and closed it behind her. She smiled warmly at Ava and pulled up a chair across from her. 

“You’re allowed to take a breather before the madness begins, you know?”

Ava closed the file on her lap and leaned back. 

“I know, I just like to be thorough.” Ava set the file down carefully on the desk and smiled. “I am actually glad you’re here, Maya. I missed you.”

“I missed you too. We need to catch up after this so you can tell me all the torment you were put through while you were at home.”

Ava chuckled. 

“It was bad and extremely good at once. I’ll tell you about it when we have alcohol and a few hours to kill.”

Amaya grinned. 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

Amaya glanced around the room, her normally secure and easy expression turning nervous. It was so unlike her that Ava felt the question coming before it was uttered. Amaya winced. 

“I have a favor to ask you.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava glanced up from her suitcase as her cabin door opened to reveal a sweaty and panting Sara Lance. She steadied herself and cursed her generosity eternally; Amaya owed her. 

“Good run?”

Sara tugged her wireless headphones out and nodded, pulling in several gulps of water from the bottle on the desk. 

“This place is awesome. The trails are so unexpected. I may have gotten a little lost once or twice though.”

Ava nodded, keeping her eyes on her unnecessarily shuffling hands as they perused the contents of the suitcase. 

“I will try to run with you one of these nights. I had to take care of some finishing touches tonight.”

Sara nodded, eyes jumping around the room to the bag she’d tossed on the floor earlier before heading out into the night. She tilted her head toward the bunk beds.

“I didn’t know which bunk you preferred.”

Ava had also refrained from choosing, not knowing Sara had already mentally laid stake to one or the other. 

“Mind if I take the top? I don’t like having something close above my face when I’m trying to sleep.”

Sara nodded easily. 

“Perfect for me.” She took a step forward, her movement rather awkward. “Is it okay that we’re rooming together. Zari and Amaya asked me, and I said only if you were fine with it. But like, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Ava shook her head, lips turning up. 

“It’s fine, Sara. I wouldn’t have agreed if it would have made me uncomfortable.”

Sara nodded awkwardly. 

“Cool, um. . . I’m sorry if I wake you up. I still get nightmares sometimes. If it gets to be a problem, I can sleep in the tub with the fan on.”

Ava paused what she was doing, incredulous. She stared Sara down. 

“Tell me you don’t do that. Tell me Zari doesn’t encourage that.”

Sara looked serious for a moment longer, then her grin broke through.

“Nah, I’ve never done that. But for real, I can’t be keeping the camp director awake. If it becomes a problem, I’ll make Amaya switch me back. Zari is used to it.”

Ava pulled her shorts from the suitcase, along with a toothbrush and toothpaste. 

“It won’t be a problem, Sara. Don’t worry about it.”

Sara chuckled, picking up her towel and giving Ava’s dumb brain images that she would rather not imagine. 

“We’ll see how tonight goes. You want to brush your teeth and stuff? I want to shower before I go to sleep.”

Ava quickly stood and moved to the bathroom, intent on not using her eyes for the duration of the night. This was a terrible idea; really, the worst one she’d ever agreed to. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The next day, the assistant counselors arrived around eight, some carpooling in, others arriving alone; but they all had something in common: there wasn’t a single one that didn’t looked pleased to be there, even excited. And each one did their own version of running/walking to Ava and pulling her into a hug. 

Ava, for her part, had red cheeks and a radiant smile that Sara hadn’t seen before. Sure, Ava smiled a lot; she lived with Lily and Amaya, and she was consistently searching for the good. But this smile held a careless happiness, pride, and so much love for these people that were flinging themselves toward her. Some of the other returning counsellors received similar treatment.

It was a sight to behold, one that forced her to shift her views on Ava once again. Because not only was this woman that she may or may not have a crush on an intelligent and quick-witted person, not only was she dogged in her pursuit of what she wanted, not only was she a capable and thoughtful leader; she was a life-changer, somebody that could touch the hearts and minds of people that a lot of others might shy away from. 

Ava saw something that could be amazing with this camp, and she made it the best it could be. And if Sara felt the swell of emotion rise up so quickly in her chest that tears pricked her eyes, well, she could forgive herself. 

Sara waited until the reunion was finished, giving them all space while she and Zari, and several other new counselors stood in awe at the side. 

Eventually, Ava gathered everyone’s attention and made the introductions of new and old. 

Megan Munoz was a, seventeen, five-foot-nothing girl with warm brown skin and hair cut short to a fade. She held out her hand to Sara, smile wide from excitement, and Sara took a deep breath. If Megan was confident, Sara could afford her moments of doubt. Right?

They were tasked with splitting into their pairs and getting to know one another, and Sara felt a wave of anxious energy flood her as her thoughts raced. Ava had told her she would be fine, that Megan would help her, but that didn’t mean Megan wouldn’t find her lacking, wouldn’t suggest she switch out her position with somebody on the kitchen staff. Maybe she should.

Sara’s palms felt sweaty as Megan lead them through the trees toward some spot she told Sara she knew of. They cleared about a quarter of a mile under their feet before the treeline entered onto a cliff-edge sitting over the water. It was admittedly beautiful.

Megan plopped right onto the ground and leaned back on her hands, feet kicked out to either side. Sara followed suit, if less than gracefully due to her nerves. 

“So, Sara, this is your first time as a counselor?”

It was ridiculous that this girl was intimidating to Sara. She was a year younger and she seemed extremely nice. 

“Yeah, I joined the soccer team at UCF this year.”

I assumed. That must mean you’re damn good. How has it been so far?”

Sara shrugged, debating whether to be honest or try and make the best impression she could. 

“It had its rough points. Most of it has been rough points, actually.” Sara internally cringed. Apparently she was going honest. “Things are better now, of course. And the actual season will be starting soon. So I’m pretty excited.”

Sara hoped Megan would gloss over her forwardness, but she dug right in.

“What was so rough about it?”

Sara scoffed inadvertently. 

“I guess the better question would be what wasn’t?” She laughed. “For one, Ava and I were at each other’s throats constantly; my fault of course.”

Megan’s eyebrows rose to an impressive height.

“You managed to rile Ava?”

“I was kind of a jerk.”

Megan seemed more impressed than repulsed, and Sara didn’t know what to do with that. Reading her confusion, Megan smiled.

“It’s just, well, I’ve never seen Ava continually upset with anyone. And she’s normally the best at dealing with so called jerks. You must have been something.” Megan pulled a knee up and tilted her head. “If you don’t mind me asking, how did all of it unfold.”

Sara felt the words lodge in her throat. She didn’t want to make excuses for her behavior, and she didn’t know how to bring up her mom. She spoke quietly. 

“I realized that my pain was no excuse to cause it in others.”

Megan’s brows raised at the statement, but she studied Sara a moment and then casually side-stepped, seeing Sara’s discomfort. 

“That’s a lesson I learned recently too, actually.” Megan seemed content with speaking so Sara didn’t have to, and Sara let her go on. “I grew up in the system from the age of four, and I found that, as I grew up, there weren’t good people. That’s what I thought, at least. I thought that if goodness was a fabrication, I didn’t have to try and become it or have it. And I was a menace instead; like Dennis, but fully malicious and entirely without care.”

Sara smiled at the joke, but was quiet as Megan continued. 

“I spent the entirety of my childhood in that mindset, and when I was fourteen, I was forced to go to this stupid camp. I threw a fit, broke a few lamps, the usual.” Megan grinned. “And I got to this camp and they put me with this counselor who didn’t take any shit. Like, for real, she was an immovable obstacle in my mission to ruin everyone’s experience.”

Sara knew what she was going to say before she did. Megan smirked. 

“I was the optime of ‘jerk,’ and I was shut down in three days after living like that for eight years. Ava pulled me aside after I insulted this poor girl who began crying. She had looked furious, and honestly so disappointed. Like she couldn’t believe what I’d done. And for some reason, I felt bad? I sat in front of her, chin out like I didn’t care, and I think Ava figured me out then.

“We were still in full view of our group, and Ava sat across from me and I just watched her anger dissipate. She said, ‘I can’t imagine what you’ve suffered, Megan. I can’t make it better, and I can’t change it.’” Megan looked down. “She pointed to the girl that I’d made cry and said, ‘but do you really want to make that little girl suffer in the same way as you? She’s ten, she just lost her mom, she can barely walk from the accident, and you want to make her suffer more?’”

Megan shook her head, chuckling quietly. 

“God, I just burst into tears right there. Because so many people had called me mean and hateful and disgusting up to that point. I was prepared for that. But Ava practically said, ‘hey, I recognize that you have been hurt. I know it and I am sorry for it. But cut the shit, because that little girl has too. And you have no right to hurt her more.’”

Megan met Sara’s eyes then, and Sara could see tears there. 

“I was quiet the rest of the camp, but Ava never stopped trying to involve me and encourage me. I think she was worried that she’d done something wrong, but I came back the next year, when she was in charge of it. That was the year she helped me accept that I was gay. Last year was my last year. And she’d given me a position of leadership because she trusted that I could do it despite my flaws.”

Megan shrugged. 

“Now, I have a girlfriend and a steady job, and a family that took a chance on me even when I was about to age out. I knew I wanted to keep coming back and helping as much as I could, because Ava deserves to succeed, and these kids deserve the chance to be understood and appreciated and loved.”

Sara was floored, her throat tight as she tried to hold back tears. Because that was a life-changing story, and it was as beautiful as it was difficult. And if Megan could share it like that, laying her past out for Sara to review and judge, so could Sara. 

Sara took a low breath and picked up a small, dusty rock from the ground. 

“My mom died last year.” Megan listened, attentive, but saying nothing. Sara sighed. “It really messed me up, and I just took it out on Ava because she seemed so. . . put together and I hated that. I was dealing with panic attacks and self-harm, and at this point . . . they’re still not entirely gone. But like, I’m working on it. And Ava has. . . she’s been helping.” Sara chuckled. “She went from my mortal enemy to one of my best friends in the span of a few days.”

Megan smiled. 

“She’s sneaky like that.”

Sara nodded, finding herself both endeared and annoyed at Ava. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

The rest of the day went by quickly as they tried to prepare for the incoming kids. Stations were somewhat set up around the property, camper cabins were checked for spiders, animals, etc., and everyone got on the same page with what would be expected of them. 

It was a jovial atmosphere, and Sara allowed herself to relax into it. She also did her best to keep an eye on John throughout the day, but he didn’t stray from his task besides a few smoke breaks that Ava scolded him for. 

They even ended up finishing early, allowing everyone to eat dinner and have the night to themselves. A few returners offered to take people down to the lake slide, and a good seventy percent of them disappeared shortly after in bathing suits with towels tucked under their arms. 

Sara stuck behind, and she convinced herself it was because she didn’t want to swim. In reality, she just knew that Ava was probably going to be working on something, and if she helped her, they could go for a run. It was a little pathetic, a little too keen, but Sara felt this pull to be close to her, and she couldn’t always run from it. She thought it would be acceptable this once under the guise of offering her assistance. 

When her heart stuttered in her chest at the smile Ava shot toward her when she offered her help, Sara blamed it on being unprepared and a little emotionally sensitive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :)


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know this took a couple weeks, and I apologize for that. Unfortunately, I'm finding myself wildly busy at the moment. I'm working 50+ hour weeks, so time to write has been limited. I will attempt to get back on schedule soon.

Sara only ended up having to help with some last-minute touches, her and Ava sorting through piles of shirts and placing sticky-notes on them with the counselors' names and selected sizes written there. Sara slung hers over her shoulder as they finished, while Ava sent out a message in the camp group chat, letting everyone know where to grab their apparel. 

Sara watched the breath of relief exit Ava, lifting her shoulders and allowing her some reprieve. She shot Sara a look, eyebrows raised in challenge.

“You still up for that run?”

Sara’s chest hummed in excitement, but she stuffed her hands into her pockets and gave Ava a smirk. 

“If you think you can keep up.”

Ava didn’t seem worried, leading the way from the main building into the warm, somewhat sticky air. 

“That’s funny, Lance.”

Sara chuckled. 

“Hey, maybe I got extra, super fit while I was away.”

Ava looked her way, eyes narrowed in curiosity. 

“I guess we’ll see.”

They walked to their now-shared cabin, leaves and dirt under their shoes as they trekked through a shortcut that crossed through the trees. 

They pushed into their somewhat air conditioned cabin and Sara was quick to take her change of clothes into the bathroom, in no way inclined to submit herself to the torture of trying not to watch Ava change. She slipped on running shorts and kept on the t-shirt she’d already been wearing. She switched her boots for her running shoes, pulled her hair into a high ponytail, gave a couple extra minutes to ensure Ava would be finished, and then pushed into the room. 

Ava was standing by the door, securing her non-fanny-pack to her waist with precision. She slotted her water bottle into it and shot Sara a glare when Sara’s face split into a grin. 

“Wow, that’s just glorious. I almost forgot.”

Ava huffed. 

“I’m going to ignore you because you thrive in arguments like this.”

Sara pouted, but wasn’t able to hold it well. 

“Why do you have to go and ruin my fun?”

Ava grinned. 

“Because that’s my idea of fun.”

Ava winked, smirk still firmly in place, and Sara was very, very glad that Ava pushed out of the room just after, missing Sara run into the chair that was completely visible in front of her. 

Sara cleared her throat and tried to calm the double-time pace her heart had just picked up. She followed slowly after Ava and saw that Ava was already doing high knees, stretching her legs out and ruining Sara’s attempt to settle down. It honestly wasn’t fair, and she felt like somewhat of a creep as she turned her head away and began her own stretching. 

She loosened out the muscles in her calves and back, moving to her hamstrings and arms next. She didn’t look up until she was finished, and she caught the quick shift of Ava’s eyes and the red burning in her cheeks, but she wasn’t exactly sure what had caused them. 

Ava cleared her throat. 

“Um, ready?”

Sara nodded, trying to figure out the suddenly awkward tension between them. She rolled her neck. 

“Ready to get your ass kicked?”

Ava’s darting eyes zeroed in on Sara then, amused. 

“I feel like you’re setting yourself up for failure.” She turned and started to jog. “Come on, let’s see if you have anything to backup your ego.”

Sara matched her pace, her body settling into the comfortable rhythm, her arms swinging in perfect sync and her lungs opening to the clear air around them. 

Their footfalls were light in the dirt, twigs snapping under their weight as they moved from the main path and turned into the forest. 

They ran in silence for some time, both easing into what they both expected to be a long run. Sara was the first to break the silence. 

“So why exactly don’t you like John?” Ava shot her a look. “Besides the obvious arrogance and jackassery.”

Ava chuckled. 

“That’s not enough?”

Sara shrugged as best she could.

“I mean, it just seems like there’s more to it.”

Ava was quiet for several seconds. 

“He and Gary hooked up last year at some party John invited him to.”

Sara hummed, her brows narrowing in confusion.

“Elaborate?”

Ava sighed. 

“Gary has had a crush on John from the moment he met him, and John knew that. Gary got super drunk at said party, and he says that John was too, but. . .” Ava trailed off and shook her head. “Lily was there, and she said that John hadn’t had that much before they disappeared, which is weird for him to begin with. It wouldn’t be a huge deal if John had, I don’t know, talked to Gary about it the next day, but he wasn’t there and Gary had a really shitty time with it. When they saw each other again, John acted totally normal and it was never brought up again.”

Sara didn’t even know Gary all that well, and as obnoxious as she found some of his mannerisms, she also could recognize somebody with a good heart and a high amount of innocence. 

Ava veered them left as they reached a split in the path.

“It just seems like he took advantage of Gary and doesn’t care. That’s not okay with me.”

“Your dislike is founded and makes a lot more sense now.”

Ava chuckled. 

“What about you? You seemed to tolerate John up until yesterday when she popped up. What changed there?”

Sara couldn’t say the full truth, but she also didn’t feel like lying to Ava. 

“I only tolerated him before because it made you mad.”

Ava rolled her eyes, a small smile on her face. 

“You did a lot of stuff to make me mad.”

Sara grimaced. 

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Ava shook her head, her elbow bumping Sara’s shoulder. 

“Don’t apologize anymore. It’s in the past.”

Sara glanced over, seeing the sleek lines of Ava’s jaw completely relaxed and truthful. 

“You know, you are tougher than anyone I’ve ever met.”

Ava met her eyes, a question there. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you handled me with more control than most people ever have. I can’t believe it took you so long to snap.”

Ava seemed to truly ponder the statement, her eyes unfocused. 

“I’d say I actually failed miserably. I snapped several times at you before I eventually came to the end.”

Sara chuckled. 

“It figures that your failure is everyone else’s highest expectation.”

Ava laughed at that, but she shook her head. 

“No, I just have spent a lot of time strengthening my constitution. But you came right in and smashed through it without effort.” Ava looked over as Sara opened her mouth and glared. “Don’t say sorry or I’ll push you off the path.”

Sara clamped her mouth shut. 

They hit what Sara would guess was two miles, traveling deeper into the forest, a sheen of sweat collecting on both of them. Ava led them down various paths, obviously knowing the area even this far out. 

“Why does Gary still hang out with John?”

Ava shrugged. 

“Because he’s still infatuated and he’s convinced that he’s at fault for misunderstanding what that night was. It’s hard to convince him otherwise when he’s already ignoring reality in favor of spending more time with John.”

“Yikes, that’s rough.”

Ava nodded.

“He’ll figure it out eventually. I just hope it’s not after another drunk night out.”

Sara could tell the topic was somewhat distressing to Ava, and she didn’t want to ruin their run, so she attempted to change the topic. She should have thought harder about the words that came out of her mouth.

“On a slightly-related note, have you ever had a drunken one-night-stand that you very much regretted?”

Ava seemed startled by the question, her footing stuttering for a moment before she leveled out. Sara inwardly swore at herself, just barely avoiding physically shaking the stupidity out of herself. 

“Sorry, that was-- You definitely don’t need to answer. I’m not sure-- I shouldn’t have--”

Ava laughed. 

“It’s fine, Sara, I just wasn’t expecting the question.” Ava gave the question some thought. “I don’t think so. I don’t often get drunk, and I have one-night-stands even less often.”

Sara raised her brows. 

“Wow, that’s something I should aspire for lol.”

Ava made a noise of surprise. 

“As your captain, I don’t condone underage drinking. As your friend, dish.”

Sara chuckled, her chest buzzing even though the topic felt strange.

“I have always been a little. . .wild? It’s not like I have a bunch of crazy stories, but there were several times in my junior and senior year that I got really drunk at parties and hooked up with people. Some of them I didn’t mind; actually, I only minded the ones that turned into continued drama after the fact.”

Ava laughed. 

“I can imagine the drama wasn’t the fun part.”

Sara heard a crack in the brush to their right, the sound of more wildlife, but Sara looked toward it. It seemed closer. She caught sight of brown fur through the leaves just as it leapt out across the path, large antlers and black eyes cutting close in front of them.

Sara’s heart launched into her throat, her lungs ceasing to function as she jumped backward in terror, rain and darkness and the sound of sirens in her ears. Her head slammed painfully into the leather seat, her eyesight flickering as she felt the weak grasp of her mom’s hand on her wrist before it was torn away. 

She couldn’t breathe and her stomach hurt and her hands felt sticky and slick. 

“Sara!”

She knew that voice, and she knew the pressure on her chest, and she grasped onto the gravely tone and the worry, searching for it through the darkness. She sobbed out a breath. 

“Sara, hey.”

Sara reached out, her hands breaking through the shattered windshield and finding a soft t-shirt. 

“Ava.”

“I’m here.”

Sara pulled at her, fingers curling tightly into the t-shirt as she fought to clear her mind of the danger. 

Soft hands cradled her head, brushing strands of hair from her face and gently prodding at a spot on Sara’s head that hurt considerably. Sara hissed, eyesight returning in a blur. 

“Sorry, sorry. You hit your head.”

Ava was kneeling next to her, very blue and very worried eyes studying Sara. 

Sara took in several pained breaths, escaping the horror and pulling herself up against Ava’s body. Ava wrapped her arms around her, helping her sit up and practically pulling Sara into her lap. 

Sara would be embarrassed if she wasn’t fully occupied in her attempt to rid herself of the panic and the fear. She let out shaky, teary breaths into Ava’s shoulder and Ava’s hands soothed across her spine and scraped softly at the back of her neck. 

Sara breathed in the smell of Ava’s fabric softener and the undertones of sweat that had built up during their run, letting it drag her to the present. She sighed.

“I hate this. I hate that this happens to me. I hate that I put other people through it.”

Once Sara was partially holding herself up, Ava shifted one of her hands around and pushed the tears from Sara’s cheeks, cleaning off the scuffs of dirt and beginning to pull the leaves and twigs out of Sara’s hair.

“I know. But you’re also getting better, Sara. You are able to find your way back so much quicker than previously.”

Sara leaned her temple into Ava’s shoulder. 

“Because you were here.”

Ava returned her hand to Sara’s sternum and collarbone, fingers rubbing gently. 

“I am glad I was.”

Sara let out an exhausted breath, her eyes closing. 

“But what if you weren’t?”

“You are strong enough to find yourself again.”

Sara shook her head, but she didn’t bother fighting Ava for it. She didn’t have the energy to try and win the argument. She just knew that she felt safe and seen, and she wasn’t ready to let that go. She closed her eyes, evening out her breathing, and hoped that Ava wouldn’t try and pull away. 

Ava seemed to understand, her left arm supporting Sara against her and her right one rhythmically rubbing against Sara’s collarbone. 

Sara gave herself until her heartbeat found it’s resting pace before shifting and alerting Ava that she was okay. 

Ava helped her stand, her fingers light against Sara’s elbow. 

“Do you want to walk back?”

Sara shook her head, feeling jumpy as she tried to listen for any incoming wildlife intent on sending her into another panic attack. She started off at a fast run, the urge to escape the shroud of trees rising in her chest. 

Ava didn’t question it, didn’t try and stop her, but she kept pace. Even when Sara picked up speed, her legs and steps harried and ungraceful against the dirt path. 

Sara sprinted, losing form and breath, until she broke through the treeline into the grassy area that their cabin was set within. 

Sara slowed then, heaving out sharp breaths and listening to Ava do the same at her back. She shoved her way inside and made it to the bathroom just before she threw up, her stomach revolting and her lungs trying to bring air into her chest. She emptied her stomach, then proceeded to dry-heave as she heard the door to the bathroom open. 

“Hey.”

Sara was too exhausted to feel much disgust at the way she was hanging on the toilet, her head halfway inside and her chest pressed against the bowl. It was cool, along with the floor at her knees.

“I- I’m. . .f-f-ine.”

A well-timed dry-heave proved her a liar seconds later, and Ava moved in next to her. Sara shuddered as a cold, wet towel was settled around her neck, and her temperature shifted. She closed her eyes, the familiar sense of patheticness and frustration flooding her. She didn’t apologize, because he knew Ava would tell her not to, knew that she was try and succeed to convince Sara that she hadn’t done anything wrong. 

But Sara knew she was a burden. She didn’t say anything, hoping that Ava would leave her so she could be just as worthless as she felt. 

Instead, Ava leaned against the wall by Sara’s side and slid down to sit beside her. 

“Sara, you can’t beat yourself up when things outside of your control like that happen.”

Sara slowly pushed away from the toilet, her breathing less pained, but still heavy. Once again, Sara didn’t fight Ava’s words, but she sat back against the opposite wall and leaned her head back, her eyes closed against the light. 

She just wanted to stop thinking for a bit, stop worrying and being sad and angry and scared. But that required sleep, and sleep after an episode like this. . . it wouldn’t be restful or make things better. She felt like she had before her being at her sister’s apartment, and it was devastating.

They sat quietly, and Sara appreciated that Ava was giving her space while still offering her support. Still, she couldn’t keep Ava in the bathroom all night while she wallowed. 

She opened her eyes and found Ava’s already on her. Sara gave her best approximation of a smile. 

“I’ll get out of here so you can shower and stuff. Tomorrow is the big day.”

Ava hummed, shifting so she could stand up. She walked over to Sara, who hadn’t even moved a centimeter, and reached down her hand. Sara allowed herself to be tugged up, but Ava didn’t let her hand go immediately. 

“I can wait. Take care of yourself first, please?”

Sara leaned her head down, her chin tucked into her chest. 

“Okay.”

Ava squeezed her hand once and let go. 

“Take your time, yeah?”

Ava walked out, and Sara stood there for several seconds staring at the floor. Maybe she would be better. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

She was cleaner, her mouth no longer tasted like acid and the food she’d eaten that day, but the intensity of her feelings had hardly diminished. She didn’t say anything to Ava when slipped into bathroom after her, and Sara curled up under her covers, body tense. 

She was exhausted, her eyes hurt, but the fear of closing them was stronger than her body’s urge for her to sleep. She was too preoccupied to even find distraction in Ava’s reappearance, and she remained quiet as Ava wished her a good night. 

She could tell Ava had something to say, something to ask, but the words seemed to catch and remain unsaid. 

The room was dark, the moon slipping in through the windows and creating patterns on the wooden floor. Sara stared at them for minutes at a time, her eyes beginning to sting the longer she fought off resting. Her discomfort grew to a point that she couldn’t stand, and she abruptly threw off her covers and swung her legs out of bed. She’d walk until morning if it meant she didn’t have to watch her mom die again. 

Sara had just wrapped her fingers around the old, iron knob of the door when Ava’s tired voice carried through the room. 

“Sara, what are you doing?”

Sara grimaced, her already tense body going taught at being caught. 

“I need some air.”

Sara heard the creak that signified movement on the bunk beds. Ava sounded more alert this time. 

“You need sleep.”

Sara scoffed, just the thought of it sending a beam of cold fear up her spine. She twisted the knob, intent on ignoring Ava’s worried advice, but the following words stilled her. 

“Come here, Sara.”

Hope washed through her and she wanted to growl in frustration. She couldn’t just rely on Ava. It was unacceptable.

The bunk bed creaked. 

“Sara.”

She shouldn’t; it was careless and would probably lead to her crashing headfirst into the crush that was already there. But she knew how it felt when Ava wrapped her arms around her and made her feel safe; she knew and the draw was so strong. 

“I can’t, Ava.”

But she was already moving backward, turning away from her other escape to burrow into safety, and she hated herself for it as she climbed the ladder to the top bunk and pulled herself up. She hated herself as she slid into the already-warm covers that Ava lifted up for her. And she hated herself for the way she settled against Ava’s chest, arms winding tightly around her and holding her in place. She hated herself, but she could never think of hating Ava, and she almost wished she hadn’t become Ava’s friend as her heart begged for what it would never have. 

Sara turned and tucked herself under Ava’s chin, her arms curled between them, and Ava’s hand ran softly along Sara’s spine. 

“Go to sleep.”

Sara sighed, her body already relaxing, her eyes slipping closed. 

“What if she’s there?”

Ava moved the hand tucked under her body and slid it between them, interlocking her fingers with Sara’s. 

“I’ll be here if you wake up.”

Sara breathed deeply, Ava’s shampoo filling her nose. Her heart jumped. 

“This is a terrible idea.”

Several seconds of silence passed, followed by Ava’s hand tightening around Sara’s and her free one running through Sara’s hair and scraping against her scalp. 

“Don’t I know it.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava couldn’t sleep. Sara had pulled into herself and she was dealing with everything internally. It was painful to watch, but she didn’t want to force her help. She knew Sara was awake below her, her lack of deep breathing and the occasional, frustrated sigh giving her away. 

Ava was close to speaking so many times; willing to offer just about anything to make Sara feel better. But she was worried about her own motivations, and she worried that Sara would recognize her worry for what it was. 

It wasn’t smart in the slightest, this crush. She could admit what it was; she had no choice in the matter. It was all-too-apparent to her as she lay awake for two hours listening to Sara breathe. 

It was almost ridiculous that she’d gotten to this point. Sara shouldn’t be so appealing to her. Really, she was impulsive, wild, reckless, and all the other things that Ava wasn’t. But she was also brave and fierce and loyal. She was funny and quick-witted, observant and curious. Sara was broken and rebuilding herself from an extraordinary loss, and Ava really needed to stop thinking about her like she was. 

That didn’t stop her from inviting Sara to sleep with her like a fucking dumbass. And it didn’t stop the way her chest was pounding or the way her fingers itched to soothe Sara’s fears. She didn’t stop herself from consoling her, holding her tightly, allowing Sara to put herself as close as possible. 

It didn’t stop it from feeling right, even when Sara’s tired voice broke the quiet of the night, speaking whatever they had between them into existence. 

“This is a terrible idea.”

It was. It really was.

“Don’t I know it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the BEGINNING


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a loooong time lol. Life has been consistently busy for about two months now, but I haven't forgotten about this fic or those who read it. 
> 
> A few things: There are several mistakes that have occurred throughout the existence of this fic that I'm not sure I'll ever have the time to sort out. They all have to do with the timeline and events that I've probably missed. It would take me a decent chunk of time to work out where I've gone wrong, so unfortunately, I'm going to ignore it and hope to do better in the future. 
> 
> This chapter involves the camp, and is basically based off of my experiences working with high-risk students around their ages. It's written to involve a method called "Restorative Justice" that is so, so good for the kids. If some of the behavior seems out there. . . trust me lol. It's really not. This was mild. Two weeks ago we had a girl rip another girl's hair out and throw her on the ground. . . Yesterday I had to break up a fight between first graders that were punching each other. It's generally common behavior. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy. If you get a chance, get on Tumblr and so disasterlesbianbarbie some love. Girl got a promotion a couple months ago and has been working her ass off (while working two side gigs as well).

It wasn’t really a matter of _if_ , but _when_ Sara would bolt awake against her, shaking and grasping at Ava’s shirt and arms. Ava wasn’t alarmed to wake up to it, her body instinctively curling around Sara and calming her erratic movements, quietly speaking Sara’s name until she was alert and recognizing her reality. 

There were the familiar apologies, and Ava talked them away, letting herself hide her affection in the warmth and darkness that surrounded them. She pushed Sara’s sweaty hair from her face and nudged the blanket down them so that Sara could cool down. 

Sara didn’t let go of her even though she was burning up. Ava kept up continuous and gentle paths along Sara’s spine, the pads of her fingers tracing along the ridges and dips.

The only sound for quite some time was their breathing, Sara’ shitching every few seconds, then; 

“Sometimes I think that I can do this. I think that I’m strong enough to live without her. Other times I just….” Ava felt the weak shake of Sara’s head. “No, I know I will make it.” A deep breath was pulled into Sara’s lungs and she continued, having some form of internal conversation in which Ava only heard one side. “My mom used to tell Laurel and me that speaking negatively into the world wouldn’t help, it would just make something dark, darker. She told us that the world didn’t need good people negativity in it when there were others that would always do it.”

Ava didn’t know what compelled her, what part of her brain wasn’t quite working when she turned and pressed her lips to Sara’s forehead. The goal was comfort, initiated by the sleepy subconscious part of her brain. She fought her own response to leap away or say sorry or do anything that would make this situation at all about her. 

“Your mom was a smart lady.” 

Sara lifted her head, blue eyes dark but piercing as they searched Ava for something, boring through her and claiming everything. 

Ava held her breath, not able to look away; she found it hard before, but with Sara this close, it was impossible. 

Sara seemed so unsure.

“Distract me until I fall asleep?”

Ava was already not breathing, and now she felt like she was going to black out, because there were several ways of distracting that she should definitely not choose. She tried not to be obvious when she sucked in a breath. 

“How?”

Sara’s eyes shifted down and back, her cheeks darkening. 

“Tell me something.”

Ava’s heart was pounding, but she pushed through. 

“Give me a category.”

Sara shifted closer, tilting her head down and finding a space for it on Ava’s shoulder. 

“Fun facts.”

Ava chuckled. 

“I don’t know if you’ll enjoy my facts.”

Sara grinned against her shoulders, her fingers wrapping around Ava’s waist. 

“Try me, nerd.”

Ava closed her eyes, the affection she felt for this girl overwhelming her. 

“In space, because there’s no gravity, you can become taller; up to five centimeters.”

Sara pulled back. 

“No way.”

Ava knew Sara was looking at her, her eyes probably narrowed in disbelief and curiosity, but Ava kept her own eyes closed. She couldn’t afford to get lost again. 

“Yes way.”

Sara hummed and cuddled back in.

“Fine, tell me another one.”

“On average, people spend six months of their lives waiting at stoplights.”

Sara laughed. 

“That’s just depressing.”

Ava smiled, her hand beginning its movement up and down Sara’s back once more. 

“A single cloud can weigh up to 1 million pounds.”

Sara scoffed. 

“I can’t tell if you’re just telling me things that aren’t true because you know I won’t know the difference.”

Ava finally opened her eyes. 

“You know, you’re not going to sleep if you respond to everything I say.”

Sara huffed and tucked herself impossibly closer. 

“Fine, list away.”

Ava bit her lip, shaking her head softly. It wasn’t fair how cute Sara was. 

“Men are more likely to get struck by lightning than women.”

Sara snickered. 

“That one makes sense. Men are dumb and don’t listen to warnings.”

Ava cleared her throat pointedly and Sara groaned. 

“Fine, fine. I’ll be quiet.”

Ava continued listing off strange knowledge she’d gathered from documentaries, TED Talks, and fun fact lists she definitely didn’t look at when she got bored or was trying to procrastinate. Sara didn’t seem all that intent on sleeping, her rebuttals and questions slipping out after every other fact. She didn’t get tired of listening, and Ava found Sara’s responses and enjoyment of it thrilling. Both of them eventually slipped into sleep an hour later, still wrapped tightly around each other. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Ava’s alarm blared at six-thirty, and she jerked awake, trying to silence it before it woke Sara from an actual peaceful sleep. 

Sara mumbled something tiredly, her fingers brushing against Ava’s shirt as she shifted. 

Ava winced and tried to disentangle herself as gently as possible. She’d made it to the edge, ready to step back onto the ladder, when Sara’s tired voice groaned out. 

“Where are you going?”

Ava paused, awkwardly laying on the bed, her feet hanging off. 

“I need to go prepare for the kiddos. They’ll begin arriving in two hours.”

Sara’s body limply pushed up, one arm holding her aloft.

“I’m coming.”

Ava smiled. 

“Sara, you have another hour to sleep. You should take it.”

Sara sleepily shook her head, still struggling to sit up. 

“I don’t want to.”

Sara slumped forward, her eyes lifting to land on Ava. 

Ava tried not to get distracted as she pushed herself onto the ladder. 

“Sara. . .”

Sara huffed and started crawling toward her, and Ava didn’t think to move down. They ended up very close as Sara stared at her. After a moment, something like amusement shone out, and Sara’s lips curled into a small smile. 

“You going to move or would you like me to climb over you?”

Ava blinked and cleared her throat, her feet almost slipping in her haste to get out of Sara’s way. Sara followed her, a quiet laughing trailing like silk along Ava’s skin. 

They brushed their teeth, Ava desperately trying not to look at Sara in the mirror, though her fortitude was severely waning. 

Changing into shorts and the counselor t-shirt presented another challenge, and Ava really hadn’t meant to look over and see the lines of Sara’s spine, but she was tired of being tested. 

Ava pulled on her heavy boots while Sara slipped on a pair of Chucks, her shoulders shrugging at Ava’s questioning look. 

“I don’t own boots, surprisingly.”

Both of them made their way to the door, the sunrise streaking across the sky in a pattern of pinks, oranges, and blues, calming and breathtaking. Ava was just about to walk when Sara’s hand found hers, rooting her to the deck.

“Ava, I wanted to thank you. . . and to apologize.”

Ava turned, finding Sara’s head down and her free hand fidgeting with the freshly-created camp shirt.

“I think you know what I’m going to say.”

Sara’s lips quirked to the right, and she glanced up at Ava out of the corner of her eye. 

“Yeah. . . Still. I’m getting better, and you’re always so adamant about it because you see the shit that I don’t see. I just really appreciate you helping me recognize it too.”

Ava squeezed her hand. 

“Of course, anytime.” Sara broke the semi-somber moment with a yawn, and Ava chuckled. “You can sleep for another hour if you want.”

Sara shook her head, taking the first step off the deck and onto the dirt path, her hand still firmly planted in Ava’s.

“I’m awake, and you shouldn’t have to do all the prep on your own.”

Ava should really have pulled her hand away. 

“It’s not much now, just double-checking names, and being ready for any early-arrivers.”

Sara looked confused. 

“I thought they would arrive on buses?”

Ava nodded, way too aware of Sara’s fingers locked between hers. 

“Most do. But sometimes kids who’ve been adopted recently are missing a friend or friends that they made, and we send out an invite to them as well. We want to give them a connection to the life they knew so that they aren’t overwhelmed by the new world they’re living in. Sometimes, it leads to behavior bad enough to send them to juvie.”

Ava looked over after the silence went on a bit too long, and she found a fondness poorly concealed in Sara’s eyes. Sara chuckled, looking away.

“You impress me, Ava Sharpe.”

Ava hummed, red blazing across her cheeks. She tried to quickly change the subject. 

“I kind of miss Sharpie.”

Sara laughed at that, eyes crinkling. 

“I can bring it back if you really want. . .”

The teasing threat was laid out, and Ava shook her head. 

“I’m kidding. Keep it in whatever cave you store it in.”

Sara huffed, brows furrowing. 

“Is that how you picture my brain? A series of caves?”

Ava smirked. 

“Look at you burrowing a connecting tunnel to understand my implication.”

Sara looked a mix of impressed and offended as another chuckle slipped out. 

“Damn, _Sharpie,_ it looks like you have more claws than Gigi.”

They reached the mess hall and Ava pushed the door open, remembering again that her hand was still connected to Sara’s. The quiet talking inside gave her enough of a push to let go. 

Megan was sitting inside with Amaya, both of them speaking over what looked like coffee and bowls of cereal. They looked up at Ava and Saras’ arrival, and Ava hoped that they hadn’t seen her and Sara holding hands. 

Amaya waved a hand, smile warm.

“Hey guys, you ready for today?”

Ava blew out a breath and shook her head. 

“As I can be. Why are you two up so early?”

Amaya smirked. 

“Megan was just telling me all about her girlfriend and the summer road trip they went on.”

Her voice rose teasingly as Megan reached over and smacked her arm. 

“Shut it, Maya.”

Amaya laughed and stood, picking her bowl up.

“Everything ready to go, Aves?”

Ava clapped her hands with purpose. 

“That’s what I’m here to figure out.”

~<€~<€~<€~<€

Chaos. That’s all Sara saw before her, and she loved every moment. There were fires to put out the moment the kids began piling off the bus. Every one of them with eyes revealing so much. Sara saw happiness, curiosity, fear, anger, brokenness. . . So many of them held their ragged backpacks and duffels against their chests in a protective grip. 

Ava greeted them so warmly, so happily, and she explained in explicit detail everything they could expect from the camp, from the counselors, and what she expected from them in return. Ava knew these kids, some of them, and Sara watched how tense shoulders eased down, how careful smiles split their faces. 

It was incredible.

Sara’s eyes immediately began picking out the kids that looked the most distressed, the most aggravated, the most non-reactive. Their physical movements and the expressions on their face were so very revealing, especially when they tried so hard to hide it. 

Ava invited the kids inside, the chaperones required by the state following behind. The first incident happened just inside the mess area, and Sara watched as one girl, around eight, got bumped into accidentally by a boy around the same age. The fire there, the sparked rage was so fast and violent. She grabbed his hair and shoved him forward, sending him to the ground. 

Ava was the first there as many counselors stood in shock. The chaperones were too far back, and Sara worried about the outcome until Ava spoke, voice stern as she helped the young boy from the ground. He was already crying, and the girl who shoved him stood tall in front of Ava with defiance on her face. 

“Ainoa, why did you push Ruben?”

Her arms crossed angrily.

“He pushed me first!”

Ava knelt down, her hand protective against Ruben’s back.

“Ainoa.”

Ainoa’s face pinched, trying to maintain anger even as tears filled her eyes. She stomped her foot.

“He did!”

Ava’s voice was so soft. 

“Do you remember the talk we had about expectations last year, Noa? Do you remember what you promised me?”

Ainoa sniffed, a tear tracking down her ruddy cheeks. 

“Yes.”

Ava nodded encouragingly. 

“So tell me.”

Ainoa sniffed again, looking away. 

Sara tried to maintain her observation on the kids who had quickly lost interest in order to sit and speak with each other, but she couldn’t stop trying to listen and watch. 

Ava reached out and brushed the tear from Ainoa’s cheek.

“Time to be a leader, Noa.”

Ainoa took several deep breaths. 

“I have to think before I act, and ask questions.”

Her voice was so quiet and wobbly.

Ava nodded. 

“What question should you have asked Ruben instead of pushing him?”

Ainoa pouted. 

“I shoulda asked ‘f he did it on purpose.”

Ruben stepped forward, tears stopped and anger there now. 

“I didn’t!”

Ava placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Ruben, this is Ainoa’s time to speak. You can speak next.” Ava looked at Ainoa. “What should you do if he said he did it on purpose.”

Ainoa glared. 

“I should talk to him or find a counselor.”

Ava nodded, then looking at Ruben.

“Ruben, did you bump into Ainoa on purpose?”

Ruben raised his voice. 

“NO!”

Ava shook her head. 

“Ruben, do you think that is an appropriate tone?”

Ruben looked frustrated. 

“No.” He said it much quieter, voice sad. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

Noa looked to the side, eyes refusing to meet with Ava’s or Ruben’s. 

“Sorry, Ruben.”

Ava smiled. 

“Thank you both. Do you think you two could come with me? I need help with an important job.”

The instantaneous switch in attitude, the excitement brimming on their faces, threw Sara for a loop. She didn’t spend enough time with kids. 

Ava walked them both toward the far table where the boxes of kids’ t-shirts lay, a light blue version of the counselor shirt without the tag on the back. She picked up four shirts and handed them each two, which they passed out to the closest kids.

It was a situation explored, corrected, and diffused in minutes. Sara was incredibly impressed, and incredibly intimidated by what was to come. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

She was introduced to her group an hour later after everyone had been given breakfast; today, a bowl of their chosen cereal. 

_Julianna Mendoza, Juan Freeman, Lee Clark, Evonne Alexanderson, Rosie Schultz, Dennis Fuller, Matías Ottosson._

Sara had a collection of ages and dispositions in her group, and she took them in as Megan greeted them first, knowing a couple already. Sara waited for her to finish before smiling, hoping whatever words left her mouth would be the right ones. 

“Welcome back to those who’ve been here before. Welcome to those who are new.” She leaned forward and spoke as if it was a secret. “I’m new too, so don’t worry, okay? We can learn together.”

A few smiles broke out across the faces of her kiddos and she felt herself settle into the role she’d signed up for. 

“Alright, let’s find a table. It’s time to come up with a team name so everyone will know what to call the coolest group here.”

The kids began to shuffle toward the table closest, and Sara followed behind them steeling herself for what was to come. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

A lot, apparently. Team Groot was filled with children that built off of each other’s wildness and creativity. It had been a challenge, one that energized her as she slowly began to build relationships and figure out what each one responded to. Megan was a great help, shadowing the two kids, Lee and Julianna, that liked to stir up the most trouble. 

Throughout the first day, Sara guided them to different stations being run by varying counselors. They played capture the flag with another team, a game she made sure to include and encourage her kids in. There was a tournament style competition that would last the three days they were here, and the winning teams would battle it out on the last day. 

Sara allowed the athletic, chaotic kids play the field, launching across the line and back like they were tempting fate. They were cocky, but they were a good distraction for the true talent. Matías, Juan, and Evonne became her ringers. She played to their need for structure and constructed a plan that would allow one of them to sneak across while her and the other two made pointed distractions. 

It was brilliant, and they pulled it off without issue, Sara getting Ray’s attention as she began to cross over, smirking and dancing by the line as he narrowed his eyes at her. 

“Counselors getting the flag seems a little unfair, Lance.”

Sara’s smirk broadened. This was going to be their toughest challenge. Ray had been put in charge of a group of boys that were a bit older and much more rowdy. They were fast, but luckily Megan, Lee and Rosie were guarding the flag, and the three were uniquely skilled at tagging out cocky boys who thought they’d have an easy win. 

When three members of the other team were in jail, Sara fulfilled the signal, bolting across the line with Matías and Juan at her side. They immediately grabbed the attention of everyone on the team, and the three of them split, their purpose to pull all attention toward them. 

Sara had Ray and a fifteen-year-old on her, but she happened to be a little faster, and she juked to the side, sliding under and rolling to her feet as they closed in. Matías and Juan were pulling their own maneuvers, grabbing the attention of the last two that tried to keep eyes on the flag. Her team members moved in, goading the two out and toward them as Sara cut across them toward the right side of the field. Her, Matías, and Juan came together, looking like they made a critical error by closing themselves in the far right corner. 

The other team grew cocky, smiles wide as they moved in. Sara saw a flash of movement behind them Evonne sprinted forward, a straight shot to the flag. The shouting from the boys in jail started as she grabbed it, but it was too late. 

As Ray turned with his team, they watched the short, brunette with pink glasses and a sundress launch herself speedily back across the line. 

Sara threw her hands up in the air, triumphant, her team losing their fucking minds and running toward Evonne, grabbing her in a hug that had her cheeks burning. She looked so happy, so accomplished, and Sara slugged Ray in the arm as his team all groaned and slumped about, saying it “wasn’t fair.”

Ray huffed, but there was a pleased smile on his face. They were just out of earshot of the kids. 

“I’m glad you guys won if I’m being honest. These boys needed to be put in their place. Good planning.”

Sara was about to respond when she saw one of the boys on Ray’s team pull an arm back. She was sprinting immediately, too late to stop it even as she barked an order at him. 

Lee took the hit surprisingly well, head snapping to the side before he turned around and tackled his attacker to the ground. 

Sara could hear Ray behind her shouting “Jaxson” as she closed in, Lee crashing three blows into Jaxon’s face and chest. Sara arrived at the landing of the third and expertly grappled him, a wild, lucky elbow clocking her jaw before she immobilized his arms and pulled him up and off. She wasn’t necessarily supposed to, she didn’t technically have the training for this, but there was no way she was going to let them beat the crap out of each other while they waited for a chaperone. She just hoped Ava wouldn’t get in trouble for it.

Ray got between them before Jaxson could step forward and started speaking quickly and sternly. Sara turned Lee around and let him go. He yanked away and started to stomp off, arms held down at his sides and shoulders raised. 

Sara looked somewhat helplessly between her group, Megan, and Ray. Megan was quick to step forward, motioning to the group. 

“You stay, I’ll take care of it. I know Lee.”

She took off, and Sara let the adrenaline slowly face, her chest rising and falling with it. The kids didn’t look all that phased, as if this was a common occurrence in their day to day, and Sara wasn’t sure what to feel about that information beyond horrified. 

She cleared her throat and got her team’s attention, moving them away from Ray’s and over to the water fountain. They had twenty minutes until lunch, and she wanted to make sure everyone was in a good mindset. She forced herself to move on from the altercation and work with her remaining kids, hoping there wasn’t going to be too much of a stink about her actions. 

~<€~<€~<€~<€

She didn’t hear anything until lunchtime, her group having all sat down minus Lee. He hadn’t come back, and it had been thirty minutes now. Sara was sitting, staring at the food on her tray as Megan turned around the corner that lead to the back office. She gave Sara a reassuring smile as she approached and tilted her head in the direction she came from. 

“Ava asked me to get you. I’ll stay with the group.”

Sara’s heart dropped. 

She’d already fucked up, already lost Ava’s trust. Her jaw was tight and her back hurt from how tense she’d become. As she approached the door and knocked, Ava invited her inside. Both Lee and Jaxson were sitting in front of the desk, smiles on their faces. Ava didn’t look angry, but she nodded in Sara’s direction. 

Lee turned around sheepishly. 

“Sorry.”

Sara’s eyebrows raised, moving higher when Jaxon apologized as well. 

Ava nodded and motioned out. 

“Go eat before you starve. I can hear your stomachs from here. And don’t forget to talk to Ray as well!”

The boys giggled and stood, dashing out of the room and leaving Sara and Ava alone. 

Sara decided to bite the bullet. 

“I’m sorry I stepped in. I know we’re not supposed to but--”

Ava shook her head, standing up and moving around the desk.

“Sara, I didn’t tell you to come here because you did something wrong.” Ava’s fingers gently traced Sara’s jaw and she flinched, having forgotten that she’d been hit immediately after it happened. “Are you okay?”

Sara swallowed, somewhat distracted. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I know I wasn’t supposed to get involved, but. . .”

Ava slowly dropped her hand. 

“Sara, as much as I am required to go over all the rules designated by the state, I don’t think you did anything wrong. The chaperone that was supposed to be there had left during a possibly high-conflict game, and they have been instructed to only take breaks during down-time. It wasn’t your fault, and I would have done the same thing in your position. The boys are fine, we talked it out, and my focus now is making sure you’re okay.”

Sara slumped tiredly in relief. She dropped her head back. 

“Thank god.” 

Ava chuckled, her eyes tracking Sara’s movements. She seemed concerned and amused, and Sara fought the urge to tuck into her. She needed to be so careful. Ava had started to become such a comfort, somebody she wanted to find relief in when she felt anything negative. She shook her head and dropped down into one of the desk chairs. 

“I’m staying in here until the end of lunch.”

Ava smirked. 

“That’s understandable. Unfortunately, I need to return.”

Sara’s lips formed into a pout and Ava’s smile went soft. 

“Cute.”

There was a beat between when she said it and when they both realized it. Sara’s eyes opened to find Ava quickly looking away. Ava cleared her throat. 

“Take as much time as you need.”

She bolted out of the room before Sara could respond, and Sara took the time offered just to wrap her head around the words that left Ava’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should get back to a decent schedule now that I've written this. Thanks for all your continued support.


End file.
